18 By Fiona Cummings

18
By Fiona Cummings
Today is a day like no other
It’s the day when my heart cries for my mother
Each year comes around
My feet still touch the ground
But my head isn’t where it should be
Because she isn’t next to me
Now not even in spirit
As I never feel her by my side
Does she see the tears I have cried?
Does she listen to my laughter?
In her world am I still her daughter?
Has she gone to another place
If I went there in time would she recognise my face?
Would her soul touch mine?
If I went there in time
Today is as painful as it was many years ago
But I don’t let it show
This is what makes it worse
It’s like a curse
As if a secret letter hidden in a purse
Not wanting to be miserable
Keeping out of trouble
Just getting on with the day
But I wish she had never gone away
I think when you have a child
You need your Mother more than ever before
But she walked through that door
And never returned
Her shell was burned
But her heart touched mine
In my life, she belonged
Now I’m without her
I feel so roar
So very sore
Tears never dry
The lump in my throat still grows
I have nothing physical to tend
No grave, not even a rose
It’s what she wanted, so she got her wish
I wish I could feel her hug
Give her one more kiss
Just taste her homely cooking
I keep dreaming it’s been one huge nightmare
I will wake and find her still there
I will keep looking
I just need my Mum to be there

© Fiona Cummings January 2017