FAMILY LIFE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s half past eight in the evening. My brain has just played a very odd trick.

So, I know it’s night time I looked to the window and saw pitch black. But I now know after thinking about it, it can’t be black. It doesn’t get dark until ten. Though I looked to my window today and saw the sun, but moments like this, I have to ask myself, did I?

 

I know I can’t see day and night because sometimes when I am trying to get to sleep, my bedroom no matter if it’s past the pumpkin hour, or it it’s deep winter, in other words, black. My room is white, or I should say, my brain is telling my head it’s white. It’s actually black.

Am I making sense? It’s like this morning I was sure someone was stood at the bottom of my bed. But no, no one was there, not from this world any way, and normally if I have seen things that can’t be explained in the real world, I know they are things I can’t even think about. Today it was this awful Charles Bonnet syndrome. It’s awful. I suffered really badly from it when I first went blind, but after 20 years, wouldn’t you think I would know what what is now? people who don’t know about this syndrome could quite easily think they are going mad. It’s awful and as I have written about before, when I went blind, it was always bad men usually the same person and he would just appear or stand behind a door. I had to tell myself I can’t be seeing anything, I’m blind, and it took years and years before I learned about this awful syndrome.

 

It’s your brain that sees, not your eyes. Your eyes are windows. Tools. So, if you lose your vision quickly, then your brain takes a long time before it catches up with reality. But what I don’t understand is, why is it that we always see horrible things, never nice?

 

Anyway, my eyes are pretty useless. To not be able to even see day and night. It’s boring. I’m sick of it already.

 

Our anniversary that’s my Husband and my wedding anniversary, we got some lovely cards from some very special people. You know who you are, but once again, you have not forgotten. We really appreciated your thoughts. All cards were from friends. And two of them weren’t even at our wedding, but if we were to take our wedding vows again, you would be invited for sure.

 Only one person is out of our life now who we loved and that is because she died. My first wedding, heck, my ex and myself used to say each anniversary, how many people have died since we married. We had a wedding video made and we used to watch it from time to time and feel sad for those who’s faces were on there who are no longer with us. But for my now and forever Hub, only one person has died, my Mother in law. And that is really sad. I wish she was still here. I know Hub misses her too and was just talking about her yesterday. I got on with my ex mother in law very well though  I hated the way she treat her Son, my ex!

 I got on very well with Hubs Mum too. I wonder what kind of Mother in law I will be? I guess it depends on who BW marries. It must be very hard to be a good mother in law if you can’t stand your daughter in law? But if you love her, then surely, it’s easy to be a good MIL.

 

My Son asked me the other day what kind of Grandmother will I be and what kind of Grandfather will his Dad be? When I told Hub, he laughed. I told BW my answer.

(old)

Haha. I have a feeling I won’t be old, but no matter we will love our grand babies. We will never be a big family, as I only have one child, but I hope to show that child/children love respect and be there for them to do the Granny things. I even am buying things when I see them like old fashioned games. Today I bought one called beetle. You throw the dice and make up the body parts. The first one to make the beetle, wins. To have all the limbs.

 

I buy the old-fashioned stuff as I have a feeling that everything in the near future will all be electronic. No imagination and no sitting down times communicating with a board game. I fear the values in life are really dying, but it’s up to us to keep them or try to bring them back. If you start from your young child, then they know no different. I am sure that my Son and his wife will have their modern life, and that is where grandparents come in, a total contrast. I can see Hub teaching them music with his piano and reading stories to them. Something I couldn’t do with my Son as I can’t really read Braille not good enough to read stories, and I went blind at a time when my Son needed those stories. So, our Grandchild/children, will have their stories read to them. Again, another important time for a child’s progress in life. one thing I don’t want for my grand child and never wanted for my Son, was to go to bed with heavy thoughts.

 

I know Hub will be a practical Grandfather. He will also make sure his babies are financially rich, whereas me, I will be the fussy loving Granny.  One thing my Husband won’t be is one of those Grandfathers who go to the garden with their Grandchild and pick veg for the pot, hahaha, gardening isn’t his strength. I will always remember a few weeks ago when he said in a real grumbly voice. “I hate gardening.”

He didn’t have a rake, said or grasscutter in his hands, but a statue. I told my brother in law and we did laugh.

 

I do wonder if my brother in law’s daughter will have her babies around the same time as our Son will have, then it will be lovely to get together for a family day out. I love his daughter, she’s such a lovely girl.

 

I adored my Nanna. Sadly, my Grandad died at the same age as my parents died when my Son was a baby. So, my Grandad died when I was one and my parents died when my Son was a year. Weird.

 

Hub just called me from his hotel bedroom. His colleagues have all gone for a picknick. Hub chose to stay in the hotel and have a meal. He is working though; this job means he works most nights until late.

 

He is staying in an enormous room. It has two, double beds… why? One for him, one for The Little Fella? Oh, heck, I hope not… our last dog Long Chops, she would have been on the next bed. I am sure I have told you before but for new Bloggets, she was a huge black retriever/German Shepard. All black but for one small white mark on her chest. She was so beautiful. Long hair a huge tail. Massive eyes. The best guide dog anyone could ever wish for and full of personality.

 

Hub and I stayed in a beautiful hotel. The room was described to us on our arrival. The pictures on the wall and the cream leather sofa. Well, Hub ordered canapé’s

. the waiter came to the door. Hub opened it. I sat in an armchair. He went to put the tray on the coffee table. I walked to the sofa as that is where we would take our tray from the near by table. It was a two-seater, perfect for us both. Oh, my days.

There she was, our black beastie girl spread out across the cream, sofa… she didn’t even bother to get off at the arrival of the waiter. I was mortified. The guy left. I was red. I turned to Hub who was my boyfriend at the time and took his hand. I placed his hand on our girls back. She still didn’t move. She then started to snore. Quite comfortable. He was shocked. “Oh, heck, no, please.”” He got her off and we did our best to remove any black hairs from the cream sofa.

 

Our dogs know we can’t see but sometimes forget. Like if I tell my dog to get into her bed 9 times out of 10 she will, but then stubborn mule steps in and if she doesn’t want to, she won’t. she also knows I can hear her bells around her neck on her collar. So, she keeps still not to make them ring.

 

The other night my boy told her to get into bed. He said Mum, you should see her. She’s standing on the rug, just staring at me. But not moving a muscle. As if like a statue. She didn’t want him to hear her so he wouldn’t know where she was so she could stay in the sitting room and when we are all safely upstairs, she would climb on the sofa. It must be confusing for our dogs, as they do know we can’t see, that is why they move when we approach them. Also, they put toys into our hands. And then there is a sighted one thrown in the mix! Smile.

 

OK, I’m going to groom my baby and then take her for her pollutions before closing the house for the night to come. Until later with love.