DIARY OF THE SKINNY JEANS

Good morning Bloggets. I’m taking in some not so fresh air in our back garden. Earphones on trying to drowned out the cars trucks and drills next door.

 

Yesterday when we were out with one of Hubs colleagues I’m sure she thought I was a little odd. No, hang on, I’m sure she knows I’m odd, possibly a little more odder than odd. As I was inhaling the air because it was so fresh. I didn’t think there was any fresh air around here. Oh it was so lovely. The birds were singing and not just normal birds but different kinds of feathery friends. The shrubs smelled so lovely, it was so peaceful around there.

 

Teen has just gone through his session with me of lifting weights… My arms feel as if I have boiling blood in them.  

 

OK, skinny jean gate.

You may remember I ordered some skinny jeans on line. My Husband and teenage Sons reaction was hilarious. My Son said it was wrong and my Husband kept bringing the subject up of me to think twice. Hahaha. Well, they arrived, along with an orange gypsy top.

 

Firstly, the top, oh my word. It’s hideous. I can’t work out why anyone would wear such an item. It’s like Nanna’s net curtains. It even has the elastic in it to thread the wire through to hang. I put it on. Hub looked at it and just simply said.

“Ri’I’ight

Do you think that should go back love?”

I didn’t dare show my Son. As for the jeans? Well, first thing I took them from the plastic bag and held them up, trying to part them as obviously they were folded and pressed so tightly, they were stuck together?

Em.

No. that was the jeans. Goodness. Who did they model these on? A lamp post?

 

Well, I painted them on myself, determined to get them on.

Only trouble was, how the heckers was I going to get them off? Hahahaha. Oh I tell you though, I can’t remember the last time my legs looked felt so dam good. They were toned, slim and long. What more could a girl want?

 

Well, to breathe would be nice? Never mind, I would wear them when I was going somewhere where I didn’t need to sit down. Only thing is, where do I ever go where I don’t sit down? Answer? Never.

 

Hub told me to send them back. I said I would loss some weight he answered, you are going to have to lose four stone to get into them properly. Also would they go with half of my robe that also was waiting for a rainy day of ever so slimness to pour down on me?

 

I would show him. I would sit down and prove that it could be done.

 

Gosh it killed. I felt as if I were being snapped in half. I bet my face was blue? Well, as I sat down, how can I put this. Em, well they came with rips in them, oh yes very fashionable. Hmm. Let’s just say the rips are ever so slightly larger now than when they came.

 

Oh I was fed up. I loved them. Not going to give up. Going to order the next size up. Or perhaps two sizes up…

 

 Then to get them off? I could do it. I didn’t need Hubs help. No way I was going to lay down and get hub to peel them off me like a over ripened orange.

 

Well it took ages. Got them half way then they got stuck. Hahahaha. I did a full workout by the time I got them off.

 

Folded now to send back, that will be a trial in itself.

 

Sad. I bought a t-shirt to match and that is stunning. I love it. Hub doesn’t get the logo on the front he is so old it’s so funny.  He is eight months younger than me but sometimes acts eight years older than me, or is it me who is going through the midlife crisis? Haha. Well I have not bought a leather jacket yet and a motorbike. I guess there is time, only those poor cows it will take to make my jacket? I will need a herd.

 

OK, going now to make some calls for work then there is a dog run with my name on and some watering to do. Loads of ironing and floors. Then to start the bathrooms if I get chance. Later gators. X