I still can’t believe it. I’m so not wanting
to believe it. All I can say is never ever trust that someone is OK even though
they are fine on the outside. Even if you feel like that person has so much to
live for, if someone gives you a slight hint that all isn’t great, stick to that
person like glue, but, even if you did that, they still could find a way to get
out of the pain they are in. It’s just so tragic that if that person, my friend
had waited a little longer, I’m sure their world would have turned around.
If you are feeling like you don’t belong,
there’s no one for you out there. Feeling hopeless. You can’t put your body
through so much pain every day. You are terrified of living. Please just wait,
be the person you want to be inside your head, even if on the outside you are someone
else. Give it just a few months. Not years, just months. Then don’t look at the
negatives, but look at what you have done the past months that you never
thought you could. Even if it’s one thing. If you can do one thing more than
you could before, then one can become two. Talk to people.
Believe me, this time in a few months there is
a huge chance you will be glad you stayed with us all. I truly believe that
there is someone out there waiting to join you to make your life that so much
better as you will theirs, even though right now, you may feel like you are
really no good to anyone. Please, just know the total pain hurt agony that you
will cause to people who really really do love you. No one loves you? That is
so untrue. You just don’t know it yet. Just give it a few months. That’s all,
it took me until I was 41 before I felt happy to be here and I’m still waiting
for the missing pieces in my jigsaw of life to complete my puzzle. I know those
pieces are out there somewhere. Two of them I have found, one I know is close,
and the rest I hope to find and my picture will be ready to admire and feel like
I have come home.
I receive so many emails and messages phone
calls too telling me your deepest darkest secrets. For some there really is no
hope but thank goodness they do hold on and they write as if a totally
different person. As for those people who have been left by those who just
couldn’t face another day, my heart aches for you. So many questions. Why how
and didn’t they know? Well I guess they didn’t know or if they did, they didn’t
believe! And they are now free of their pain. So, how to heal you? Those who
are left! Those people will have so many questions and will never get the
answer. So, they will be forever tortured. A real punishment. I have spoken to
someone not long ago who felt they couldn’t go on, they had nothing to live
for. on the outside world, they had everything, children a Husband and a great
job. A new car and a lovely house. Holidays and perfect family outings. So, why
on earth would they end their life? We will never know. And for those who are
left, remember the happy times. Also, if you had have been there on the phone
saying you were going to see them, once someone has made their mind up about
ending their life, nothing or no one would have been able to stop them from
doing so.
Once you are that far gone through the dark
tunnel, nothing will be able to press the paus button. We need to try to help
people before they get to the tunnel, but learning what the signs are? Also,
those who have deep depression, please get help and be honest with the medics
about how you are feeling. What is the point of going to the Doctors, if you
are not going to be honest? Just try it. Just try to talk to the Doctor and I pray
you will have been able to press your own pause button!
TEARS TO HEAVEN
BY FIONA CUMMINGS
I’m sad but so angry
Why didn’t you tell me?
You couldn’t go on
Why did you sit
All alone
How many times have I
said?
Pick up the phone?
I’m seeing red
I’m in a zone
I want to lash out
To shout
To be the voice for
you
But that wouldn’t bring
you back to us
And I know you would
hate a fuss
So many people are
going to miss you
Too many people hurt
badly without you
You hid your feelings
so well
If only we knew you
were stuck in hell
I knew you were
knocking on the door of darkness
But who opened it for
you?
Who invited you in?
I knew the gap
between depression and sadness
Was ever so thin
If only we could have
helped you
And brought you
closer
If only we heard the
silent whisper
The unspoken words
The invisible tears
We would have kept
you near
The broken heart
The hurt
But it’s too late now
Just tell us how?
How can we carry on
without you?
How can we ever laugh
again?
If only you knew the
pain
We just want you back
again
You were the kindest
person to come our way
Never had a bad word
to say
If only we could turn
back time
To that dreadful day
If only we could help
you
Tell you your grief
will pass
But it’s too late for
that
All we can do is
remember you
A wonderful person
A kind soul
You warmed my heart
When it was so cold
You protected those
around you
You put others first
Stepping back in the
queue
My heart is going to
burst
Remembering you
Why do the good die
early?
I guess you were
wanted in a better place
Closing my eyes
I see your face
And you’re smiling
now
Out of pain
I just want to hear
your voice
Once again
Thank you for being
there
Thank you for the
love you shared
Just knowing you
cared
Means the world
You were pure gold
Will be missed
Let the angels care
for you now
Upon your head they
will kiss
They will show you
the way
May be give you the
best seat
So, you can relax,
put up your feet
Have the best view
Look down to earth
See us all
I just wish once
again
I could give you a
call
© Fiona Cummings
Written for a friend I
will never forget 7 April 2019
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