Good afternoon Bloggets. The weather today is weird. It says
it should be really cold but it’s not, it’s mild in a spooky kind of way. Calm,
no wind/breeze at all and the air feels warm. Is it the calm before the storm?
As it’s supposed to be bitter cold for the next few weeks.
I have just sat down for the first time today and it’s
speeding towards five in the afternoon.
My Son has gone shopping and I’m scared of what is to come
home with him.
Sometimes if I need something I just can’t get and I ask
him, he either says no, or, another day Mum which results in not at all, but
this morning in passing as we are like ships in the night, I just happened to
say that his Dad is going to buy a Christmas jumper for work this year. Oh, my,
what did I do?
He went to see Shamrock and sent me a text saying that he
has bought Hub a Christmas jumper that will make me howl. It’s a term to say
laugh… I’m not hopefully going to turn into a werewolf.
I don’t think I am.
Having said that.
Em!
I’m not sure Hub will be pleased with our boys enthusiasm to
buy him a jumper. Especially if only Hub knew just what kind of jumper he was
planning this morning until I intervened saying no Son, your Dad is a manager
and he can’t be too naughty… Well, on that note, I thought I kind of put Boy
Wonder off buying anything without Hub being there… Obviously not, so what on
earth is coming home in a bag tonight? My Son is such a prankster.
Tomorrow I’m off to buy paint. Should be interesting after
when I went to buy it for my new kitchen and the guy in the shop said he wasn’t
allowed to advise me. I was so annoyed about that. So, I would have put my
signature on a paper to say if my walls come out a really bad colour, I
wouldn’t sue them, but that wasn’t an option.
I’m going to get the landing painted. What colour? Not sure
as my curtains are red. I have a vase on my windowsill on the landing as it’s a
large window with red silk roses in it and a couple of glass ornaments with red
in them. So, something to go with red. Not grey though, because my carpet is
kind of a caramel colour and that is the colour I am thinking about putting on
the walls. Right now, I have a milky cup of tea. Smile. Those of you who
remember when I got my kitchen paint I said I was after the colour of a dish of
canned oranges in a dish with cream poured over the top. So, a hint of orange.
What did I get? Well, some say peach, some say apricot, some say a yellow
nectarine. And one person has said orange. I have had all kinds of fruit on my
walls I always describe the paint in food colours, that is the way I remember
colours. For example, in my bathroom, I have the colour of Granny Smith apples.
Haha. My bedroom is dark apricot on the bottom the top is light apricot. I
wanted mushroom for my office but it turned out beige with a hint of pink. Odd?
I thought so.
So, my friend and our Blogget, from America who had open
heart surgery a month ago is still recovering. Bless her I can’t wait until she
is fit again and I bet she can’t either. She is walking on a frame right now.
my lady who walks our
dogs fell very ill whilst out the other day. Not with our dogs but her own.
Bless her it was awful. She called me she sounded really bad and she was trying
to walk to the carpark where her friend was on her way to pick her up. I spent
five minutes trying to persuade her to go straight to the hospital when her
friend came for her as that wasn’t the intention of her or, her friend. She
said she couldn’t walk properly she was bent double and her heart was going
crazy. She said she felt so odd and wasn’t sure where she was now. oh my, I was
so worried. I kept on the phone until she reached the carpark. Then she called
me that night saying her friend did take her to the hospital. She was given medicine
had tests too. And was out the next day. Shocking as she lives on her own, she
is in her mid-seventies too. But that is our hospitals. It was a blood clot to
her hart I hope she will still be able to spend Christmas with her Son in New Zeeland?
She will know in two weeks. And finally, my lovely friend and our wonderful
Blogget from South Africa, has her birthday tomorrow. She emails me and I love
her words. I’m hungry for them all the time. Gosh, she writes so well, she is
so intelligent. She paints pictures with her words and my insides race when I
know I have an email from her as in her words, I’m transported to another
world. She could write the telephone book and I wouldn’t be able to put it
down.
A very happy birthday my Dear much loved Louise.
Inspired by my friends and again our Bloggets, from a blog I
wrote a few days ago, I would like to talk about those of us who were diagnosed
with an eye disease and was told we would end up blind. I have written before
how in my world blindness wasn’t an option, but each night my pillow would tell
that story differently.
So, you have sight,
enough even to drive, you can see small print and for sure your loved one’s face,
at least the outline of them. How will you feel knowing that one day, you won’t
be able to see?
Anything, nothing at all.
Well most people I know of spend the next three years, ten
years even forty, dwelling on this and mourning the loss of something that you
haven’t lost yet.
I wish when I could see I took every day and embraced it
rather than spending my time worrying about how I would cope in a world without
sight.
Every person copes with sight loss differently. Most go into
a very deep depression and can never get out of it totally. It’s a cutting
sadness and fear that I personally felt and still do whenever I’m out walking
just me and my beautiful little guide dog, I go through the motions of knowing
where I am to go it’s that map in my head that my mobility instructor taught
me. Or, what my Husband and I have taught ourselves. It’s a time when I hope,
my dog will remember her map as she too has been taught the same route. But,
then I think, oh, my what on earth am I doing out here, among traffic, steps
things to bump into if me or my dog gets one small movement wrong? Then panic
hits me like a hammer to the head and a kick from a heavy horse to my stomach,
then my insides sink, I shake, I have to recover. I have to control my
breathing. And I do, I sometimes ask for my angels to walk with me and do you
know what, they do. I get home safely most times, and few. A huge sigh. I did
it, we did it little girl, a treat for Waggatail and a coffee and something
sweet for me. And the rest of the day, I’m physically pooped. But we did it.
All those years that was an impossible thought. Never ever would I be able to
walk without a human. Never. But I do. If only all those years I knew this
information, gosh, who knows, I may have more life in me and less chance of
developing ulcers. More time to live, rather than worrying, crying, stressing.
When I first went blind remember without much notice other
than the Doctors cruel callas way I was diagnosed at four, telling me I could have months with sight or a few years,
my world changed. I didn’t really at that point understand blindness. All I
knew was, my Mum started to cry and she phoned relatives to say she had the
worst news to tell them. There was a coolness in the air that day that never
left me. This is why I encourage parents with children who have been given such
news to not show them how afraid of what may happen to them. Once your children
know they have such a condition, even if it is killing you, please keep those
thoughts away from your child just long enough for them to learn to live with
their news and get strong enough to be able to handle your grief on their
little shoulders.
So Bloggets, if you have sight, prepare yourselves for if,
you ever become blind. But please live every day as you may have so many years
of the sight you have now or, you may have a few months, if you have years, and
you grieve and stress until that dreaded day comes, all those years could have
been spend enjoying what you have to the full. Be grateful for what you have. But
if you only have a few months with vision, still obviously prepare yourself but
still spend the next few months taking in everything, the face of your love and
your children, flowers, your pets colours remember them as they will come in
handy later on. For example, when you want to match clothes or decorate your
house. You may be thinking, what is the point of colour in a blind world, wow,
there is so much point. How depressing for your children, Grandchildren,
friends Husband if you marry a sighted person like I did with my first Husband,
just because you can’t see, doesn’t mean your family should live in a grey
world or brown. Get those scatter cushions out and make sure they are bright
and make your house a happy looking home. If you know you have pretty colours
around you, I promise it will make you feel better.
At first when you lose
your vision, you will I am sure go into a dreadful place but I promise you will
be alright. Most people I know it took them a year, some a few years, me,, it
took me so many years but I wasn’t prepared I didn’t expect to lose my sight
overnight not from having really good sight I thought it would go slowly. No,
it went so fast I couldn’t catch it but when I had it, I blocked it out. I put
it on a shelf and gave my attention to the days when I wouldn’t have it. Crazy,
right? I have been blind now for twenty years. I hate it, but I laugh, I really
do and I have a life though it’s so different to what I used to have in the
respect I can’t see from my eyes but I see from my heart I take no rubbish from
anyone now I know my stuff and I get further now than I did back then as back
then no way I would go out at night time as I couldn’t see very well if at all in the
dark, now if I need to go out at night? It’s the same as during the day for me
only colder and colder as in temperature not in my heart. It’s the best feeling
to walk somewhere in the dark you know, I smile as I am walking thinking to
myself, I can do this now, I couldn’t before.
You will be afraid you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. but
it can be less scary if you prepare yourself and know that blindness is just a
different way of living. There are things you can’t do, like my Son tonight is
going to a Christmas market. Oh, I would love to do that, but Hub and I can’t
sadly. This does hurt me every year at this time, but hey, there is always on-line
shopping and OK, it’s not half as good as you can’t enjoy the Christmas
atmosphere, but you may have family or friends who will take you to the markets
for example. Hub and I love shopping and if I could see we would love to browse
in the shops, but again we can’t but it may be different for you, you may have
family who will be kind enough to want to be with you whilst you shop, not as a
duty but because it’s your company that they may enjoy.
If you are reading this blog without a screen reader, be
happy, if you have to use some kind of magnifier but still can see enough to
see your face in the mirror, enjoy every wrinkle, smile. You have a gift that I
can only dream of, but you know what? The happiest day of my life was the day I
married my now and forever Husband. And, both of us are blind. It was the most
perfect day a dream that came true. My first love from school was about to be
my Husband. I had waited for him for 28 years. He melted my heart as he said I did
his, so our melted hearts are as one and were remoulded and now we share the
same love and my Husband and I see the world in a totally different way
together.
I have written before about how you can prepare yourself for
if the day may come and you do lose your sight, but I shall write another blog
on this subject within the next few days. And remember, it may never happen,
but if it does, be prepared. If it never happens, and you never need to use
your skills, then what have you lost? Not your sight that’s for sure. Wake up
tomorrow, appreciate everything don’t waist your time by worrying about
something that may never happen and if it does, you will be ready to own it.
© Fiona Cummings
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