Good morning Bloggets. I hope you are well? This week is a biggy in our family today and tomorrow are a bit shaky… After tomorrow, it’s a case of waiting to learn of our next step in life.
Teen wasn’t best pleased to go to work today bless him, but off he went for his nine hour shift. The reason he was not looking forward to it is because of the people he is working with today, he hates lazy people and today is one of those shifts where the staff are not what we would call grafters. Slang for hard working.
When Waggs went on the field a couple of miles away at the weekend, she came back bell less and tagless, hahah. Sounds like two Greek builders? Without her bells and identity disk. Goodness knows how she lost them, not sure I want to know. Well I never thought I would see them again, and so far, I haven’t. But I received a call yesterday from Guide Dogs saying a lady had called the number on the disk and had found at least the disk. So, bless her cotton socks, she is bringing it to me today. Well, I did suggest she posted it but she said she was heading my way anyway, as I text her my address. I know, I’m not happy doing that either, but she sounded an elderly lady and they are the most genuine. I hope. So now waiting for her as she gave no time also dog food I ordered last week was due any time from yesterday. They are a nightmare as they never ring the bell, just like Amazon delivery and the rarely knock on the door, normally drop and run. Well the dog food is two huge bags and it’s not cheap. (NOTE AT BOTTOM)
So, in other words, I’m stuck in the living room until both items are delivered.
Gosh just been on the phone with a friend who has lost her relative who died a few days ago, it’s so bad, since her death all the relatives who never came near the lady are around the situation like flies on dog poop. They couldn’t help or visit the poor lady when she was alive, but now dead knowing there is money to be had, they are like hawks picking at the flesh. Seeing what they can get.
The way in which the lady died was really sad for me to listen to. She died of Pneumonia, the same way my Mum went. My heart sunk. The guilt swallowed me up. I am and will be riddled with guilt for three things I have done in my life, and the last was how my Mum died and how she was just left.
In my defence, which looking back now is no excuse, I was still grieving over my Dad who had not long been dead and I was still trying to cope with the sudden loss of my sight, in total shock and the fear how I was going to bring up my baby on my own. I had my ex but he worked hard and played harder so no time for us.
I should have been at the hospital 24/7, but in truth I didn’t expect my Mum never to come out. I wish she had never gone into hospital as I am sure they end lives. My Mum had a cold which turned into Pneumonia didn’t help with her lungs finished off with smoking almost all of her life.
My friend was telling me how she sat with the lady all night as other relatives had been there all day so to give them a break she stayed up and did the night visit. She wiped her brow with cool sponges and fed her swabs of juice and water, making sure that the nurses knew when it was time to give her more morphine. The poor lady was on a trolley not even on a ward or room for two full days and nights before she went to forever sleep.
I wish I had someone I could have left my baby with when my Mum was in hospital. I wished I knew she was dying, I just didn’t want to admit it. I really couldn’t cope without my Mum. Especially after the sad loss of my Dad so close to Mum. I wish I had been there to cool her and give her fluids. Made me wonder, who did? As each time, I visited with my baby and ex, my Mum was on her own. She was in hospital for days and you know she only complained once saying how much in pain she was because she was sitting in the same position all that time in a chair. They didn’t even help her to be in bed. The poor thing was so sore. The last time I saw her she had been put in bed after three days and I guess they knew that was her ending.
My Mum was terrified of dying and sadly she was on her own when she did.
With my Dad, it was different. We went a lot more as of course I wasn’t without my Mum then and I swear I hadn’t properly grown up until I lost my parents, so the need of my Mum was imperative! My ex was great to my Dad, he was as I have said in many other blogs the best Son in law I could ever wish for. But when it came to my Mum? Things were sadly different. Not because of my ex as he loved my parents more than his own, but because of my state of mind at the time. My life was consumed by my baby when a new parent, everything is so difficult but when you are newly blind, putting one step in front of the other is a challenge, learning all over again how to feed my baby doing his bottles, nappies and just making sure he was happy and safe and doing all what he should be doing at his age. Potty training was already started by the time I lost my sight, so that had to be continued. Gosh it wasn’t easy and there was me and me only. I just wasn’t coping at all in my new dark nightmare.
Cogitating on what could have been and what was, isn’t a place I like to go to. I never want to visit there again.
When I met Hubs Mum for the first time again after 28 years, I felt so happy I was given a second chance to love and look after her when she got old, but sadly that was taken away from us too by a dreadfully horrid individual who thank God I don’t ever have to see again, nor does my Husband who was robbed of last days with his Mum. Destiny, justice and Carma for some!
Gosh this blog didn’t mean to start off like this, I’m truly sorry. The message I hope to get across today is love those who mean anything to you. Show them what they mean to you as you never know when you won’t be seeing them again. Respect when they have gone and for all of us, please make sure you have a will? Even if you only have one child like we do, please make sure their lives are made as stress free as possible by writing your will, otherwise it will go to probate and that is a place nothing needs to go to.
(NOTES)
I used the word cheap above. There are two words in the English dictionary CHEAP and CHEEP. These are homophones. That means words that sound the same but are spelled differently.
Something is C H E a P
Meaning inexpensive, so didn’t cost much or in my case above something wasn’t cheap, meaning the item cost a lot of money.
C H E E P
Is the sound that a bird makes? I personally never understood this as when I hear birds they go more like tweet tweet, rather than cheep cheep, but that is how we spell those two words.
Later with laughter. Promise.
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