Thank you to Stephen who emailed me with this question to
write about!
When to tell your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/colleagues,
that you are going blind or at least have an eyesight issue?
Immediately in the case of your partner. If they run, they
are no good. Be confident in yourself. You are worth so much more than you
believe. If you are scared to tell your partner that you are going blind or you
have poor vision, then that partnership isn’t going to work out, how will they
feel if you wait and then tell them further down the track? Do you really
believe that they will love you so much by then they will not go any ware? Well
most people fall in love from the start or at least have a strong connection and
again, if they will not hang around gives you more time to find a decent
person. And those who do run, are they bad? Well in some cases yes but in most
no, they are just ignorant. They don’t understand it’s not their fault. I have
heard some terrible things from people saying things like my wife said she didn’t
marry me to be a carer. How bad is that? Well who cares for who in our house,
as both of us are blind, haha.
I brought up my boy and I’m really proud of that. Obviously,
I wish I had done things differently who doesn’t wish for that for their kids,
but in general, I gave him the best life I could.
My baby knew from months old that I couldn’t see well. Then when
he was a year, I was blind and he was as amazing as ever. I didn’t have that
conversation with him. He just knew, and excepted. He would do things like put
his toys in my hand, most children hold them in front of you. He would come to
the spoon of his food rather than me having to try to find his mouth. And when
he was older, about three, he just used to tell me there was a step. It was
when he was a teenager when I told him about my vision.
Re telling your boss, that is slightly different as you may
have to prove yourself to them before they will be able to relax. I am sure my
Husband has to do that even now. he is up against nine other people in the same
role as himself only he is the only person who is blind. So, in that situation I
would do your best make yourself proud make your boss realise that they couldn’t
do without you. Don’t make a fuss over not being able to see well. Train all
the time just in case you do lose your vision so you can continue doing work
for that company organisation and when your boss gives you another really big
pat on the back, then have a word. Just remind them that people with sight
issues, normally are very loyal as they have learned the route to work, they
don’t want to be messing about with the stress of trying to learn new routes to
other places and learning your way for example around your office. Also, you
will perhaps, have made friends at work and as a person who has a visual impairment,
that also isn’t easy as we don’t do the eye contact thing with colleagues.
How to tell them?
Well your love. Have a great day, laugh love and look into
her / his eyes and tell them you have problems seeing some things. Keep smiling
don’t scare them by giving them too much information that would be so easy to
do and jog on to the next fun thing you can do. At that point I wouldn’t let
them know if you are scared of going blind, not then, may be that will follow. Keep
it quick. I know of some people who make such a fuss sitting their partners
down, pulling up that seat in a way that already sets the mood of fear. Holding
their hands as if you are about to tell them you are dying, no need for the
drama, that can come at a later date. Be honest though please, otherwise you
could be perceived as a lyre, even though you haven’t lied, you have just deceived.
If they ask questions just answer at first with a yeah, or
no. and then tell them you want to change the subject and have some fun. I say
the same if you are with your child who has just been diagnosed. Please never
let your child know you are terrified as that will pass on to them. Keep calm
when you are alone, then burst open with tears and fears, but if your child
knows you as their parent is upset, they will wonder what is there to be so sad
and worried about so this will have an effect on your child.
That again is just when you are or have both learned of the condition/diagnoses.
After a few days open the conversation up so your child knows they can come to
you for help, but you are the adult so you need to be the strong one. But know
that it is fine and normal to be terrified and it is important for the child to
know this too, just not at the start.
I feel for those who are genuinely scared to tell your new
partner. What a relief it will be if you do and it doesn’t end your
relationship? It will give you the relief that you need and you can be yourself
at last.
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