BOOK OF DESTINY #PoetryByFionaCummings

BOOK OF DESTINY

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

I flick through the pages

Chapters, stages

The words they jumble

In this life that’s a jungle

Some of the writing jumps out at me

Some words I refuse to see

Laughter is hidden in the story

Boastful people full of glory

I close the book for a while

And put it on top of a pile

Will I return

Or will the paper I burn?

I sit in my chair with its upholstery

And it’s winged sides

Black letters pouring out

As if to shout

I won’t hide

You will come back to words that are written

Twice bitten

Smitten

You need to know

Where does the biography go?

How does it end

Happy with a friend?

Lots of time to lend

Money to spend

No time to pretend

I pour a cup of coffee

And find that book coming back to me

Open the mystery

The history

The darkness and victory

Who wrote this story?

Was it written for me?

What if I don’t want to be the hero in the book

Or the villain

Peeking through the pages

Am I still in

Featured

Is this really me?

Who bought this book?

It wasn’t me

But how did I get it?

What made me read it?

The title found me

Chapters shouted at me

I was hypnotised

Tears I have cried

Such joy I have tried

Dare I get to the end?

The final chapter, I’m now on

Really?

Is that my destiny?

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

DR KHAN BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Visiting our friends new house today, we had a lovely time though we were planning a BBQ, but because of the weather, didn’t quite work out, though ended having a lovely time and their house is beautiful.

 

What makes a nice house to me? Firstly, feeling the love as you enter the front garden. Then the smell, a house has to smell clean. As I pass the furniture, I have a sneaky feel for dust. Haha, there was none today. And then the comfortable seating as well as the way the owners, make you feel! The rooms were big and airy. The house cost about £600,000, again what makes that house that much, another in a different area half that and in another area double that? I guess the crime records, schooling and facilities. But at the end of the day, same builders, same materials. Should there really be such a difference in prices? Such a gap?

 

 Hub and I are having a quiet night. Our Son has gone to the cinema. Hub and I watched our medical program with my most loved Doctor who should be Knighted. Dr Amir Khan GP’s Behind Closed Doors it is on Wednesdays on Channel 5. It’s a reality show real people real troubles and real medics but Dr Khan is not a normal person, he’s just the most caring person I have ever seen when it comes to medical issues and believe me, I have come across a load of those and normally they are a different breed of human, well in a way, Dr Khan is the same, so different though to other medics. So genuine and simply perfect to humans and animals. Oh, to have a Son like him a brother like him, a friend, is a gift but us mortals have to just watch him once a week on TV but the day that series ends, will be a very sad day in our house as Hub and I absolutely love him. I just don’t understand how on earth someone hasn’t got him to be on other shows, well his own show. He is so funny too. Mischievous in the cutest way. And now Hub watching a drama called Casualty. Oh, I’m medict up. Enough is enough I don’t want to feel empathy for any other person tonight after watching our reality medical program where there was a man who was 93 who just lost his wife, after seventy years. Oh, bless him. I ached for him. When you are with someone that long it would be so much kinder of you both to go together having said that, I lost my much loved parents together almost and I’m still suffering now. it was too much so thinking about others, it’s kinder to lose one parent at a time, but for the couple, then to go together would save so much heartache. I just hope I go before Hub. I really won’t cope on my own. Such a cheerful subject, let’s see if I can cheer you all up?

 

Sharks love jazz. Yep, it’s written that they are sophisticated evil geniuses who are rather partial to a bit of Herbie Hancock.

Now then, it’s Australian scientists who have discovered this…. We won’t ask how they came to their findings…

 

And now a true story from me. When my Son was very small, about four, he came home and told me what his teacher had said to him making him stand in the corner. I tried to make light of the subject and told him I was going to punch Miss J in the nose.  I know, not the most grown up way of dealing with such a situation… thought nothing else about it. Next day at school, the long line which seemed longer that day were all standing in the very narrow corridor to get in the class when it opened. The door opened and my Son said grabbing my hand, come on Mummy. Now remember, I was blind, obviously something had happened, may be Miss J asked him visually to come forward? Oh, heck, it was going to be one of those moments, where I get told what my Son had done wrong… So, we got to the front of the parents and children. Everyone silenced as obviously we had queue hopped. My Son in his best clearest and loudest stage voice said.

“Go on then Mummy.”” I replied go on what darling? He answered, go on, you said you were going to punch Miss J in the nose!””

Oh…    Gosh.

It wasn’t good!

 

Abraham Lincoln was to reported to have said.

“If I was two faced, would I be wearing this one?””

Light travels faster than sound, this is why some people seem bright, until you hear them speak.

 Alan Dundes

 

Bob hope said a bank is a place you go to lend money, if you can prove you don’t need it.

And finally, Charles M Schulz

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.

 

 

WHAT YOU SAY MATTERS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Reading messages and emails of late from you, this is my blog.

When you really love someone you have never met and when you feel you can’t get too close to them? I guess most people get this way when they are young with pop idles, but, what if it’s for real? Real life? you have waisted so many years, you need to catch up but you can’t. and you can’t even ask them or that person if they have the same feelings if you can’t ask them, that is normally because you kind of know the answer. But what if you are wrong? What if they are also waiting for you to make the first move?

 

Normally I would say life is for living and if you don’t do it you will never know, but right now, you have a tiny bit of involvement, but if you step too close to their toes, then you may trample over their feet and scare them off.

 

Sometimes it takes a really good fall to know where you stand. But what if you are so fed up of hurting each time you fall; you can’t take much more pain? But there again, what if you fall, but the person you love and hold close to your heart, is waiting to catch you?

 

I guess it’s like Russian roulette. Taking a chance. The question is, are you prepared to take that risk, if not, what do you gain? I think nothing as far as moving forward goes. What do you lose? The chance to be with that person you love but if you find out now it’s not going to work, you could save yourself years months or just weeks perhaps of wondering. If it’s not going to work now, you may as well find out to save all the time hoping planning wishing and believing in a dream that will never happen.

 

But that takes guts, burying one’s head is something personally I’m rather good at. What about you? Are you brave enough to find out now? the longer you wait, I wonder if it will be more difficult in the long run!

 

Just another thought, school. Why don’t we learn the important things at school things that happen in everyone’s lifetime? Lessons we just don’t get at school. Like, how to talk to a dying relative, how to cope when your parents die? How you will feel when you find out you are pregnant and how you will cope when you have your baby? How you will manage when you have a family to support and you go to work on the Monday to be told to pack the contents of your desk, as you are being made redundant? How to change a tire on your car and how not to be bothered by nasty people. Bullying is featured in every school we cope with it but are not taught how to deal with it. That is something we have to teach ourselves, when it happens to us all at some point of our lives, if not at school, in the work place or in our neighbourhood?

 

How to learn what a good offer on a car loan is or mortgage? What is 15% off clothing? It’s surprising when I have been clothes shopping with people and there is a sale on, how they can’t work out the basics of percentages off. And I’m talking really clever people. We at school learn how to cook rather complicated food, but not the basics. We cook things normally advance cooks will attempt. So, we probably won’t ever cook that in real life.

 

Another quick subject. How do you deal with disappointment? Something you have really looked forward to for ages. Someone has promised you something that you really are excited about. This person is supposed to love you and want the best for you. The big day comes. You are buzzing with excitement. But the event is a total nightmare. Mainly caused by the one person who made all the promises and dreams for you. The person who has let you down was the one person you trusted in life. how on earth do you cope with that?

 

Well the person I am talking about is an upbeat person. A positive person, but she isn’t feeling very positive now. she is hurting. She can’t do this activity with anyone else and it’s something she has done for many years and loved but because of circumstances, she no longer can do this independently. So, the person she went with really let her down making it a bad day, a bad memory which now she will have to face facts that she has to give up what she loves to do. Something she has done all her life.

 

In my life there were things I loved to do, one was going for a walk on my own, ride a bike another and play the game of pool was the other thing. When I went blind, I lost all of that I lost the want, need and ability to continue doing what I thought was fun. But the only person I had to be disappointed with, was myself. I also lost the push and determination to carry on even trying to find alternative hobbies. But I can’t think of a time when someone I love has let me down with regards an activity. Though I do know of one of my lovely readers who is going through this right now. I feel so sad for her. She is facing reality, or can she change her way of thinking? Can she explain to the person who has let her down the situation perhaps that other person will rethink and stop being so selfish? Maybe she should talk to that person and give them another chance? Or, does she quit? And feel that grief as grief isn’t only caused by someone dying, but grief is a loss. I semi grieved when I left my much-loved hometown my last house. And to this day I wish we had never moved, but that was then and this is now, I can’t go back no matter how much I would love to.

 

Why can’t good things last forever, especially when you are not asking much? I guess it’s a way to make us so we are not stagnant. So, we try other things? Or is it a way to face reality and face facts that we need to change something in our lives something quite major.

 

To my lovely Blogget, may be its Gods way of telling you, something has to change. Something significant. May be, you have to move house. Move to where other opportunities will be easier to obtain. So, you love your house, you like the area, but, how practical is it in the long run for you and your lifestyle? If you lived elsewhere, more doors could be opened for you, or stay where you are and have no hobbies for the rest of your long life you have left. The person who has let you down, time and time again by the way, may not live half as long as you. How will you cope living on your own?  But if you moved house where those doors may be opened, chances can be taken and new people you could meet, and if the worst happens and you are on your own, then you will have people all around you.

 

Well this final thought wasn’t too short, but there you go.

 

     

 

 

GODS NEW BULBS AND FEATHER DUSTER BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. Gosh it’s been beautifully boiling hot here. But during the nights have been impossible. Not too many people in the UK have air conditioning. A, it’s expensive B, there really isn’t enough heat to justify and C, we are all getting environmentally friendly now! so, I have been breathing through open windows which provide no air and a fan that eventually gives off hot air as it projects the air in the room!

 

It’s been after four each morning before I have managed to sleep and that is pure exhaustion. But last night/this morning was different.

 

We went out with our friends. Well we drove the same amount of time but it wasn’t until we got there, I opened the car door when I realised, we weren’t at our lovely regular pub. Sounds I heard were loads of children. Never we hear that at our normal lovely country pub. But I guess its school summer holidays, so may be? Not as much traffic. Our pub is really noisy of traffic. Open spaces only people who are blind will know what that means. The air has an open feel rather than muffled if the building is far away. This was an open sound and our normal pub has loads of buildings close together so getting out of the car there, I hear the building. This place we didn’t. so, I asked, where are we? Oh my…. well I was delighted we sat outside as it was boiling hot as I said. I was told we were at a new pub, new to us. Oh gosh, it was not nice. Full of men not like our other pub where they are sophisticated business normally men and snooty couples. These guys were rough…. Their kids were out of control. Wild. Hub and I just kept saying how we wouldn’t allow our children to be like that. Haha. Oh, we are such kill joys. Well this person, I think lady came out and growled what did we want to eat? Em, nothing? But our friends decided to eat there. Going by her voice, I was put off even if I wanted something to eat. She sounded like she had smoked from the back of her throat for the past seventy three and a half years.

 

  Well friends ate, they said it was nice. I had my normal lime and lemon aid. And bag of salted nuts. They were safe, they were in a sealed bag….

 

There must have been fifteen men and their small children. This was nine at night. Children don’t have bedtimes obviously.

 

We decided to leave there. In the car, my friend told me they were all soldiers as we were near the barracks. But you know, bless them, they never once swore. I think our friends weren’t too impressed because of a visual thing rather than audio. For me it was the children that were wild. And playing in the car park where cars were pulling in and out.

 

We drove to another village. This pub sounded nice. Well the garden was lovely. Really comfortable seats. The air by now was warm and blowing as if we were in Spain. Just perfect. Another lime and lemon, I’m such a party animal, and a lovely night was had, but boy, that place was really expensive. The pub apparently was quite simple inside. It gave the audio impression like a pub in Spain those kinds you pass by on your way home it seemed to be open inside to the outside you could hear the voices just like you do when passing a taverna. The distant clinking of glasses the voices that sounded like they were coming from a tent… no cars though only the night birds. The moon and the peace. It was lovely.

 

We came home and our friends ended up in our back garden. We had a lovely night that went on to half past midnight. Hub and I enjoyed the night but the funny thing was, we have decided to throw away our corkscrew as Hub battled with it for the last time to open a bottle. It was really funny to watch him. He was grumbling away. Haha. I provided the snacks, ten minutes later, I shouted from our yard, love, our snacks are almost gone and we haven’t drank yet? I expect the extremities that were mumbled under the Hubsters breath weren’t very nice…

 

It was a lovely night though and Hub and I spoke until after one then he said he was going to sleep outside… I told him the mice and night time creepy crawlies would get him. He said he wasn’t bothered it was too hot. Oh, I had a plan, I would wait until he fell a sleep and take outside my feather duster and tickle his face ever so gently. He would poop himself…. Then I had another thought, how the heckers would I find his face without feeling for it then waking him up depleting the purpose of scaring him with the feather duster…. It would be like closing the gate after the horse got out!

 

It was after half five this morning before I got to sleep. Far too hot but tonight is back to normal and tomorrow rain and cooler, so we have had our three days of summer, this is the thing we are getting extreme weather conditions. From freezing to boiling, no in between. And the other night we had a really bad storm of thunder and lightning and, hailstones. They were like bullets coming from the sky. For those who have sight, apparently the sky was lit up like a real light show. New bulbs for Gods home may be?

 

 

 

 

DRIFT AWAY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

DRIFT AWAY

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Drift away

On a boat made for two

Making memories long overdue

It’s a beautiful day

With a wonderful view

A basket of treats

We will stop and eat

Near the lily’s and long grass

With its bluebell path

Racing with the ducks and swans

This is where we belong

Life couldn’t be better

Passing the purple heather

And birds singing their song

We need to find more time together

Life rushes by

And get’s in the way of living

Let’s make a promise and try

No matter what the weather

To take time out for us

No need to fuss

I could be in an empty room without a view

As long as I’m with you

This old boat has been in our family for years

Seen laughter and tears

Hugged and protected us from fears

Introduced us to the elements

Taught us what is relevant

Time out for two

Just me and you

Under the sky so blue

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

FEET ON THE GROUND #PoetryByFionaCumming

FEET ON THE GROUND

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

A heart full of love

Is blessed from above

A soul without pain

Is a winner in this game

We call it life

Reality

It can cut like a knife

Insanity

Where you have a lost mind

Joy you just can’t find

You are running out of time

But some have it easy

No bother at all

They can afford to be choosy

Walk so tall

They never seem to fall

In the winters of living

They wear a golden shawl

Life is full of giving

Their gifts are constant

Coins are frequent

No problems at all

They are loved so much

By an angel they have been touched

If only they knew

How lucky they are

Their sky is always blue

They are guided by a silver star

Someone, something from a far

Is watching over them

A broken heart is something they have heard of

But that agony is for others

They are protected by white feathers

They tell people to pull themselves together

What would they know?

What it’s like to be low?

To feel despair

To have no one who cares

To battle through life

Everything nice

Seems to pass them by

Tears they cry

Are never seen by us

They don’t cause a fuss

Just carry on living

Giving

To those who have it all

To those who run

Whilst they crawl

If you are happy in your perfect world

Your path is made from gold

You always have a hand to hold

Remember those who’s souls you have sold

Those who are always cold

Hurting

So undeserving

Next time you pass those people

Walk by their side

Wipe away tears they cry

Look through their eyes

Listen to their sounds

Keep your feet on the ground

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

HOT STUFF BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s boiling I went out with Waggatail before it got too hot and to be honest most of the walk was shaded either by trees, a tall wall or the overhang of the shops. I’m in the shade now in my garden but I have left her in the coolest room of the house with the fan on and windows open as she won’t lay still next to me she wonders off when she is off her lead and lays in the sun, not good when our back garden is all slabs and 90 per cent of it is in the sun. Hub working from home so the Little Fella is with her and they have their toys if they can be bothered to play though I think she will sleep most of the afternoon now. I suggested to Hub he should work outside at the garden table but he said he needs a good internet connection so he’s indoors. Oh, I can’t stand being in when it’s beautiful like this as we spend enough time hiding from the cold, rain and so on. I’m making the most of the free vitamin D. gosh, thank God for our sun. what is keeping that up there and why hasn’t it fell to earth yet?

 

The other day a woman wrote to me saying something that made me smile. She wanted to know why I ask questions but don’t answer them then said I suggested something that was my opinion and she wanted to make up her own mind thank you. Haha. Well first I don’t always ask a question and give an answer. I like to give you food for thought and wonder what you think, secondly, I don’t have all the answers and even if I think I know something what is right to me, isn’t always right to others. But the best thing, she told me off for not describing who my Waggatail was? Hehehehe. Well I don’t think my readers are so stupid to think I may harness up and take bags and treats for my pet chicken, do you?

 

Most of my readers thankfully have been readers for years. Some are new but again, thankfully bless you, you come back so, you will soon learn who Waggatail is. For that person, she is a DOG! Hence her wagging tail. Hence, she guides me. And hence she gives me paws, plays with her toys, loves to chase balls on the field hence she has her free run once a week at least and hence she has days when her and I get tested to see if our partnership is still working. Not to say anything about the times when I have said how well she guides me and going back some years what it was like when I first started training with her, oh, and then I have also written about when she goes into restaurants with me and lays under the table, again, I doubt a pet chicken would do that so well.

 Bless her I hope she comes back to read an exclamation of my Waggatail and understand why I don’t have answers to what she wants to learn about.

 

Thank you for your response to my blog yesterday about judgement. I was asked to write about it and to be honest, I wasn’t sure any of it made sense but apparently you read and took in what I said. I hope I managed to answer your questions.

 

Well India are heading to the moon. Again, why? I wish we would just leave what has nothing to do with us alone I mean China or Japan, again I can’t remember what country, are to bring, or have brought huge amounts of rock from space. Who knows what is on those rocks could be something that will wipe out all humanity, some would say not a bad thing! As long as we leave the animals. Oh, and all the people who care for animals, but I guess that is humans. There are some really great people left on earth, just we have to search for them. Personally, I do know some really lovely people but I get messages and emails from people who really are at the end of their tether with people. If you are fortunate to find a good person, hang onto them if you can.

 

But we are not happy enough to dig into the earth to rob it, the ocean and so on, now we are to dig on other planets. Pull down the rocks, the clouds and who knows, the sun then may crash to earth, then we really will be done for.

 

I was reading something funny literally funny today; people think jokes are funnier when the audience laughter is genuine…. you don’t say…. I guess it’s genuine laughter, when it is, funnier…. I agree though, jokes aside. I hate canned laughter.  But I just thought the way in which the report was written, someone somewhere has done a study on that, what a waste of money….

 

Something else I was reading where the heading was something like can we inherit trauma from our ancestor? I say yes, God help my Grand kids then…. My biological father had two daughters after me. They have had a totally different life to me and are continuing to have so. Though I have never met my sisters, I have learned that we have so much in common. That is genetics, I guess. So, I would guess I have inherited trauma from my past though it could be on my biological mothers’ side as I think my sisters are pretty relaxed and chilled out in their busy lovely lives. My life has been full of trauma pain and mystery. Mingling with famous people so much TV and media attention but I would swap a life of normality any day for the life I have had. My life has been one enormous challenge and Hub and I have a heck of a challenge over the next half year to face, I feel this time next year, my life will be totally different to what it is now, but in a good way? Not sure about that, but totally different, that is if our plan works, or I should say, if Hubs plan works…

 

Scientists have discovered that chimpanzees grow closer when they watch a movie together. Oh, I want one of those…. I adore them. My Husband is so lucky as he has been to the beautiful South Africa so many times, I envy him.

 

Orangutans apparently are showing a new form of communication. It’s said that the parents of the baby orangutans scratch to get the babies attention something that has not been done before, really? Or have we just not noticed it in the past, but they say it’s new and hasn’t been done before… I wonder what has made them start to do that?

 

The cost of solar power has dropped by 76% since 2012. I wish every new house would be built with it in the roofs.

 

Well I’m starting to burn now as our sun has come to see me now so, no longer am I in the shade. Oh, I have to start to think about what to cook for dinner, it’s too hot to cook and I think if we see another salad, we will go off it for life. we have eaten salads for weeks as the produce has been stunning this year, same as soft fruits have been lovely. Parts of the world are having problems with bananas. There is a fungous sadly attacking banana plantations. Do you know that the banana used to be the most popular fruit but apparently not now, people are not buying them? Shame as they are so versatile and great for vitamin B12. If you read about B12, it’s so important for us. You also get this vitamin in carrots. Be safe and breathe deeply taking in what our earth has to offer us. Laters Gators.

  

DIARY OF BEING JUDGEMENTAL BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Hello Bloggets. A lovely reader has asked me to write about the subject that I am ending my blog on today, so, that to come!

 

Right now, I’m sitting in my back garden. It’s the strangest day with regards to the weather. It’s meant to get to end 20’s in temperature today, and it is really warm. But it’s so very windy. And seems to be dull. I’m sitting here at my table in our garden and the wind is quite boisterous. My hair is blowing everywhere all over my face, it’s a good job I don’t need to see to type. It’s like a storm brewing.  But the heat in the wind is really odd. I almost love it. I love the difference in how it feels. Normally when it’s hot, it’s really warm sometimes uncomfortable but this breeze is so refreshing in a really odd way. I say odd because it feels as if we are on another planet. This doesn’t feel like any other summer day I have experienced in England!

 

The birds that are normally muffled by the traffic are silenced. Of course, the traffic isn’t. unfortunately. It will be weird to think in a few years’ time, what our busy road will sound like once the cars are electric? Hub wants to look at another house soon, only because of the road outside our back garden. But what if we move and the road becomes silenced?  I must say yesterday when we were sitting in our garden, we couldn’t hardly hear each other talk it was that bad. On a Sunday? But we raised our voices and did manage to have some lovely conversations.

 

The fragrances in my garden are so nice the roses my Mum in law planted for us are delightfully in bloom. They have a sweet smell and there is another shrub that smells of pepper but in a nice way. And there are shrubs that smell of lemon. My lavender hasn’t come out this year but it may be too early for it. What would I know, I’m so far from gardener friendly? Well, I am friends with gardeners, but I’m not the gardens friend as I am totally useless when it comes to slugs, worms, spiders and wasps. Oh, sorry, apple trees, shrubs and beautiful flowers….

 

Though my in door plants are coming on so well. Mind you, my tomato plants should run in competitions. No, not run away, but run to the finish line for best well, em, height? Regards to tomatoes well, let’s say, thank goodness for grocery stores!

 

And now onto the subject I have been asked to write about by my lovely lady from America. Judgement. Not in the biblical way, but in life today. What is judgement? And are you judgemental? If you are then do you mind when others are being judgemental towards you? Are there any people who have never or are not judgemental? Surely everyone is to a certain extent? Isn’t being judgmental just having an opinion? As long as you are not nasty about it or what I call snooty. I know of people who forget their roots and look down at people just because they can’t afford things but those people who look down towards others, should remember when they were in that situation.

 

When we make judgements towards others that is in a negative way that have consequences that will make other people feel really sad, low or make them lack in confidence. That isn’t a good way to be judgemental, or, are there no ways to put the words good and judgemental together?

 

I judge people who take drugs. I try to have an open mind and ask why they got into that situation, but in most cases I try to avoid those people, but I do have friends who are so lovely, who I care about, who do dabble. I have had to put their habits to the back of my mind as to lose them as a friend would be a negative thing, but if I knew they used drugs before I got to know them, I would have ran, avoided them. I judge people who swear in every situation no matter who is there to listen. I class them as uneducated. To swear among friends who share the language, fine, but to swear in front of children or respectable people who obviously don’t swear, well that to me is just ignorant and bad manners. I feel if you don’t know how to talk without using bad words, then you are not clever enough for me to spend time chatting to you. So, I’m judgemental, but rather than cause a fuss, I will just walk away or blank their words and make up my own opinion.

 

 If you were talking to a fifteen-year-old who confided in you they had lost their virginity to a much older person, personally I wouldn’t want to scare them away. If they have been braved enough if they have trusted me enough to confide in me, then I wouldn’t want to scare them away, so, how would I handle that situation? What words would I use and try to avoid?

“It seems your impulsivity may have got the better of you, do you think a part of you will regret that later?”” that is kind of letting that person know that you personally don’t agree with what they did. So, how could we put this in a better way?

“And how did that make you feel?”” and then you have to be ready for the answer. Be prepared to be shocked and then not to move your face…. that is the tough task not showing any emotion. Oh, my reminds me of when I studied, we were put in situations where by we were in a room with other students. I was told things that repulsed me. But my face had to remain still. Sadly, I can’t do that with my Son, the slightest movement of my eyes or mouth, can let him into my mind. Or could that be we are so close he reads me? For those who are blind, how do we know about facial expressions? How do we learn them? It’s very easy for a person who has never had sight to look so sad. Because we know what faces look like, to quotes look normal, people who have or had, sight, act without realising. Because I guess we don’t want to be judged.

 

At a basic semantic level, making judgements is being judgemental! How do we know how to make constructive as opposed to problematic judgements?

 

The empathy dynamic approach to each personality, is important. It’s crucial you know where they are coming from, their perspective, history and experiences that went into their current situation. We are told to judge the sin, and not the sinner. Gosh, for me this is difficult. I admire those who can do that, but to create a sin, you have to be a sinner and to be a sinner, surely that makes you them, a bad person? To be sinful isn’t a good feature. And to say not to blame the sinner is to me an impossible act. It’s like a car that crashes into someone and kills them, of course the car was the reason that person died but it was the driver who directed the car. It is the sinner who directs the act of the sin!

 

I was also asked are people who are blind able to be judgemental? Well I think I have answered that one and are we as people who are blind judged? Gosh yes. We are judged by everyone. Family friends well, who we thought and think are friends, not true friends. Colleagues and strangers.   

 

How do we as people without vision judge? We can’t see people. But we hear them. We learn of their lifestyle. We can’t see what they area wearing or their hairstyle but somehow, we feel what they wear, their shoes, as they pass us their long hair or not so long hair may touch our arm for example. What perfume aftershave they wear and always there are sighted people who will tell us what people look like and for those who have never been able to see, we judge others words descriptions of others by the language we know. But words don’t paint visual pictures to people who have never had sight, but our brains know negative words.

 

To live in a world where people who judge in a negative way don’t exist well in a way that hurt others, would be lovely. Sometimes to judge is to have an opinion. But sometimes we need to keep our judgements to ourselves, I think. But there again, wouldn’t life be boring if we were all sweetness and light?

 

For me personally, I love and I’m kind to those who deserve it. I would do anything for those good people. So, am I judgemental? Heck, yes.

 

  

A FASHIONABLE DIARY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s been a lovely day. Really sunny but with a gentle breeze. We took our dogs for a two and a half hour walk. So, not too far. Along the river we went and Waggs worked really well. It’s a narrow path with trees at each side of us and the river bank with the odd boat passing by and in the distance, we could hear the trains. Beautiful bird sounds and no cars. Such a luxury as we live in the city, so to get so far from cars was a relief.

 

I managed to avoid the nasty nettles. Gosh how not sure. My brain is all over the place just as my walks. I did so well too as there was loads of cow mess on the path, it’s shocking, so, the cows had been moved from that part to other places nowhere near. Why can’t the farmers leave the paths nice and clean I mean, if our dog does something, we pick it up. Cows and horses? I know if you are trotting along a road, you can’t stop and pick up your horse muck, though you could come back for it in your car, but the cow muck? Well surely farmers could return it was in a nice big line loads of it. Oh, have you ever walked in that stuff? Well I have when it’s been lovely hard and dry, but typical of me, the very last one on the path, I managed to find and not only step on top of it, but right through it. Oh, gross…. I was wearing a cow pat shoe. It was on the top of my foot sides and underneath.

Not funny. It was so fresh, wet and disgusting. I wondered why Hub was so keen that I lead the way!

 

Hub working tonight though it’s Sunday, but he has some files to write and work to get to someone first thing and he will be in transit for the start of the day tomorrow, he does work whilst travelling, that is the good thing about being blind and not needing to drive to work, he can open his lap top and work, but these are large files so he wanted to make sure they would get there in time, hence working tonight.

 

Passwords, gosh, I keep getting told to change mine, it’s really hard to remember them all. At first, you know, the start of passwords and the internet, they were easy to remember, as I could use the same one for so many things… but the more we do on line that requires passwords, the more different passwords we need.

 

The other day I was paying for a meal and I automatically put in my number at the till. Then I went cold. As the queue behind me were silent, all listening for the lady behind the counter to say, sorry you have been refused…. As I thought to myself, I put that number in with such ease, I don’t even think it’s the right one? Few it was. But that moment when you get that cold rush, it’s awful. Then I thought, how can I use that card number at least three times per week then suddenly forget it? The mind is a funny thing.

 

I read this today and I love it.

A real man never hurts a woman be very careful when you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. Women came out from men’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved. 

And that is so true but for our men, they are to be totally respected and loved too by women!

Apparently, the colours of this spring gone, and summer now, are all kinds of yellows like lemon, gold and turmeric. Beautiful. I adore yellow. I find it suits people with dark hair, blonde, brown or red. And, every eye colour and skin tone.

 

When it comes to summer make up, they say it’s lazy make up. So, that trend must mean easy, right? Light and airy skin is popular. Tinted moisturizer, apply all over your face with your fingers. Bright coral lips. Oranges are in with beige lipstick too. If you want more definition, use a lipliner. Metallic colour for the eyelids.

 

There is a shop I think it’s in America, or, they are in the US. It’s called Bath and Body Works. They sell a candle I would love; the fragrance is eucalyptus and spearmint and it’s about $15 or less. It just sounds so summery don’t you think?

 

This is going to be a really hot week in the UK. In some parts of our world it’s winter. What a world we live in. Enjoy it. Respect it.

 

 

 

 

 

DIARY OF WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE BLIND BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s a breezy day. Quite cool. Today was the start of the mornings getting darker. Only by a small amount, but I’m still waiting for our summer and already the days are shrinking. Though on Tuesday and Wednesday, we are to have the hottest days. Shame we can’t go out but work calls for all.

 

Our dogs have been on a great free run today. A four-month little dog made friends with the Little Fella. She kept kissing him and wouldn’t leave him alone but he was so good with her. They are exhausted now. and I suspect hungry. They always ask for their dinners early when they have had a free run.

 

I was asked a couple of days ago to describe what it is like being blind. Gosh, where to begin? What it’s like for me, for friends or in general? For some people who are blind, it’s just life. they have never known anything different. They come across some challenges, but deal with it. What choice do they have? For others it’s the most depressing way of living. It’s sad, lonely and extremely challenging. They want to work but it’s really difficult to get a job unless you have been to university and even then, it’s hard to get employment in the field that you have studied in. most people who are blind who work, are working in a role that is much  lower than what they are capable of. Of course, there are some fortunate people who have fantastic jobs like directors, CEO’s heads of and so on!

 

Some people who write to me through messages or email, never leave the house. One lady I was talking to the other day is in her late thirties and hasn’t stepped over her doorstep for three years and eight months. Imagine that? She cries every day. She is so scared. Her family never visits. And that is another thing, a lot of people who lose their sight or who have been blind forever, family members don’t bother with them. It’s awful. People who have lost their sight suddenly find they lose their friends. Personally, I have some lovely friends, but they freely too freely, tell me now that when they first met me, they weren’t sure as they thought I wouldn’t be the same as their other friends. Now I get told by them that being friends with me is no different than sighted people. It’s a case of people just opening their closed minds.

 

It can be really scary being blind. But some would say it’s liveable and they really enjoy life.

 

Personally, I have great days and sad days. Days when I really despair and other days when I exist. And then I have times in life where I have really looked forward to the event and had the best times. And then there are times when I am sick of my life. I guess that is the same for those who can see?

 

Everyone has challenges in life. we just seem to have more and different. But me personally, I’m lucky. I have a beautiful house. We are not in desperate need for money. We are not hungry. I have a loving Husband and Son. We don’t go on holiday any more sadly, but that is because it scares me to go abroad just the two of us. One day who knows we may go abroad again. Our Son may go with us when he doesn’t have his gf to go with unless he is with her forever. Or who knows, we may go on our own, gosh, that will be one heck of a blog? Haha.

 

If we go on holiday abroad, how on earth would we do anything out of the hotel? We don’t know the route anywhere abroad. I so miss the lovely weather and atmosphere of foreign countries. The food, smells and different languages.

 

I would love to walk along a beach with Hub. But if you can imagine, if you are blind, how on earth do you find your way off a beach? Not only that, how do you not trip over someone laying on the sands? So, I guess a holiday abroad is out of the question so that is sad, but we have each other that is the main thing and we have nice days out.

 

For me I miss not being able to see in the mirror before I go out. To know what is in fashion and how ladies are wearing their hair. Colours I used to miss but to be honest, I’m over that now. we evolve as people who are blind, I think. Well, we get used to situations. We adapt. Thank goodness for the iPhone as we use that so much for applications we download. We can read letters but only every few words, never a full letter. We can’t fill in forms so that is tedious. Who to ask? Especially when it comes to banking.

 

Everything is a struggle to be honest. Going to the cinema we have to take a walk over a really lethal road. Walk hoping, we can find where we need to go. Getting to buildings, hoping that our dog will take us to the right one. And then once in, remembering where to find where we can buy tickets then getting someone to get us the small machine where we plug our earphones into as we are fortunate in the UK we have fantastic audio for our cinema’s and theatres, but as for the theatre, audio is only usually  for one performance. One out of the full week. And only once that day may be in the afternoon?

 

Arenas are a total nightmare. We have to go with someone. We have been to the theatre just the two of us many times before using the bus and hoping we get off at the right stop and that is great as we get ourselves to the counter and someone assists us to a seat. But all through the performance, I’m thinking, oh, heck at the end, what if we don’t get assistance? Some theatres are easy, you get up, turn back on yourself and follow people but some have loads of steps lifts and are huge open spaces.

 

Life is really difficult. Choosing paint for your house, colours in general. Reading cooking instructions. I guess we learn to improvise.  

  

What do people who are blind see? It depends on what they have wrong with their eyesight. Everyone is different. Hub describes what he sees as imagining looking from your elbow. I see nothing some days other days I see a bright white sheet in front of me. Other times it’s dark red or dirty fog, but not fog. As fog you see through but it’s blurry. I don’t see through my fog. Sometimes I think I see shadows. But then I wonder if it’s my imagination. My brain playing tricks as it’s our brain that see’s.

 

I used to think going blind would be like looking at black all the time. I don’t think I have ever seen black. Sometimes for me, I see like Hub, from my elbow, when you look through your elbow, what do you see? Yep, same here. Nothing. Its like looking through your ears.

 

I was asked another question about blindness today; I shall try to answer that in another blog.

 

I was reading that in South Africa, an evil south African hunter/murderer, shot a beautiful elephant, but Kama came along and settled life as when the poor elephant was shot, it fell on top of the murderer and killed him. I just wish the elephant hadn’t have been shot. Another couple were pictured as they kissed after killing a lion. My goodness, what is wrong with people. Sick sinful individuals.

 

Now for some facts I enjoyed reading. In England if you leave a party early, it’s called a French exit. In France they say to leave like the English.

 

Depicted in pictures and statues, Buddha isn’t at all like the real Buddha is meant to have been. He was really skinny because of self-deprivation.

 

In 1923, a jockey had a heart attack but his horse continued running and won, making the first and only jockey to have ever won a race after death.

 

Wow, this is incredible, at birth, a baby panda, is smaller than a mouse.

 

The worlds largest Grand piano was built in New Zealand by a fifteen year old. It’s over 18 feet long.

 

And finally, octopuses and squids have beaks, did you know that? I guess if you can see, you did, but never personally seeing one I really wouldn’t have ever guessed that they had. They are made from keratin the same as what our fingernails and bird beaks are made from.

 

Take care live life for today and enjoy tomorrow.

 

 

 

CORNERED BY DECISIONS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good evening Bloggets. This blog is in two parts. The first my diary, the second, gosh, just shows how my mind changes. How are you all today? My beautiful guide dog is becoming so loving and very attached. Today when I was sitting in the garden, I put my hand out as I felt something near me. It was my beautiful little silky black lab. I spoke to her carried on writing and about 12 minutes later, put my hand out, she was still sitting there, looking at me. As if she was reading my mind. She never used to be like that, she was always too hyper. Couldn’t sit still for more than two minutes. And she kisses her Daddy all the time too. She is like a human, she kisses him when he comes home or just before she takes herself off to bed. I love her so much. She is a total miracle.

 

 Hub home from a couple of nights overnight with work and we are out with friends, not sure where we are going yet, but I think it will be a pub. So, lime and lemon again for me. It’s a real shame I can’t drive it is such a waist that I don’t drink an yet I can’t drive.

 

That was written last night I totally forgot to publish well, finish the blog. So, we did go out with friends. We went to our normal lovely country pub. It was an interesting night.

 

Gosh the past few weeks so much to think about in life and decide upon. Decisions have been made. I had lots to think about to get to where we are now. But pen on paper it’s all done. stamp on and off we go…

 

 Waiting hurts, putting to the back of your mind hurts, but not knowing what to do when it comes to deciding can be the most painful. I am a strong believer if something feels right, go for it no matter what, if something feels bad, stay still but what if you don’t feel good or bad about something? But you are being asked to decide? Then what?

 

They say trust your instincts and follow your heart, but what if both are not talking to you? I have no answers no advice but I am being asked and pressured to decide. It’s tough. So, I just have been burying my head not to make that decision. Walking away from the questions. But at the end of the day I was cornered and there was no escape.

 

To make certain decisions in life one needs guidance, either from your soul which talks sense or your heart, if you are guided by God or angels, perhaps a close family member or clos friend. But what if you don’t get answers from anything or anyone or if you do, and you just don’t feel it? Then what?

 

Are you ever pressured to conform? But what if you don’t want to be part of life’s big picture? And that is where the pressure comes into life.

 

I don’t think I have ever had such a tough decision to make before where I have not known what to do and the past few weeks it seems as if there has not been just one thing to think about but multi decisions to be made. And when I don’t know how emotions will run, where I will be in life, in my mind!

 

 We talk about a flash thought or a bolt from the sky, but what if everything is as simple and just as infinitely complex as the processes particular rain drop or leaf fall from the sky and tree, at any moment!

 

  You can overthink something can’t you, or like me, have no thoughts. It’s so not like me to be like that. And that has what has made me panic. When you can see in your mind the road ahead, that’s fine, or if you don’t know where to go but are open for a big adventure, great, but what if you are exhausted with the journey of life and you just want to sit down take a breath and close all doors to the world. But then someone keeps opening the doors and coming in to pull you out and once again, ask questions and they are so hungry for an answer. You pull away running to the door and trying hard to close it but you are being pushed back out pulled out and trapped. It’s time now, no escape, an answer is required!

 

Auliq Ice wrote. “If you care about what people think about you, you will end up being their slave. Reject and pull your own rope.”” I love that ideology.

 

 

Something else that was written, but I can’t remember by whom? “Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs!””

 “if you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito!”” Dalai Lama

I personally translate that as we are much bigger than a mosquito, but boy, can those small things bite? At the end of the day, we are not small after all.

 

Whatever your plans for the weekend  I hope they go well. X