Good morning Bloggets, here I sit in my back garden. Oh, the
smell of stunning sweet flowers is amazing and I’m not sure where it’s coming
from. It could be our garden. It seems too close to be in someone else’s
garden. It smells like lilac though, and we don’t have that tree. It’s a tree I
would love, perhaps in the next house as that will be our forever house. I hope.
I don’t think I could move again. Last time was too difficult. I will never forget
it. I spent over two weeks packing on my own. I didn’t mind that as Hub was
working abroad, but it was last minute things that were the worst part and as
for this end, oh my goodness. Rather than put the boxes in the rooms that were written
on the boxes, they just piled every single box in our garage. They were as high
as the ceiling. From the front of the garage to the back. I would never get
that company to move us again.
The birds are singing among the dreadful traffic. I can’t
stand the noise here. But days like yesterday when I had my aftercare with our
wonderful Guide Dog instructor, I was pleased we did live somewhere where we
can get to places and she kindly put my mind at wrest about the chances of me
getting another guide dog. There are new rules that terrify me. So, I was sure I
wouldn’t qualify. Well I have a little hope now thanks to her only thing is,
she is retiring at the end of the month. Such a shame as she is by far the best
GDI I have ever had Hub agrees. But she reassures me that the next person
taking over her job will be as good. I very much doubt that, but Hub too said
he is a nice guy, but this lady goes far further than just being a great GDI,
she is humane, she has kindness through her heart and I have never heard one
person say anything bad about her. She has empathy and that goes a long way
too. She is the mother of all mothers and is there for those who need her. What
are we going to do without her?
Anyway, Waggatail passed for another year. Me on another
hand? Well, I have picked up old habits. Hmm. One of them, is the way in which I
hold the harness. So, after we were tested yesterday, as I refer to as taking
our driving test, Waggs and I went straight back out and went to the chip shop….
Well, it was necessary!!! I did all the things I had just been told to do. It’s
just all the remembering how to hold the lead, how to hold the harness, how to
stand at kerbs all that as well as remembering where I am and where I need to
be….
Next year Waggs will be 9. That is when I have to decide if I
am going for another guide dog. To be honest, I’m not sure what I will do
without one. But there is a lot to think about. Staying away for two weeks for
a start. I’m not too good like that, as boarding school has totally screwed me
up. But I have done worse. Last two dogs I have had, I have worked from home,
but it’s so much easier for the staff at Guide Dogs to have everyone in one
place I totally understand that. Also, can I go through the pain of losing
another dog? At least I will keep Waggatail when she retires, but then the
dreaded time will come when we have to see another one off over the rainbow bridge.
Why can’t our dogs live longer? I will never forget that pain of losing our
last two. Black Beauty and Long Chops. Both so fast both within a year of one another. At least my BB got until she was 12 and a
half where as poor LC, had just turned 9. She hadn’t even had chance to retire,
but if we had have retired her, she wouldn’t have been impressed seeing Hub go
out with another guide dog. Where as my BB, she couldn’t care less. As long as
she had her food, toys, food, bed, food, sunny part of the floor and oh, did I say
food?
Oh my, we have hot water. If we need it, we
have heating. Thanks to a great man who came today to fix it. It was a small
problem but one of those situations where by he could have said it was
something big, and wasn’t, so thanks to my friend Arty who recommended him, we
have lift off! I’m holding my thumbs though until I know it’s going to be OK
for days rather than short time. Just not to have hot water was awful. Hub had
a cold shower last night. Hahaha, but it wasn’t just cold, it was like breaking
ice in Siberia.
As I woke up this morning, I just got so down. Another morning
of dull grey with mixed browns to look at. No shadows or any kind of light or
sun. just the same picture through my eyes as I see every morning. I’m so bored
with this vision or lacking of it. You lay in bed open your eyes and bang.
A kick in the stomach.
One day will I ever wake up and see the colour of the paint
on my walls? Will I ever see the pattern on my bedding? The sun shine through
my pretty blinds? The flowers on my curtains? Will I ever want to open the
blinds and look out from my window? Same old same old! Can you imagine looking
at the same dot all of your life? no colour really, I say grey I think that is
the colour I see. I say bits of brown, but are they really there or is it my
brain that has gone into shock or shut down. Some would say my brain went into
shut down many moons ago…
But then you just get up, take a shower, even forgetting
that you have to remember where you put your shampoo and conditioner as well as
the shower gel, how you have to remember how you differentiate the bottles. You
get dressed. Hoping you are in matching clothes, and come down to your kitchen,
being grateful for such a lovely kitchen and house, realising that there are
people much worse off than me. I have food water and other drinks and I can sit
in my lovely garden, yes, it’s awfully noisy, but one day I shall have my peaceful
place and then I will miss my lovely neighbours. My friends that I have made in
this noisy place. Nothing is perfect I guess I just sometimes wish I could see,
that’s all!
Hub is away on business tonight, so he left home at seven
this morning. I think he’s due back at
half six tomorrow evening.
I have some washing to do I will hang them out today as it’s
beautiful out here. Then the ironing will begin. I have to be up early tomorrow
like half seven. Loads to do a meeting and office work to do.
I hope my dear friend
and our lovely Blogget Louise is having a brilliant holiday and I would like to
wish a very happy birthday to Bob.
Isn’t it funny what makes people optimistic? Even to the
point of delusion. I have family members who are so optimistic and I know of people
who are so pessimistic but I don’t really know of anyone who is fifty fifty. Kind
of in the middle, is it even possible to be in the middle?
I wonder if happiness is controlled by your genes? And if
your Dad is for example a positive person and your Mum is negative, if you are
the latter, I guess you drew the short straw. Can’t we just focus on our other parents’
genes? Haha. I have been reading about techniques that will make you happier. Hmm.
This has to be a general point of view,
as we all have different lifestyles and different situations pasts etc.
They, the experts that is, say that showing gratitude is the
most powerful thing to show, to do. So, we go around saying thank you to
everyone to get nothing back?
Oh, that is me being negative, sorry. Hahahaha. I’m sure if
we tell people how grateful we are, they willreciprocate?
No?
Well what else do they say,
come on, get positive
with me!
Bronze medallists are happier than those who get silver. Yep,
I would have guessed that as no one wants to think they could have done a tiny
bit better than they did to get the best result. I personally would have rather
got all A’s and C’s, in my exams than B’s.
Good thing, as that is what I did get, all A’s and one C. And that C, was
a miracle.
Overtime they say if we write three positive things that has
happened to us during that day, we will in time start to think more positively.
So, what if nothing positive has happened to us that day? Well, really, has
there been nothing positive, nothing at all? Have you had food, clean water? Have
you felt safe? Well if so, there are the three positive things you could write
down. It doesn’t have to be I won a gold medal. I got asked out by the local hunk.
I got a promotion at work. Little things make the path to the bigger road to
happiness.
Did I just say that? Well I wrote it. Could I gulp to say
it? May be.
Do not train your brain to see the negative. I like this
one, they tell us to do what we are good at. Again, what if we feel there is nothing,
we are good at? Well, come on, there is something, singing, even if it is to
yourself. Baking a cake, maybe you could take that cake around to a lovely
neighbour who would appreciate it or ask them around to your house and you will
be making that person happy too? Or are you good at painting? Maybe you are
good at crosswords or gardening? Well, I can’t tick anything on that what I’m
good at list…. I’m a Okay cook, but can’t bake. Never been taught and I don’t
do what I can’t do first time perfectly. A big fault of mine. My singing days
are over. I used to be good but now? oh Lord…gardening? Em, nope, I like
sitting in my garden. Crosswords, yeah, I was great at those when I could see
and as for painting, again, I used to love that but obviously now that has been
removed. I love to write and that is what I do the most of. I had to write a
wedding speech today for someone and it was from the best man. Well, every time
I write those, I try to write different ones. Why? A little crazy really as
they that is the new clients and the old, don’t know each other, so they are
not going to say hang on a minute, that was my speech… then I have to try to
hear back what I have written to see if it makes me laugh, even though I have
written it. And that is where my psychology comes into my world, as I like to
get a brief synopsis of the kind of guests I am writing for. to get into their
heads.
They also write that we ar to spend as much time as we can
with people we like. I guess that also means to eliminate those from our life
we just don’t like or we know are bad people. Anyone who makes you unhappy, get
rid of them from your life, you don’t need them. Honestly, it’s a great feeling
to walk away from negative energies.
Are you an introvert? Well just try to be a bit of an
extravert even for a short while, just enough time to get yourself known.
Apparently, the happiest group of people are those who are
making between 50 and 75 k per year. They, say that those who earn over that
are no happier. I guess that makes sense doesn’t it, how many rich people do we
know of who are not happy? Loads. It’s hard to imagine isn’t it if I was rich
gosh, I am sure I would be happier and wouldn’t be looking for more than what I
had and like some rich people, take drugs. Tell you what, if there are any millionaires
out there who want to test that out on me, I’m your lady. Hahaha.
Results of that to
follow.
I believe that pessimism softens the pain. I used to be one
of those people who were delusional. I believed everyone was kind and all was
going to be good. But life taught me reality. So much so I have gone the other
way. But when I do have the odd, outburst of positivity, I’m in shock for days
as it really does make you feel better.
They say as well if you are feeling cranky, eat something
then take a nap. A good night’s sleep is good for us as how you feel in the
morning really does affect the rest of your day.
Regrets are something I have written about before. Many times.
Some years ago, I had no regrets. Now a few but not half as many as I would
have thought I may have had considering my negative outlook. A few months ago, I
was encouraged to do something huge. I thought you know what, I’m going to do
it. What can go wrong? I was ready with my negative head on ready to face pain
but instead my positive grasp for life took me to a place where I have dreamed
about going for over fifteen years. I went there held my breath and waited.
And then the most magical thing happened. The only thing is,
I want so much more but sadly I have to do with what I have been given. I want to reach out and say more but can’t
because my request for that part of my life isn’t reciprocated in the same way.
But so far, I have part at least of a dream. I just pray I can see the full
dream and the sun I’m sure will forever shine then and I will see it if not
through my broken eyes, but in my heart.
And thanks to Oscar Wilde who wrote “Be yourself, everyone
else is taken!””
“We are all in the
gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars!””
And from me, people say they need to find themselves. No,
you have found yourself, now create yourself.
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