FIFI's FUNNY FRIDAY

Good morning, almost afternoon in the UK. I need to go out and yet I am stuck in waiting for a delivery. It was due this morning and so far not here and it’s almost mid-day.

 

Teens last official day at college today so a quiet reflective cosy night in tonight for Hub and me, knowing that all the stress of study days are behind us. Well, him, and our battle with him about the S word!

 

I have a very attention seeking little girl next to me as I type. She is bringing me her octopus. Yep, you read correctly. It was what came with her when I got her. It has come from her puppy walker. Waggs has had this since she was a tiny pup.  It has all of the legs going on and not one is ripped it’s not even thread bearing. How? Not sure as since we got her, she has managed to able at least five toys to find the bin.

 

She came to me before with it hanging from her little cute moustache by one of its legs, I thought that was odd. Why one little leg? Not the main body? I took it from her and it was as though it was balancing on her lips as it didn’t pull away, it was so gentle. She loves it. She will shake/rag it, as though a dead animal, but never ever breaks it and I’m as happy about that as its special. Like a baby’s first teddy.

 

It’s sad we don’t know when our dogs have a head ache, even do they get them?  Her nose is wet and when I was playing with her before she was wild, so I’m sure she is OK, just don’t know why she is so close and wanting to cuddle me?  I will be back to her in a mo. Jo. I keep patting her head as I type, but though I would love her up on the couch, I don’t think that would go down very well with Hub. Haha. Mind you, when we are not in the room, she doesn’t give a stuff. She lies full out on our sofa and we have two and it’s always the same one.

 

OK, I can’t believe that was almost three hours ago

Well, you know my eyes don’t see those adorable loving Labradorable peepers looking up at me, but my heart feels her love. So I had to put the computer down and pick up a dog and give her a squishable cuddle and the cheek of it? She was on my knee less than thirty seconds and I heard this noise. Well, we have a rare view out of our window, and that view is of our neighbour’s builders. So I thought it was a tool…. Hahahah. No, naha, it was a Wagga. She only was a blooming sleep.

 

Oh charming. So there I am with a lump on my lap, waiting to exchange love and the flipping thing falls a sleep? Didn’t even wait to show her Mummy she was grateful for the lift to the sofa, opposed to actually having to climb on my knee there herself. Hahhah.

 

Well, there I was, I felt too guilty to wake her and put her back on the floor, there was no TV on or music as I was working, so I just had to sit there like the lump of lard that I am.

 

Really, if you could have heard her snoring? She never snores. Oh, head in the comfortable position and legs akimbo!              

Tapping foot, thoughts of summer, what year? As today my heating is on. My fingers can barely type as its freezing out there and so dull as though it’s going to rain. Not long before the nights start to turn their back on us and close curtains for the winter and here we are, I think we have had four days of summer and not in a row either.

 

Right, anyway, suddenly out of the deepest sleep, she jumped lifting her head. Looking towards the window, I thought she had a nightmare, as I heard nothing; mind you I am deaf in one ear because of a blockage. I think my brain is falling out, but if I were to say that to hub, he would tell me to go to the toilet. Cheeky what not.

 

Well, she jumped down, ran to the door, I got up to see if something had been put through our letter box. As I approached the door, the bell rang. I put Waggs in the lounge closing the door between her and the about to be opened front door.

 

It was our lovely but very odd postie.

 

He is an elderly gent with a voice like a pan scrubber. He practically jumps into the house when he hands me my parcel. If not for me putting my foot always behind the door when opening, he would be in for a coffee.

 

It was really odd that Waggs heard the post man ages before he knocked at the door though, as especially when cars go by all day. I mean both our dogs seem to know when people are coming to our door the difference between that and just parking for across the road or going by, mind you, some days I do wonder about LC’s mind going as she has days when she will do one bark oppose to huge German shepherd barks when we have no, door knockers. We say she is barking at the birds breaking wind in the trees in the next street. Well, we don’t quite put it like that, but you get me, don’t you? Hahaha.

 

From that parcel came a skirt and cropped leggings. OK. You may remember a couple of weeks ago I received some MC Hammer trousers? They were like balloons on me. I looked and felt so unattractive. Haha haha Well, they got sent back thanks to my boy and I decided to order leggings as they are never baggy. And I was right; they are tight, but not tight to make me blue, just tight on the legs, perfect. They are pure white too. And the skirt I got, well, can’t wait to write a review on that. I will attach a WARNING badge to the title. Seriously? The zip on it almost gave me a second section scar. Not as in I have been sectioned, though some would expect nothing less, but a caesarean.

 

Really, the zip I’m sure is one from a suitcase. And I almost took my stomach off with it, well, a part of my stomach. Oh the pain?

Stop laughing?

 

It blooming killed?

There was a moment when I though, just as a part of my jelly belly was losing all feeling of normality, “em, which way do I go now? Up, or down with the killer zip.

 

Go up, remove more skin, go down, pull at the skin. After all of that, it is a lovely skirt, and I learned that if I keep it fastened, I can pull it off without unzipping. Now, getting it on again? Here’s hoping?

 

I used “Tap tap see to learn of the colours. As description on line said bright floral. Well, that’s helpful, so pinks, blues oranges? Or peaches yellows and beiges? Oh, how the list can go on.  Well, Tap tap see said white back ground with pink flowers. I could use the fantastic “Be my eyes. But too shy. Been a while since I spoke of BME, the above you can call a number on your IPhone, and speak live to a person who will tell you whatever you want to know. Read a birthday card, or tell you if your bum looks big in that.

 

OK, perhaps not that, but I guess if you really want to ask that question, it could be answered.

 

So white with pink flowers? Let’s see when the oracle of a sighted one blesses me with his presence later on.

 

Right, then jeans on, and card in pocket off to the shops Waggs and I went. I was really anxious today not sure why, but I was right to be. Some idiot I think the builders across the road, parked their huge van on the path so when we tried to get past, it was impossible so we had to walk on the road I mean, how safe is that? One day, the path blockers, I hope will put on my shoes, as specially the uncomfortable ones I have and do a blind walk trying to avoid pavement parking.

 

The road was a nightmare today. The dust blew up in the bitter wind and the walk wasn’t pleasant. When we got to the shops, Wagga decided to sniff every corner. Paws fixed to the ground nose to the corner enjoying the perfume of a previous dog.

 

But a check and on our way to the next sniff stop. And again and again. She should have been a police dog.

 

Just two drop ins today and back on our way home.

 

One thing I bought, was a bar of chocolate with my name on it followed by the words

 “Others keep off touch at your peril!”

I haven’t had chocolate for two weeks and I am suffering from cold turkey. The other day I was like a mad person. I had every drawer open and all the cupboards hunted for some taste as nothing has had taste of late. It’s been like chewing on flipping cardboard.

 

I don’t do cutting down, or in the case of chocolate, cutting out.

 

Hub can do, hub is clever, he is strong minded when it comes to exercise and diets. Me? Nope. Very weak.

 

I came home red faced as the friendly guy in the shop said “Oh’oh’oh Fiona? Should you? Will you? Are you going to?”

He knows of my plan to lose weight. Well, now he knows I have had a bad moment. Hahahahaha. He is the size of a house himself.

 Put it this way, one, we avoid narrow isles when together.

And two, I feel slim next to him.

Got some money out for boy wonder and on our way home. Via the chemist where I’m not too sure the new staff there are at all well in the brain department.

 

Pleasant though. Hahahaha.

 

Back home, a treat for my waggs and hands washed then started to make boys dinner. Mince tonight. Onions carrots, beans and potatoes all in a big hot pot.

 

Right, now then, must dash now and work on the house. You all have a beautiful weekend won’t you? We are off to town tomorrow God help us.  Then Waggs on the bus to our pet shop, mind you, this particular shop has had some really bad press of late. So would love to give it a wide birth, but, Waggatail and Long Chops will complain as they love it and love what is in there to eat too.

 

Laters gators.