FEARS BY THE RIVER BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Oh, guess what? We have been offered such a brilliant thing. A day in a manner by a river having a BBQ. Sounds perfect? Only thing can’t take dogs and can’t leave them more than four hours. So sad.

 

Our dogs come first though. Our Son is working, typically. He is off today and yesterday.

 

It’s raining today Hub had aftercare with the lovely lady from Guide Dogs. It’s where she walks behind and makes sure the owner, Hub, and the dog are still working as a partnership. She checks vet books too. Dogs condition and so on.

 

It’s a process not many if any enjoy going through. Like an examination. But this particular lady is my favourite from Guide Dogs. She is the one I would love to have every time as she is 1, genuine, 2, understands, just gets people and dogs. 3, knows everything about dogs. 4, doesn’t make us feel as uncomfortable as we could feel, no, we don’t like it but out of other times we have gone through this, she is the least intimidating. She’s older than us like everyone’s Mum though she isn’t old enough to be our Mum but she is Mumsy and she has a great sense of humour.

 

Hub went to the city with The Little Fella. Hub said LF was amazing and worked so well. There was street furniture, tables, chairs, bins, and right in the middle there was a band playing with wires as well as the normal people and traffic. They went to the bank then the nut centre. Yummy. I love it there, Hub brought me loads of goodies back. Nuts seeds and yogurt covered cinder toffee. Also, Bombay Mix.

 

They had to dash into a coffee shop as it rained so hard. She had a look at my Waggatails wart on her eyelid when she came back. She said if it starts to weep to go immediately to get it operated on but she said it’s small so hopefully it will fall off on its own. I hope it does as I don’t want my baby going through an op but it can scratch her cornea if it’s left. If she has a scratch there she will have to retire as it will affect her sight.   

 

My Hub is now working from home, he has never stopped. He is working for other teams this week and last. I think next week too. I don’t know how he does what he does, he is so good at his job.

 

I read yesterday that in the UK we are testing small magnets behind the eyes to make eyes that move about if you have Nystagmus, now they are running trials with these magnets and if they can keep the eyes still and it looks as if they can, then the people with this condition will be able to see better as the eyes will stop moving. This is amazing.

 

I receive so many emails from you guys who say you are totally panicking as you have just been diagnosed with having an eye condition like mine or my disease, Retinitis Pigmentosa. You are terrified. I totally understand. It’s a shock. The fear of blindness is horrific. With RP, remember you may never loss your full sight. And it can take years. And if you do, it’s all about life changing experiences. Once you have made that change fear goes and it’s all about surviving and some of us still live very happy good lives.

 

I went from seeing tiny print to nothing overnight but I have never met anyone else with this result. Most people take years. I had my baby to look after bottles nappies and just making sure he was safe and so on. I did it and so can others. People say I’m strong for what I went through, no, I had to, I had no choice. There was no help so I was on my own. I wish I had help but such is life. My now Husband would have been such support, but we met years later and better late than never.

 

Learn to breathe slowly. Train yourself I am trying to do so at first it really hurt as I take shallow breaths. I am still not very good but I am getting better and although I still do shallow breaths, it doesn’t hurt now when I try to slow it down and last week on a bus when I felt my anxiety going up, it was a great feeling to remember my breathing and I did find myself calming down. Try to focus on the positive things in your day and it could be as little as you have polished your coffee table and you, know it’s clean and looking good. You have managed to take your child to school. This can be a really difficult thing to do when you are in a state.  

 Breathe slower, feel your stomach without touching it, just know your body, feel your shoulders go down ask for inner help, I truly believe in that. Pick up that phone and call that person, organisation you have been putting off for days if not weeks and then smile, tell yourself you did good.

 

You don’t need to parashoot. Or ski down the highest mountain to do good in life. You need to be you. And get every day things done and stop knocking yourself.

 

I feel for you all who are in a state especially in the ways the specialists can deliver you the news. Join groups get support and if I can help just drop me a line.

 

Have a lovely weekend. Take a nice bath tonight and chill. Arm yourself with kindness. Be kind to yourself.