WHAT TO DO BY FIONA CUMMINGS

WHAT TO DO

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

My clothes are torn

Trying to keep warm

Dreading the storm

Even in summer

The sound of the thunder

The spark of the light in the sky

Raindrops chasing me

Trying to keep dry

Just a cup of tea

Is it too much to ask?

Wishing I could hide behind a mask

Where will I get my next meal from

I pass my childhood home

And continue to roam

Lights on in the window

 Providing a glow

When I’m out here in the deep icy snow

Do they think of me?

If they look out and see me

What will they do?

Close the curtains

That is so true

Out of sight out of mind

Life is so unkind

I know I did wrong

For so very long

And they can’t forgive

And I continue to live

Just not have a life

I live at the blade of a knife

I swallow pills

As I wonder up hills

Over bumps, and rocks

Tripping over stumps

Swimming against the locks

Soaking wet

With only one regret

I didn’t listen

My frozen tears Glisson

In the dark empty sky above

No one to love

No one to hold me and make me feel safe

Always wondering where will be my next place

Each year the lines show more on my face

My soul is revealed through my eyes

There’s no disguise

My knowledge is wise

But it’s too late for me

As I lean against the Oaktree

Figuring out what is meant to be

How to carry on

Upwards and onwards

The road is so long

The mountains too high

My blanket is the sky

My bed is the cold concrete beneath my shivering body

What will become of me

All I can tell you is my story

And hope you will never feature in my chapter

At the end of the tears

Let you always have laughter

Be real

Trust in what you feel

Never act

Don’t achieve a bafta

Face reality and chase your dreams

Enjoy the beauty of the streams

The flowers

The April showers

Be warm in winters

Don’t ever feel the splinters

Of the bitter Novembers

Listen to what they say

And make up your mind

Hold onto who is good and kind

 Never get lost

Keep in touch making sure it’s you they will find

Don’t run away

Stay no matter how hard it may be

If they mean well

And they are a good family

Don’t ever try to search for hell

As that is where I am and it’s like looking down a well

Through a gun barrel

Feeling cold metal

Stung by a nettle

Pushed over a cliff

Not knowing how to say sorry in a rift

Your stairs are broken

Find a lift

Stay on the top floor

Don’t walk through that closed door

Hug those who love you

Don’t lie, be true

I wish I knew what to do

© Fiona Cummings