WHAT WE BECOME
Something I read today.
“What we think about most, is what we become!””
Well I’m not too sure that to be true, are you? I guess some
people are fortunate to have dreams and their dreams do come true. So, we all
grow up thinking what we will be when we get older. But what is the miracle that
makes some people be able to follow their dreams, for their wishes to actually
come true? Is it determination? Is it positive thinking? Is it push in life or
is it what I have touched on before, up to us to pick the right path and keep
going but stopping when the time is right? Or is it just our lives are mapped
out for us and we are guided by something to which we have not learned about
just yet and we may never learn who is guiding us.
If you are lucky enough to have sight, you can look in the mirror.
What do you see? I have not been able to see myself for twenty years or more
now. even that hellish time is passing by now at some kind of crazy speed. I don’t
have the gift of being able to look in the mirror. To find solace in blaming
the bad lighting for what I am looking at, for whom is staring back at me. Aging
eyes and skin. Not the person in my head that I think I am. Who is that person?
Who have I become? You as a sighted person have seen yourself over the years growing
older slowly, if I was to be given my vision back now, I think I would get a
shock. Who will I see? I don’t have anyone in my life I remember that was or is
older than me. I don’t have anyone who belongs to me who is older so I can’t say,
oh goodness, I’m starting to look like Aunt Mary or my Mum. Being adopted
removed that pleasure, that ability to run to an image to get some kind of acceptance
from a mentor or elder.
I can imagine if I am blessed in my life to ever have my
sight restored, I can only conclude that
it will be like someone being in some kind of horrific accident and
having to have years of surgery to totally restore their features and what they
will end up with may be someone else’s face. It won’t be the same as I knew
when I was a young lady. It won’t be that pretty young thing that had floorless
skin and beautiful big blue eyes with a fresh smile and the gift of youth. But a
middle or more than middle aged woman who I have never seen before.
I guess there will be glimpses of what I remembered in
myself. May be the shape of my lips or my smile. As it’s my smile most people
comment on. Can you imagine that? I went blind many years ago. 21 in fact,
almost to the day, and tomorrow I wake up and for whatever reason, I can see? What
would I do and what would I say? Well I would think I had died and this was
heaven.
I would think I was dreaming and try to wake myself up.
I would grab my chest holding on tight as I am sure my heart
would try to burst through my skin. I would sit up in bed and then frees. Would
I dare ever close my eyes? I think I would keep them open as long as possible
and when my eyes are so saw, I would physically hold them open with my
fingertips as if I closed them, I would be so afraid I would never be able to
see when they reopened.
If I could get to my feet, I would go to the bathroom. I would
go to our mirror, as my Husband and I are both blind, but we still have mirrors
in our house.
Would I look? Would I dare take a look at the person
standing staring back at me?
What if I didn’t like what I was seeing? How could I not
like what was looking back at me, how could I ever again dislike anything in
life. if I were given my sight, I would never be unhappy about anything. Surely?
I would stare at this person. I would stair right into her
eyes. I would place my fingertips on my cheeks and slowly move them about my
face as if to point out the lines of time. But I would love every single fault.
Every imperfection. Because I could see. I was free. For the first time in over
twenty years. My chains were gone and my legs were free to go wherever I wanted.
No longer a prisoner to a sin, a crime I must have committed to deserve the
pain I have felt with sight loss.
Of course, being blind has brought me some positives. I have
met and got to know some people who will be forever in my life. I have had two
beautiful guide dogs. I understand life so much more than what I would have
done if I was always with vision. I am more compassionate. Understanding of
other people’s troubles. But to be honest, I think I was more than half way
there by the age of 10. I don’t need to learn any more just if my maker and decision
maker is reading this.
I have been through the times of life and witnessed every
single face looking back at me if not visually, certainly in my mind heart and
soul. I can see right through people you don’t need vision to do that.
No comments:
Post a Comment