Putting pen to paper today not sure what to write. Thank you for your
suggestions this week but to write I have to feel connected to the subject. Now,
next week I may but right now I have a writer’s block. Dipping into poetry
today almost got me trapped. I say trapped as once I start to write poems, I sometimes
can’t stop. Sometimes my poetry seems like a novel. I admire those who write
six lines. In my poems there are stories. Sometimes the reader thinks they are
about me. Sometimes they are, but most times not. Today’s definitely was. It was
Hub and myself.
Most of you will know we met at boarding school. A horrid
place that has had long term affect on our lives. We were six when we met. I could
see and of course he has been blind since birth, so has never seen me. But we
didn’t need vision to see as our soul spoke. What we had and have is not
normal, but when have I ever been normal?
I had a strong connection with my Husband and when we were
eleven we were on stage in a concert at our school when I know what I know now.
I was falling deeply in love with him.
We were apart for too many years no fault of ours. Hub says
all of his life he dreamed about what if. He even tried to trace me when he was
a young man. But he did what he did and I did what I did. We had other lives. And
then came that special day. And the rest they say is history. We are the lucky
ones. As most people go through life just existing. Living with a partner for
whatever reason.
One thing I am passionate about is, well, that. Passion. True
love. I see it in few couples these days. I think out of all of my friends, I have
one friend who is madly in love with her Husband. Sadly, for her, he died
leaving her in such pain sadly I can’t help her with. Life can be very cruel.
I gave up a lot for my parents and I have no regrets. But some
people give up their parents for another life. or is that giving them up? For me
personally I could never leave my parents. But for some they, the people
leaving, come first. I understand if you have children and you need to do the
best for your child, but for those who don’t have children and are doing this
for themselves, well to me they are truly selfish as the parents left behind
won’t be here for long.
I just sometimes don’t understand families. In fact, I have
long decided to keep my attention on our little family and the rest are just in
the dark. There are those who are family by blood and those who are family by
love. There are families who are connected by blood and love and they are rare.
If you have that family, hang onto it.
Hub and I are family and our Son too, this isn’t by blood but
absolute love. My brother and I are adopted so don’t share the same blood. Though
I am adopted, my parents were as close to me as they could be if they were blood
related. But I also understand the importance of that crimson fluid as my Son
is the only blood I have in my family. And we have a connection like no other
parent I know. But is that blood, or is it just we were meant to find each
other just like my Husband and I were so many years after we parted. I truly
believe in destiny. I believe that our paths are mapped out for us, we are
guided but whether we take notice is our choice.
I sometimes try to listen for advice. I ask myself a question.
But I then think I hear what I am meant to hear. Is it my consciousness telling
me what I want to hear?
I have written before about a little boy in India who from a
tiny child was different. Well a long story short his parents decided to take
the journey to where this little boy was speaking about every day. Almost driving
them crazy. They went much further than anyone could travel there without some
kind of intervention. Days it took them to get to the boys’ parents as he referred
to them as.
There was without doubt that the young man was the father of
this boy. Now he was far too young to be his Dad in that life, but in another? The
boy knew too much about this young man. And they looked the double of each
other. I can’t explain this, but I do believe that we have all been here or on
another planet before.
I had a lovely neighbour growing up who was astonishing when
it came to reading your future. She was comforting as back then things happened
to me I couldn’t explain. When my Son was born, she came to see him. All she
said was. He’s been here before. I smiled and she replied I’m telling you. In such
a serious voice. And yes, after seeing him as a baby, he certainly has.
My son has said and done things in his life that has made me
shiver. How did he know that? What does he mean he can see that? And old
readers will know of my regression that happened to me many years ago. I was a
total none believer. And now?
My regression will explain all why and how Hub and I are
together now. there is a reason we are meant to be together.
And now onto other thoughts. Whilst my Son is counting the
days before he goes on holiday, I’m counting the days until he’s back… but
smiling at the right places when he talks of his holiday.
Sadly, he hasn’t heard about his job interview. Remember last
week he got to the second level and was told he would learn by today if he got
the job.
He passed his written test and was told his second face to face
interview was brilliant, but the next person may have done as good if not one
question better. Still out of 16 who were called for interview, he made the top
3. But the top three may as well be the
top 16. If you don’t get the job, what good is a number?
He’s been asked to go for another interview too… this one is
miles away. So, I hope he will get another interview closer to home before then,
but the next interview is for a manager’s role. Again, he’s getting very good
interviews. But just needs the next chance. I believe though if it’s meant to
be it will happen but why take him through the interview stage as at his level now
most of them are serious interviews.
I just hope the next stage in his life will lead to the
clear path to move forward. We all need a clear path, don’t we?
I went out today in that awful wild wind. It was difficult
but we got there and back thankfully. Waggs worked really well. She loves to
work.
Hub has taken time off work for when our Son is on holiday. Just
a week out of the two, but hopefully that week we will have time to enjoy our
time together and I may be asking our friend if she won’t mind driving us to
some places. She is starting work in a few weeks so our time with her will be
limited, but whilst she’s been off work, she has been great and we at last
after seven years of living here, have been able to go places. It’s been so
lovely.
She loves being with us, especially Hub. She thinks he is
rather lovely. Hahaha. I have to agree. And I am enjoying teasing him about how
she feels. My friend, really? Smile.
Did I tell you yesterday my Waggatail fell asleep standing
up? BW saw her and said. Mum. Look she’s asleep. I replied so what? He said but
she’s standing up on all four legs…
That’s my Wagging one… she stood there for about four
minutes. Eyes tightly closed. Then BW took her out for a walk and she was so
lively on the field.
Well as ever I don’t always set off to talk about anything
in particular, I may incorporate a subject of yours in my blog, but in general I
just babble on hoping somewhere there is a message for one of you in my words.
Before I go, something I wrote to a dear friend today and it
just came from my mind onto the paper. Or screen… after I wrote it, I thought. Hmm.
That is so very true. You see, I don’t even know what I am writing until it’s
done. And then I normally press send before I have time to change my words,
this will explain a lot. Haha.
“We see the black so many times and afterwards
what we thought was going to be black turned out to be grey””
© Fiona Cummings
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