Good day Bloggets. I’m off to the dentist. Lovely, right?
Same thing as always, a blooming filling that won’t stay in.
I think this is about nine times it has been filled now.
So before I tell you of our latest disaster, I shall tell
you of my dull morning so far, haha.
Woke at seven with Hub. Made his cup of tea and small lunch,
as where he works there is nowhere to buy anything and he won’t eat breakfast.
Went back to bed and answered some emails and started on a
poem someone wants me to write for their Husbands 40th birthday.
It’s a challenge when you don’t know them, but I sent a
rough copy and the person who asked for the poem is happy, so this is good.
Then learned that Hub got to work safely as it’s over an hour’s
drive and the taxi drivers can go a little fast.
So now relaxed but time to get up for the day. This is the
time I can sleep. Knowing all is well with Hub, my boy safe in bed unlike the
other night, when he was out with friends all night, but having said that, I
can’t believe how relaxed I was in comparison to normal. I think after a couple
of weeks ago, my worries are broken. I hope so. I’m not saying I didn’t stay
awake most of the night, but my insides were not turning. If someone had told
me this would be the way, I wouldn’t have believed them. But I think I almost killed
myself a couple of Fridays ago, and my body has shut down to all feelings. At
least this is what it seems like.
I got up tidied the bedroom, let my two dogs out, having to
force Waggatail as she would not go out for Hub this morning as it was raining.
I have never known a dog quite like her for rain. She hates it. I have had a
dog who doesn’t like the rain, but who used to protest next to the door. Wagga
won’t even go to the door. She stretches her neck and looks out of the window,
then says
“Naha.”
Then emptied the dishwasher, filled it again, washed down
the kitchen did the floors, tidied the cushions on the couches and cleaned our
glass table in our conservatory, as that is where our dining table is. Then sorted
out what we are having for tea then time for our shopping to be delivered. So
played the weekly game of guess what’s in the boxes?
Just had some lunch, I won’t tell you what or you will go “Gross!”
I can tell you it never had a face.
This is my job every day with a little variation. Last night
I got really down, as I really wished I had a job. You know a job that was
respected like Hub has.
Not a housewife, though my Hub always says the right thing
as far as he is concerned, he couldn’t do his job if I didn’t do the household
things and he loves coming home to food on the table as he never got that with
his x and how I keep the house nice, all that, well that is kind, but I just
feel like I have done this since the age of seventeen and I’m fed up of it. My
brain hurts, an yet as far as education goes, I did that for six years at
college and can’t see myself doing that again, though Hub thinks I should take
an open university course. Wait for it though, not to get a job, but for my own
self-belief.
Well, I did that with my x. I was told many times I couldn’t
ever do anything or accomplish anything, not only by my x but my Mum as in her
eyes, blind people just couldn’t. I used to get told I was pretty and would
have no trouble in finding a husband who would take care of me. Whereas my
Husband, was almost kicked out of his home at three and from then on had to
fight for him. He had a brilliant education.
My first school just didn’t bother with me as they were told
not to teach me Braille I really regret that so badly. If you have my eye
condition, please, you may never use it, but learn to touch type and learn
Braille.
I was to go to a school like my Husband but rather than for
the blind, it was for partially sighted. Then they found out I went to Russia,
and didn’t want their student being out of school as they only wanted a grade,
A, student and I would be away almost half the year. So I ended up going to a
school that wasn’t all that then left there at fifteen to go to the worst
school for sighted children that had a unit, but the unit was for those who couldn’t’
see very well. It was all new in those days and I went right at the start of
introducing disabilities and at the end of
my education.
I hated the kids there I was used to loving and kind
children. These kids were cruel. I was different in the respect that no other
children with a disability went to so called normal comprehensive schools in
those days.
My teachers there told me they were not trained to teach
blind children, though I could see, but when I couldn’t see the blackboard, I
was told to go to a school for the blind. I left my second boarding school
because it was painfully bad.
Then married so very young so just went downhill and was one
of the forgotten. So I have no experience of any work apart from modelling when
I was 11, 13 till just turned seventeen. I can’t exactly go back to that the
state of me now and age as well as I can’t see anything now, I would be
hopeless.
So what’s left?
Hub says nothing sadly. This is the first time he has
actually said that to me. On all job applications now it is asked before an
interview, what are your past jobs? They want experience. Hub says if I could
get to an interview, without all the rubbish paperwork, I would have a very
good chance, but because of the way we have to fill in forms before they short
list you, I won’t, don’t have a chance.
This really hurts, so now I grow old never really achieving
anything. I feel a real failure and down today.
Then last night my friend Olga called.
Oh my God, wait for this?
First the bad news she crashed her huge new hired car.
Thank God she was OK, but the car is ill. Still works, just
looks a bit bruised.
Then she got to the nursery. Where one of the parents had to
talk with the staff before babykins started. So baby’s Dad looked after the
child whilst Ol saw the staff.
You know the nursery I found that both Ol and baby’s Mother
agreed on the internet looked perfect? I loved the sound of the description.
Well, let me tell you, they should be done for false information.
It’s absolutely disgusting. They make out as though the
nursery is in a forest. There are little houses for the children to play. There
are chickens where they have fresh eggs.
What a load of rubbish.
It’s someone’s house and hardly any outside space. A yard
with a small grassy area. No outdoor climbing things or anything to play with.
The room, yes room, has 24 children with three members of
staff. The kids were screaming and Olga was horrified as no one stopped the
children from fighting or crying.
When my friend asked where the baby would sleep as he does
through the day? Answer? On the floor a mat can be provided.
Oh God. Now the Mother in where ever she is in the world is
saying she will have to sort out a Nanny.
It is one disaster after another, but I am furious with the
nursery. Today my friend is going the Dad D. Oh boy, that won’t be good.
OK, off to the dentist now. Wish me luck? I hope Wagga
behaves? I think I may have some company but more on that later, or if I say
who, things for sure will change. X
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