To Dear William. We spoke of ditches that we have fallen
down an yet we manage to climb back out from them. But why are the ditches put
there, time and time again. We share a pattern in life where we have both gone
through such a lot, an yet you are one of the nicest people I know of. And you
always say lovely things about me. I guess I can conclude we are the good guys.
If so, why do we keep coming across those blooming undulating roads?
Why is it that some people seem to go through life eating
cream cakes, never put weight on, they swear but get lovely words said back to
them, they get bills but win money. They never have any health issues or tragedy
in their life, though they cause great pain among others. And then there are kind
people who well, just keep falling into those holes!
As I have written before, I will never understand our maker.
And there are days of late when I have really struggled with the fact that another
being or energy can help us change our life, answer our requests, but then I experience
an angelic presence, or a calm moment in time or I meet with someone who is
just so caring. And then I have to look deep within and say, yeah, I have
always believed in something, I just don’t know what.
I have also always written that I believe our lives are
mapped out for us. My Husband and I were meant to be together. It was our
destiny. He says it all the time too. How we met up again after all those years
and I only learned just how much he loved me when we were adults. As children, I
knew there was something from him to me I just didn’t understand what. I also
knew I loved him. From a tiny little girl, but then 28 years apart, broke our
hearts but together we remained in the map of life. we just went off the road a
little when we were kids. We had a different pathway to take for a while, whether
we got lost, or we were just stubborn, and had to find our own way, I don’t know,
in reality, we had no choice. It was in Germany when we had to face the fact we
were going to have to part. Both different schools at different locations. Miles
apart. No mobile phones in those days, no lap tops or technology to make our
computers talk. He communicated in Braille, me print. Kind of didn’t go
together, especially in those days before the tech or apps we have now.
He said he never stopped thinking about me and even went as
far as to try to find me when he was in his early twenties. I never forgot him,
but never ever thought all those years later, we would end up married and now
together forever. We have some making up to do. Whoever, what ever pulled us
together, whoever gave me the strength to type those words when I saw or heard
in my case, his contact details, whoever made him read that email at that time,
and whatever it was that lit up inside of me, woke everything that had been asleep
for so long, in fact almost my entire life, who was it, what was it?
The energy I felt at that time, when I needed it, was so
strong, it wasn’t anything that comes from the land I know of as earth.
The electric was similar to what I experienced when we were
both eleven. I remember the day so well.
We were in a school play, he had to sing a song, just as I put
a cloak around his shoulders. As I stood on the stage I can remember the
feelings I had. I thought I was going to die. The butterflies in my stomach. I remember
thinking, how on earth can I feel like this? Why do I feel like this? What am I
to do right now? I was shocked as everyone watching our performance, must be
able to see my face, hear the butterflies in my stomach, recognise that I was about
to pass out. As I couldn’t breathe. He put a spell on me. Or did he? Who was
it? What was it?
Many years later we spoke of our days in that dreadful most
horrid place that was called boarding school, and Hub told me how he would go
to my coat on the clothes peg outside of the gym and just touch my coat, just
to be close to me. He would wait for me coming to class. If one day I wasn’t
there, he was so upset. I spent a lot of time in awful life changing hospitals
and hardly attended school sadly. Though of course I hated it, I needed the
education. More than I needed to see for those extra years that Russian
treatment gave me. But such is life and no one was to know back then, my
parents did their best and I shall love them forever and a day for that. There is
no rule book as a parent, gosh I know that too well.
So yes, I have been to hell and I have
returned having met with angels as I left that dark ditch, but now though life
can be challenging, I have to believe that I am here for a reason, and that
reason is written in the smiles my Husband shows me each day. Our heart beats
in time with the rhythm of life. or at least the beat of the drum that our
maker is playing for us to find him and learn of the answers. Along the way we
go and hand in hand I can tell you all to hang in there and you will get on
your very own path. If a route is in front of you take it, even if you don’t
want to. Because sometimes there is something, someone out there who knows
best, something that is so strong and powerful, we need to go with the wind and
glide on that cloud.
© Fiona Cummings
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