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Thursday, 2 July 2015

DIARY OF HEART ON MY SLEEVE


Good day Bloggets. Well I can say at last our Son has finished college and thank goodness for that. End of stress for me? Naha, never mind, for now, but he is predicted two A’s, and one B.

 We have to get it in writing but today we were told he will receive those marks for sure.

 

So two distinctions and one merit. I’m so happy for him I could jump up and down but earthquakes are not common in the UK so don’t want to start one off.

 

Hub and I have had so much concern over our boys education as he is as bright as a button but suffers from lazy itus. He could have received easy three A’s.

But last minute Charley held out till the very last moment. So for his future now? I don’t know neither does he but to be honest, at eighteen, he doesn’t have to know as long as he has some money to live off.

 

He is driving so far today. I am waiting to hear when he will arrive. He is spending time with a few people over the next few days and one person we call Quinton Farquah as he is well, I should say, thought he was, a posh lad from the evil ones camp, but found out today, he’s just very rich not posh. Hahahahah. Posh I don’t mind, evil, twisted snobbery lacking in care and ability to show compassion for others and a lack in brain cells I truly mind. When Mummy’s bloke number five is paying for private teaching that only has the ability to count the fortunes that are being bribed to them in a manner of the modern world we live in. No money can teach acuity, to understand common sense and teaching of a kind heart seems to be a no no. Don’t get me wrong, for some people a private education is brilliant, but for it to work, I believe that you have to have a solid family life and the person I am thinking about has the most dysfunctional family I have ever known.

 

Let’s hope Quinton comes from a good background. Not a greedy mercenary one like a certain person I know of.

 

So for the next couple of hours, I will be on tender hooks waiting to hear from my much loved Son. What I can’t believe is, how someone like his Father never really worries or stresses cares about him? His Dad, my now Husband, really does care more so than my ex ever had, but I guess he will never change. He has only ever cared for himself. I wonder how anyone can do that. I have never been able to do so. I mean, I even still, wonder how my ex is doing. How he is eating, if at all well? If he remembers to lock doors, as that was always his failure. But I guess he has survived over six years, so he will be OK.

 

Mind you after saying all of that, his Father has given my Son a little of the money he stole from us last year. Only another six and a half thousand to go. And that is before talking about the 23 years I was married to him and he stole the money I should have been given too. It was only when I met my Hub, I realised that I had been receiving only half what I should have. He even took advantage of the offer blind people get on TV licences in the UK. He claimed that. Such a low thing to do. He took his or my money out of his bank and hid it in his loft so I wouldn’t be able to get my solicitor to reclaim it. You know he doesn’t know how lucky he is, I mean, my Solicitor could have took him to the cleaners. She wanted to so badly and was rather nasty to me because I didn’t want to do that and that was after he took all of our tools, from my garage, also leaving his eleven year old son without a television. He got half of the furniture and walked away from a debt of one hundred and five thousand pounds, and, left us in debt of a huge £600 for our utility bills. I had been paying him for our heating and electric, but did he pay the company? No. We were days from being cut off. I will never forgive him for that. I guess he has suffered by losing me, not wanting to sound precocious but I did everything for him. I even genuinely cared for him. Looked out for him too and that is something his family never did. He could burn and they wouldn’t put hin out.

 

Very sad really, but time moves on and I now have the love I should have had when I was a seventeen year old bride. My Son has a stable home and great friends. He looks up to my Husband and though my Son won’t admit it, my Husband has been an inspiration to him. Teen knows anything is possible now.

 

It’s funny you know bringing him up in life. From a baby I was on my own with him as my ex as I have said before is a dam good hard worker. And brilliant at his job. The best I know of in his field. But he played a lot too and had no time really for his family as in me and our child. So it was me and my baby. I went blind overnight and I was terrified so had to face life in a new world. A world I was warned about but would not believe would ever happen. I was very lonely in life before my Son came along. I had no friends as my friends were at boarding school and I left them behind sadly, though we were from all over the country.

 

They progressed onto doing other things in life. I was a full time stay at home Mum and housewife.

 

My ex didn’t see just how alone I was and how I needed intelligent conversation. When my parents died so close to each other, and so close after going blind, breathing became almost impossible. I had received two lots of devastating news in my life too and had no one to talk about it with. 

 

But then I for my child had to brush myself down and take on the big bad world for us both. It was then when I decided to go out to college. I say out, as before my child was three, I had never stepped out as a blind person in the world.

 

I studied hard and began to learn about life in the darkness.

 

I met an earth angel, by the name of David. He was a heart breaker. The ladies at the school gates fell in love with him and I must say, I didn’t blame them.

 

He taught me so much in life and what was the most important thing, he believed in me. It was almost like tiny steps just keeping me going.

 

Tiny tiny baby steps. Just enough to get me to the next stage in my life and that was when I was at Absolut rock bottom I had the worst lead up to Christmas with my ex. My Son was almost eleven and was old enough now to see the real Father. A person I tried to protect him from.

 

Now it would affect my child, I had to move on, but how? I picked up the phone and dialled as many organisations as possible. I told my ex that we were through. He seemed happy about that, but then the most amazing thing happened. I was reunited with my first love from school so many years ago. And how we met? Why? I truly believe it was a miracle!

 

So those tiny steps that David taught me on a professional level, lead me to be able to climb a tower. I’m not at the top yet, but high enough to look over and appreciate the strength that I was given by I’m sure, a higher force.

 

We can move on in some ways, sadly not forget, but now my Son and I say my Son, as I believe he is mine, and mine only. He has a relationship with his Father and that is fine, I don’t worry now I used to when he was younger. But now I know that my Son could stick up for himself and if my ex’s true colours ever showed, my Son is taller and stronger than his Father, so I’m sure all will be fine.    

 

My Son was quite excited about his journey today, so I hope it will be happy for him and the person he is going to be with. As for when he is out with Quinton? Well, it’s different to his normal friends and I say normal in the nicest way. As they are all great friends to my Son and very loyal. As is he to them.

 

It’s another glorious day today doesn’t seem as hot thankfully as the heat makes me rather fractious. Hhaha. Here I sit with a woolly carpet on my feet, not pleasant in the hot day we are having. It is a beasty girl with four legs. She’s boiling too. An yet feels the need to be so close to me.

 

A lovely lady is taking my Wagga for a holiday soon whilst we spend time with our children. I hope that lady is ready for lots of love and attention? As my Waggs gives it in bundles. Oh I was really happy to hear that the lady, Hermione, is talking about taking Waggs for nice walks. She will love that even talking about the beach. I so wish we could do that. To see my Waggs happy running free opposed to working on a harness all of the time would be a dream for me.

 

OK will go for now, I hope that Hub and I may go out tonight for a meal, but somehow not sure that will be possible. If not, I don’t know what to cook. He is in earlier tonight, so perhaps I will get him to cook? He is much better than me, but, having said that, I bet I still will do it, as he will be lazy and I don’t blame him after working all day. He will satisfy himself with a sandwich. Not good enough when been at work all day. See, I just can’t help myself but care. Gosh, what is it like to be able to say I don’t mind what you eat? As for what I would eat? I eat too much bread as it is.

 

OK, there is a dog run with my name on it. Lovely. The joys of having beasty girls.

 

Later gators. X

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