It’s Friday again. Where are the weeks going? My blog today,
bear with!!! My head today is all over the place, so subject has turned into
subjects. If I don’t have you dizzy after this one, I shall eat my hat, if I had
one… Why not start as I mean to carry on?
In England Fracking
is a big issue. Well, no matter what the protesters do, sadly, it still will go
ahead. I hate it. We are robbing from the earth, we have damaged the sky, the rocks
are falling the air is dead. It’s difficult to take in fresh air now days. Now,
we are breaking our earth and digging it will unsteady us and before we know it
we will have earthquakes in England. Sadly, the police are acting on behalf of
the frackers. As they are stopping the protesters I thought they were there to
make sure there is no trouble, if it’s peaceful, then why interfere? So, the
frackers can continue with their work? Then the Police agree with that? Or, are
they not allowed an opinion, so, if that is the case, why are they on the side
of the frackers? When we have robbed the ground, then where, what is left? Oh,
yes, Mars. But only if you are rich. If you are not wealthy, then you will rot
on this earth with the dead trees.
Just saying.
My Husband on a train or two today he has a manager meeting
but will be home normal time. My Son, he is having a great time. He did safari
loved it, fed some iguanas, visited a coffee plantation and drank rum and hot
chocolate. Not sure in what order. He has been to a waterpark and tonight going
to a nightclub where there are entertaining dancers and other performers. Last night’s
supper was spent on the beach eating fish and listening to live music.
I’m still missing him dreadfully. But happy he is having a
lovely time. I just hope tonight he doesn’t drink too much. He hasn’t really
been out for a drink in over a year at home, he is too health conscious, but on
holiday? And Shamrock is Irish, need I say much more? Smile. She likes her
alcohol.
My friend came to chat when I answered the door to him, I couldn’t
believe how sunny and hot it was. When I was out earlier with my Waggatail, it
was cool, but it was early.
I’m waiting in for a Christmas present I ordered for my
friend. I can’t believe I am ordering gifts for Christmas in October. I gave my
Dad in law his last week when we saw him and my brother in law to take back to
Australia. I have bought my brother and sister in law a very posh couple of
gifts and another three friends are bought for. I hate the stress of on line
shopping. I wish I could get out to shop like normal people. But on line it is,
so far, this year the gifts have been really lovely. Sometimes when I order
things, I am so disappointed and I just end up either keeping the gifts for
myself or giving to charity. But this year no one will be benefiting from the
gifts no one that they weren’t bought for. So far. There are still more people
to buy for. I know what I am getting Sham. And my Son we have bought most of
his things, just another couple to get him. Then there is Hub, oh, boy, he’s so
difficult. And finally, our lovely friends who always really spoil us so, I have
to organise something for them and they are not really that easy either. The
thought of Christmas this year for some reason is daunting me. Normally putting
up our tree and doing all the decorations I love to do, but this year for whatever
reason, I’m feeling anxious. I hope by the time it gets to that point, I will
have confidents. I was saying yesterday to people when writing now, in my
sighted mind, I am forgetting what some things look like, and basic things by
the way. This really scares me. It’s like going blind twice. Did I ever tell
you when I think of a face from my past, going back almost twenty years now, I see
it as I did when I had sight, as I was partially sighted what I saw was very
clear just I only saw bits of whatever at a time. Like a part of a face and
that is what I see now. Only more parts are missing. I try to train my mind
every day, I say a word like car. Then paint it almost in my mind until I have
seen the full car. Or, a clown, again doing the same and a clown because it’s
so very easy to forget colours. Red yellow, green and blue are still easy to me
peach and pink too, brown I struggle with and orange is in and out. Purple was
looking too blue to me and I must say there is something about that colour I just
am not getting. So, please try to do this too if you have been blind for a
while or just blind, don’t lose this gift the only thing we can cling onto from
our past.
I have heard this expression before people who have my eye
disease RP, you, tell me it’s like having cancer. Well, we are told we have RP,
we are told we will go blind. Well, when I was diagnosed many moons ago this
was the case. I was four, and I feared the dark I was so scared of going blind.
It to me was like the thought of dying. But when, when would it happen? No one
could tell me and old Bloggets will know that in my mind blindness wasn’t an
option, because of my life my past my parents. Russia made me believe that I would
never be blind. I told the masses of press I would never go blind. When it happened,
it was the most terrifying time of my life. I physically shook inside. My mouth
was dry and I had no words that anyone wanted to hear. What was my future? Hell,
that’s what. And it was.
No longer I could see the television, I couldn’t read a book.
Read the letters in the morning or the headlines in a newspaper. What colours
was I putting in the washing machine or, on my baby? How could I join in with
my child’s play time or how could I teach him to read and write in the future?
Immediate things like changing nappies/diapers or putting up his bottles of
milk that had to go to a certain measure. What if I stood on him whilst he was
playing? How could I watch him see where he was going? How would I deal with
his needs like taking him to nursery? School? Find him when he was older and
playing out? Oh, the list could go on for chapters.
I have written before how I suffered with the Charles Bonnet
Syndrome. Oh, that was the absolute worst thing ever. My brain still could see
but only evil. So, men would be in my house behind doors. And they were as real
as when I could see. Carrying my baby to the kitchen to feed him in his highchair
only to open the door and see a man in black standing there was the worst
experience.
The night I went to bed sighted, with the fear one day I would
be blind, was a nightmare. But the morning I actually woke up blind after
having really good sight the night before, almost finished me off. I had used
my eyes much more than I should have. I tell people with RP now to try and
spend a few hours doing things around the house blind folded. Prepare
yourselves. Don’t be in shock like I was.
I have gone through the deepest of depressions so bad that I
am scarred now but I survived them. I beat many walls down fought until I was
so exhausted in life to try to fight my case and your cases. Faced the worst
teachers with my Son. Had to listen to their disgraceful appalling condescending
attitude and hug my child as he too faced bullying and abuse because of my stupid
blindness. But I learned that it’s not me who is stupid or my eyes, it’s other
people. Only it took me too many years to realise that.
I do laugh a lot, something I honestly never thought I would
do ever again. I have fun I have been abroad to many countries and in a few
days my Husband who also is blind as many of you will know, are going away for
a couple of nights with our friends who are also blind. We are not super
blindies, we do ask for help like assistance at the train station and the hotel
we are going we will ask to be shown where our table in the restaurant is, but
at the end of the day, we will take a train and go to where we need to be. We
will stay in a cottage in the grounds of the hotel. We will make cups of tea,
we would be quite easily being able to make food if we were not eating in the
restaurant as both my friend and I cook at home. We will negotiate the cottage
and learn where everything is. And we will leave it as clean as it was when we
arrived. The four of us will have a
lovely time. I hope to relax and for my loving Husband to have some chill time
as he hasn’t had a break from work since we went with our friends last February
for two nights. He had a week off work a few weeks ago but we both did all the
jobs around the house and garden that require both of us. So, I hope this
coming few days will be a break for us, a mental break too without stress. Knowing
me, I will cause some kind of drama, sometimes I wonder when I open my mouth
and rubbish falls out, why didn’t I just keep it closed?
Honestly, yesterday when I went out for lunch with my
friend, the waiter was so lovely, really very kind. Well at the end he went
beyond polite. I mean where we went was like a McDonalds it was far from posh,
an yet his service was 5*! So, I should have just said. “I would like to thank
you for your excellent service!””
Easy, right? Simple, clean, straight to the point.
But no, me, half way through the conversation suddenly
thought, heck, can we even say waiters now? How dare I presume he is there to
wait on me? Is it politically correct to say waiter? I know now actresses are
becoming actors. Bar men is now a bar person and for a long time now a fire man
is a fire fighter. So, I started, and
didn’t know how to finish.
“Thank you by the way, for being such a wonderful wait, em,
well, serve, oh, em, well you have been a brilliant em, person.””
Oh, what a pleb I am, I tell you cool is not my middle name.
I was red. Can’t say waiter can’t say server? What a tool I am. He did chuckle.
Or was he in fear of the lunatic that was before him. My friend was as helpful
as a chocolate teapot. She just laughed her socks off.
Well, I hope your plans for your weekend are as you intend
them to be and I shall keep in touch be good, if you can’t be good, be very
naughty but don’t forget to tell me all about it. Xx
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