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Monday, 16 November 2015

DIARY OF PAIN HURT AND BEAUTY


Good day Bloggets. This is the first day in I can’t even remember when I have lifted the lid of my lap top. I can’t even begin to tell you just how ill I have been. I’m still pretty much in a bad way but nothing like I was. I seem to be able to do something and then I am exhausted. Little things like eat some breakfast. Afterwards I’m totally out of breath. Ok my Husband has been amazing and I feel blessed to have him. Though the guilt of me knowing he has been doing everything in the house of late is almost unbearable. I know I should go to the Doctors. Yesterday the thought of doing that long walk in this wind scared me. I can’t hear a thing in the wind and get much disoriented. Anyway, today I had woken to a lesser cough my voice was made to be understood for the first time in a while I could talk without coughing. I decided to call our Doctors to make an appointment. I tried to phone from half eight until eleven. Just engaged all of the time. To be honest, I’m one hundred per cent sure if I had have got through, I would be told just to come and sit and wait. I hate that as you can sit for up to three hours. And then nine out of ten times, they tell you there is nothing wrong and to go home. Well this time I know there is something wrong. I know I had the flu and now I think I have something off the back of that. I’m wheezing like you wouldn’t imagine. My stomach feels torn and my rib cage is bruised. At least this week my throat doesn’t hurt and I’m not deaf in one ear like last week. It’s been two weeks now and the part that I don’t like is how weak I am left feeling.

 

My poor Husband hasn’t had much sleep at all as I have coughed all night every night for the past two weeks. It’s a cough like nothing on this earth. So powerful leaving me with a head ache. I should have gone to the Doctors and sat and waited on Friday then I bet I would be feeling human again. But me and Doctors? I hate them I’m totally allergic towards them and they have an immediate dislike towards me.

 

Thankfully my Hub and Son are OK and haven’t caught what I have this did make me a little anxious, thinking could it be something more sinister? I have been burning up and my legs have been left with what feels like bruises. This is another reason I have been worried. Not worried enough to sit in the surgery for three hours though. I will keep trying to call the Drs and if they bother to answer which they will soon as then it’s too late for an appointment for today so they tell you to call in the morning and you call and then it’s engaged all day again until it’s too late for those days’ appointments. I can’t stand our system.

 

So for the next part of my diary. Two weeks ago Hub brought home the most beautiful guide dog in the world. In fact, he is the most beautiful dog in the world. I have never seen such beauty. He is like a big bear. He came to us as his previous owner couldn’t look after him anymore... So he was a sad little or big boy. Hub wanted to make sure he came into a home full of love as that is what the big lad needed. And oh boy he got it. Hub is on the Guide Dog list to board. I’m not sure how much more of that we can do. The first dog was fine as that was for one night, but two weeks? No. Now big lad is part of our family Teen loves him I’m sure more than he has any of our dogs and that includes BB, AKA Hannah, my first dog I got when he was five. And little Wagga as well as our darling Suki, AKA LC. This lad is enormous. He is like a bear. He has hair longer than mine. And when it’s brushed, it is like silk. He is so gentle and loving. He wraps himself around your arm or leg to cuddle you. He is so playful. Wagga has had the best time of late. And you know Waggs. She is so silent. Well not when it comes to the big lad. The noises of delight she has been making, she is such a tart?

 

Big lad has learned how to open the dog cupboard where his treats are, and he knows how to open door handles into the Livingroom. He also has learned that he isn’t allowed in the kitchen so will sit at the door. He brings me my slippers and carries his bed around with him. Oh he is adorable. I so badly wish he could be Hubs new Guide dog, but sadly not.

 

Big lad leaves us on Friday. He is going to a new guide dog owner. I pray she will love him half as much as we love him. Hub absolutely adores him. I must say, I haven’t been too kind to Hub about him as I really wanted Hub to train with him but sadly this big fella isn’t a  town worker the work load Hub has, wouldn’t suit him.

 

I just wish I could sit him down and tell him he will be leaving us, but will be going to a person who will have him I hope all of his life and love him forever. I break my heart each time I think about the dog leaving us and what will go through his head?  First he leaves his owner and is all confused then he comes to us and now he will leave us.  Hub has promised me the person he is going to is a lovely person very sweet and loving. Oh I hope so. This just brings it all back to me, how on earth anyone can be a guide dog puppy walker. Have a dog for a year then give it up? Two weeks and I’m done. Thank goodness the puppy walkers can do this as without them we couldn’t have our guide dogs.

 

Hubs Mum and Dad used to puppy walk and they had I think fourteen dogs in total. All of them passed. But each time they gave a dog away, they hurt. Hurt? I’m blooming devastated. It’s the fact he looks so like Long Chops without the long chops. His face is more rounded like a bear. A teddy bear. He walks like LC his tail is like hers too long like a fox tail. I give him a cuddle before bed and he wraps his huge top part of his body around my neck. He is a darling loving baby. I feel like my heart again is being punished. Sometimes I wish I was born with a heart of ice.

 

To try and cheer myself up I am going to visit the chocolate factory in my mind and write later about it.

 

I hope you all are OK? Fit and well? With love till later. X

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