USELESS WAS YESTERDAY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Uselessness is a motion or feeling at least that can only leave someone feeling desperately depressed. To not feel wanted. Not to be excepted in our world or others’ lives. To be different. Well, at least feel different to those around you.

To wake up each day without a purpose. To want to talk with someone but there is no one there as no one wants to spend time with you. To find yourself in a room and not know what to say. Being awkward around others. To never have achieved anything. To feel so unworthy. To wish you had never been born.

Gosh, that was a couple of painful, powerful paragraph, there are people out there who live with the word useless running through their veins every breath they take, and each day of their wasteful lives.

Some may experience this emotion at least once in their life, or once a month, but for others who it’s every minute occurrence, can anything be done about it?

If you are able to look in the mirror, do so, if you can’t see, stand up and Annalise yourself. Are you a bad person? If you say yes, why? What have you done? Is your heart poisoned and are your thoughts wicket? I bet there not. In fact, I’m sure they won’t be!

Life for certain isn’t a piece of cake. And people do take the biscuit out of some of us. But we don’t have to be crushed into crumbs or be eaten up by the teeth of torture. Those who do this can be easily dropped from our lives. Those who make you feel like this, hold your head up walk up to them pick them up and drop them, even if it is in your mind only, but turn your mind into reality. Trust me, you will feel so much stronger and better about yourself.

At one point in my life, in fact most of my life I was with people who made me feel like the above. I was in a hole and there was no getting out of it.

I can tell you the best feeling is finding the strength to stand up for yourself. For those who make you feel very low, worthless sad alone bullied and so on, by you getting rid of them in your life, how will that be bad for you? It will give you power that you never thought was possible and some of those people will probably come back to you with respect and admiration. If you want them back of course, you may find your new way, of life, is a better one. New doors will open for you. How dare anyone call you that? Who do they think they are? Who has the right to put you down? They don’t that is for sure. Stamp on them and move on. You will learn that you are worth more than you have ever thought because you are not getting knocked down flat by the nasty brigade. You will get stronger when you learn the no word. In the UK, we call it being a mug. Don’t be anyone’s mug. My Husband was one for years, thankfully he had his education and his work to remind him he was worth so much and when he met me again after too long, I told him each day how much we needed him. Loved him and wanted to be with him. He too has got rid of the rubbish and we are a team. You could be a team, but start off with yourself. Do it, don’t wait. Hang around people who make you laugh, smile and feel good well at least who don’t make you want to hide.

For you dear Rosie. And everyone like you. X

DIARY OF SMILES OF FLOWERS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Today we say hello to the top ten most viewing countries, which are as follows. France, UK, US, Germany, Canada, Greece, Norway, Turkey, Sweden and The Netherlands.

Talking of the Netherlands, 50% of the lily’s which they grow there end up in the UK they grow on moving steam beds. They grow within a third of the time than what they would grow outdoors. From nothing to flowering, it takes only three months. A computer tracks the location of each tray. It’s so technical. I love Lilly’s especially the fragrant ones but they stain, you have to cut out the centre.

Between 40,000 and 50,000 stems per day are cut in the Netherlands, ten million per year are cut, and only 18 people work doing this because of the robotics and computers they have tracking and so on.

Spring time is close thank goodness. I love the spring. I adore daffodils. When I first lost my sight, the pain of the daffs hurt me so much. No longer I could see my beautiful flowers. What was the point of them?

Well over the years, I learned that they feel beautiful. So, delicate and a wonderful shape that I honestly didn’t even notice when I could see and what a fragrance they have? Again, I didn’t even notice that when I had the gift of sight to just look at beauty and not feel it! I’m blessed that I once saw them, so see yellow and yellow even in my head is such a sunny colour. So, I can have my daffodils back now without the pain.

Gosh, thank you for your lovely response to my blog I wrote yesterday called Biggest fear. It’s had over three hundred views. Thank you all so much as well for your kind messages wishing Hub well. Bless him, he had a really rough night and went into work as if he had just had a over load of Botox. He could hardly speak. He sent me an email at lunch time saying that the pain isn’t quite so bad but still he hurts badly and the antibiotics have made him feel so sick.

Just fed my beautiful Teen. He has gone back to work. Started at half six this morning. Two earlies in a row. He didn’t take his girlfriend home until well after midnight, so he will be so tired. They have booked a holiday. They are going away in a couple of months. To a place, I have always wanted to visit. Prague.

Scientists are now saying that the universe could be a huge hologram and our perception of life, in 3d, may only be an illusion.
Well, 1D would be good enough for me right now. Smile.

Oh, this story really annoyed me. GP’s have been told not to call Mothers who are pregnant Mothers. Why? Because it may offend those who are so called transgender! Transgender? They do not correlate with the sex they were born with. My Husband dared to refer to me yesterday as his partner. Let’s say ill or not, he got into trouble when he came off the phone. He said he hated doing this and when I asked why he did? He said because they kept asking does your partner do this, is your partner that. Hmm. Well, I have had those conversations before and I have had to interrupt the person and inform them that I do not have my own business, so don’t have a partner. Language now is becoming a choice of what words are in fashion that month. If Hub calls me partner again, I may find myself going into business with him… The business of divorce. Haha.

OK back to work. Loads to do today. Put it off long enough. But before I go a quote.
A smile is happiness you will find right under your nose.

“Smiles are the colours of love””
© Fiona Cummings

OH NO NOT THE D WORD? BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good evening Bloggets. Well today wasn’t what I expected. Hub has had tooth ache all weekend but last night it developed into much worse of an agonizing pain into his jaw and all up his face. During the night, his teeth hurt top and bottom. I called the Dentist at ten to nine this morning and we were asked to go at ten to eleven. Me too… It’s been just over a year since I was last there. I hate the dentist and if there is nothing wrong, why go? But to be on NHS dental care, you have to go every year to keep your name on the NHS list. Hub hasn’t been for longer and he was cancelled. Well, Fifi had to use her charm as if we are not allowed to go to this dentist, it’s a bit of a nightmare as our local one is a twenty minute walk from here, so easy to get to.

Some huffing and puffing later lots of buttons pressed on her computer and she came back to me saying because I was just out of the year, I could come, and because Hub is, well, my Hub, hahaha, he can tag along. As for Teen? He had to phone up today if he wanted to remain. Well I have told Teen and not on your nelly is he going, so when he has a problem in the future, he will have to pay hundreds. Kids. They think they are grown up, but act like kids. He said he doesn’t eat sugar and cleans his teeth at least twice a day. And?

Waggs was glad to be out working and lead the way. She knows this route so well. R o u t e, not root as in filling.

As we walked along the dreaded polluted road, passing by the spiky shrubs that are coming to life for their attacking season, going along the long stretch and passing by the monkeys in the zoo. Weaving in and out of the shops and under the awful steps and then passing by all the car parks. Finding the tactile to cross the final road and headed towards the post box and bus stop. Into the building and up the steps. Three lots of them. Waggs was so good, she headed right for the door and there are loads of doors but she knew which one to go to. She did so well. I think it is the first time Little Fella has been there he was so sweet, just following and for sure he could remember that again on his own. Through the door right to the counter and the receptionists are really good there, very professional and so sweet.

Waggs was so well behaved. Owner in shock dot com.

Not good news for Hub. Flipping not for me either. I felt perfect before I went in. Turns out I need a filling. Really? I told her I had no pain, she said we like to catch it before there is pain. Spotty botty, not impressed.

So out of there, the receptionists asked us if we wanted the lift button pushed. We said no it’s fine, we will go down the stairs as we left, I could feel them watching as if to say. Heck, they are going to tumble. Haha. Hub as ever walked with confidents me? I’m a wreck when it comes to steps. Found the top of them, then I was fine, but I hate the thought of missing that top step and, well, not good.

Out into the air and around around and around each corner to get back on track home. Calling in at the chemist for Hubs prescription. A van delivering products to one of the shops parked right across the part we cross at. But Waggs managed to go off the kerb and back on at the other side.

It was a lovely day sunny even. As we got home, I was shattered. Pure concentration. Waggs and LF was waiting for a treat, they both did so well.

Poor Hub is really not too well. He is in work tomorrow though. I hope he is feeling better.

Our lovely friend brought more baking around, she is going to have us the size of houses. You have no idea what she brought today? Gosh it is so very posh and must have cost a fortune to make. Chocolate, cream, cherries, sugared fruits, cranberries and chocolate orange slices. Gosh, she even brought a pot of cream. I had a small amount without the cream. Hub wasn’t able to eat dinner tonight, even though I offered to make him something soft, but he managed to sample a whopping bit of cake. With cream.

An exhausted Teen had an early start at half six, but is at the gym now then a night in with Shamrock. I feel so sick with pain for Hub I hate it when he isn’t well. This is the worst I have ever seen him, it’s even worse than his Trigeminal Neuralgia! How on earth he is going to work tomorrow? I called the dentist back to see if they can fit him in earlier than next Monday. No. Because it has to be the same dentist as who saw him. And she only works on a Monday and Tuesday and tomorrow she is full. Have you ever? Thing is, she told him, he may lose his tooth. Nice, it’s his front one? Well, all that needs to go now is his blooming hair. Hahaha.

So money less as we have to pay for the NHS dentist, but it’s less than half what it would cost for private.
I think it’s going to be a long night. X

THE BIGGEST FEAR BY FIONA CUMMINGS

My Husband asked me to write this blog. I must say, it’s a subject that I’m slightly uncomfortable with! I’m not even sure how to start this.

Bear with?
So, growing up, I had some sight. When I stood still I saw chrystal clear. I could read tiny print. As soon as I moved my head, my sight made me dizzy. As in everything was like a broken jigsaw puzzle.
What I could see clearly was only when I kept my head still, and it was in small sections. So, a face, I would look at someone’s eye, see the eye perfectly, move to the other eye, though sometimes pointless, because it was the same as the other one, I wonder if I saw so well what I did see was like sighted people? Then to the nose, remembering the eye, then the mouth, cheek bones and hair. In my mind working overtime to remember all parts of the face. Then my imagination would do the rest for me. I would see colours perfectly well. A car would come towards me passing on the road and I would see a wheel just the one, but it would be clear enough for me to know it was a car. Because I had such good sight, I would not need my hearing or other senses.

At nights, the sky would be dark blue. I would see shadows. I wouldn’t be able to see steps whilst out, or get by in a restaurant, on my own, but I didn’t need to worry. As a child, I was in the protection of boarding school where we were prisoners to the outside world. At home, I had my parents to see for me. When I was in Russia, I had friends and my Mum. I had vision all around me. I read magazines to see what was in fashion. What people had in their houses, I knew what looked good and what didn’t. I was taught by my Mum what colours matched and what didn’t though her fashion style really was dated. But I knew this, because I saw what other girls wore, who were my age.

Then I married. My ex was fully sighted. There was nothing around the house I didn’t do. I could see everything in tiny portions. It took me longer, but I just learned to think faster and remember quicker. My memory was my best friend. I didn’t go out the house really that much only to my parents house and back home. So, I didn’t need to really live in the real world as someone partially sighted. I was in my head I had to be for the past I was living in. I was fully sighted. I had the cushion of sight all around me.

I splashed out in the world of modelling for some time. Working as a teenager. From 13 till 17, my last job was a teen magazine and that was the only job I was told to wear my own clothes. Thank goodness, I had a rough idea what to wear, clothing always was important to me I loved matching colours, it was almost an obsession.

Fashion changed and people started dressing their houses in creams, carpets, walls and furniture all the same. I found this a boring style. Plain to the eyes and lacking in imagination. Where was the fun? The spark of existence. The wow factor? Walking from one cream room to another? Yawn? Each of my rooms at my house had a different theme. A new story to tell, a different chapter spoke to me.

Then the dreaded day came and I had to wake up to the world of forever darkness. That morning occurred where I never wanted to be. I had gone blind, colours, fashion, style, interior decorating was to me to become a part of my life that would never return.

Fast forward many hard years and into the next stage of my life. The next stage which rather than scared me, woke me up to live in a world where I never wanted to go, an yet once there, I was as if born again. There were wires inside of me which came alive. A new spark I still get a sense of thrill inside my stomach as I entered the world of acceptance. At last, I belonged. All of my life, I wasn’t blind, I was not sighted, I was partially sighted but not really allowed to be. It was my Mums ambition to get me sight, to find a cure so I wouldn’t live in a world she couldn’t comprehend and she got told by medics who were trying to fight for my sight to be restored that I had to forget about ever going blind, that sight was the only option. So, nothing prepared me for the blind world. Ten years passed. Feeling very alone, knowing no one at all who could help me or talk to me about what life is like as a blind person, but hang on, was I ready to hear what life was like as a person without sight? Answer, no, as my sight would return, one day soon.

Well, that day never came, but what did, was a new world in the shape of my now Husband.

I divorced my ex and entered into a world with my new Husband, who was totally blind and he had never ever seen. He was born without sight. So, he came from a totally different perspective

He spent most of his childhood at boarding school, his secondary school was for blind children too. Whereas mine was for partially sighted. He lived in the blind world and when he had to enter the big bad sighted world, he had the tools to work with and more importantly the mind set!

He married a woman who was also in the blind world, he has told me that when they did anything like decorate their house, they took advice from sighted people, they never had to think about what looked good, their house and garden was other people’s ideas. What they wore, was what felt nice, like the materials, fashion never played a part in their clothing. Hair styles? Very basic. How do you know what you look like? My Husband has good genes, so he has the base to look good no matter, but I just can’t imagine what it must be like to not know what a face any face, looks like? To someone who has never seen, a face means nothing really, just what one feels like, colours are nothing. It’s like saying to a sighted person, my dress is Shmerlica and my shoes to match are clupick, I have painted my nails blerbin, to compliment the blerbin highlights in my hair. Colour, Shmolour.

When my Husband met, me it was a totally different world. I tried to still look my best, taking some pride in my clothing, I passed that bug onto my Husband, and it did course some conversations as I tried to let him know that certain colours didn’t match. He stressed over this, as before whatever went. I guess it would have been an easier life, but rightly or wrongly, my life has always been in the public and what the people think was, important to me and my Husband is very important to me and has always worked in some sort of management role, so to me, he should look important especially as he works with people who will look and judge. Sighted people do, even if they don’t know it, this is why I get told I don’t look blind, to me it is just people being not very intelligent, as I wouldn’t say to someone, you don’t look like you have a heart problem, or your legs don’t look as if you should have a wheelchair. It’s called insensitive. You may think it, but really guys? There are blind people out there who’s eyes don’t shake, we don’t all wear dark glasses and we do try some of us, to still fit in. It’s so much easier for me to relax my eyes, but because of my past, I try to look like you and look around a room, I catch myself doing this all the time, how stupid am I? I can’t see what is over there, but I don’t want to sit with my head down or straight ahead. Because I had sight, I know how to sit in a way you do.

What I don’t understand is when children are home with their parents and they do start to put their heads down, should the parents say to their children, hold your head up? And why should that child do that, just to fit in with the sighted world? My Husband does sit in a way that is quotes normal, I guess by luck, as he has never been told to do so. He doesn’t look around the room, because he is comfortable in the blind world and since I have met my Husband, I have learned more than I ever thought possible.

We have done things in the eight years we have been together than I did in the forty years before as someone in the sighted world. We are a team. Life is a challenge it’s difficult and can be depressing, but also can be so uplifting. We have a sense of achievement. My friend told me the other day we have a stylish house, now to me this is a compliment as her house is so posh so beautiful. I am glad I do have a memory, but how up to date is my memory? I guess if it’s stylish, it’s doing OK? My Husbands clothes are lovely, and he is aware now of what is to go with what, to me this must give him some kind of sense of pride? I hope so. He has pride in our house, for the first time in his life, we decide what goes in our house, what colour our walls are and what we buy to complement each other. He talks about where to put furniture now, he never used to show interest. I hope I have given him a spark because I know he has brought me to life. I was dead for so long my heart mind and soul. I am alive now with a want and need to see what is out there. I dream to see, it’s my hope, but no longer is it my life, I have learned to live, I go out and my senses have all come to life now, my sight isn’t there, but I hear things I have never heard before. I smell things I never knew had a fragrance. This isn’t always good. My brain is full of plans, and my house has gadgets that make living easier. I know and moreover my husband knows he is smart not only in his mind, but in his dress sense. I hope he is proud, as I am very proud of him.

A friend was asking me yesterday, how I cope with certain things? She has my eye disease and is afraid because her sight is going the same way mine did. Right now, she sees colours, she reads print and cooks as if sighted. The step into the blind world can be the most difficult thing that anyone has ever done, unless they are prepared. She is having a dinner party today, she hates telling her family about her sight. Hmm. I know that feeling, she is in denial. Don’t be ashamed. So, you are not like them as far as sight, but you have a brain. You could even be more intelligent than any one you know that is sighted. Your eyesight is broken. But there is room in your brain that wouldn’t normally be awake if sighted, that space in your mind has so much knowledge to share with you, for you to store information. You will be amazed at your achievements. So, tell those around you that you are struggling, until you learn how to do it the blind way. When you except yourself then others around you will feel your vibes, and feel more relaxed with you. My friend asked how we know what dinner dishes matched? Well, try to get different sets in different shapes or with embossed patents on so you can feel them. The worst thing to do is buy different dinner sets that all feel the same.

Clothes, buy different fabrics. Learn how to feel. You think you can feel? No, you really can’t properly until you lost your safety blanket of sight. Why would you need to feel in a way that blind people do? You don’t need to. How do we manage? We have no choice. There are only two options, one get a full-time carer, no thanks, and two do what we do, learn from mistakes and listening to others who are blind, but, you are not different, they are. And different is good. All the same is boring.
X

(C) Fiona Cummings

DIARY OF HOW MANY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good evening Bloggets.
We just had a treat for dinner, an Indian take out. I put on some classical piano music, lit my beautiful crackling candle and tried to create a peaceful atmosphere. Our dining room was warm and I put on the lamp to make it as cosy as possible.

As we ate our food, Teen and Hub had one of their inspiring conversations. My Son makes me so proud when I hear him talking in such depth about whatever subject and hub is inspirational how he can carry on the conversation with such intelligence. Teen used to ask Hub lots of questions, now he knows more than Hub about certain themes. The field of study tonight was science. Gosh, they used words that sounded as if they were regurgitated from a scientific manuscript!
I kept rather quiet.

A poor race horse today has died. But there will be no investigation into why or how? An yet when we die unexpectedly, we have to have an autopsy!

I’m having an old-fashioned drink tonight. A snowball with a cherry or three on top of course. Hub has a bear and we are getting ready to watch TV. Teen has gone out to see Shamrock and our dogs are laying on the rug in front of our fire. LF today has been really loving, very needy bless him. He was a monkey last night, he had what is called a ragger it’s a long rope toy and Wagga with the ragger, hahaha had one end and Little Fella had the other end. They tug and see who is the strongest. Well obviously,,, LF won and what he did was come to me and show me what he had done. The two ends were in his mouth, with the centre sticking out. Just so Waggs couldn’t pull one side of it. Selfish little Fella. Smile.

Just before I go, see if you can answer this?
Mr. Smith has 4 daughters. Each of his daughters has a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

Read again?
Mr. Smith has 4 daughters. Each of his daughters has a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?


He has 5 children, all of the daughters have the same 1 brother.
Hehehehee bet that got ya?

CATS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

C A T S (CUNNING. ALOOF. TEAS. SLY)
By Fiona Cummings
Majestically walking by
Cunningly so sly
Listening ever so quietly
Closed doors they will try
Birds in fear to fly
The tiny sharp jaws open wide
Foliage they hide behind
Pouncing on their prey
Mice by night
Birds by day
In between whatever they find
Who taught them to be devious?
And kittens mischievous
They look at you full of promise
And grin in the shadows of the moon
Their meowing,
Creates their tune
They tear at your fabrics
Perform their new tricks
For fun, they taunt rabbits
They are a strong mix
Some love to stroke them
But their so wiry
And can be fiery
There are some who love the feline fluffs
For them a cat is a must
Something they can trust
To be there on their return home
And evenings they can roam
Terrorise the nights
Always on the hunt
With a repetitive plight
Balancing on that narrow fence
Falling not even a flinch
Let the climbing commence
Amazing how they find their way back
Exposed medals of their latest attack
That is that
The day and night of a cat

© Fiona Cummings 2017

CHINESE NEW YEAR BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It doesn’t feel like Friday today. It’s been a mix up week. Hub is really unwell. There is no sign of him getting better. He should have had time off work. With no signs of a holiday this year, I do worry about him working and no play at all. Our weather is funny, it’s not getting cold enough to get rid of germs. It’s very strange. It’s 0 all day and night. Normally, it used to be colder at nights than during the day. But now it’s the same temperature. It’s damp too.

Oh, did I tell you about when I went to a garden centre with my friend and her daughter the other day? Well, I could hear birds and we were indoors. Oh, it made me miss our canary. He was Irish you know? As I said to my friend, we have gone from an Irish canary to an Irish girlfriend of teens. Hahaha. She doesn’t sing as sweet as our Dean did though!

As we walked closer to the bird sounds, I did wonder how my friend’s daughter would react if I suggested bringing a canary back in her car? Well she has a big farming 4x4, so it’s kind of naturey, isn’t it? Hahah. Is that even such a word?
It?
Joking, naturey…

To my disappointment and blonde moment, the sweet sounds was a recording of robins.
Well it could have been worse. I could have been going on about birds and when we got there, the recording was puppies?

Apparently, this weekend is something like national wild bird weekend. So only this weekend are we meant to care for them? Maybe it has something to do with recording how many come to our gardens? Oh, the robin sounds so beautiful and they are. I dream of living in the country with lots of variety of birds coming to my garden.

So, I didn’t come home with a canary, just two lovely plants. Oops, reminds me. Must dash and water them in fact, heck, where did I put one of them? I bought one in a basket. Oops, Now, where? Hahaha. Seriously, this blind thing can be difficult.

Teen didn’t come home all last night. Waited until almost five to tell me where he was. So, no sleep. I feel like someone is poking me in the eyes today. I have a coffee catch up overdue with a friend and I feel so bad as I promised her last week then the start of the week, I promised her again, but next week will have to make it work. I am seeing another friend to and Arty is coming for a catch up. HouseworkShpousework.

As we head into the new Chinese Lunar moon, we learn it’s the year of the rooster. Each year is associated with one of five elements. This year is fire, so those born this year are fire roosters. The last fire rooster was 1957.

So, will all girls born grow to be hot chicks?

I love Chinese proverbs, here are just some of my favourites, and some silly smiles at the bottom.
When you drink the water, remember the spring.
Dig the well, before you are thirsty.
If you don’t want anyone to know, don’t do it.
Teachers open the door, you enter by yourself.
Man, who run in front of car, gets tired.
Man, who runs behind car, gets exhausted.
Man, who keep feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
Man, who eat prunes, get good run for money.
Man, who stands on toilet, is high on pot.
Man, who lives in glass house, should change in basement.
I’m sorry to my Chinese Bloggets, but I bet you had a little smile? I hope you have a wonderful New Year tomorrow.

Oh, some great news, at last our LF has put a tiny bit of weight on. Thank goodness. As last time, he had lost some. I did tell Hub that it was because of his free run the day before, and to weigh him on a Friday, so Hub took notice. LF is so skinny.
Later with love

JUST TELL YOURSELF BY FIONA CUMMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. My guests arrived yesterday and we exchanged gifts. It was a lovely day. Just nice to be out and have a good chat. I love people listening, smile. Just to see how the other half live. I’m genuinely interested in other people’s lifestyles. My friend said yesterday, I have lots of novels in me. Well, publishers, are you listening? I think the reason of that is because of two things,, one I have had a very different life to the norm. And two, I do like to hear what people say, then, my imagination works overtime.

Hub left LF with me today, he is a happy little Fellow, or using his name, Fella! But right now, he is doing an impression of a lion. He’s all noise as he has a puncture mark on the back of his neck which we wonder if Waggatail did? Gosh, shameful. But if anyone has to do that to my boy, I would rather it be Waggs than a strange dog. Our dog walker told me an interesting thing, she takes the dogs on a field dedicated to dogs, and there are always loads of dogs on there. Only this week, we learned that our two, play with each other rather than mix with other dogs. Sometimes, they wait at the gate if they see a dog they recognise, but in general, they run around and chase one another.

Yesterday Teen brought me a gift of sweet and salted popcorn. As I reluctantly ate it, as not a fan of sweet mixed with salt, I learned it was rather interestingly tasty. Teen then read the bag as he had one too and he is all into his calories. He told me one bag and they are not big bags, are almost 500 calories. Oh my. One bag?
So, I ate them faster, not to put so much weight on. Thinking my built-in calorie counter would be asleep.

I had a sandwich when I went out for lunch and apart from the bag of popcorn, an apple. So, I guess I was OK.

Not sure how much longer I can put up with these dogs? I got a load of their toys out for them and of course, they want the same toy. And they tease each other with what they have. Oh Teen is coming downstairs, he always plays with them, so they will love that.

Today was meant to be the coldest so far. Not sure just been out with the dogs and although it’s not warm enough for me to groom them, I didn’t think it was that bad. I stood on something not so pleasant. I hoped it wasn’t doggy doodles. I stupidly reached down to touch it to see if it was just a slimy leaf? I know. I did say stupidly, but there is soap and hand wash in the house. And I did have another hand to open doors with and turn taps on. Well, the substance wasn’t a leaf.
It wasn’t doggy doodle either, as quite frankly, there was no odour.
So, what was left? Oh my. A worm? Snail? No, it was soft. So, a worm?
So, I kind of wished it was doggy doodles! Teen wonder is off work today and I will get him to look. Of course, if he says there is nothing there? ? ?
Well it moved! Feeling grossed out right now!

Soon it will be the season to garden. Great, I dread that time of year. We were so tempted last year to just concrete the whole lot and just have some pots. It’s quite funny, I have a lovely friend who has a memory like a Siv. She took my hanging basket last year and said she was going to fill it for me this year. Hahaha. Not sure I will see that basket again bless her. It shocks me people’s memories. I know mine isn’t as sharp as it was and Hubs is getting worse and I know that worries him as in meetings, he relies on his memory. Is it a society thing? Is it using the computer and phone screens do you think?

Yep, my dogs have two minutes of madness left, the noise is getting louder. The bells around their necks are representing a heard of goats. Interesting, Waggs just told LF off, she barked really loud. Something she hardly does. Bless him, he ran to his bed, but if she was telling him off because he had the toy she wanted, it didn’t quite work as he is frantically chewing on it as I type. But he has been told off by a grumpy little Wagging one.

Talking to a friend who moved abroad with her boyfriend, she said she misses her friends and family the most. It hurts her when there are weddings she can’t attend. Birthdays and so on. She misses having dinner with her parents. I for one couldn’t even imagine leaving my parents to move abroad. I think it’s very selfish. Your parents are not going to be there most of your adult life. There will be plenty of time to move when they are gone? Unless your parents are very young of course. My friend has lost most of her friends in the UK because out of sight out of mind, for them anyway. For her, she pines for them, an yet she has a much better life in the USA. Her job is amazing and her pay is better. She is suffering from having to admit she has lost or is losing her pals from school days and early career. She said it’s almost like grieving. But she has made lots of new friends.

It’s funny isn’t it how we progress if we move abroad or just a different area of our own country? For motivation, we seem to grab at the new handlebars of life and force ourselves to live a more productive life.

Reading up on some fashion articles today, the trench coat is back in fashion. Yack. Sorry, I will remain old fashioned if that is the case. This spring white shoes are back in too. You know I used to love them and I bought some last year, see, I was ahead of fashion by a year… But somehow, I just don’t know about white shoes for ladies over forty. I will wear mine this year again, but goodness knows what I look like?

Now, finally, affirmations. I read a long time ago that we should repeat sentences to ourselves every day. And an article reminded me of this subject today. It’s said we become what we believe and to believe what we want to become, we must tell ourselves words to connect our unconscious minds with our conscious mind. If someone tells you that you look thinner, you may believe that. If someone tells you that you look younger, you will have a smile upon your face for the rest of the day. So why not tell yourself that? You’re beautiful have a great day.

DIARY OF THE CAKE PLATE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. I’m writing this as I’m waiting for two ladies to arrive. We are going to be ladies who do lunch. Hub working from home, and teen at work. I have cleaned the floors this morning but our dogs are kindly sharing their hair as I type. Gosh, don’t they know it’s still winter? Their hair / fir is so plentiful. I groomed Waggs yesterday and four full combs later, I gave up. It just kept coming and coming and she is a tiny dog. I do it outside and leave the fur for the birds to make nests. Now whether they do or not is a different matter? Or does LF eat it for fun. Or should that be fur fun?

I have wound our coocoo clock up in our lounge, it’s the most annoying tick. Really high pitch, I love those ones that are deep. The lady coming today is the lady who has the amazing clock with the most beautiful sound I have ever heard from a clock.

I have written before about our dear friend in America who now lives in Mexico, who is from England. Haha. Confused? Well he also has a clock that was his great Aunts. It has been all over the world. I love the idea of that clock seeing history. With our friend who is now in his late eighties, sitting as a boy near his Aunt, listening to the same clock. I wonder how long our little clock will last? It’s nothing as classy as our friend in the US, well now Mexico’s or my friend who is coming in a few moments. But it was bought with love for a gift for my love… Hub likes it too. Hahaha. Joking. It of course was for him. I would love to be able to afford him a class clock because he too loves clocks. But they are so expensive!

If my little clock lasts, and it gets passed onto our Son, what tales will that tell?

I hope part of me can stay in the clock and watch over my family when I am long gone. I totally believe in things like that.

Did I ever tell you about my porcelain dolls? Oh my. I have a load of them. Gosh do I have time to write this before my guests arrive? In short, as short as a Fifi gets, I bought them many years ago, I loved them. I treasured them. Then I met a weirdo. She was from my church some years ago, when I went to the spiritualist church. She was one of the odd ones. I met some very beautiful people there an then there was Helen.

Oh gosh. Another blog, anyway, I swear she put some sort of blooming curse on my dolls. She was well into spirits that I didn’t like and I’m not talking about whisky.

Some would say she was mad. I’m on the fence about her. But she would look in the mirror and her face, she said, would turn into some man’s name I don’t for many reasons remember. But he was a redIndian. Hmm. Maybe she did, just I have not experienced things like that, thank God. Anyhow, she told me my dolls had a bad spirit about them. Since then they have moved house and stayed in the loft of whatever house I have moved to.

Such a sad thing as they are truly stunning. There are about twenty of them.

Well coffee machine ready for their arrival and cake plate ready too. Then we will be out. So, for now I will leave you and love you. With the image of the changing face. Haha. Hope you are not reading this at night on your own? If so, maybe she was, mad. X

DIARY OF POSITIVE WORDS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good morning Bloggets. Wow, the noise outside is dreadful. It’s really like living on a building site next to a motorway. Hub went out last night in our garden and said we need to move. Again? I asked. He said it’s killing us living here. He is of course right, but I don’t think I can stand the move again. I know as a team Hub and I can do it. Packing and everything, just the learning again of new routes, getting to know people all over again. If I were granted sight, I could move tomorrow. When you can’t see, you don’t have that luxury. It took about a week to learn the routes around here for me and so much longer to learn what tradesmen we could trust and that is after finding them. I wonder how many people look out of their windows, whether it be car or house, even office windows whilst working and see a van advertising their professions? I just have to spend ages on the internet or phone and when you don’t know anyone where you live, it’s not word of mouth, it’s buy and hope and we bought when we moved here and were stung for sure, apart from our painter who has gone off the boil now and our original electrician who was great, but his company got too big to do individual houses like us they only do companies now. So luckily, we found a great joiner who recommended an electrician who I must say is fabulous, but so expensive, but again, beggars can’t be choosers and at least we get a good job done.

Having said that, the little cottage in the country sounds lovely. To be able to breathe fresh air. Trouble is, our Son is a town kind of guy. He loves the bright lights of the city. He’s very fortunate though, thank God. He can see so he drives to where he wants to be. He can be at the seaside in an hour or countryside in half an hour. We see the sea once a year if we go on holiday. Countryside? Never.

We received our mortgage statement again in print yesterday. So, annoying for eight years now, we have been trying to get it in Braille. We have been to the branch so many times, filled in forms, made phone calls an yet, still it comes in print. More time on the phone today to once again request it in Braille. But this time, one thinks one should mention the word, Ombudsman.

Hub isn’t well at all right now. He has a really bad cold. His throat is killing him. And last night? Oh, my I really don’t know what happened, but I was walking around the house absolutely fine, then suddenly, I took a breath in, and wow, the pain? Right through my heart, stomach and back. It lasted all night and there are still signs of pain now, like I have broken my ribs, my ribs were broken some years ago, about fifteen and I never did anything about it so I do suffer with that but I have never had anything quite like this pain. Hub thought I was having a heart attack. I am getting too many pains in my chest of late and today I learned thanks to our talking scales, I have put on 5lbs this week. Today I am going to have a no bread day. I made a curry yesterday, it was very healthy. It was absolutely gross. Oddly, Teen loved it. He had two dishes of it. Hub ate his but his comments were not positive, and I just chucked mine in the bin. Leaving me to turn to faithful bread again. I eat too much of it and if I have a day where I only have two slices, I feel so much better, so it’s my fault. So, it’s cruising towards mid day and I have not had breakfast, my toast, so what have I had to eat? Nothing. See? I’m a total hopeless case.

My dog is driving me crazy with her noisiest toy. It’s amazing. It’s done our dogs first darling little Black Beauty, then Long Chops as well as BB, then Wagga and of course the Little Fella. Still squeaking. Sadly. Looking brand new.

Teen started work today at half six. Still hasn’t been home for lunch. Shamrock came around last night and she starts work at seven but walks to work so leaves her house just after six. In the dark, cold it must be an incentive to pass her driving test? She has had two lessons so far. It’s really scary, she is on the roads and has only driven twice. Hub and I were talking about drivers yesterday when we were discussing pollution. As you do. We said there is far too many drivers on the roads. Most of them shouldn’t be driving. There is one man Teen told me about who has a personality disorder. He goes to Teens gym. Oh my, the stories? It’s quite scary. I’m talking someone who throws his head back and forward laughing out of control. Then just takes it upon himself to run around the gym laughing and throwing weights around.
He has a car. A very nice car. How can someone like this drive and be responsible? Teen said he never talks sense. How do they pass? I know of another who drives a school bus and he is a lovely man, but cannot calculate, if you have maths blindness, how do you think ahead? How do you calculate distance? Even work out speeds. When it comes to numbers, he is clueless.

I also know of someone in her seventies who is scared stiff to drive where there are a lot of cars. She totally freaks out. She admits her sight isn’t what it used to be. Then there are people who just come over from other countries. Who don’t speak at all our tongue. How do they read and understand our signposts? Read our rules?

And then you have children driving. Now if our Son didn’t drive from the age of seventeen, he would have got a lift from his friends. Hmm. Not sure who was worse as in driving, Teen wonder, or his pals who loved to speed. Thankfully now Hub and I were saying the other day, his driving is brilliant. He is so confident and so much safer, but he had to go through the dangerous stage and if he were 21 when he passed his driving test, he would be more mature. But, he was able to be a supervisor for a year because of his ability to drive. As the place, he worked at was one hour away.

Our city has a road that has the most polluted street outside of London. This is very scary. Green lands are getting removed to be replaced by concrete. Too many people are coming into the country. For sure too many drivers.

For those who read my blogs who are learning English, I received some emails requesting a section on positive words. Here we go. What is your favourite positive word? I love the word
Abundant.
Meaning plentiful. Available in large quantities.
Appealing
Meaning attractive or interesting.
Competent
Meaning having the skill or ability to do something successfully.
Flourishing
Meaning developing rapidly
Judicious
Meaning having good sense.
Luminous
Meaning giving off light. To shine.
Miraculous
Meaning having the power to work miracles.
Resolute
Admirably determined and unwavering
And I wish for you to have a
Serene day. Meaning calm, peaceful and tranquil.

MONDAYS DIARY OF GOOD MOOD GOOD FOOD BY FIONA CUMMINGS

My Sons muddy boots were removed from our living room, by Hub last night. Put outside. I asked Teen to clean them, outside, not in my kitchen or bathroom. Later Mum. As always, so they were chucked outside. So, this morning, he was getting dressed to go out to meet a friend. I asked him to clean his boots before he left? Later Mum. Now they are back outside as he brought them in last night again, not in my living room this time, but in my hall. Fast forward three hours, he is still out, and the boots are still out. You should see the state of them?

I have loads to do around the house, but I just don’t have the energy. I vacuumed this morning and I took ages to do it afterwards I went into my kitchen only to stand on something crunchy.
Urrr’rrr’rrrghrrrr
So, annoying. Just makes you wonder what else have you missed? I must say, housework when blind is so tiresome. And so, blooming boring. My Hub goes crazy and tells me to chill. When he was with his ex, he used to do the housework, this is why bless him he is so good now, he will do so much and for sure isn’t a male chauvinist, but he says I’m over the top, I know I’m not, so there are people who have much worse houses than I do, but that is far from mine being the most immaculate. Most of my friends who are blind are so house-proud. Our friend JB has a beautiful house. And our friend Like is simply amazing how he keeps his house clean. We do have an acquaintance though who’s house is filthy and I wonder if it would be if he could see? I think so, as I have said just because you can’t see, doesn’t mean you have to have a dirty house, but to have this, it’s blooming hard work, and hard work I’m not prepared to do much longer. I think Hub is right, I need to relax if people find a stain or mark I have missed, I shall direct them to my cleaning cupboard. Haha. Life really is too short to worry about such matters.

Gosh we live not far from a train station. You would think one had just pulled up in our garden. I swear the noise of a train horn just vibrated along my lounge wall and I now can hear it trug trugging by.

Outside is really cold today, a big fat zero and it’s foggy according to the weather forecast. Hub always amazes me because he knows when it’s foggy. How? He says he can smell it in the air!

It’s well after two in the afternoon. I really really don’t know what we are going to have for dinner tonight, I hate this pressure. Hub will be in the house in three hours and rightly so, he should have something made for him and he will, just what? I’m so out of ideas today, a real Monday morning and afternoon mood.

I’m ready for some good news. Something happy and perhaps exciting would be good? I hope your New Year has started off positive? So many people I’m in contact with right now have not had a great start. I just hope there is the rest of the year to go, so lots of room, to pack in the good times.

I was reading an article about the links between nutrition and mental health today.
As you do.
Exercise we are all told is the best thing you can do to to kick the chemicals in our brain and get the endorphins going. Going where? Haha. Learning to breathe slowly and be less critical is also a calming method. Hmm. Something I’m not able to do well. But what we are is what we eat to some degree. So, what foods are good for our minds?

Scientists have recently taught us to understand our gut more. What are you telling me, you haven’t read about your gut today? Well, here we go.

Our digestive system, is responsible for producing a huge proportion of our neurotransmitters, the chemicals that communicate information in our body and brain. There are eight neurotransmitters that affect our happiness. Oily fish, out of the question for me green veg, a must in our house, though I’m so not a fan and dark chocolate. Are just some of the foods we can eat to make our gut factory produce a happy person.

I can’t even remember the words that were used to describe chemicals that are produced released and so on, but basically, processed food is a massive no no, so ditch the processed meats and cheeses as for ready meals? They are poison to our factory floor.

Nuts seeds fresh fruit and veg are a wonderful drug for our body and minds. Medication will always be so important to our minds health; a lifestyle change is as important and can eliminate drugs all together if done correctly. But if you are like me, and are afraid to change, I don’t understand why I’m afraid and I’m sick of analysing myself in life, so to do this would mean more stress on my heart, soul and thoughts as well as bringing up bad memories, so just keep it as simple as possible. Bacon? It’s so bad for you. Make it a special time, so only have it on special occasions like birthdays, if there are four of you in the house and you all like bacon, then four times a year rather than every week? It’s all about what to eat instead of bacon butties for brekkie?

Eggs are good for us, poached, boiled or scrambled. Again, I just can’t deal with eggs. Gosh I’m a total hopeless case? Well, there are baked beans, they are good for us, right? Or canned tomatoes on toast?

Sleep inducing foods are bananas and cottage cheese. I like those. Never thought about them before bed though? Sun dried tomatoes are good for us as well. Yum. Love those too. And chickpeas are really great for us so put them in a curry or casserole? May do chickpeas tonight. Hmm. May make a quick curry actually.

See, you really do live in my life, I decide what to do for dinner by talking with you.

Teen just come in. Cleaned his car. Vacuumed and dusted as well as put his washing in the dryer. Boots still outside, but he will do them, he is in a good mood. Maybe he has had some good foods today? Hahaha. Ps, it’s been a few hours since I wrote this. Just too many interruptions. Oh my. The curry? Oh gosh, it was revolting! Right, will try to publish this now. Later with love.

DIARY OF FRIENDSHIP BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good afternoon Bloggets. It’s absolutely freezing here. I have cranked the heating up and the fire is also helping to warm the house. Just been out and my bones are frosty. Teen has gone on a small hike of four miles today with Shamrock. It’s an hour’s drive away in his words. Along some beautiful cliffs. Oh, great Son, it’s icy?

Our dogs are shattered after a long walk too, so now just need to cook some warming food and cosy down for the night.

Yesterday our journey by train to visit our friends started really a couple of weeks ago, when Hub went on a business trip and he bought our tickets for yesterday and only thanks to a colleague who reminded Hub of the times of our trains did she tell him that the tickets were in fact for a week ago,

Oh, heck, stress. Now what? Hub was chilled and on our arrival to the station, after an interesting journey into our town, he left me and Wagga to go to the ticket office. I waited in a line to sort out our assistance to get onto the train and Hub came back some minutes later to tell me it was the same lady who sold him the tickets a couple of weeks ago,. Oddly she even remembered he was travelling to Birmingham at the time. She also said that she remembers selling him the tickets and only when he left, she realised she had made a mistake. So thankfully that was OK she just wrote something on the back of the original tickets and on our way, we went.

We got in the first lift and the speaker that announces in the lift what floor you are on was broken and was stuck on one word that it couldn’t even finish, so it was a constant wrapping sound of Platfoplatfoplatfo
Most annoying, smile.

A fifteen minute wait in the waiting room and on our train which was empty apart from some American students who talked all the journey about President Trump. Our tickets weren’t checked on the way there, but on the way back they were. Now this was funny. We handed over the tickets, wrong date, also we got on an earlier train, because when we arrived at the station, the staff suggested we just got on the London train because it was in and empty. We explained we only had tickets suitable for one kind of train and they said it didn’t matter, we could just explain to the guard on the train when they checked out our tickets

Well, the guard looked at our tickets, with a totally different train company written on and different date, and stamped them handed them back saying nothing. Hahaha. Why did we even buy a ticket? It was really funny but because I knew not by our fault, it was all very wrong, I felt such guilt.
Our Dear Hanz met us, and took us back to the station after spending time with JB, Tracey, Trix, Sarah and our, Like!

Back home Teen in and we had our dinner. I had made it the day before so it just needed heating up. Our dogs were fantastic. Even little Waggs. In fact, I would go as far as to say, she was perfect. Apart from Sarah and Hanz who are sighted, there were a load of guide dogs. LF, Waggatail and all the other guide dogs belonging to Like, Tracey, Trix and JB. Bless them all, so well behaved. Gosh that is when you know you have a guide dog. If they were pets, they would be running around, crying or being generally well, like dogs. But they lay down so well behaved and only got up to go to the toilet, again, they even do that when we think they are ready, so very well behaved. I wonder if they lay there looking at each other giving each other eye contact? I wonder if they talk to each other through their minds or eye contacts? If so, what on earth do they say? Needless to say, when we got them home, my goodness they went crazy in our garden running around and in the house, they played with their toys, but after their dinner, both went to bed shattered. Remember they worked and it can take a lot out on the dogs to do this, guiding us and just having to be good. So, treats later and a well done pat and hug. And that was just our friends. Hahahhaahaha.
Joking…
Only one of our friends.

If someone had said when I was six when I met most of the group from yesterday, when you are in your forties, you will be married to one of these people and the rest you will be good friends with, would I have believed it and what would I have thought?

You never know what is around the corner. X

BROKEN WING BY FIONA CUMMINGS

BROKEN WING
By Fiona Cummings
He came to me with a broken wing
Clouds filled the air with a song to sing
Butterflies danced around the sunbeam
He was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen
Hair of pure gold
A secret never to be told
A silver smile
Only in my heart for a while
Then I was allowed to tell
About this angel who fell
Down from the sky
No questions why
Felt his love
On his palm was a dove
Under his arm a branch
I reached to take it, from him
Where was his, other wing?
I looked into his eyes
They were full of tears
His soul had been around for years
I could read his mind
He was so kind
He was dressed in brilliant white
And could be seen during the cobalt night
like a silver star
shining so bright
he came from a far
to visit me
to show me such love
from his symbol of a tiny dove
but what did I have to give him in return?
To tell him the lesson I had learned?
When I needed someone to care
He would just be there
So much love to share
I asked him one day
When you go away
Where do you fly to?
He looked at me, with eyes so electric blue
I asked him too
Why he had only one wing?
Then above his head appeared a crown like ring
It lifted him up
Like a freshly picked buttercup
He started to smile
He was just a child
Then so beautiful
The sky became so full
White feathers flew
Among a blanket pale blue
The clouds stopped singing
Gentle bells started ringing
Then heavy wings, kissed his face
And he flew away
With two wings, to his place
I hope a playground in the sun
Where he can spend his days, having fun
© Fiona Cummings 2017

DIARY OF A NEW BORN BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Today a big day for America. I wish you all the best of luck and I hope those who doubted your new President will be pleasantly surprised and you can find peace in your hearts and for those who support Trump, I pray you won’t be disappointed. I just hope he will do what’s best for America and in turn, the world. I wish for milk and honey again, with our new Prime Minister, I have hope and again, she is a conservative, and all my life I have been a labour supporter, but dare I say it, I’m leaning now. Just hope she won’t come and push me over. Smile.

Hub working from home today. Teen off work still in bed, goodness knows if he is still sleeping, as Hubs voice on the phone fills the house.

Well, my treadmill? I have put on 3 lbs. Gutted but not surprised. It happens every time. This is why I have to look upon exercise as just to keep me moving. Mind you, we moved earlier. Wags and I went to the local shops. Gosh, I met a lady I see often who every time she sees me coming, mutters words. Same words. “Marvellous. Wow, absolutely marvellous.”
Then I approach her as she is always standing in the way, and she has to tell me to my face how she thinks we are marvellous. Why? What have we done? Have we rushed into a raging fire and saved a family? Have we skied through danger against the elements to rescue trapped people? Have we performed an operation to save a baby? Have we campaigned and protested sleeping rough in the wilds to save animals? Nope, we have simply gone to the shops. It’s not easy I need strength to be able to do it, my little Waggs has worked really hard to be trained, and is a working dog whilst out with me, but I wouldn’t say we were marvellous. Waggs is clever and so good for doing what she is doing, after all, she is a dog, she should be either in the wilds or cuddled and chase her toys, she does, but when the harness is on, she works and she is rewarded, but we are not marvellous. And this lady, insists on linking my arm. Hahaha. She also strokes my hand and says over and over again, how marvellous I am in a very loud voice. It’s really embarrassing but she means no harm so no way I am going to be rude to her. I just tell her every time, we are not what she says and we did what we do because there is no choice. At least she leaves go as I go around our shop, with an assistant which to be honest is also funny because today, he didn’t know where a couple of the items were, so I had to point and show him. Staff have done this before and we just laugh. It’s like when I went out with my friend and she always forgets where she has parked her car but like a homing pigeon, I show her. She thinks it’s great and tells her friends. It really amuses me we are blind but can guide the sighted. Smile.

In London, the river Thames has had a WWW II bomb removed by the Royal Navy.
After all these years? There is silt in the bottom of the river and traps whatever, and items get buried.

Ready for some riddles?
The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I?
Come on, think about it? Smile. Answer?

Footsteps.

What is harder to catch the harder you run?

Answer?

Your breath.

Tomorrow an adventure I hope not too adventurous for Hub and myself, on a train to see our friends. It’s not a long journey just a couple of stops then seven minutes to where we need to be. Seeing our school pals Trix, JB, Trace, Like and Hanz. I just hope Waggs is a good girl and gets on the train with intentions of getting to our seat, rather than helping the cleaning staff out by clearing the floors never minding that people are getting their feet vacuumed by the not so electric Waggatail.
And I hope that LF will not deposit an amount on the station… At least Hub is a good boy. Haha. And then there is me. A new born foal. Later with love. X

RP WONDERS

Who will find the treatment that will help us to see? Which country? And how much will it cost us to receive it? Will only the rich be able to see? I have days when I really fear that it isn’t going to happen in my life time. I get really depressed about this. Then there are days when I have done something to make me feel so alive and proud of my achievements which leave me with thoughts of if I never see in my life, then so be it. But then there are days when I so badly need to see, I die in my heart and soul having no sight and take a look at what the latest news is to find hope but then let down by words that say we are years away. Then I think. No one can put a number on how long it is going to take so how do they know we are years away?
http://www.asianscientist.com/2017/01/in-the-lab/ipsc-retinal-transplant-restore-vision/


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4110/Blindness-cure-sight.html

BOYCOTT BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Just had to chuckle at an email hub received in our joint email account. Whoever, knew Hubs name and it wasn’t addressed to Hub Blogget either. The company wanted to know if he wanted to help them to take a brand new Citron C range for a spin? Hahaha. Oh, he really ought to write back and say yes?

I have been told that my world at home is too silent. I have been told it’s bad for me… Who told me this? Hub. So, I now have some music on. So far, it’s not driving me crazy as I have my earphones on so it’s just white noise if you like. But I’m a writer and I like to hear my thoughts without being distraught by noise. I guess he is right when I am doing house work, especially as I caught myself talking to myself yesterday heheheeh. Have I lost the plot already?

Spent an interesting day yesterday I shall write about it in a couple of weeks. It involved a bus journey or two, a new building that I was told to go to then getting there finding out it was the wrong place I was told to be at and then an interesting time with someone… My hands and tongue are tied right now.

We bought our dogs a new Kong toy for Christmas, just to help Santa out as he’s very busy you see, well, where is it? We saw it on Christmas day and not since. Sad but can’t find it anywhere. I have searched the house today. Think it must either be in the garden, or got thrown out with papers. Hub is very handy with throwing things out he’s not at all meticulous. Teen put out the recycling yesterday and shouted Mum why are you chucking these cups out? Well, Hub thought he was being very smart by slyly throwing away a full unopened pack of 12 plastic cups for parties. Along with what I learned, a pack of plastic plates. Hmm. They came back to me and thankfully before they went outside. I told Hub I have them he was so cross that he had been environmentally friendly and wished he had thrown them straight in the rubbish outside. He hates the fact my cupboards are so stuffed with things he said we would never use again. He’s probably right, I’m a kind of rainy day gal. Dull and wet? No, cheeky chops, I just like to have things for every occasion. I remember when I first met Hubs Mum, my lovely Mother in law was amazed because she and I started to cook something, I can’t remember what now, but everything she asked if I had, I did. Some things were obscure. Looking back, was it a plan to see if I could cater for her Son? Smile… Well the amount of weight he put on when we first got together proved I could. She was so pleased to see that. Mind you, if she could see him now, she may be asking me if I had a salad spinner and a healthy fryer?
And I do…

Something I was reading today, all animal lovers, if you are wanting to go to see the film (A DOGS PURPOSE) please don’t. Boycott the movie. Behind the scenes filming by some of the crew has been released and it’s traumatic. I won’t go into detail, but a German shepherd was featured and it’s so cruel what they did. Of course, that isn’t shown in the movie, but what they did to that dog to make it do what they wanted was disgraceful. Please I beg you not to feed the greedy mean makers of this movie. As for those who acted in the movie? Britt Robertson, Dennis Quaid, Josh Gad, Peggy Lipton and Directed by Lasse Hallstrom. Looking at reviews, it only gets 1 out of 5 anyway.

The dog and the handler involved in the movie, are from a company called Birds and Animals unlimited. Hmm. Unlimited what? Apparently, this company have been involved before in clashes between themselves and those from Ethical for animals.

I have sent a Tweet to Lasse hallstrom, I’m sure he won’t answer, or do anything about this disgraceful situation, but now it’s up to us all to refuse to see the movie. As for the handler? Well, I feel they should have that poor dog removed from them. So, in the video the handler shouted for the dog to be helped? Well no dog should have to go through what that poor boy had to.

It’s a very cool day today in the UK, but at least it’s not raining, though there is damp in the air. We can’t complain about anything in the UK when once again my beloved Italy has been struck by more earthquakes.

I was reading yesterday that sitting down knocks eight years off your life. It was so general, I thought, sitting down all day or just for dinner, smile. So, I guess I should stand up and do some work. Hmm. Or should I start a bunch of Valentine poems I have been asked to write? But before I go I was asked by a Blogget this week via email a few questions. Here are the answers, laters.
Favourite tree
Lilac and Magnolia
Favourite memory
Time in Sochi and 13th birthday with I.T.V /Studio surprise
Most amazing person have ever met
My Mum and Muhammad Ali
Dreams and hopes
Ending to animal cruelty, world peace, health /happiness for those I love and sight
Ever marry again?
No, never
Fave hunk
Michael Buble and God bless his Son. I hope little Noah will be Okay? X

REFLECTIONS OF DARKNESS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good morning Bloggets. I hope you are well? This week is a biggy in our family today and tomorrow are a bit shaky… After tomorrow, it’s a case of waiting to learn of our next step in life.

Teen wasn’t best pleased to go to work today bless him, but off he went for his nine hour shift. The reason he was not looking forward to it is because of the people he is working with today, he hates lazy people and today is one of those shifts where the staff are not what we would call grafters. Slang for hard working.

When Waggs went on the field a couple of miles away at the weekend, she came back bell less and tagless, hahah. Sounds like two Greek builders? Without her bells and identity disk. Goodness knows how she lost them, not sure I want to know. Well I never thought I would see them again, and so far, I haven’t. But I received a call yesterday from Guide Dogs saying a lady had called the number on the disk and had found at least the disk. So, bless her cotton socks, she is bringing it to me today. Well, I did suggest she posted it but she said she was heading my way anyway, as I text her my address. I know, I’m not happy doing that either, but she sounded an elderly lady and they are the most genuine. I hope. So now waiting for her as she gave no time also dog food I ordered last week was due any time from yesterday. They are a nightmare as they never ring the bell, just like Amazon delivery and the rarely knock on the door, normally drop and run. Well the dog food is two huge bags and it’s not cheap. (NOTE AT BOTTOM)
So, in other words, I’m stuck in the living room until both items are delivered.

Gosh just been on the phone with a friend who has lost her relative who died a few days ago, it’s so bad, since her death all the relatives who never came near the lady are around the situation like flies on dog poop. They couldn’t help or visit the poor lady when she was alive, but now dead knowing there is money to be had, they are like hawks picking at the flesh. Seeing what they can get.

The way in which the lady died was really sad for me to listen to. She died of Pneumonia, the same way my Mum went. My heart sunk. The guilt swallowed me up. I am and will be riddled with guilt for three things I have done in my life, and the last was how my Mum died and how she was just left.

In my defence, which looking back now is no excuse, I was still grieving over my Dad who had not long been dead and I was still trying to cope with the sudden loss of my sight, in total shock and the fear how I was going to bring up my baby on my own. I had my ex but he worked hard and played harder so no time for us.

I should have been at the hospital 24/7, but in truth I didn’t expect my Mum never to come out. I wish she had never gone into hospital as I am sure they end lives. My Mum had a cold which turned into Pneumonia didn’t help with her lungs finished off with smoking almost all of her life.

My friend was telling me how she sat with the lady all night as other relatives had been there all day so to give them a break she stayed up and did the night visit. She wiped her brow with cool sponges and fed her swabs of juice and water, making sure that the nurses knew when it was time to give her more morphine. The poor lady was on a trolley not even on a ward or room for two full days and nights before she went to forever sleep.

I wish I had someone I could have left my baby with when my Mum was in hospital. I wished I knew she was dying, I just didn’t want to admit it. I really couldn’t cope without my Mum. Especially after the sad loss of my Dad so close to Mum. I wish I had been there to cool her and give her fluids. Made me wonder, who did? As each time, I visited with my baby and ex, my Mum was on her own. She was in hospital for days and you know she only complained once saying how much in pain she was because she was sitting in the same position all that time in a chair. They didn’t even help her to be in bed. The poor thing was so sore. The last time I saw her she had been put in bed after three days and I guess they knew that was her ending.

My Mum was terrified of dying and sadly she was on her own when she did.

With my Dad, it was different. We went a lot more as of course I wasn’t without my Mum then and I swear I hadn’t properly grown up until I lost my parents, so the need of my Mum was imperative! My ex was great to my Dad, he was as I have said in many other blogs the best Son in law I could ever wish for. But when it came to my Mum? Things were sadly different. Not because of my ex as he loved my parents more than his own, but because of my state of mind at the time. My life was consumed by my baby when a new parent, everything is so difficult but when you are newly blind, putting one step in front of the other is a challenge, learning all over again how to feed my baby doing his bottles, nappies and just making sure he was happy and safe and doing all what he should be doing at his age. Potty training was already started by the time I lost my sight, so that had to be continued. Gosh it wasn’t easy and there was me and me only. I just wasn’t coping at all in my new dark nightmare.

Cogitating on what could have been and what was, isn’t a place I like to go to. I never want to visit there again.

When I met Hubs Mum for the first time again after 28 years, I felt so happy I was given a second chance to love and look after her when she got old, but sadly that was taken away from us too by a dreadfully horrid individual who thank God I don’t ever have to see again, nor does my Husband who was robbed of last days with his Mum. Destiny, justice and Carma for some!

Gosh this blog didn’t mean to start off like this, I’m truly sorry. The message I hope to get across today is love those who mean anything to you. Show them what they mean to you as you never know when you won’t be seeing them again. Respect when they have gone and for all of us, please make sure you have a will? Even if you only have one child like we do, please make sure their lives are made as stress free as possible by writing your will, otherwise it will go to probate and that is a place nothing needs to go to.

(NOTES)
I used the word cheap above. There are two words in the English dictionary CHEAP and CHEEP. These are homophones. That means words that sound the same but are spelled differently.
Something is C H E a P
Meaning inexpensive, so didn’t cost much or in my case above something wasn’t cheap, meaning the item cost a lot of money.
C H E E P
Is the sound that a bird makes? I personally never understood this as when I hear birds they go more like tweet tweet, rather than cheep cheep, but that is how we spell those two words.

Later with laughter. Promise.

MONDAY'S DIARY NEWS VIEWS AND LIFE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. Gosh I really didn’t want to get out of bed today, it’s dull, I can always tell when it is, just by the feel of the atmosphere in the house, no warmth of the sun coming through my bedroom window. Oh, I tell you though, one day even if it’s in my dreams, I will wake up and if it’s dull I won’t care, I will be able to see the grey sky, my dream… But when we are cold and not wanting a Monday to be a typical Monday, whatever that may be, we must remember that there are people all over the world so much worse than us. For example, in Turkey a 9-year-old boy ran home from school to find his entire family dead after a plane crashed into his house. That poor child. I hope someone will be able to give him the best life possible.

Good on the Australian PM for taking Japanese PM to see a whale watching destination after a poor helpless dead minke whale was pictured laying in a Japanese factory. Gosh, I wonder how he got the Japanese PM to agree to do that? Hats off to him for having the guts to do something that I am sure wouldn’t have been comfortable and I wonder if it made any difference? I mean, people in the UK see cows all the time in fields do they still eat meat? Of course, they do.

Our Prime Minister Mrs May, is to be the first PM to ever appear in Vogue. Hahaha. Gosh, I really don’t know what she looks like, but she has to have one of the ugliest voices. I do like her though. My parents would be horrified if I said I like anyone to do with Conservatives, but to me, she is a great lady and long may she stay.

Nissan are bringing driverless cars to the streets of London next month. I wondered why London? I guess because it’s a great place to see if they are going to stop. Smile. As seriously, London isn’t the best place to drive, it’s bumper to bumper all the way. Wil people who are unable to drive because of their sight ever be able to drive these cars? I doubt it very much. Of course, in America a blind person has took to the road in one already to test drive it, but in the UK, we won’t allow it I bet. I just don’t know the logistics of it all. Right now, we have to pass a written test, well no way that will be accessible. Unless they decide you won’t need one for these cars? I mean, why would you I guess, but I still doubt it will be that easy, oh my if ever Hub and I could drive anywhere? As I have written about before, once we got there, what next? But things like visiting our friends and family, well that would be easy, as it would be house to house. It would give us so much more freedom. But how much would one of these cars cost?

A Nigerian woman who flew to the UK to give birth to her twins racked up £350,000 in bills, and good old British people pay for it through tax. Very wrong.

Well my shopping was due today between half nine and half ten. Hmm. It’s after half eleven now. I went into the shopping app and it reads that they are sorry, but they are running twenty minutes late? Em, helloo’oo? It’s like, one hour over the latest time it was meant to be? Blooming Morisons again. They have half an hour then a call. Not impressed with them at all. Their website is the best to use for those using a screen reader, but this is twice in a few months I have had issues with them. Big issues, not talking about their stupid substitutes, like one day I ordered a particular kind of potatoes, they came to my door saying that they didn’t have those kinds. I asked what they were giving me instead of my fresh potatoes? Answer, Frozen potatoes waffles. Another time, they couldn’t deliver my toilet rolls. So, substitute? Haha, non. Nothing. So only one brand of loo rolls in store? I doubt it. Thankfully I was able to get to our shop to buy them and they are not heavy, but what if I were unable if I was old or ill? Or just a person who has gone blind and has no cane skills or any form of mobility?

Teen at work he is doing a very different shift today. 9 till 5. In the four years, he has been working, this is the first time ever he has done such a shift. Hopefully he is going out with his friend to the gym tonight, as his friend has been away of late so has been going with another person who he is spending an unhealthy amount of time with. He needs to be with his friends more. Mind you, they just all seem to drink. Our kids it’s so sad. So much for them to do and everything involves alcohol. They think it’s the cheapest form of entertainment, but they don’t stop at two three or four drinks, they drink enough in money to give them a fantastic day of a fun thing to do like pain balling or clay pigeon shooting or anything other than blooming drinking. I wonder if it was this bad when I was young, but every age seems to be controlled or ruled by alcohol. I hate it. Gosh there is so much to do out there, they are able so why sit, drinking? I guess I’m showing my soul again, or am I classed as boring? Possibly.

Before I go as there are a load of shirts to iron belonging to Hub, I will give you a riddle, see if you are awake this Monday morning?
You will always find me in the past, I can be created in the present, but the future can never paint me.
What am I?

Answer? Try reading it again.
You will always find me in the past, I can be created in the present, but the future can never paint me.
Answer?

History.




Fiona Cummings

DIARY OF THE RIDDLE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. Gosh I’m taking a breather. It’s been a busy day for cleaning. How exciting do my weekends get? Housework is never ending. The other day I really cleaned the kitchen floor over and over again to make sure it was immaculate, only to spill some oil on the floor, then some sugar on the worktop. I tried to clean it up but some went on the floor, then peeling potatoes only one bit of peal went on the floor, but still, left a slimy mark. Then Hub dropped a tea bag hahaha. A used one. So, another mark needing to clean. Then to top it all, our vacuum fell causing a domino effect hitting the mop that fell into the bin knocking that over spilling out some rubbish. Oh my. I was really sick, we never ever do any of that kind of thing, may be one out of all of those, it’s like someone is having a joke.

I don’t know what got into the Little Fella today, but he has been hyper all day. I couldn’t wait for our dog walker to come. Bless June, no matter what the weather is like she is here. Oh, he was so naughty, it was as if he had been at the food colouring… We never feed him rubbish either, so I really do not know what was wrong, but he was wild and that is the only way I can describe his behaviour.

Our lady was due at one to pick them up. She is never ever late. One came and went. He ran around the house trying to pick fights with Waggatail, every time Waggs picked up a toy, LF took it from her being very rough with her too, bless my baby girl. He got shouted at, Hub sat down with him trying to calm him, nothing worked. He was up down and around. Hub shouted at the end, he as much as stook his two claws at Hub as if to say, you know what you can go and do. hahhaha.

Well, ten past one, nothing. I was getting worried about June as I say, she is never late, normally on time or earlier. I text her she said she was on her way. Not sure if she had forgotten, but when she arrived, she said she had been on the phone to her Son. I was glad for her more than ever. Well when she returned with them, Waggs has lost another bell, leaving her now bell les. But worse, her disc is missing. So, looks like she has been into a bit of bother. And I bet it was with LF. June said he was crazy and she has never seen him like this. Gosh, why? It’s so not like him. Well they had to be washed outside with a warm bucket and towels then brushed as they were a bit muddy, I say a bit, because June really does her best to clean them for us before they come home she is just the best. So, their Hub is, head upside down looking from a far as if he is being sick in the bucket, with a Wagging one legs being cleaned resisting too, and there I am trying to catch a Little Fella, when I got him to calm down, he came to me all nice, only for a second and then yanked the towel from me and ran around the garden with it, well, it’s huge. They are now in their beds. Few, peace at last.

An interesting chat with Teen trying to sort him out with his occupation. Hub is trying to get him to study to be a school teacher, it is for sure what he was born to do, he would be amazing. But he is hell bound on doing a PT course. We are trying to tell him there is no money in that and to be honest he is so clever, so it would be a waste of a brain. But he wants to do this, so personal trainer it looks like it’s going to be, but to do this it costs a lot of money.

Hub and I were thinking, talking to each other and we both wondered when we will ever stop worrying about him. I would love to be a Mother who really is relaxed. And say whatever. I want him to be firstly healthy physically and mentally, then find a nice forever love, he thinks he has found her and may be, we will see. And get a job that is going to make him financially happy as well as give him a lift each morning, and to be honest, he loves the gym so a personal trainer may be the answer, but we are trying to say that isn’t going to pay well at all and if he takes a holiday, he won’t get paid. But it is his passion, should he kill his passion with it becoming work? Well, he is still very young, he can experiment I guess until he is 22, then he will have to get serious. Who knows, this may be the best thing he has ever done?

I do wonder if I am as pushy because I was a total failure in the workplace? Am I trying to live my dream through my Son? I Annalise myself a lot and come to the conclusion that I’m not, I just don’t want to worry about him and if he is happy and working at something he enjoys so his mental status is going to be good, then I will be happy, as if my Hub and Son are happy, I’m happy.

Chicken pie and potatoes with veg for their dinner. I’m having yesterday’s leftover potatoes bake. It’s sliced potatoes in the oven with peppers, onions and spinnage. With a tomato, creamy sauce and added herbs until the potatoes go nice and crisp. Yesterday I made a huge tray, Hub had some but teen went out to Shamrocks for dinner with her family. So, there is his share left.

I must go now to the gym as if I don’t do it now, I won’t later when it’s dark and free’ee’ee’e’ee’eee’eezing! So far today my eating has been appalling. A slice of Christmas cake, a bag of crisps and three slices of toast for breakfast. Dreadful.

I hope you have had a good weekend. Thank you for all your emails and I will answer them tomorrow. Oh what a week this week? Dread dot com. But I will get through it. Hub has some challenges too, but at least there is some treasure at the end of the week, we are meeting up with our besties from school. It will be great to catch up again. JB, Trace, Trix, Like and Hanz.

Before I go a riddle.
Wednesday, Tom and Jo, went to a restaurant for dinner. Tom and Jo left without paying, but the meal got paid for, so who paid for it?

Answer? Wednesday is a name of a person, not the day.
Later with love

DIARY OF SATURDAY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Dearest Bloggets. I hope I find you well. Looks like the weather in the UK has calmed down somewhat, some people have been evacuated from their homes but thank goodness, we are OK. I just feel for those who aren’t. We never got floods in the UK now it’s every year. I was talking to my lovely friend from the beautiful Northumberland today and they had quite a snow storm but now even that is melting. I tell you though it’s really cold as our heating told us it was a big fat zero outside.

Guess what I did today? Started the treadmill again. Now this is amazing considering two things. I have no get up and go spark specially to do exercise but mainly, my knee? Wow, that oil has been a pure miracle Bloggets. If only you knew how bad I have been since September especially, I couldn’t even think about going on before. Now I can’t run, but walk and that is a start. I just hope I don’t suffer tonight in bed.

Hub spent 40 minutes in there and I spent twenty, long enough. For the first time for months. All week I have tried to cut down on my bread intake and again, it’s not enough, but it’s a start and I have done the bread thing before, and I can tell you, eating less I have always felt so much better more full of energy, like some, energy. Opposed to none at all.

Okay, nut alert. I know some will think I am right now, but you will also know that I don’t care… I’m not hurting anyone so here goes.

I have an incredible feeling that I have had for days and days. I haven’t been able to translate it but today, I’m a bit closer. Something amazing is going to happen this year for our tiny family of three. I don’t know what, but it’s something that will make me beam from ear to ear. I’m buzzing about it. I hope I get more feelings and will be able to say more. It’s my own fault. I asked years ago, to stop giving me these messages never thinking such a simple request would work, but it did, I had to do something because the feelings I was getting was really effecting my life. Oh, I so hope I’m right, we need a boost of beautiful brilliance.

Teen been personal training someone today. For free of course because he isn’t qualified to do otherwise though the amount of people who contact him to ask him to help them is crazy. It is something he is thinking about doing but it costs a lot of money to go on the course and I’m not sure Shamrock is very keen on him doing it as where he is now he is safe away from attractive ladies.

Today he has done a load of his ironing and cleaned his bedroom. I’m lucky that he does that but I asked him to bring in our bins yesterday, he said later. Later I asked him again. He said tonight. Well, this afternoon, Hub went out on the path to try to find the bins. They collected rubbish not recycle and the blooming bins had spilled on the path. Really annoying. When Hub is away, he is great, it’s like he is the man of the house when his Dad’s away but when he is at home, he does nothing.
But as I say, he does his room and his washing. From what I can gather, it’s more than some if not all of my friend’s teens do. He has just gone out, looking so handsome. He smells amazing and his clothes are really smart.

Teens friend who sadly lost his Mum was here the other day, what a lovely lad. I love him. He has been so good to his Dad as well I’m so pleased that his Dad has such a beautiful kind hearted Son. Gosh to lose your Mum so young it really killed me but reminded me of the blog I wrote yesterday when I asked something my lovely friend and Blogget put to me, do you think our kids will miss us when we are gone as we miss our parents? I put that to Hub today he said he doubts our Son will miss us as much as he misses his Mum and I miss my parents because kids are just different this day and age. In a way, this is good because we wouldn’t want our Son to go through what we went and are going through. But are kids getting harder?

A question see if you can answer before I go. How many fish per year die in the rivers in the UK due to drowning?

My Brother in law is a fisherman, I wonder if he will know the answer? Do you? Five seconds to think of the answer…..
Non, fish don’t drown.
Silly Fifi. Later with love.


Smile.

LIAR

My subject today is a liar. The definition of a liar is a person who doesn’t tell the truth who deceives others, by doing so they are cheating on themselves. “A liar should have a good memory”” The ones I know, don’t have and they make themselves look very stupid. It means that every word they say cannot mean anything to the listener. Once someone has told me a lie, that’s it, I can’t trust them ever again, it could be that was the first only and last lie that they will ever tell, too late.

So, a Pathological liar has confidents. They don’t feel at all rejected like normal liars can. People who lie for each breath they take are often suffering low self esteem, but you would think that they could stop? The people I know who tell lies each day have done it all of their lives and there is no signs of them stopping, but pathological liars are different. More verbally dramatic and unempathetic. Pathological liars normally have no gain for themselves. The lies are normally transparent to others and pointless.

White lies are sometimes told to spare others. To make someone feel better about a situation.

there has been studies and it’s found that there is more white matter in parts of the brain of pathological liars, that normal non-liars don’t have.

I know two people who lie for Britain. One I’m not that bothered enough to care about the other just makes himself look like a laughing stock. I just don’t get peoples tolerance around him. People just except him. Why and how? I can’t stand it and I’m going to be in his company soon. I have been sworn to best behaviour when we get together. That is going to be so hard. I have to be a BS around him. It’s so not me. I say it like it is. One thing I have learned about liars, they don’t keep their friends for long. They have no problem in finding new ones, because their outlandish stories are so interesting, until you learn they are a load of rubbish.

Trust. Hmm. Such a short boring word for such a powerful meaning don’t you think?

ONLY OUR GHOSTS WILL KNOW BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Hello to Spain, the US, UK Germany, Algeria, India, Canada, Brazil, South Africa and Argentina.
Those are the top ten countries as I don’t see anything other than the top ten for countries or blogs that have been written. For all the other countries, great to have you here as well today.

Hub went out at silly hour to put the bins out. I text my neighbours to ask what bin day it was as we have recycled one week, and rubbish the next. One of my neighbours thought it was rubbish but the other said he didn’t know so he was putting other out. So, both of ours went out just to make sure. So, among the snow shower today mixed in with the wind, at seven in the morning, Hub is carrying from back to front three or four boxes and pushing a bin. Bless him. Whether or not it took longer to get to work or he just forgot to let me know he was there safe, but if the longer was right, it took him two hours to get there today.

Last night he asked the emergency workers for Guide Dogs to make sure those on the list with guide dogs were OK by either calling them or giving their details to emergency services of this particular area of our country because the army were out their door to door making sure everyone was aware that there was a storm on its way and the sea was to rise a meter and a half. It was reported that the houses on the beach fronts would be flooded with sea water. Got us thinking about blind people on their own, how scary must that be? The emergency services were taking people to schools to sleep for the night, gosh I would hate that. You wouldn’t know where you were and sleeping on the floor? I went to bed again thanking my lucky stars. Some people who can’t see don’t answer their doors at nights so this is why Hub was concerned and I’m glad he rang because it was something that the emergency Guide Dog staff hadn’t thought about. I guess most of them if not all can see and it’s something that may never have crossed their minds.

Yesterday was a tough day but today is a new day. Much the same but life we have to battle with. I don’t understand those who get up each day and have not got one problem. And they don’t even realise how lucky they are.

I was asked today by a lovely lady a great question. “Do you think our kids will miss us as much as we miss our parents?””
Gosh, powerful or what? Such a great subject. Answer? Somehow, I doubt it. It’s hard to imagine though my Son is always trying to get me to be healthier saying he wants me around for many years to come. For what I have to ask, as in my opinion, I’m useless to him.

A lady in a group I’m in said her teen is now a grown up and human. Haha. Gosh, some days I wonder if we will get there? My Son is a great lad as far as working, he isn’t lazy at all in the work place or in his fitness. He has worked since he was fifteen. He doesn’t drink much he can go some weeks without drinking, there was a time when I did wonder if he was going to have the genes I dreaded in him, but thankfully no. He doesn’t smoke at all so this is great, but give me a baby, toddler child or early teens any day. From the age of fifteen till now, is the hardest four years of my life as a Mother. The emotions, are so high. The mood swings, you never know what or who is going to walk through the door. One moment he hates me the next he loves me and the next he won’t speak to me for two or three days and then he is all singing and all dancing. He wants a career that is so dangerous, worrying me sick, then he wants to work abroad for a year, then he is going to University then he is happy working at a job a 16 year old can do at weekends, and then he is stressed because he doesn’t know what he wants in life. He’s bored and fed up. I try to get him to find another job, but he is in a rut right now and his girlfriend is happy where he is. He is safe, in his work place there are no attractive girls around him. She is a young girl and he is 19 going on 26 some day’s other days he is my little boy but in a man’s body. The ups and downs of parenting. And when you have one child, it’s difficult. I was asking someone yesterday who has a few kids, is it easier? She replied. No, all of my children are so very different. I thought it may get easier as the children are born one after the other, making it easier for the second and the third, a piece of cake. Smile. But seams not.

I have a beautiful Blogget who writes to me who has such a luxurious lifestyle and another who has such a poor life, I’m talking absolute poverty, another is a millionaire and then there is me. Then I have a Blogget who is always happy, always upbeat, seems to have nothing at all awful in their past or today. Her future looks so rosy. Then there is me… Another Blogget lives in a hostel and visits the library once a week to go on the computers and reads my blogs She has nothing. She admits she has no hope or future. She has tried to take her life at least twice I know of. She is very ill and has no one in her life. And then there is me. I read and reflect your stories each day. I have empathy for you and my Bloggets who have such a good life, I’m so happy for you, because the ones who write to me are so nice. Gracious too. None of you take your grand life for granted. None of you complain about your painful life, you talk about it but never think you have a right to have a different kind of life.

My past was a dreadful one, so very different to anyone I have ever met before. My future is for the Gods to decide and my presence is comfortable and I have love in my life. My Husband tells me most days he has never loved anyone like he loves me. My Son tells me every single day he loves me. Trouble I have, is I don’t feel at all worthy of anything, because of my past. I was made to feel so bad and wish daily I had never been born. Still there are days when I wished the cruel person who got pregnant with me had succeeded in getting rid of me, not just when I was born, but when she got pregnant. But then I have hope, hope of a new life. Just a life to be able to see. I want to be thin and fit. But the only person who is going to do that for me, the thin and fit bit, is me and I let myself down daily.

We have so much control of our lives if we choose to. In my case, I’m afraid to feel good about anything because the times I do feel good, something happens just to put me back in my place. Am I going to remove years from my life, because I’m waiting for sight to start to live? Or am I going to do something prolific, like be the branches to produce fruits, fruits for life? So, that if I ever do get sight, at least I will be mentally and physically able to enjoy the stars, sun and moon.

It’s all about our choices in life. We can say yes and no, but do we mean those words?

My next subject is quite a tough one. I’m not sure how I will start that blog yet, let’s see. X