Hello to Spain, the US, UK Germany, Algeria, India, Canada, Brazil, South Africa and Argentina.
Those are the top ten countries as I don’t see anything other than the top ten for countries or blogs that have been written. For all the other countries, great to have you here as well today.
Hub went out at silly hour to put the bins out. I text my neighbours to ask what bin day it was as we have recycled one week, and rubbish the next. One of my neighbours thought it was rubbish but the other said he didn’t know so he was putting other out. So, both of ours went out just to make sure. So, among the snow shower today mixed in with the wind, at seven in the morning, Hub is carrying from back to front three or four boxes and pushing a bin. Bless him. Whether or not it took longer to get to work or he just forgot to let me know he was there safe, but if the longer was right, it took him two hours to get there today.
Last night he asked the emergency workers for Guide Dogs to make sure those on the list with guide dogs were OK by either calling them or giving their details to emergency services of this particular area of our country because the army were out their door to door making sure everyone was aware that there was a storm on its way and the sea was to rise a meter and a half. It was reported that the houses on the beach fronts would be flooded with sea water. Got us thinking about blind people on their own, how scary must that be? The emergency services were taking people to schools to sleep for the night, gosh I would hate that. You wouldn’t know where you were and sleeping on the floor? I went to bed again thanking my lucky stars. Some people who can’t see don’t answer their doors at nights so this is why Hub was concerned and I’m glad he rang because it was something that the emergency Guide Dog staff hadn’t thought about. I guess most of them if not all can see and it’s something that may never have crossed their minds.
Yesterday was a tough day but today is a new day. Much the same but life we have to battle with. I don’t understand those who get up each day and have not got one problem. And they don’t even realise how lucky they are.
I was asked today by a lovely lady a great question. “Do you think our kids will miss us as much as we miss our parents?””
Gosh, powerful or what? Such a great subject. Answer? Somehow, I doubt it. It’s hard to imagine though my Son is always trying to get me to be healthier saying he wants me around for many years to come. For what I have to ask, as in my opinion, I’m useless to him.
A lady in a group I’m in said her teen is now a grown up and human. Haha. Gosh, some days I wonder if we will get there? My Son is a great lad as far as working, he isn’t lazy at all in the work place or in his fitness. He has worked since he was fifteen. He doesn’t drink much he can go some weeks without drinking, there was a time when I did wonder if he was going to have the genes I dreaded in him, but thankfully no. He doesn’t smoke at all so this is great, but give me a baby, toddler child or early teens any day. From the age of fifteen till now, is the hardest four years of my life as a Mother. The emotions, are so high. The mood swings, you never know what or who is going to walk through the door. One moment he hates me the next he loves me and the next he won’t speak to me for two or three days and then he is all singing and all dancing. He wants a career that is so dangerous, worrying me sick, then he wants to work abroad for a year, then he is going to University then he is happy working at a job a 16 year old can do at weekends, and then he is stressed because he doesn’t know what he wants in life. He’s bored and fed up. I try to get him to find another job, but he is in a rut right now and his girlfriend is happy where he is. He is safe, in his work place there are no attractive girls around him. She is a young girl and he is 19 going on 26 some day’s other days he is my little boy but in a man’s body. The ups and downs of parenting. And when you have one child, it’s difficult. I was asking someone yesterday who has a few kids, is it easier? She replied. No, all of my children are so very different. I thought it may get easier as the children are born one after the other, making it easier for the second and the third, a piece of cake. Smile. But seams not.
I have a beautiful Blogget who writes to me who has such a luxurious lifestyle and another who has such a poor life, I’m talking absolute poverty, another is a millionaire and then there is me. Then I have a Blogget who is always happy, always upbeat, seems to have nothing at all awful in their past or today. Her future looks so rosy. Then there is me… Another Blogget lives in a hostel and visits the library once a week to go on the computers and reads my blogs She has nothing. She admits she has no hope or future. She has tried to take her life at least twice I know of. She is very ill and has no one in her life. And then there is me. I read and reflect your stories each day. I have empathy for you and my Bloggets who have such a good life, I’m so happy for you, because the ones who write to me are so nice. Gracious too. None of you take your grand life for granted. None of you complain about your painful life, you talk about it but never think you have a right to have a different kind of life.
My past was a dreadful one, so very different to anyone I have ever met before. My future is for the Gods to decide and my presence is comfortable and I have love in my life. My Husband tells me most days he has never loved anyone like he loves me. My Son tells me every single day he loves me. Trouble I have, is I don’t feel at all worthy of anything, because of my past. I was made to feel so bad and wish daily I had never been born. Still there are days when I wished the cruel person who got pregnant with me had succeeded in getting rid of me, not just when I was born, but when she got pregnant. But then I have hope, hope of a new life. Just a life to be able to see. I want to be thin and fit. But the only person who is going to do that for me, the thin and fit bit, is me and I let myself down daily.
We have so much control of our lives if we choose to. In my case, I’m afraid to feel good about anything because the times I do feel good, something happens just to put me back in my place. Am I going to remove years from my life, because I’m waiting for sight to start to live? Or am I going to do something prolific, like be the branches to produce fruits, fruits for life? So, that if I ever do get sight, at least I will be mentally and physically able to enjoy the stars, sun and moon.
It’s all about our choices in life. We can say yes and no, but do we mean those words?
My next subject is quite a tough one. I’m not sure how I will start that blog yet, let’s see. X
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