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Sunday, 5 July 2015

THE DIARY OF TRAUMA



 Good day Bloggets. Just got in from our town. I’m not in a good place today. The thunder and lightning filled the sky last night during the early hours, followed by heavy rain. and this morning when we went out, the air was fresh. But then the rain came down, you know that kind of constant rain like drizzle? It was warm though, mild.


 


We waited ages for a bus. When we got on, we obviously passed seats that were empty as a lady said that she thought we would have picked a seat near the front. Well, our dogs took us further in we were totally oblivious to empty seats. I hate getting on and off busses. Then a lovely old man started to talk to me. Telling me I had a beautiful dog. After that, what did he say?


To be perfectly honest, I’m not at all sure. He had the strongest accent and he was about ninety so understanding him wasn’t easy but I hate to ignore people of such an age, I have respect for them, but then when I made it obvious to my Hub that I didn’t know what the man was talking about and asked him to help me out, he chuckled and told me I was on my own with this one.


 


I could have slapped him daft with a wet lettuce leaf…. Well, the man went on and on and on. The worst part, he kept stopping to hear my answers. Answers to what questions? I have or had no clue.


 


Anyway after ages I got off the bus, I was pleased to say that another person got on and he spoke to her. But she was totally ignorant. She hardly answered at least I tried to say yes and no in the right places??????


 


Got off the bus walked along and went to the crossing. We almost had heart failure as a fire engine I think went by, but didn’t put his siring on until he was right next to us.


 


Crossed over and went into our bank. Well, that was the intention. When we realised that the carpet didn’t feel the same as our bank under our feet, the lady asked if she could help, rather than getting out my bank cards, I asked her where we were. She told us the chocolate shop. I told her we were in the wrong place. Oh she thought that was hysterical. Well, she laughed and laughed. We were not so amused. As we left the shop, she continued laughing. As did a customer. Then someone started to talk to my Husbands dog. Actually stopping us to do so.


 


Hub just walked around her and LC ignored the person. But we did have to stop to manoeuvre ourselves.


 


At last into the bank and they were really helpful today and didn’t just point and tell us to queue like last time.


 


Well then there was almost a street fight. Oh I hate it when that happens. Two stupid men. One said to the other


“Are you looking at me?”


Other person


“Yes I am, what are you going to do about it?”


“Why are you looking at me?”


“Because I want to and you are not going to stop me!” oh this went on and on, I walked away God knows what happened. Two people looking for a fight.


 


Then into our bakers. I went to the back of the line, where I thought the line was, and waited the lady asked me what I wanted and all was OK she was really lovely. They are in there. Then to get out? So many baskets and counters all over the place, and one of those daft ropes for people to line up.


 


There is a step out of there and a person decided to hold my arm tight as I went down it. Hahaha.  Why? Not sure. Perhaps the fear on my face told a story. I really don’t think I will ever get used to the big bad world.


 


Then for a haircut to our local hair dressers. Local as the town. Now I will write about that visit to a later date, but let me tell you, it was an experience for sure.


 


Came home, put things away, took the dogs out to pollute and off again on the bus to the vets. My Waggs was in shock at having to work so much…. She was brilliant though, she found the bus stop really well thanks to my Guide dog instructor who came out for the dreaded after care appointment who went over that route with  me. It’s an awful stop to find the post, is buried in the thorny bushes. It’s a streight walk with no signs to indicate where the stop may be.


 


We got on the bus and Waggs was great at finding a seat this time.


 


Off and on her little way she went. Oh I loved working with her today. It’s her absolute favourite destination. It was our first time at the vets. It is upstairs to our pet shop. I bought a bird bath for our Canary, he’s never shown any interest in a bath before but I hope he will with this new bath. I got him a new water bottle too and some food. Then onto dog treats and spray. My bill was £29 wow.


  


Then up the horrid steps winding along to the next floor. As for our new vet? Well, he was no worse than our old one. And he is getting another two vets to work with him. He did things that I have never seen a vet do.


 


Out of there and out of the vast shop. Along to our bus. Well, Waggs did so well with her guiding. We had to avoid all of the trolleys from the big shop and so many people as well as outside table and chairs at the coffee shop.


 


We got to the bus and it all went wrong.


 


I knew I was in the right place, but Hub told me no, and he is the best out of the two of us as in confidence. Well, he took us to the wrong place, he got on the bus. That was the most terrified I have been for a long time. Hub was on the bus, I wasn’t and I had no clue how to get on.  I felt sick. I was calling for Hub but he was on the bus already. I panicked and really really was afraid.  I flipping hate being blind. Really I thought I was going to pass out with fear.


 


The noise was awful. So many busses engine sounds and I didn’t know what direction to go in.


 


I told my Waggs to find the door. But I could hear the main road in front of me with the traffic stopping for no one and I was so afraid that I would walk streight onto the road, as when I got Waggatail she did this to me on other roads on a few occasions. It was the thought of looking so incompetent too!


 


I had two choices. One, trust my dog or two, freeze and look even worse as


A, my Husband pulls away in the bus without me, or B, the bus waits for me and I just can’t move from the spot. I think the day in the town did me in as far as work. I’m so far from being a confident blind person. I have come on so far over the past six years but no way near like my Husband. Some days I feel like I am the only person in the world who has a guide dog who is so useless. I was once told by a really cruel woman not I hasten to add from Guide dogs as they have always been fine, but this person was to get blind people in employment and she told me just how dreadful it was that I owned a guide dog and how I should stay in the house as outside of it, I would be a hazard.


 


Well, I stayed in the house for so long with my ex, apart from when I had to take my Son to school and I have written about that before, how it was a living hell getting him there, now I had to get out. My now Hub is blind so we have no car or choice but to leave the house.


 


So I never saw that nasty person again. I have had so many run ins with people like her though. And for some people it’s easier to stay in lock your doors and forget about outside, but you can only do that if you have support. We don’t so onwards and upwards and some days I feel so proud of what we have achieved that day, but not today.


 


When I eventually found the bus door, my Waggs was not very comfortable about getting on, but she did if not for her, I don’t even want to think about what would have happened. Hub had found a seat. I hadn’t I was still shaking. What an embarrassment. Any way a young lad told me there was a seat next to him. Another lad took my hand and guided me to it. Oh bless them. They were only in their late teens or early twenties. How kind. The people in general around here are very sweet.


 


I knew my Husband was on the wrong bus. I just knew it because we were in the wrong place for one, and for two, we caught that bus two years ago and I learned then that there are two number 4 busses one to where we live, the other streight back to the big town.


 


I called for Hub not knowing where he was on the bus and told him we needed to get off the next stop. He said no, I said I was getting off so he had to follow


 


Well, as we got off we knew we were not where we knew the route of. He said we got off too early, I said no, and tried again to explain the situation. Oh he wasn’t having it. He is the one I follow, he doesn’t trust me to follow my judgement and I don’t blame him but one thing I am good at is directions. I’m like a homing pigeon.


 


Well, we crossed the road and walked until I found somewhere I knew, Hub confirmed where we were in relation to our knowledge of our area. We crossed another road and at last found our avenue of all sorts.


 


I was melting as it was a scorching day. I was so relieved to hear our wind chimes.


 


In the house and poor Waggs got a big cuddle. She had the awful vets needles and odd things up her nose and her back rubbed hard with a paper for a test that my dogs have never had done and a very traumatic day in transit.


 


Well, bless her, and I’m so grateful again for her.


 


Teen came in for dinner. I made a lovely salad with everything you can imagine with some food from the bakery.


 


I have bought some food for church tomorrow too.


 


Then time for teen to shower and go out. He wasn’t with his normal friends last night… He was at an eighteenth birthday party.


 


We went to our neighbours to have a street chat. There were nine of us.


 


Oh, and for a short while, a really lovely young lad who is the Son of one of our neighbours. What a sweet kid he is.


 


We didn’t get back home till half midnight. I had a very interrupted sleep and woke up in the oddest mood.


 

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