A dear Blogget wrote
to me of late, to tell me she has fallen in love. Her new boyfriend is 10 years
younger than her. Guessing at her age, I think she is chasing 80. Apparently,
she looks years younger though. She is so intelligent and a lovely lady, she is
fun too and so positive, well, it just shows that you should never give up
looking for love. Oh, it’s so lovely to see how happy she is. She is almost
totally blind, but nothing will stop her from getting out there and trying her
best to live a strong happy life. but what about those who just can’t find that
strength? Don’t feel alone as you really are not, alone. I spend so many hours
per day writing to people who are just not in a good place, either because they
have just been told they have RP, or they have been told they will be blind
very soon may be with a different condition and those who have other things
that prevent them from feeling they can carry out a happy life. may be a
divorce, or problems with their children young or grown up. Possibly they have lost
their job and just can’t find the energy to get out there to search again,
filling in loads of application forms to find new employment. Whatever reason
is stopping you from feeling positive, just don’t beat yourself up for it. A great
friend of mine is what or who I call a super blindie, haha, she goes all over
the place with her guide dog. Nothing on the outside seems to bother her or
stress her. For years and years, I believed this. But she is the most
supportive person and is first to admit that actually getting out there is the
hardest thing in the world to do. So, because she gets out, gets places and
safely back home again, doesn’t mean it’s come easy to her! She has explained
before to me that she has the same worries as I do, but she has the strength to
kick the butt of her fears and try. If she fails, she tries until she succeeds.
Where as I’m more like the person who is afraid to try.
In my past I have had some horrific things done to me said
to me and I have seen things I should have never witnessed. I have received a
bravery award in London and for what? I’m so not brave, quite the opposite. I was
talking with Hub last night about a couple of things that have happened to me
and I just can’t believe that was me. I guess that is what has made me very
safe and some would say boring now. experiences that have chipped away at my
soul yes, I have beaten off horror and defeated situations but what has that
done to me long term? I guess left me weak. Exhausted. As for the bravery award?
Well if someone is brave, that to me means they have done something voluntarily
and it’s to benefit someone else. My reason for this award was for the pain and
suffering I went through when I was six in Russia! Believe me, those seven
weeks were not as a volunteer. I was chased, threatened and held down, before
inflicting me with excruciating pain. Tortured, yes, that isn’t brave. That
wasn’t saving anyone. That was suffering that I went through and I tried to run
away, but failed. That didn’t deserve the bravery award, but I still have that
beautiful block of glass with a lovely seagull and plaque inside the clear
glass made from gold with my name on and written Child of courage, and a framed certificate, but though I don’t feel
pride because I have done something for someone or helped someone, I get pride
with the knowledge that I have been through that and perhaps it helped me what
was to follow in my life. we climb small steps so we can stretch ourselves to
get to the next level. But that doesn’t make me brave that tells me really, I can
do anything. Though I struggle listening to my voice of encouragement but on
days when I am not feeling too good about myself, those things were done to me,
and I survived. For what reason? That is the next question. Because since then I’m
not sure at all of my purpose in life. my darling Husband says if I hadn’t come
along, he wouldn’t be here now, but I am still wondering if all that from years
ago justifies my circumstances in life. I hope one day to really know why I’m
here why I survived the attempts of my, what should I call her? Em, biological Mother
and I hope I will learn of my purpose in life!
What I am trying to say is, we are all strong in our own
way, but sometimes we just need to be reminded, and I hope that will give us
strength, but like my friend, if you are stronger as far as the outside world, are concerned, like her,
please remember to have compassion for those who haven’t been able to climb to
your level of life’s challenges. Don’t
ever make others feel bad about themselves. My friend is so good at making me
feel normal, even though my challenges are what comes so natural to her she
will support me by just understanding and saying how she too has been there,
though it may have been twenty years ago, she has a gift to make it sound like
it was just yesterday when she experienced what I have.
Please don’t put yourselves down. I am sure there is
something in your life that you have done that someone out there wouldn’t have
dared to do. I am sure at one point of your life you have had huge impact on
another, even though you may not know it now and never will. We are all here
for a reason, a purpose, it just may take a long time to realise why we are
here. But every person is important.
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