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Tuesday, 19 June 2018

DIARY OF SLEEPING ALIVE BY FIONA CUMMINGS


I had a beautiful sleep last night and have had a great day. Sleeping is a huge issue for me that has shadowed me all of my life. But last night I fell a sleep with the angels and danced on the clouds.

 

Hub had a hard day in the Capital. He was shattered when he got home. His train was delayed. Our trains in the UK right now are simply awful. I don’t have a clue what on earth is going on but Hub has done a load of travelling of late by train and every single one has been delayed or he has had to get off because of no conductor has been available for that train journey. This is after everyone has got on. Last week he was on three trains rather than one and it’s not just a case of getting off and on the next one along, it involved crossing bridges and going to different platforms. Now, I will say this for the station staff. They are amazing and without their help we wouldn’t be able to do what we do as far as travel is concerned. As once we go to the desk at the train station, as long as we pre-book, a member of staff will walk with us to our train. That is perfect. But once on the train, obviously they go. And then there is an announcement saying all off?  And then what.  Hub gets off no bother, but then has to hope that a member of staff has realised what is going on. Many times, Hub has come home and there hasn’t been anyone there so has had to get to where he needs to catch his transport which luckily is not far from the station but when it comes to getting off a train, walking along a very noisy busy platform and over bridges to other platforms, knowing which one and where to go is a total nightmare as obviously we can’t see the board with information on.

 

It’s stress he doesn’t need.  And for our sake I pray we will always have the staff at the stations as they are just amazing. I’m not really sure if they know just how important they are in our lives. Now next month we are travelling to our friend’s house and coming home is for me so stressful as there are no staff at the station where we are travelling from. It’s outside and scary. As it’s often empty of people too. You could scream and no one would hear you. Hahaha. Not that I have tried screaming and I hope I never have to…

 

It’s been a lovely day. Productive and I have spoken to a couple of friends via phone or Alexa. I was saying to one of my friends how technology has moved so fast especially over the past ten years. Gosh, I remember my old Nokia mobile phone and I thought that was high tech. And now we have iPhones with so many helpful Apps. But Alexa is so futuristic. We complain about her but to think we can call friends and not hold anything or dial any numbers and hear their voices through speakers. I can sit in my chair and ask what time it is. Oh, when I first went blind it was hell for time. It took ages as in five weeks to get a talking watch. Not knowing what time, it was sent me crazy especially when I had a baby to feed.  I liked to be organised and have everything ready for him. Mind you, after losing my vision, I’m not too sure that organisation was much on my mind. Just taking time to breathe was a good start. Trying to control my panic attacks. There really isn’t enough help out there for those who suddenly lose their sight. I have spoken before about the poor Policeman who was shot in the eyes and obviously went blind. When I met with him. He was a broken man an yet he was doing all this charity stuff. I guess to get out of the house, but there was no one there to hug him. To tell him they were going to be there for him. That is the biggest fear. Who is going to look after me? The fact is, once we have been looked after, we then develop our own wings and want to learn to fly on our own as we meet people over the years who tell us it’s possible to do this and that. Though difficult in some cases, it’s possible but we can’t be pushed into doing things we are not ready for and this Policeman was really pushed. No one stopped and said it’s OK to grieve. It’s OK to cry. It’s normal to be terrified. I wish I had more time with that man and I know if I had, then he would still be here today, but he hanged himself. He was young. He could have met the lady of his dreams. He could have laughed again but he didn’t wait to find out and I totally understand. I really do as when I woke up blind that morning I have never been so afraid in my life as I was then and I honestly didn’t know how I was going to survive I had to for my baby. No way I was going to leave him but if not for him, I had nothing. I was in agony. My parents were not strong enough to be supportive. I at that time had no friends. There wasn’t such a thing as an on-line group. And if there was, I didn’t know how to use a computer/desk top. I didn’t even know that such software existed as what I use now. Jaws. Thank God for the people who invented Jaws. And thank God for those dreaded days at school of typing lessons. Now I know where to put my fingers on the keys and I can type obviously not needing to see the keys. I urge everyone out there even if you have perfect sight, to learn how to touch type. I put my eight fingers on the home keys and I can type as fast as the next person. Every letter I type reads out to me. I can type over 130 words per minute.  I can read what I have written by using the voice on my software. I love the monotone voice too, it’s kind of non-obtrusive. I think if it was a human voice, it would annoy me and I would spend time analysing it. As if one’s brain hears different tones, I can’t imagine how you would be able to concentrate as well. One notes you are not expecting anything or smiling at a very high expression or deep voice, it’s what it is and there is no expectation of the shock of what is to come.

 

I never know where my blogs are going. And todays blog is no exception.

 

I filled in a form today an on-line Google form and I must say I was impressed. It was totally accessible for those of us using screen readers. Well done Google.

 

I have spoken on the phone to a total loser how he has a job doing what he does, I really don’t know. I’m meeting with him on Thursday and I hope to have better news about him as so far, he has really proven to be inadequate. But to compensate I have also been dealing with a lady who has reversed my thoughts of office staff. She is thorough and knows how to get a job done as well as knowing how to talk over the phone and in real life. something I fear we are losing. I mean, this guy today started swearing… blaming his computer. You just don’t or shouldn’t do that when speaking with people over the phone.

 

But it’s been a lovely day I sat out with my dog and Son whilst he washed his car the weather was stunning and the smell from our roses is simply the best. The roses them selves don’t look that wonderful and to touch they fall. But oh, wow, the smell is so very sweet.

 

It’s been a very busy day nonstop and brain work was involved. I was just saying to a friend today because I don’t do talks now days, haven’t for over a year, I am losing the ability to speak in a manner I enjoy, in other words my words are not flowing as kindly as they used to. Hub gets home and we talk but he is too tired to get into the normal intelligent conversations as we used to enjoy but not only that he’s my Husband I don’t have to speak in a tone or use words with him I had to whilst given talks. So, keeping my brain alert is something I need to work more on.

 

OK, just before I go a thought.

Why do take away Pizza’s come round, in square boxes and are cut into triangles?

If you could have dinner with only one person from history who would it be and why? I shall give my answer tomorrow but let me know who you would like to be?

 

 

 

 
 

 

 
 

 

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