MY MAD AUNT CAME TO VISIT

Well, I’m here. Just! I had my aunty to visit us yesterday and this was how the day went.

I bought some cakes for her arrival. I was already, fresh bread rolls for tea as we would go for lunch somewhere, and she loves our Chinese so I wondered if she would be happy there.  I like to please her, though it’s quite difficult. I was ready to buy new shoes, as really my shoes are dreadful. One pair kills me, the others are so stained with mud and the third pair has no soal or top of shoe left. Yes, a right one I look. But shoe shopping is really impossible for us as shoes are really something you should try on, hence why one pair kill me? I ordered them on line; it’s too hard to send them back too, so I kept them.

 

OK, so I text her to see if she had made the train?

Answer, yes, just, only three minutes to spare.

 

Next she writes

“I’m at the other station and I am gutted as I have lost me coffee.”

 

How can you lose your coffee?

 

You know when you ask something and wish you hadn’t bothered? Well something to do with the fact she was looking for her tickets and next thing, her coffee “Got lost!!!!!”

Haha haha, naughty coffee, but I did feel sorry for her. Bless her, she is so stupidly innocent.

 

Then a phone call to let me know she was in the taxi to our house. She told me she was ill.

My Aunt ill?

What again?

This time was her back, she has had difficulties with it before and it doesn’t help that she does her decorating and lifts her Grand baby out of bed in the mornings when she stays. Gosh when I think back, my teen when he was only one would have climbed out of his cot so we had to buy a bed and put pillows on the floor, there was no waiting to be lifted, and this little one is two. She is her great Grandchild.

 

So my aunt said she almost wasn’t going to come. This meant she wouldn’t be able to go to town with me. Well, originally  it was to buy Hub some Christmas gifts, but thankfully, I rely on no one now and all his gifts with teens and everyone else’s were bought some time ago. Good job hey?

 

Well, the taxi pulled up, the driver took her case out of the car for her, she got it on wheels to the step and asked me to lift it for her, well, you know, she is in her seventies, though by her voice, you wouldn’t think it. To me she will always be thirty odd.

Very odd.

Well, I lifted her case in the house, not that she was staying, but it was full of Christmas presents. She even buys for the dogs and our canary, he’s Irish you know? Haha.

 

Oh I gave her fresh coffee. It wasn’t really good enough for her. I asked her if she wanted some coconut cake. She said no, it was too sweet, well, chocolate cake? No, it would hurt her teeth, Christmas mince pie? No, again too sweet.

Then she offered me some of her chocolate she had on the train, she told me how delicious they were, and they were very sweet indeed.

 

Well, she had to go out for a smoke. After a talk for a while, I asked her if she was well enough to go for lunch to Louis’s. Oh yes. She was.

 

I took Wagga, and my Aunty was well impressed with her. She did well.

 

So did my dog.

Hehehe

 

We got there, she hugged Louis. He was as cute as ever. Funny as heck.

 

The beautiful Alice who is from some eastern bloc country, not Poland, I can’t remember where, but she is the sweetest person ever. What a stunning couple her and Louis would make. Better than the dragon he is married too.

 

Well, we had our meal, Aunt had some prawn crackers, and she dipped them in her soup. She was disappointed that they became soft….

Em, yes, they would if you dip in hot soup?

 

Then came the main course. Mine was lovely. I had chips with mine and aunt after being asked if she wanted this and that sauce, said she wanted vinegar. So I had some on my chips. Very lovely too.

 

Then after aunt had almost finished her lunch, she said that she wasn’t enjoying it. The chicken was not nice. I asked what was wrong with it, she didn’t know.

 

Then she had only a few chips left in her dish so poured them on and poured on the vinegar too.

 

Then she realised that it was the vinegar that was off.

What?

Nothing wrong with it? I loved mine.

 

She told the poor Alice, who can hardly speek English, so Louis came over and he speeks even less English, oh God. The whole restaurant was listening.

 

Well, this conversation went on and on and on I died with shame.

 

She had to go out and have a smoke. After poor Louis was almost in tears as he really doesn’t like anyone not enjoying his food.

 

Well, she was out there ages.

 

I guessed phoning her em, friend? She lives with.

 

She has to phone her at least four times during her visit to us.

 

She said she needed a cigarette to “Take away the nasty taste of her food!”

 

I paid for the meal and left.

 

Teen went back later as we forgot it was dear Louis’s birthday, so took a card.

 

Teen was lovely to our old Aunt. Though did lecture her on not smoking. It fell on deaf ears.

 

She lay on the couch for a while as was in pain. We talked until Hub came home.

 

Well, I talked.

 Hub came in from work and received his birthday gifts.

Oh

My

Word?

 

Well, he received some miniature bottles of whisky he loves. Some sweets the only kind he likes maltase’s.

And

A mask.

No, not a dead sea mud mask, but a mask you twist the button on the nose and the eyebrows move up and down along with the tash.

 

Oh gosh. Really?

Hub does laugh in the right places though and I guess she had to top last year’s smurf t/shirt and children’s mouth organ.

 

OK, she was two months late, but at least she bothers unlike his Dad and brothers. Hehehe. Though really she shouldn’t?

 

Our Christmas gifts are upstairs waiting for Santa to place them under the tree on Christmas Eve.

 

So I gave her some tea and a sandwich and she left by the same form of transport as she came. Taxi and train.

 

I’m sure she will be exhausted now for a week.

 

She is lovely and I do love her and life without people like her would be so dull. She has been and always will be my mad aunt