AFRAID

Hi Bloggets. I’m here to get strength from you all. I have to go out to the shop. I am having a very insecure day, in fact for the past ten days; I have struggled with the outside world on my own and hid from it. I have put off going to get money for our trip tomorrow, but now time has caught up with me. It’s running out. Hub doesn’t get in till after half five and to be honest after a day of work getting up at 7.am or earlier, and two hours journey to work and back, I feel guilty asking him to go to the shops too.  Having said that, if he were here, I think in fact I know, he would refuse to go. He does this for my sanity. Sometimes I feel like he is being cruel making me go out on my own, but I know where he is coming from. Without his ways, I would be hopeless.

 

But hopeless I am feeling right now. It amazes me just how wonderfully brave my other blind friends are and they go out, yes they stress and get anxious, but they do it and they are so good at it. Me? I’m rubbish, I feel sick. I was getting out of that way, I was starting to enjoy going out, but a week plus of not doing it, and back to square one.

 

It’s freezing and I am suffering from sleep deprivation.

 

A much interrupted night / morning of things going on in the Blogget household. Not bad, a little worrying, but not at all bad. Though made it so I didn’t even have my normal two/three hours this morning.

 

So next blog, will it be I have been? Or quit and stayed at home? If I stay, I will let Hub and myself down, also Wagga needs some work.

 

Oh, it’s all the preparation before I go too. Letting the dog out in the run, getting her lead and harness, doggy doodle bag, treat and then finding my card to purchase and get money and then at last coat and shoes, but before all of that, making sure that in my head, the map is ready to find our way.

 

I already can hear the really busy road. And the fear is powerful, believe me.

 

OK, will let you know what happened, but right now, I don’t know how I’m going to do this.