RP FILES (FIRST LOSS) BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good morning Bloggets. I guess it could be afternoon or evening wherever you are? I should just say hello, right?

 

I receive so many emails from people who have just been diagnosed with my eye disease and those people are in such a state. When it comes down to it, most if not all, still drive but the thought of going blind has terrified them, and this is understandable.

 

I never had enough sight to drive but I had enough sight to read tiny print or see my Sons face as a baby so clearly, yes, a small section of his face, but what I could see was as clear as a sighted person would see. I used to see both of his eyes then move onto his little nose then his mouth and cheeks then hair. Then store all of that in my mind and put it together like a jigsaw puzzle.

 

I could see colours so well and anything that was still enough for me to build up my jigsaw to put together in my overflowing mind.  

 

I had that sight which to me was everything. When I lost it I wanted to die? No way I could live in this world. But, I had to for my Son.  The pain that I went through during the moment I learned that I had gone blind and the time it took to learn how to be, live as a blind person was for me hell on earth. But the lead up to that life changing day was almost as bad. Each night I would go to bed with the words from the Doctor as a four year old child, I had to listen to this. “Fiona could go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow morning blind.”” The ironic thing is, over the years I learned that this is rare and most specialists had never heard of a person with RP going blind overnight. But, that’s exactly what happened to me. 26 years after that awful man said those words to my Mum. And it was 26 years earlier when the lives of my parents changed forever. There began their mission to save what sight I had.

 

At best, I had 35% in my right eye and 27% in my left eye. I could see 8 lines on the eye chart with my better eye and 7 with the other.

 

After many doors being closed on my face Doctor Professor after specialist all saying there is no treatment for anyone with Retinitis Pigmentosa, we eventually found Moscow and that would be my second home for 16 years.

 

What I experienced there was nothing short of cruelty and some form of abuse, but the Doctors were nice to me treat my Mum with respect and the treatment did seem to work as long as I kept going for the dreadful painful treatment that was offered. I have written in other blogs about some of the things that went on during my trips to Russia. One day I hope to write my autobiography and tell all what went on. I have also written about how I wish I had never gone to Russia and wished that my parents God rest their souls would have excepted the fact that I was going to go blind, and their life would have been much better as would mine. But good parents want to do their best for their child and they thought they were doing that for me. I think I would have done the same if I was them in those days. They didn’t know anyone who was blind or had any sight issues. They were amazing parents and to be honest had a dreadful life because of their commitment to saving my eyesight. I wish I could turn back the time and tell them as a four year old child, that I wanted to let things happen as they were meant to, having said that, I wouldn’t have been able to see my child’s face from birth until he was a year but to see that then have it removed I do wonder if that was crueller than never seeing him?

 

The day I went blind, I didn’t know anyone who was in the same boat as me. Everyone around me was sighted. There was no internet in my life and no talking phones and as for time? I didn’t even know that you could get a talking clock. That day, was the longest day of my life.

 

I was alone and after I thought it was the end of the world because no lights were working and my room was in total darkness, the silence that surrounded me for at least whatever time, was haunting. It was broken by the sounds of my baby shouting for me from his cot.

 

My God. How was I to do his bottles or nappies? Even take care of him. Play with him make sure I could carry him down the stairs, even find his bedroom. Oh, my goodness I still shiver as I write this.

 

Where was the bathroom, how would I find my clothes? My babies clothe? Did I look any different? What would my baby think? He had just started to point to things and try to say the word what he thought it was. One of his words was light. I went into his room, he was in his cot. This was the first time I had gone to him without vision. Where was he? I knew in his cot but which end? Of course, now I would say well, listen for his voice? But back then mixed with shock, I didn’t even know the basics of blindness.

 

It was then he did his normal thing of pointing and as he was so close to me, his silently grieving Mum, I couldn’t tell him what he was pointing to, to tell him the word. How was I going to teach my very intelligent inquisitive infant?

 

I felt my way around his room with one hand he was being carried in the other arm. Passing his bookshelf with all of his beautiful books in, oh the pain was dreadful. Who now would read to him?

 

Again, I have spoken before about what happened over the next few hours, days, weeks, months leading to years, and again I hope one day to log all my words into a book, but fast forward nineteen years, I’m here, I’m me and I survived.

 

So basically, I understand pain and fear. At least most of the people who contact me now have the support of online groups and organisations. The internet is here now and people can do their own research. Hopefully unlike me, they will know always what time it is in the day. That few weeks of first sightless, I had no form of time. No idea of time either. My days went into nights. I was on my own and was so determined not to let my condition effect my child, I became a better actress than I had to be during the years of boarding school!

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

  

 

   

JAWS TAP TAP SEE AND ME BY FIONA CUMMINGS

My Husband challenged me the other day to write my darkest poem ever. Haha. He hates my poetry unless they are roses and hearts. And not real living hearts but those kind of picture perfect hearts one sees on greetings cards. Bows and bells. Then he will put up with them but any kind of sad or dark moment, he’s out of here. So why did he ask me to write such a poem the other day? I don’t know, but like a good girl, I did as he asked! I don’t think he thought I would take him seriously, I didn’t, but I still wrote it. I read it to him the next day when I pinned him down and away from his cricket and oh my. It wasn’t a good moment in the Fifi household.  Talk about dark moments?  I said well, that will teach you to ask me to write a certain kind of genre!

 

He told me if I were to publish that poem, I would, or in his opinion, should get arrested. Well, it’s obvious that he hasn’t read half of my past poems. Years back oh boy. I must have about three hundred poems I have not published too. I only didn’t publish it because it kind of was a little on the dark side of life, or in my poems case, dark side of death.  Great name for a book title don’t you think? Having said that, are there light sides of death?

 

Oh, my I updated my lap top the other day as requested and I have whatever version of windows, whatever number we are up to now. When I did it, my JAWS stopped working, no you don’t silence me that easily, Jaws is the name of my software which makes my lap top talk whenever I push a key. It reads what is written too as long as whatever has been written is in word not a photograph or text. If that makes sense to you. As I have said before I can touch type so I know where all the keys are on my keyboard or laptop without the need to see them. But, when there are updates I dread those days because my software doesn’t work well with updates as my voice my little man in my lap top refuses to talk to me and everything on screen is just for the sighted. So, my mini, or not so mini technician took a look this is after my top technician, couldn’t do anything as every key stroke he knew wouldn’t work as of course he too needs the thing to talk. So, our Son took a look he is great with lap tops/computers as this was his field at college. So, he too didn’t have a clue. He was reading everything to us that was written on screen but nothing was working. Even Shamrock had a bit to say bless her but we were all clueless. Until Fifi came to the rescue. Well kind of. I was half way there enough to get Boy Wonder to understand what I meant. As always though I came out with the wrong terminology but it did give me a laugh, note, myself a laugh. Everyone else in the house was like, oh my God. Rolling of some eyes deep breaths as they were exasperated by the Blonde before them.

 

So, my suggestion? (Sticky fingers)

No, a child hadn’t had access to my lap top. I got the sticky bit correctly, but not the fingers. The word I needed was keys. Sticky keys!

Well my Son pressed the button which said those words or in letter formation anyway, and then it worked better, but then I was having problems with Jaws. So now the sticky finger thing had been solved, smile, so our boy could work the lap top, my speech still wasn’t working, so I suggested that JAWS needed updating too. Hub said no, but I knew that was what was wrong. It would be a long story if I went into detail why, but my JAWS software is old now and obviously with the new update of Windows, perhaps the two were not compatible? Again, Hub stressed that wasn’t the trouble. So, I put my earphones on so he couldn’t hear what I was doing as only every ten words were being read to me from my lap top. I entered at the correct place and pressed spacebar when prompted then it went quiet again not even every ten words were being read now, oh heck, no. What had I done?

 

I took a picture from my iPhone of my screen and waited for my ap on my phone to tell me what it said. Firstly, it read. “Lap top with fireplace behind and a painting on the wall.”

Very helpful (Tap Tap See) Name of ap.

Second picture I took read after a long wait. “Computer on persons lap with black dog in background.”

My Husband could hear my phone talking and what it had to say. He asked me what was I doing? I replied fixing my lap top. He got really anxious with me as it cost him almost £2000 wit software included only a year and a half ago. So, he thought I was going to totally break it. Third photograph came just in time. Few.

“30% updating. 40% updating.”

Great, fantastic. So, something was going on. I had to be patient. Eventually it read 100% then nothing. Oh no…. What had I downloaded or removed? Another photograph by this point my loved one was having palpitations. I took out my earphones as the voice in my phone read to me. “Turn off computer and wait for restart.” Well I froze. How to turn it off? My software still wasn’t talking to me. I have to go to a drop-down box to turn it off and I can only do this if it talks to me to give me the options. Then, suddenly, the lap top automatically turned off. Great. Or maybe not.

 

A minute later suddenly, it turned back on and guess what? It only blooming spoke. Hehehehehehehehehehe. I shouted on my Son with loads of qualifications in computers and my Husband was with me, with loads of fantastic exam results from school and university with his degrees and I said. Yep not so little not so oo’oo’ooo’oooooo old me, fixed it.

 

The only thing I can’t get to work and to be honest I haven’t been able to do this since I got my lap top, was, to or is to use word count. Any hints or tips would be appreciated. My Son says it shows on the screen how many words I have written, but as soon as I do the prompt or command to count words, my JAWS stops talking and I have to force shutdown and start again to get my lap top to talk. I miss this feature as need it for my writing. If someone asks me to write something for them and it has to have a certain amount of words, I’m slightly stuffed as Boy Wonder is in my life no more than half an hour each day unless like last night Sham comes here and we have dinner together. But then we eat, we don’t do computer studies.  On a weekly basis I need to count my words and I can’t, so if there are any JAWS users out there, please can you help me?

 

OK, washing machine finished so I’m going to try to hang some washing out on the line before the threat of rain. Such an exciting lifestyle I have. Later gators. X

 

  

 

 

THEY DON'T HAVE A VOICE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

THEY DON’T HAVE A VOICE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

I wasn’t looking for you

I was happy by the beautiful view

The sunset and the sky so blue

The ocean so clear

And the tall church spire

Shaped like a sphere

I could only admire

The gifts all around me

Given to us

And without a fuss

We are determined to remove

Rather than show love

For something so picturesque

Here I must rest

On a fallen tree

Secrets the old oak shared with me

Ancient it must have been over a century

Ready to burn

It’s his turn

Logged for human comfort

How do we know whether trees hurt?

I’m not the kind to convert

Nor have I ever been an extravert

I’m at one with the earth

I never came here to fall like the oaks

I’m serious about what I do

Don’t want to hear jokes

But there you were

Standing next to the fir

Like a battery I was recharged

And my energy was powerful

You just were more beautiful

How could this have been

Was it a dream?

Perhaps

But like raindrops

It came to an end

I can’t pretend

I was broken hearted

I wish you were something I had never started

 But I’m left with something much more important

A feeling that is compelling

One that is more buoyant

I’m optimistic

This is real

Not plastic

If I can save one ancient tree

That will be a dream for me

Which will turn into reality

Whereas you and me

Became a nightmare

It was a brief affair

That took my mind off what I came here for

You opened a door

Then threw away the key

It’s all coming back to me

My vision is clear

No longer I fear

This is my destiny

The air that we breathe

We kill so we grieve

I have to get others to believe

We watch as they bleed

But there is no need

 We can change our future

For better

Respect what we need

Give water and feed

For these towers won’t hurt us

Nor leave us in pain

But will be here for all

And blooms keep coming again

After the autumn fall

Bare branches hang onto snowflakes

And as we wake

In Spring mornings

We hear the blackbirds sing

Then summer will come again

And fragrances we shall enjoy

If we can continue

To save this view

And honest hearts

We will employ

To appreciate what nature has given us

The trees are a must

These words you should trust

As we build a new town

Please don’t cut them down

They have come from the ground

A miracle indeed

They are the nourishment

On which humans should feed

The oxygen

Thoughts which must broaden

Only you can change the  ignorant minds

Please be kind

For you and your future family

For the birds in the sky

And animals on the ground

Keep this planet in a ball so round

Full of perfection

Head it in the right direction

Like a rolling wheel

Life is an honour

Not something we should steal

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

GOOD NEIGHBOURS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. Yesterday we went to the street BBQ. I was so anxious. How would we get there, as where it was, there are loads of tables put out, sometimes a burner to keep us warm and of course a raging hot BBQ. I hate asking for help. Anyway, Hub went out the front and sat with a beer on our seat and along came our friend and neighbour. We don’t have to be out the front for long before someone will come and talk to us. We live in such a friendly street.

 

We went over and got a seat. We were first there this is good no one to stare. Everyone yesterday were extra friendly and thankfully it was all of our best neighbours that were there. If I could pick members of the street to have a party with, it would be the crowd that were there last night. That is the first time that has ever happened. Oh, hang on, I think there were a couple of people there I would have on my reserve list. But in general, all there were, are great. I sat next to Hub and my friend then my other friend came who I am close to so that was lovely. Perfect in fact. Gosh, normally when we go everyone puts meat on the fire and because this is impossible for us, we just sit there. Last night was so different. Oh my, I was fed from every direction. The food was stunning. Of course no meat for me, but a lovely lady made a salad knowing I was a vegetarian and it was so lovely. She had cut tomatoes into flowers and in the middle of them, had put a mix of mayonais, mustared and pesto. Oh my, they were delicious. Then Di brought some  georgious boiled eggs. Now this is the silly thing, in my house I won’t eat boiled eggs, an yet outside I will. Why? So silly as I always buy free ranged eggs and never keep eggs over a week. I know you can in the fridge keep them longer, but I don’t. So my eggs are the best and freshest an yet I won’t eat them I just have something about eating eggs I feel as if I am eating an unborne chick.  Di filled the eggs with a mixture of curry powder and mayonais. Gosh, they were really tasty. Then came our neighbour who is an amazing cook. She gave me large mushrooms in a thick sauce of garlic puray, they were cooked in butter then the puray was added. Oh my, they were wonderful. She also made an absolutely delicious cake. When I have tried to make cakes they come out tasty but like blooming biscuits. This cake was so tall. So light and so scrumptious. Then crisps and ice creams on a stick. Oh gosh, it was heavenly that mixed with the smells of the flames and the very wonderful intelligent conversations had between our immediate neighbours and ourselves made it a perfect late afternoon which turned into evening.

 

Our immediate neighbours are Indian and they are the nicest neighbours anyone could wish for. Bless them, they told us last night that they were so grateful for us as neighbours. Really, why? What do we do? I guess we are quiet and don’t cause trouble also we can’t exactly look into their garden, haha, ad we always spend time talking with them.

 

They have three children. Gosh, I listen to them and wonder where on earth do we go wrong in the UK with our kids. We have one child our Son and whilst Hub kindly spent last niht bosting about Boy Wonder, we do have our ups and downs with him. Though I know he comes from good stock. He has a heart of gold, just sometimes he can hurt like mad too and as for exams at school/collage? He did good in the end but drove Hub and myself to destraction. Where as the kids next door just want so badly to do well. His youngest daughter is 16 and has just got her results from school. Our kids in the UK, if they get two A stars, it is unusual, this girl received eight, eight? A, stars! How is that even possible to be so clever at so many different subjects. Oh my. Our kids are too busy enjoying themselves and just don’t care about education. To those who are not born in England, it seams to be that education is an honnor.

 

OK, going now to have a cup of coffee with my Hub as he is off today, it’s bank holiday Monday in England and it’s a beautiful sunny day. To my lovely friends and Bloggets in America, I send you love and be careful please with all the floods. I pray for the rain to stop soon if not now. I think about the poor animals too. With love.  

REFLECTIONS OF LIFE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Reflections of life. Today, with the breeze blowing enough to tickle my face with strands of my hair. I sit here in my garden with the knowledge that my family are safe thank God. I can smell the freshly cut grass and our roses and hear what is around me. I can walk, OK, some days I do worry about my mobility as for someone of my age my legs worry me. But in general, I don’t have a disability that prevents me from walking. As long as I have a guide whether it be a human or a four legged one. Unless of course I’m in the house then there is no trouble at all. I have eaten today, we have fresh water and we are all relatively healthy.

 

So, my eyes don’t work. Or at least the vision, and this gets both of us down, Hub and myself, but we have hope for my future of seeing then if I get sorted, I pray Hub will not be far behind, but if not, at least nothing will stop us in life. I will be his guide gladly. I love him to the moon and back. And if we meet Martians on the way? I actually would like that because there are days when I wonder if they are kinder than the new humans that are on our earth now. I also wonder if those black holes in the sky are a pathway to hell we think of the devil below, perhaps we are looking in the wrong direction, as if those black holes are leading to and from hell, then quite a lot of the Devils army have landed on earth for sure.

 

But today I reflect how fortunate I actually am. When I think of other people in other parts of the world even England. What they are going through now. Right now. I’m blessed and I can only hope for those going through hell, that soon, they too will be able to sit in my seat and have a similar perspective as I am having today.

 

There are people right now who are saying they are so deeply in that hole, there is no one around to give them a hand to lift them up, well, I want to hold your hand and pull you close to me and tell you, you are going to be OK, just get through today and see what happens tomorrow which will lead to better days ahead. For every black day, you are closer to finding just one lighter day. Sun will shine again for you, even if it is for one day then back to the darkness again, you will know during those dark days, that your sun is about to shine again. Your rainbow of life will hold a pot of gold for you in many ways doesn’t necessarily have to be in a fortune of coins but a fortune of smiles. Take care of yourself for when that day comes, you need to be healthy to except your good fortune. Xx

 

THERE ARE REASONS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s four in the morning. It’s my most favourite time to write. But this morning apart from the beautiful silence from outside, which is a rarity, and the ticking from my clock my dogs, are confused by what time they should have left their bed seeing me coming downstairs as they half came to greet me with yawns and slow-moving wagging tails, I sit content by the dawn and the fact that we are not working today. There is nothing major to do this weekend we were going on a hunt for something and still may, but that thought I shall put far to the back of my mind as I don’t need stress at such a calming moment.

 

Reflections on life today. How people are put into our life for a reason at the right time.

Yesterday as I hesitated whether or not to go out feeling that anxious feeling of mixed emotions and doubting my ability, I realised that I had to. I had a message to do so I had to step out of what can become a very comfortable state of mind an yet is as far from good from the mind, for our mental health for sure.

 

So, I went through the procedure of getting my beautiful guide dog ready, she was ready and willing, she loves to get out. And the way in which she just excepts her harness over her head almost lowering her head as I feel for her to go through the acquired hole. Fastening her belt under her stomach feeling proud that she is still lovely and slim. That is one way to know how big your guide dog is, by how tight or, not is the harness. Today I noticed that there was a large gap between her stomach and strap. Not enough or the harness to fall off, but a nice gap of a slim dog.

 

Off we went on our little adventure. As I came out of our avenue of all sorts, I was approached by a neighbour. He as always bless him, introduced himself using my name and his and asked me to his garden on Sunday as he will be having a BBQ. How kind of him. So, I headed to the shop to buy some burgers for Hub. I won’t be having anything, it’s just too difficult isn’t it, if you can imagine, a garden full of people just putting things on the BBQ when you can’t see. So, burgers for Hub and I hope someone will be able to help out with that for him. Let’s see.  Our neighbour, a nice guy never goes past our garden or doesn’t fail to talk to us if we meet on the street without saying hello. He could quite easily go past and say nothing, I mean, we wouldn’t even know he was there. He could be anyone.

 

As I did my messages I called in a shop and as I waited for assistance, people came from behind me and basically pushed in front of me to get to the counter. Obviously, the ignorant staff were not going to offer any help, how long would or could I have stood there? Then a friendly voice came behind me and again, using my name and hers, she asked if she could help me.

 

Well, I couldn’t resist. “Oh, thank you, I have been waiting ages but no one was going to offer any help new staff unfortunately.”” Then I got what I wanted and went to the counter. I waited to be spoken to. Nothing. Then my friend from the bac of the shop shouted Fiona, she needs your card? Ah, and why can’t she speak? So, I asked her if she did contactless? Well, she was mute obviously as no words came from her mouth. My friend Janet came to help and guided me to the machine as the woman just held the machine in front of me not offering any help or still not speaking. She was foreign, but that is no excuse. If she didn’t speak enough English to communicate, she shouldn’t have a job in England where you do, need to talk with customers.

I got my item, not offered a bag, and thanked my friend saying it was a good job she was there, and walked out. Into the next shop and met with a great guy who knows me well and has worked at the shop for as long as I have lived here. He’s lovely and so helpful. Better than the last time I was in there when the lady asked what I wanted and proceeded to go around the shop on her own normally I go with them. And she shouted to me at the other side of the shop asking did I want this one or that one? Never the less, I suppose all people are different, I just thank God there are some wonderful people out there who don’t live in their own little plastic perfect world and can think out of the box.

 

As I was walking home, I met a man, he was an elderly gent I would guess in his late seventies early eighties. He said hello to me and told me my dog was marvellous. I had to agree. I just could feel his deep sadness and loneliness. So, I stopped it was my turn now to be kind. I learned his wife of 53 years had died four days ago. With tears in his voice my heart broke for him. He quivered as he told me he didn’t know what he was going to do. Oh, bless him. I spent at least ten minutes talking with him and by the end, he said he was grateful to me for listening. I mean, what did it take to listen and show understanding for ten minutes? But I know there are people out there who just would walk by. Well, what goes around comes around and if I had gone out ten minutes earlier or later, I guess I wouldn’t have met with my neighbour, or my friend or, that lovely man.

There are reasons for life. and people are put in front of us for a reason!

 

 

 

 

 

THE PARCEL FROM THE LAB BY FIONA CUMMINGS

THE PARCEL FROM THE LAB

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

The miracle of sight

The beautiful light

The gift given each night

And feelings as if in flight

No more fear

Memories of fright

Each day is a pleasure

No longer a plight

A world full of leisure

The miracle of sight

No need to fight

To see my love

And stars above

To walk among long grass

Always find a path

To see newborn lambs

And in the field a calf

To know where I’m going

If it’s raining or snowing

To see the sun

To be able to run

And whilst the wind is blowing

I can find my way

No need to rely on my hearing only

Never again feeling lonely

To get out each day

Where I want to go

To walk fast

Rather than slow

To drive a car

And go so far

Not a care in the world

I could be so free

My dark years, a story to be told

And times I will never forget

But each day with vision

I will make it my mission

To never have regrets

And appreciate what is in front of me

The miracle of sight

A gift given to me

This is my plea

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

 

RP FILES BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s almost four in the afternoon. I have just been able to take a break for the first time.  As for my Husband who is working from home today, he started to work at eight thirty this morning, and apart from twenty minutes where he ate and did some writing, he has been on the phone. Even I’m sick of his voice. Smile. Bless him no wonder he is quiet when he comes in from work.

 

I took Waggatail out today to meet with someone passing the post box on the way the overhanging trees today were refreshing to say the least. Most my Waggs avoided but some she couldn’t as they were hanging over the path so much it would have been impossible to avoid them as we would have been on the road. Nothing nicer than a slap in the face by a wet branch.

 

Hubs dog LF, wasn’t best pleased that his big sister was going out without him.

She paid for it when she came home bless her. Trying to keep them quiet for hub working was a challenge. I had to take them in the back yard to work off in Wagga’s case, relief she had got me back home safely and LF’s case, revenge for leaving her. Poor Waggs. I had to intervene he can be a bully, but he loves her to bits. The way they talk to one another is so cute. Boy Wonder said that Wagga can be just standing doing nothing but Little Fella will go to her and just give her a kiss and then they put their foreheads together then carry on with their day. When they are on a free run, they stick together like glue. It’s great.

 

Yesterday in parts of our area, in one hour there was three weeks of rainfall. In our country, we never used to experience anything like this, more than once a year now, we are having floods somewhere. Before a couple of years ago, I don’t remember hearing about floods at all.  

 

It was funny this morning, I was sure it was pouring with rain just as I was about to leave the house. Oh no… I went into our conservatory, listened to the rain on the roof. Em, no, the sound wasn’t coming from up there! An yet, it was raining hard, oh, hang on, no, it’s not silly Fifi I had forgot that I had put our noisy fan on in the conservatory… It sounds like rain. Who needs those white sound machines? Just get a fan like mine.

 

No pub quiz tonight. And as yet I haven’t made any dinner. What to make? I’m getting so fed up of deciding. There are vegetables Hub doesn’t like, Boy Wonder loves, and BW doesn’t like mash potatoes. Hub loves it. BW loves new potatoes, Hub hates them. They both like roast potatoes though, but how many times a week can I do them?

 

BW is on some kind of crazy healthy food diet. There isn’t an ounce of fat on him. I have seen more fat on a chip! But he won’t eat anything at all fattening. This is great, but seven days a week?

 

Another morning I felt the sun but couldn’t see it. But, I have hope. Though as I said to a lovely lady today, I just hope my treatment won’t come when I’m in my rocking chair in a nursing home?

Here are the latest findings I have found for Retinitis Pigmentosa

https://www.ndcn.ox.ac.uk/research/clinical-ophthalmology-research-group/trials/xlrp-gene-therapy

 

 

And this news is great too

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/08/170815100427.htm

 

So, for men with RP, great news at least we have moved from animals and we are on phase II fantastic. The second link is great news hopefully for all of us. But we are not yet reaching people. But, it’s moving again we seem to have been so still for ages.

 

Hope Bloggets those with RP, people power for those who don’t have it, please send us positive vibes. I can live as a blind person, I do, I have no choice, but I dream to see again. Gosh my life would be so much better easier and I just want to make things stress free for Hub and myself.

 

I have a fire in my stomach a warming fire. A glow. I pray for treatment or a cure. With love. X

 

 

WORDS FROM ANOTHER BY FIONA CUMMINGS

I’m off to give a talk today. To some very intelligent people. Gosh, what have they let themselves in for? Will I make the grades? Smile. And apart from that it’s a normal day. I sorted my clothes out last night. I’m wearing a black trouser suit with a light purple blouse and black shoes and matching bag with purple comb’s in my hair. I think I have purple lipstick out, from memory. I try not to buy loads of colours at the same time, then I’m not wearing peach blusher and red lipstick… My ap for my iPhone Tap Tap See, doesn’t read make up at all. Well at least I haven’t been able to make it work.

 

So out most of the day dinner tonight will have to be out of the freezer. I’m a working woman today. Smile. Not that stay at home mum. Gosh, I hate that expression, no, not a stay at home Mum, a full time Mum, but a proper Mum. I’m old fashioned and think there should always be one parent at home I know that isn’t always possible but in so many cases, that I know of, parents just want as much money as possible. So, they can send their kids to ballet, horse riding, football, cricket, swimming, tennis lessons, everything but a cuddle and that safe feeling of being at home. Do the kids really appreciate it? I wonder if they would rather have their Mum or Dad pick them up from school, talk to their parents about their trials at school rather than a stranger or keeping it to themselves.

 

Of course, our Son is grown up now, well, he keeps telling his old Mum and Dad that anyway! I still believe though, home is home and a cooked dinner is important. After a hard day in the office, or whatever kind of workplace, to come home and have nothing to do but relax, is so important. That is my job in life, well, normally, not today.

Controversial? Me?

 

OK, some useless Fi’s facts for today.     

I was reading before that for the first time in eleven years, Ben Nevis is snow free!

Translation of Ben Nevis. Nevomous mountain or mountain in the clouds.

It’s located in Scotland.

It’s the highest mountain in the British Isles.

 

 I also, read this today and wanted to share it with you. From a lovely lady. Nancy.

Good morning friends just thought I'd share a bit of my morning musings.  Life here on the homestead is one of hard work and simplicity. One of trials and tears and lots of laughter. And as I sat on the front porch, up before the light cascaded over the velvety sky, I wondered. What led me to this lifestyle? Is it a calling, passion, a touch of madness? My day usually begins at about 4 a.m., in the dark, swamping through the dew-covered grass to feed the chickens and ducks, collect the eggs and let all the critters out. For me, this is a routine zen. My peaceful meditation to get my day started. It is when the rest of the world slumbers and I can hear what my heart is speaking in whispers of contentment. I remember a time not so long ago that I woke up dreading each day, heart sick and wandering. Getting ready for a job that was too loud, too demanding, too overwhelming and one that ate away at my soul. Being among people that were too loud, too demanding, too overwhelming and eating away at my soul. It resembled the madness of a busy world with the callousness of neglect. I longed for a place of quiet, of simplicity, of connectedness. And thinking about this longing, I realize…. this is what my heart has ached for all these years. Hard work, quiet solitude and the connectedness of living a lifestyle that is simply…. just simple. Is it getting back to my roots? Is it the movement and flow of this lifestyle? I can breathe when I’m touching the green of a leaf, I can sigh in relief when I’m busy stacking wood for the winter, I can settle into peace when I am baking bread for the week and the aroma fills my small kitchen and is carried to the door yard out through the open windows. I can sigh in contentment and dizzying pleasure when my husband smiles as he bites into that first buttery slice of warm bread. Can this lifestyle lead me to money and fame? Nope…but it leads me to more than that…so much more, and the payment I receive are fresh eggs in the morning. A body that responds in good health from the work that I do. A contentedness that fills my heart and soul as I move through my day. So, calling? Passion? Madness? Perhaps a touch of all three…perhaps none of the above…perhaps loving acceptance of not needing more and gratitude for simply living the lifestyle I have chosen and been blessed with.

 

So Bloggets, what a lesson don’t you think? I remember the best time was spending time with close friends firstly in Russia in the very simple dacha’s, the wooden houses scattered in the faraway countryside outside Moscow. We spent many weekends there with different friends no hair dryers, TV or computers. Just good old-fashioned conversations. Laughing, making our own entertainment. A lovely lad I adored he was like my little Brother, we got a line of rope and used that as a tennis net. No bat so used a thick branch off a tree. We did have a ball though. We picked berries and swam in the Moscow river. Cooked on open fires outside as we washed in the same place in the garden surrounded by overgrown grasses, flowers and shrubs.

 In amongst unfriendly nettles, we walked and under the sun we made plans and had hope!

 

In most dachas, there was either a piano or some kind of musical instrument to provide entertainment by gas lamp at night. Back in those days, most children were blessed or in some cases, some would say cursed, by talent passed onto them by their grandparents.

 

Sadly, now day I would guess the talent lays in just how much money is in the pockets and blackmarket banks which hide away in the backstreets of the Russian towns.

 

The good old days.

 

 

   

 

OOPS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Oops!

Sitting here smiling as the sun beats through my conservatory window, a feeling of hopelessness passed by me this morning like a cloud on that rain threatening day. My washing out just chancing it waiting for me to do a dash, as the drops dance upon my head, well, so far so good, no dancing needed. If it’s windy slightly it’s fine, I can find my washing line with ease. If still, oh, boy, where the heckers is it? So here I am in this goldfish bowl of a room taking in the air of freshly cut grass. Smiling as next door they are so cute, funny different. They hammer but nothing seems to get made. They knock fences down but with what? Sounds like a toffee hammer. They cut the grass and every eight seconds, they empty it. What is it? A dolly’s cutter? Or a child’s pretend grass cutter? Surely it can’t need emptying every eight seconds? Well, today they are strimming. Oh boy. It’s the sound of a wasp playing dare devils with a fan. Buzz’zzzzbuzzBuzz’zz’zzzzBuzz’zz’zzzzz

For those using screen readers, isn’t that a great sound? Anyway, the

Buzz’zzzzbuzzBuzz’zz’zzzzBuzz’zz’zzzzz

is soon followed by a

Buzzzz’zzzz’zzzz’urr’rr’rrgh

And it’s all over. Something gets done with either a toffee hammer or a teaspoon. And we have action again for a few seconds. I’ve had some gardeners like that in the past, not now though, he’s a change, that’s for sure. A good guy.

 

I do love our neighbours though, they are so  cute. I love the smell of freshly cut grass too. Sweet roses are floating by too. My pixie gardener came yesterday, it was really funny as she just appears. Hub went to the front door to see what was in the mailbox outside and as he opened the door there she was, on the doorstep

He jumped a mile, haha. She said she was cutting our hanging basket. Bless her. As soon as a flower appears she snips it off. My proper gardener is coming next week. But he only does the back garden, I would miss my pixie who just keeps coming back. She also puts plants in my pots. She won’t take any money and last time she told me not to worry, as they cost nothing, I said well how? Where did you get them from? She didn’t answer and I didn’t ask again.

 

 She loves to crunch snails too. Not with her teeth or bare hands, but with her feet. Oh, the sounds? Poor things. As for my ant hill? Still there in fact I think my ants are building upwards, more family moving in. They have a high story going on in our front garden.

 

I’m still laughing at Hubs comment to the taxi driver yesterday. When he said our house is the one with the apple tree in the garden. Hahahahah. Driver said he was rubbish at gardening and didn’t know what an apple tree was? Hub replied. It’s the one with the apples on.

Oh boy that was too funny!

 

Sadly, soon it will be time to put the garden to bed for the winter. Then it’s a long grey six month. I love the winter as I like all seasons but after five or six weeks of darkness, and I know I can’t see, but I can feel it when it’s dark and there are no smells from flowers or cut grass or the sun doesn’t burn the wooden fences making that homely oaky smell. So, I know when it’s dark and winter has wrapped its cloak around us.

 

I dream to live in a country where it’s lovely all year round. I used to think I would miss my seasons, but nope, I don’t think I would.

 

Right on that note, I must work. So, later with love. X

 

 

 

DIARY OF DANCE OF THE DROPS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good morning Bloggets. Last night Hub and I went to a localish restaurant. Normally our Guide dogs lay under the table but yesterday couldn’t because of the centre it was like a stem preventing anything from laying under there. How very dare they make a table where dogs can’t lay under? Smile.

 

Since we were last there, it’s changed. I guess trade isn’t good there. So, they had to cut in half again, vegetarian food. It’s always us who suffers. Normally I have a huge dish of homemade pasta with the most delicious sauce. Yesterday, I got an enormous plate with about ten bits of pasta in one corner of this gigantic plate.  Nothing else. When I asked for black pepper, as it is an Italian restaurant, well a steak house owned by Italians, I was shown the pepper on the table, a small container of pepper normal stuff not from a huge peppermill. Well, then I had the cheek to ask for parmesan. Heck, I did get it though.

 

Then to try to fill me, I asked for dessert.

There were loads of things, the nice waiter kept reading and reading. At the end, awkward me asked for a cheese plate? It went very quiet. I was told there was no cheese plate.

So, I opted for ice-cream. Well when it came? Haha. It was in a ramekin dish. Firstly, I was asked if I wanted one scoop, or two? Who has one? Two please? So, when it came, I said to Hub, what size were the scoops? To fit into such a tiny dish?

 

Then I got a coffee. Well, we had to laugh. If you could have seen the size of the coffee cup? It was as big as my dinner plate only the cup, unlike my plate was full to the top.

 

We called for a taxi home.  We booked it for twenty to nine. The restaurant closed at nine. It’s in a bit of a strange area. Out of the way and a little remote from activities. Oddly, there is a carwash right in the middle of the carpark. Ran by Polish people. So, it’s dark. Starting to get a little dampness in the air, but still, so, still is the night and the smell of burning wood can be smelt from a far. Slowly one by one, the cars start to leave the restaurant car park. The sound of silence interrupted by the foreign tongue the mystery behind the words unknown to us. Then when the owner says goodnight to us, his car is the last one to leave. Silence.

Stillness.

A chill!

 

Remembering what I learned in my three years of self-defence, how to stand, how to react, how to use what I have in my hand as a weapon and what to do if we were attack. Smile, yes, my memory was sharp, as for my ability now days?

 

Our taxi was very late, I called the company not helping by Hub saying now is the time my battery will run flat on my iPhone, as he didn’t have his phones on him, both at home one on charge one just hanging around there. Great, another thing to think about. Thanks for that.

 

 The guy from the taxi company said the car was on it’s way, nice, when? Five minutes later I called back this time the lady. She said he didn’t know where we were. Great. Sat Nav? I said to her you know where this place is, right? She said yes and then I asked her to tell the guy? Well I only learned a few moments later, why it wouldn’t be possible for her to tell him how to find us.

 

A car pulled up breaking the sound of smoky silence. This guy, sounding as if he had fallen out of his car with his gravelly voice came over to us. Really? Should we get in with this guy? Oh, my goodness.

 

He tried to get Hub to put the Little Fella in the boot. Hub said no, the guy then said yes, Hub, no. He will get in the front with me, he said. Then the driver, opened his boot. By this stage, Hub had got himself in the front with the dog. Haha. I got in the back and I said to Hub this man is drunk.

 

He then opened my door and asked me if I was OK? I said yes, shouldn’t I be?

 

He did this creepy laugh. Stroked my hair and slowly got in the front. He said he was lost.

Yes love, I’m sure you are.

 

Well, we had to direct him to our house, which I’m sure to normal sighted folk, this sounds funny, two blindies directing a taxi driver. He said the last thing I want to do is get you lost, I’m thinking just drop us off now love we shall make our own way. But in fairness his driving seemed to be quite safe. Or, is the word cautious?

 

Well we got into our street. I said you pass the church and zoo, then head towards the cherry farm passing the lake on your right and there is a post box on your left, us stop on your right and mini palace right ahead. Then love, you will find the funny farm next avenue, you will need that for bedtime…

Okay, maybe not, but when we got to our avenue of all sorts, Hub said it’s the garden with the apple tree? Hahahhahha. I’m laughing as I’m sitting in my garden, anyone looking out of their bedroom windows at me will think I’m stranger, than they first thought as I have a huge smile on my face as I’m writing this to you.

 

So, this is how that part of the conversation went.

Hub.

Just their mate, the garden with the apple tree.

Driver

Oh, I’m no good with gardens, I don’t know what an apple tree looks like?

Hub, it’s the tree with the apples on.

Hahahahaha. Oh, I started to laugh as really you had to be there to know what a clown he was. How he spoke and his very very slow actions.

 

When we pulled up, I didn’t care if it was our street or not, I wanted out of that mad machine.

Hub gave him his money, waited for his change. It wasn’t happening but in the meanwhile, the driver had to take my arm and try to guide me. I was ahead of him by the way and leading him.  I kept telling him I was fine I knew where I was. No, he insisted. He would see me to the door, no thanks any way I am fine, seriously, I wanted to be in the house by midnight, and no way I would have been if I allowed him to guide me to the door, he walked so slowly. Kept saying don’t worry we are not in a hurry. Speek for yourself honey. Bye bye.

 

Hub held his hand out and no change was given. So, then the driver started to tell the Little Fella that he hadn’t said hello to him yet. Well, the Little Fella was as if go away silly man

 

On harness our LF is very aloof. Just like Long Chops, Hubs last guide was. They say they match the dog with the owner. Smile.

 

That’s why mine is crazy. But cute and I won’t say will go with anyone…

 

Well, it was about ten minutes later before this guy pulled away. What was he doing? Only then I realised that our sitting room large light was on and the blinds were open so he probably was watching us. Oh, he was being, creepy.

 

We use the same taxi company and I think there are about two drivers there who we trust and like. One is our friend. The rest of them? Oh, my I could write a book on them and their goings ons.

 

So that brings it to today, Hub working from home and I’m in the garden about to hang some washing out. It’s lovely now but is due to rain so may do the dance of the drops later to get them in.

 

In the meanwhile, take care and I hope wherever you are, you are safe. X

 

 

WEEKEND DIARY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Just after eight in the evening and we have our lamps on in our living room and I have just turned on the fire as it’s really damp out there and the early late, autumn! Is not welcome. But it doesn’t stop it from appearing early, like an unwanted guest, just as you are about to put the final stages to your dinner party, and (Ding Dong) The doorbell rings.

 

Yesterday we were sad to see one of our childhood TV stars had left this earth. Bruce Forsyth was the last of the greats. He was a dancer, comedian, singer, gameshow host and pianist. He was the first host of Strictly Come Dancing too. And he owned it. He was a cheeky chappie. Innocent fun. Now days the comedians are just crude, uncaring and untalented. Bruce is in the Guinness book of records for being the world’s longest entertainer. Longest as in years, not length. Haha.

 

So many of our good guys have died over the past couple of years. And, a few weeks ago, one of our school peers also died in his sleep. He was younger than us too. You do feel old when that happens.

 

Our Son has just come in after a ten-hour shift at work. In for less than five minutes and back out again. Where? To the gym. He will do just under a couple    of hours and then home about ten tonight, shower and he will then have his dinner. And I guess about that time, Shamrock will be coming here then too.

 

It’s been a funny day. We have just charged our batteries. No house work, well, Hub has relaxed. He is really run down. Exhausted by work. All I have done is washing bedding, cooking dinner and vacuuming floors. So, for me that is light especially as the food was just frozen chicken pies, well, they were, frozen, smile, not when I cooked them obviously, then I made mash potatoes with spring cabbage and carrots. Gosh, they were carrots my Son bought and he buys normal ones where as I buy organic, and I have said it before, you can really tell the difference between ordinary ones and organic. Not sure you can with any other veg, but you can for sure with carrots.

 

Can you believe this, no, really, wait for this? Oh, my word. Okay, Christmas is in December. It’s August, an yet, our large supermarkets have Christmas treats in like the big boxes of chocolates on the shelves already. Oh, it’s dreadful. It used to be bad to see Christmas things out in November, as when I was a child, Christmas items were only seen from the start of December, then November, earlier each year but August? Really? In a few years, I guess it will be Christmas shopping from January.

 

I don’t know, it was a buzz one time, now by December people will be bored with the idea of Christmas.

 

Well tomorrow is Sunday, I hope you have a lovely day and can go to bed tomorrow evening and feel good, you have been kind to someone. Be humble. For those who ruin other people’s happiness, because you can’t find your own, there will be people in your life who will be so happy, because you are happy, so just think about them. I am far from perfect, this is why I am so grateful for my friends who stick by me knowing this. Smile. Anyway, perfection is boring, right?

I read this earlier.

Don’t be impressed by 1, money, 2, degrees, 3, followers, 4, titles, but do be impressed by. 1, generosity, 2, integrity, 3, humility and 4 kindness.

 

 

 

 

 

 has transpired into the house.