THE BLACK CATS BELL BY FIONA CUMMINGS

My house was warm I left the heating on. It was lunch time so didn’t need to leave a lamp on and I knew my Husband would be back before me today as he was working local. I went out to meet with my friend. Everything was normal, apart from a black cat, sitting on my wall outside, that my dog found rather tempting. In fact, she licked her lips in a way I have never heard before. We did pass a skeleton that spoke to us, again, after reading a funny thing today a friend posted a story about a picture of a skeleton wearing a dress sitting on a bed and the caption below read. “Waiting for my date”” I just thought, well, all in a day.

 

My friend looked beautiful in my minds eye. The waiter at the café we went to certainly thought so too!

 

We had a delightful lunch. We are like sisters her and I in the respect we can say anything to each other and we are so similar in so many ways, so it was a very relaxing time. But then it was time to come home. Passing a huge inflatable pumpkin and a ghost on a lamppost, I really got into today. But this was the first year ever since I was probably a baby that I have not participated in the events of the 31^st of October. Halloween.

 

As my friend neighbours and strangers told me what I had just passed I found the atmosphere rather odd, I have to say. Especially that cat! Neighbours laughed as my dog looked at it and obviously was eyeing it up for a starter to a three-course meal. But the cat, didn’t move. They said it was jet black and wondered who it belonged to and our neighbours know everyone around here.

 

I returned home.  The front door was locked. So, my Husband was still out, odd, as he was due in two hours previous. As I opened the front door, stepped in, the house was freezing. Colder than what it was outside.

 

I put my keys on the table in the hall and just where I put it, was something different. On further examination, it was a chunk of fur. I know for sure it wasn’t our dogs fur. And it was on the hall table. I went into my home office to answer some important emails that had to be sent before 5pm and on my desk, was a tiny bell. A cat bell. This was odd. Oh my, had the cat got in from before? It can’t have as I locked the door then saw the cat as the neighbours told me about him sitting on my garden wall.

 

As I sat at my desk, I felt something rub against my leg from under the desk. Oh my, I jumped. The stairs creaked on the third step up, the one that always creaks. As if someone was walking up the stairs. But no one was in the house. I shouted out on my Husband and he wasn’t there. I knew that, but I just hoped he was in the back of the house and I had missed him. He wasn’t there. I knew it.

 

The house by this point was cooler in fact as if a draft. Okay, I was really scared now. stuff the emails I went downstairs with my dog. She was in the sitting room. She was just standing there. Still. So, still. I picked up her favourite toy and she showed no interest. Who was in my house? I checked all around the house went back to my dog, she was just staring up at the ceiling. All my doors were locked, my windows were closed. There was a draught though, I couldn’t detect where it was coming from.

 

It’s really scary when you can’t see. Especially when you just sense something. What to do now? I picked up my iPhone to call my Husband I knew his meeting was due to finish a couple of hours ago. I had no signal. My dog still stood there. I picked her up, sat on my sofa with her on my knee but she was   ridget. Her always wagging tail was stiff.

 

This was the first year I had no treats for the children, I hadn’t made pumpkin soup for my family. I hadn’t decorated the house. First year. And first year my imagination worked overtime to write this silly short story for you, for Halloween. Smile. Happy Halloween and be safe tonight, if you see a black cat, tell him I have his bell.

In my imagination.

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

DIARY OF THE GOAT IN THE FIELD BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good morning Bloggets. How are you all today? I’m about to go out with my beautiful friend. I’m so excited to see her. I guess old Bloggets may know who I am talking about? Geordie. Where are we going? A meal, lunch. My friends have little imagination. Smile. There is a part of me that sadly thinks they are afraid to take a blind person anywhere, but then I ask where they have been of late and what did they do and it normally involves a meal.

 

Tomorrow night we are out with our friends, again, both of us this time. Where? A meal. In our busy city The place we are going is a meat eaters’ paradise, so not a good one for vegetarians, but our friend reassures us that there are vegetarian meals on the menu. Never mind, if there is nothing to eat, I won’t starve. I have put on another two lbs this week. I have been on the treadmill for weeks now and each week I go up in weight. I think I may go up and up until one day I just burst and a burst Fifi won’t be a good look! Put it this way, there will be a lot of mess to clean up afterwards. I pity anyone who would get that job.

 

Reading our news today, Glasgow, in Scotland is said to be one of the most polluted cities in the UK. Gosh, that is so hard to believe, as I thought our city would be up there. London is busy but I guess there are still some open spaces.

 

In the UK IVF patients are facing postcode lottery. It’s really a disgrace. In one part of the UK, you can have three tries at free IVF but twenty miles down the road, only one. NHS should be NHS everywhere, surely? If it’s about money, well make it fair and give everyone two tries.

And it’s reported today that pregnancy chances will be higher with a good night’s sleep… … …

Em! That’s not how I got pregnant!!!

 

Oh, this made me mad. A leading charity have spent money on creating a digital nurse. To stamp out fake news/cures/treatments for cancer.

Firstly, I would rather the money go on research or moreover a blooming treatment as they have been doing research for years and it’s probably the richest charity in the UK because everyone thinks they will get cancer. There is always fake news about treatments for my eye condition and it’s up to me to research it further if I were to learn that there is money spent on paying for software to stamp it out, rather than money go into improving treatment that they are researching, I would be so annoyed.

And secondly, there is a part of me and I know this isn’t a popular put it out there thought, but, the sceptic in me does wonder, if there was a cure for cancer, how many people would be out of work?

Just saying!

 

Research says today that group exercise is better than going it solo.

Is that where I’m going wrong? I tell you, not on your Nelly am I going in a public gym.

I know of people who are blind and they do go to the gym, though some go to classes for disabled people, that isn’t my thing I really hate to think of myself as disabled. I have needs, some would say special ones, haha. But I don’t like being thought of as disabled. Does that make sense to you? I’m just like you, only my eyes don’t work. I have feelings, I love care for others and things, especially animals and I cry, I laugh my socks off and I get excited. I also hate, I can tell you hate is a strong word and I think there are about four people I hate in the world. My hate,  is mainly a hatred towards attitudes and actions but it’s strong. I also need and want. I can’t see but I don’t want to be thought of differently because of that, just need attitudes to change rather than be treat differently.

 

On Facebook the other day there was a lovely lady who asked me what to do about photographs. I smile when people ask me those questions as to me it’s obvious, but then I feel so humble that someone bothers to ask me what they can do to involve me. My software reads words only not texts or photographs of words, only words that are typed. I have friends who will post a photograph and that is me stuffed. As it just goes blank. My screen reader just won’t read. So, I have to move on and feel left out. It does hurt when my family do it, and then people I have never met, bother to either ask what can they do or, they actually tell me what is either in the photograph, or what is the text all about. The worst people by the way, are partially sighted people. Sighted people are much kinder. But partially sighted people never ask or try to help apart from one of my friends on Facebook, Terry, she is great, she is my only friend who is partially sighted who says what the picture is. I think out of about three hundred and odd fb friends, 50% are either blind or partially sighted. And one who is partially sighted, Terry, tells me what things are.

 

So, in answer to the lovely lady’s question what to do with pictures on FB, look at it and write what you say, and this is why I smile, because isn’t that obvious? I guess not you know, when my friends are out with me somewhere new they will want to say turn right, but just can’t. now reading this, I bet you are thinking what a load of rubbish? It’s a fact, when people don’t have to verbally say turn left or right, step up or down on a daily or weekly even monthly basis, they struggle really, they do. Even my Mum God love her. Whenever we came to a step, she used to grab my arm and frees. I used to say, Mum. Just tell me, is it up, or down.

 

In a sighted persons mind, they think left right up down. They will have never before had to say it out loud. Try it next time you are out with someone, just tell them what you are going to do firstly haha. Otherwise you may get funny looks. Just tell them just before they are about to turn which way to do it and just before a step, tell them there is a step and whether it’s up or down. See if you can do the Fifi challenge.

 

It will be easier for you as by the time you have tried to get it out, the person you are with because they will be sighted, probably will have turned the right way or gone up or down the step. That is why I am saying tell them before they actually move.

 

So, if there is a picture of a goat you will say to yourself. It’s a goat. But your brain will be storing it’s a white goat, in a field of green grass next to a brown wooden fence with a bale of hay in the background and next to a barn, is a black and white sheepdog, sitting next to a dish of water. The sky is blue and the sun is shining down on the grass making it light green in colour.

 

But you will not be aware that you are thinking all of that. Now, take that picture, you could say, it’s a photograph of a goat Fiona. Or, you could say, it’s a picture of a white goat in a field with a barn and a sheep dog in the background. You can give as much detail as you want. One person I know she can see fully, gosh, her description is the best. If it’s picture of a kitchen scene, she will even read the name on the bottle of washing up liquid. I love reading what she writes, but no way I would expect that from other people if they choose to give that, great, but if not, just let me know it’s a goat in a field. Unless it’s doing something really funny, like chewing a lady’s handbag. Then I can laugh with all of you.

 

Well like all of my blogs, I never know where most of them are going to go. Today I started off just by sitting with a cup of tea and having a chat, telling you I’m off out. Then I decided to read the news on line. So, talked to you about it. And now where have we ended up?

 

I’m off now as I have Hubs work shirts to iron. Then I’m out of here. You Bloggets are breaking all the records again with your views on my page. I am so delighted to see you all here. Greenland haven’t been back smile, maybe they will or was I an accident? Yep, that sums me up. I shall let you know if they return, I hope so as I have never had views before from there. Before I go, today we say hello to our top countries who are from the UK, Ireland, US, Germany, South Africa, Australia, Canada, Poland, Turkey, Taiwan and Hong Kong.

 

The most read blog is Double D Fi. Smile, I wonder why? Well, I shall go for now but I will be back. Perhaps with a subject one of you have asked me to write about. X

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT A TWITTER BY FIONA CUMMINGS @FionaPefi

I wrote this what seems like ages ago. So, this is how I used to feel about Twitter, then we will take a look how I feel now.

OK. My friends will know I’m not so techno Fi and I get excited because I can make my iPod play music… Well, Twitter? I’m either more stupid than I think or those who use it are twits? As I really don’t get it. It’s like passing by a room at the office and half hearing a conversation. Sometimes conversations that really are rather disturbing? So, I have a few followers, not sure who they all are, but they are following me.

Now that is scary in itself. Heck, where will we end up? And what if I turn around and follow them?  

 

After I read a tweet one of my followers wrote today asking if I wanted to howl? Er’rm, not just now, give me a lifetime and perhaps I will change my mind? Do I want to eat dead things? No definitely not with a capital N. Why is this guy following me? Am I really that crazy? He is truly odd. Am I the only one who just doesn’t get Twitter? Perhaps my grasp of the English language is too serious to tweet. I mean, after all, that is what my Canary does and he is in a cage!

 

Well now in today’s world, I still can’t get my head around Twitter, though a few more people are following me. Brave followers! I have got into lovely conversations though with some really nice people. But I’m reminded by a techno Husband and a Son on the side of tech, that a conversation is not what you are supposed to have on Twitter. Well, what are you supposed to do? I still just don’t get it, and as for #, and @? When I’m trying to link my followers in, check out the lingo by the way, do I press #, or @? Why can’t there be a hello button or an address button? You know I use a screen reader, well, my software reads out the sign #, as (Number) it’s not a number, it’s a em, well, something else, right?  Whatever it is, it’s not a pigging number!!!!! Now I know the sighted ones out there will press #, and to them, they will be reading and writing (Hashtag) well, what the heckers is a hashtag? It sounds like a label you put on a plastic bag you are going to distribute illegally, to someone in a nightclub!

 

So, I will keep following, and replying and even liking, but forgive me if I get it wrong from time to time. In the meanwhile, why not follow me, let’s see what adventurous places we can find and what mischief we can get into with our hashtags and numbers. Oh, and by the way since I wrote the above, I have moved on from an iPod, to an iPhone I will have you know!!! ()

@FionaPefi

 

 

 

 

DOUBLE D FI BY FIONA CUMMINGS

As I woke this morning feeling the coolness in our bedroom. I called Alexa and asked her to turn on the heating. No, Bloggets, I haven’t got a lovely maid Alexa is my Amazon device that I talk to and she sometimes electronically does as I ask for example turns music on or tells me the time, sometimes she talks to me and I haven’t even summoned her, but somehow, she feels the need to chat. But today I didn’t wat to hear the news or ask any not so interesting facts, I just wanted my heating on. It was freezing. So, as I put my arm back under the covers, and waited for my room to warm up, I dreaded the prospect of what was in for me today.

 

I had to go to the Doctors followed by something worse than that even, if it’s possible. Luckily, I reached for my phone to see that I had a text from NHS direct. My Doctors,  told me my appointment had been cancelled and the reason why? Due to sickness. Hahahaha. Oh, great, I called them to see if it was a prank text but no, it’s true, I had to wait for three weeks to get this blooming appointment only to learn that today my Doctor is ill. Well, what about all the other Doctors that work there, can’t someone take over his jobs?

 

The receptionist at the surgery sounded like she should be at home in bed with some Mums best chicken soup. She was like death. She didn’t apologise or offer me a new appointment, I guess that is up to me to sort that out and may be next time I will see my nice lady Doctor who I like very much today was a new Dr and a man. I have never seen before. I know if I call back now and make another appointment, I will be told we will be looking into December.

 

Next call of duty, was my Dentist. I had to get a filling today. So, you can see why I didn’t want to wake up until all local medical places are closed today.

 

Well after an hour I got Waggatail ready and today I decided to do a new route. I couldn’t face that nasty road. I knew it was the very long way but I just couldn’t do that pollution and sounds of the trucks, busses and speeding cars!

 

I went the way that Waggatail works badly. I had to be on her case all the time as it’s opposite a park and Waggs thinks that the park is for her and she really struggles in walking past it. Well I managed to get her by the turn to the park and on we went but she wasn’t impressed. Crossed four small roads and eventually we got there. Up the stairs and along the corridor then to find the reception which is very easy as there is always someone talking on the phone or to a person signing in. My Dentist is a lovely Indian lady and she is so gentle and understands the needs of a fearful Fifi. I asked, no, begged her to give me the filling without an injection. She wasn’t too happy but agreed as long as I put my hand up if I felt pain. I don’t care of the pain, I care about needles. I hate them. So, all went to plan.

 

Back home and sitting here now in shock still shaking as really, I just don’t like Doctors or Dentist, and I know today was only the one but if not for my Doctor getting ill, it would have been double D Fi!

 

  

 

  

 

HALFWAY DIARY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 Well, a week ago today, I was dreading. Today, I’m half way there. But somehow that thought, doesn’t seem to help!

 

Last night our clocks went back. Does that mean it will come one hour earlier? I’m out with some friends this week, will that speed time up? Why do I want my life to go faster? It’s crazy. I need to take a chill pill. My chill pills were a talk of let’s say, em, not quite a discussion, as that is normally more than one person, as is a debate, the talking that went on last night, was a lecture I would say. I was to listen, obviously.

 

As I was about to order some delicious Saturday night treat, to eat in front of watching the X Factor, my loving Husband spat his dummy out and had a mini radgie!

 

Needless to say, I didn’t order my bags of lolly’s. He just knocked all the fun out of life. Making my time without my baby worse. After he calmed down, he explained that he loves me more than anything else in the world and he wants to spend all the years he was without me, now, with me. Em, I’m not intending going anywhere!

 

So, half way through my Sons holiday. Today he spent time on a catamaran and had a lobster lunch on a private beach. Tomorrow he is swimming with stingray and sharks. Shamrock reassured me the sharks have had their teeth removed. Poor sharks. Cruel. I will be grateful for a text to say I’m fine Mum, tomorrow after that.

 

So, a week ago today I was dreading. My Son was last minute packing to leave for his holiday, now, we are half way through, half way there. At least this week I have a schedule that I am looking forward to doing and I have a lot of things planned to keep me occupied. I wouldn’t care, when he’s home I only see him for ten minutes a day, but it’s per day. I often wonder if I had two children would I be like this? I think it’s because for so long it was just me and my baby. He was there when I had no one in the world and he’s my only blood. He and I have been through so much together, we have a very special bond. I guess I simply worship my Son. I don’t care what people say he’s my child and a Mother should love their child more than anything else in the world. The oven that gave birth to me didn’t want me and that has had a lasting affect even though the Mum who adopted me loved me all the world, the fact is, I can’t get it out of my system that I was rejected and that has made me closer to my Son.

 

If only those who are about to adopt a child knew what they were doing to their child for the future, the pain they are about to cause, and there is no need to get pregnant please. Please protect yourself don’t treat your body like a Library renting out, putting babies on loan.

Just saying!
 

Half way. Half to go!

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOVEMBER SKY BY FIONA CUMMINGS #PoetryByFionaCummings

NOVEMBER SKY

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

There’s a hint of sun

Pushing through the white winter sky

As November days make a return

Clouds saying hi

Like a glazed over river

 Only seen in winter

The ground is dull as the air is crisp

What once was clear is now a mist

The silver ark

Like a shining star

curves around, from the November sky

to kiss the ground, on grass it will lie

frost will settle

among sleeping grass and nettles

waiting for the return

of the spring sun

and April petals

 the air is dry

migrating birds fly

across the November sky

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

WALKING HOME IN WINTER BY FIONA CUMMINGS@PoetryByFionaCummings

WALKING HOME IN WINTER

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

I shiver as the night turns into a tunnel of darkness

As the witch’s bleed madness

Offering drinks that make you feel horrendous

As the night turns cloudless

The stars jump on carpets

 The navy wool comes closer to the earth

As if the moon is giving birth

The inky sky kneels to the ground

As the finger like branches grip all around

Everything seems so far away

It’s not safe

I wish it was daylight

I don’t like the winter nights

Especially at this time of year

When spooks tell you they are here

Potions are created

All new and shiny seem to be dated

Spiders and sparklers give fear

Wizards cheer

Another anniversary

Putting people in misery

But it shall pass

And alas

No more walking home in winter

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

  

A BAD MEMORY BROUGHT ON BY A LOVELY CALL BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s almost the pumpkin hour. I’m sitting in my conservatory. The wind is howling, bashing ripping and smashing everything in my back yard. Apart from the odd car that is going by, all I hear are the bells. My windchimes. Now, I should have took them either in the house, or, garage. Or at least tied them up, but we were warned about last week’s storm and of course the back end of the hurricane that came over here just to say hi, but we were not warned of this weather we are having now, or, have I just been in another world whilst the news broke? It’s possible.

 

I had a call from Shamrock before, I spoke with them both. My Son spoke some lovely words to me. Gosh I miss him and he is what my Husband thought, away an extra day to what he said a couple of days ago. So, I’m not even half way through his holiday and it’s as if he has been away at least ten days.

It’s funny I guess because it was such a delight to hear his voice, an yet it brought back some painful memories. I was speaking to my Hub about it before and he agreed with my thoughts.

 

At boarding school, we were allowed one phone call home per week and it had to be on a certain night between the hours of 6 and half six in the evening. Well Wednesdays was the boy’s night and Thursdays was our night which I found a bit odd as a lot of kids were fortunate and could go home at weekends. So, why make the calls home the day before they were to go home? I would have thought a Wednesday for both boys and girl’s boys between and girls between whatever hours. Or in our case, half hours. I mean, in our dormitory’s there were about 29 girls all together and more for the boys, so, we were expected to talk for how long?

 

It was a pay phone. I remember at our first school, we would queue and use a pay phone. No one taught us as tiny children how to use a phone. I can never remember anyone doing that, how did I and the others know how to use the phone? I really don’t know. I was six when I started to use the phone. Putting my 2 pence’s in and when the phone beeped, it was time quickly to say goodbye. Oh, I hated that. The feeling of putting down the phone, the silence of my Mums voice. Having to go back to a cold hard regime of the horrid house we stayed in at nights, it was called a house, but it was huge and so cold.

 

My second school, same thing, said goodbye to my Mum and as I was doing so, I could tell she was crying. Me, when would I see her again? Would it be the following weekend? Or longer. Sometimes I was lucky and I got home two weekends in a row.  My Husband bless him only went home at his second school every six weeks.

 

After putting the phone down from my Son today, it brought back all those sad memories. Three minutes once a week talk with my Mum. I just wanted to call him back and tell him again I love him. I know it’s stupid, but seriously, boarding school has really scarred me I wouldn’t wish it, well, not our, schools on my worst enemy.

 

As I have written about before school time during the day was good. I loved my teachers but at night the house staff were cruel hard horrid people. I know of two people at my second school who say, they were happy but I really don’t understand them as no one else I know felt the same. I have learned so much in the past year too that hasn’t at all shocked me about our school. Just clarified dreadful rumours. I guess I should be lucky that I wasn’t involved in such a way but other things happened to me that were so very wrong and the fact I couldn’t go home at nights and tell my parents just made life so much more difficult. Thank God now days children who are blind or like I was then partially sighted, can go to every day schools for all. We were segregated, kept away from quotes, the normal children. Which meant on holidays like the six week holiday, we didn’t have friends at home. We were the strangers of the street. In my case that had moments of sadness for me but in most cases I had to go to Russia for my eye treatment, so I didn’t suffer for too long of walking to the local park and simply having to face the bullying that went on because I was in their eyes different.

 

So, rather than face that at home, a place I never wanted to leave. I faced the painful injections in Russia. The electric shock treatment and so much more, but also, I had the culture injected in my bones cerium full of ballet opera and traditional dancing. My peers at home were playing games, watching kid’s TV and me, I was taken to the Bolshoi expected to behave in such a manner and have dinner parties with delegate’s. Do constant interviews for the TV, radio and press. My early years were certainly a challenge.

 

Just a memory, brought on triggered by a beautiful call thoughtful call from my Son and his girlfriend. It was great to hear his voice and hear that he is having a good time. I had to smile as he told me about the nightclub he went to last night, and what he got up to. I shall tell you about it later. But in my Sons typical mischievous moment,what he told me, I cringed, but admired the fun factor in him. And I don’t think Sham did anything to stop him from being well, as I said mischievous. More later on that subject, remind me  

 

I shall go now and hope items from my garden won’t find their way down our street, unless it’s the rubbish we have collected that need to go to a local tip, and as we can’t take it, we have it stored so, will I put it in the front garden to fly away? Hmm. It’s tempting, but it would be so wrong and knowing me, someone would knock on my door telling me they have found my stuff!

 

 

 

  

DIARY OF WHAT WILL YOU SAY? BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. It’s wild out there, just got in and I am pleased to say we were on our way back when the real winds started. I hate the wind, as I always say it’s a blind person’s fog.

 

Well, I have to go into the gym today and move. A prospect I can’t say I am thrilled about. I always say, losing weight is something that is also in the mind. Feeling good about exercise and doing it, with joy, and enthusiasm gets the weight off, but if you do it because you feel it has to be done and your mindset just isn’t connected, nothing will happen.

Just saying!

Nothing is happening with me for sure.

 

Just before midnight last night my Son text to tell me he was about to go out to the nightclub where there is a show on. I pray he got back OK. They lay transport on for them. Imagine if you miss that and then how do you get back to your hotel? It’s not a place you can thumb a taxi. Or, a place I would want him to thumb a taxi.  But so far, he is still loving his holidays. Ages before I see him though. I miss him so much. I think work will be too as he is a hard worker and does loads of hours.

 

June has just taken our dogs out for their free run. They get so excited. I just hope June will be okay today as it’s really windy. I do worry, she’s in her seventies.

 

Hub has a sore throat today again, but he isn’t as ill as I was. Thankfully. It’s his second burst of cold in just over a month, but his office is very small and there are loads of people in it as well as the amount of times he is in a taxi during the week even a train carriage. He’s never in a fresh open space. I dream of living where there is fresh air, but if we did, we wouldn’t be near all the things that we are next to living in a town. But, hub was on his way from work the other day, he got off the train which if there were no cars, it would take twelve minutes to do that journey. It’s only 25 minutes to walk, but not at all blind friendly, so he got a taxi. 56 minutes after he got in the car, he got home. He said the traffic was just the worst. After coming through the door saying. “Right that’s it weare moving!””

Again? Nope. Not again. But I see his point. Our next house will be our last one. If we could see, we could live anywhere but when you can’t and you don’t have help, you need to be practical. Living here isn’t a bad place for those who can’t see. Apart from the road from hell that sadly takes us to everywhere nice to go like entertaining places, but at least at this side of the RFH, we can get to basic places. When we move, we will have to be near a Doctors, Dentist, Chemist/pharmacy vet and grocery shop. But if we could see, wow, we could live anywhere we wanted. Just to jump in the car and get where we needed to be would be brilliant. It’s a dream for us, one we need or I need to stop dreaming about and live with what we have. I still haven’t excepted blindness you know. I have learned to live with it, cope in a way, but not except it. And I need to. I wake each day in the dark and that sinking feeling still happens only now it’s not as long and it doesn’t turn into me wanting to go back to sleep and stay asleep.

 

What I do, do, is get out of bed, and sigh, saying to myself. Please hurry a cure or treatment? Then continue with my day doing what I am expected to do and what I know I have to do. It’s an existence. And sometimes a life. if I could see, it would be a life, but I can’t see and there isn’t anything in the very near future that is going to make me see so I just need to get on with it. Move forward and stop standing still.

 

Yesterday’s blog (RP Files) received almost four hundred views all because people with RP or those with it in their family, all need to know what our future holds. The news I wrote about yesterday basically was fantastic for our children, well in my case my Grandchildren. You can now in America so I hope other countries too, can get IVF to remove the RP Gene and it’s not as I learned only for those with X linked RP. But other kinds of RP. Some say genetically modified babies isn’t good, neither is telling your child they are going to go blind. Believe me, that isn’t what we wanted to hear. Not when your child then learns that from now, there is something that you, could have done about it. So, it a year you give birth. In fifteen years when your child with RP says he or she can’t go out because they can’t see in the dark. When their friends are all going to a party. When your child is struggling taking important exams but they can’t see the blackboard or papers properly. OK so, in the UK we have a lot for the children with poor sight, but there are countries that don’t and there are many children in the UK who still suffer big time at school.

 

Your children’s friends will take their driving lessons resolving in a licence to drive, going for their first car and your child won’t be able to, because you didn’t do your part before they were born. We can’t help having RP we can help passing it on by not having children, but some of the best Mums I know have RP and some wonderful children have RP, but in those days, we didn’t have a choice of wiping out the gene. We did have a choice how many children to have though, some people with RP have more than a couple of children, that, I don’t understand, I personally wouldn’t play with luck like that, and of course you can have one child and that one child could have the disease. But if you have one that can see, personally, I wouldn’t feel too good about having a second, though would consider it, but if I had one child that had RP, no way I would go for another, just my personal opinion, not everyone’s, but if their option is out there now to eliminate the gene that causes RP, then why not?

 

My Husband doesn’t feel good at all about the so-called designer baby. And neither do I feel good about designing a baby purely for looks, height or mental ability. As in, colour of eyes, hair, over a certain height or making your baby a child prodigy. I only agree with genetic intervention when there is a disability or to eliminate cancer for example.

 

If you now have a choice to remove the RP gene and you chose not to, what will you say to your child in the future? I mean, my Husbands point of view is we don’t know what we are messing with. We don’t know if our kids won’t get cancer in the long term because of this but fact is, if we thought like that, all science would stand still and there would be no progression in any kind of medicine!   

 

Now please, scientists, find something to turn on my lights?

Talking of lights, and I was, honest, kind of. During the night there was an almighty bang and the Little Fella barked the house down. I think it was someone’s big bin falling over. But LF was going mad. It sounded like a bomb if not for a bin as my brain said bin because it was the closest thing I could think about at four something in the morning. Not sure what it was, no one was trying to break in though, but I did turn on the light I, say to scare the burglar away, Hub says I light the way for him, no, I’m telling him, I’m coming, that is why I have put the light on. You have been heard, that is why I have turned on the light. And I’m very scary. Honest I am.

 

My thoughts today are with Spain and Catalan. Such beauty an yet such anger. I hope this will resolve in a peaceful and fair way.  

 

Until later, love, peace and live life to your full ability and peak around the corner to see what else you may be able to do. X

 

 

 

WORDS FROM MY HUB

I received the most wonderful present from my beautiful, loving wife this morning; I wonder if you can guess what it is? It needed no unwrapping, no setting up or configuring as a piece of technology might do, no cooking, heating, cooling or storage.  It’s probably almost invisible too, perfect you might say, yet it is full of frustration.  We will return to that….

 

Speaking of frustration, on a return train journey from Doncaster today, I witnessed the best and worst of human-kind, showing itself in raw frustration and heartfelt emotion in equal measure.  The wonderful staff at Doncaster station arrived to show me to my train and explained that every train going to the north of the UK on this line had been rammed full of passengers today due to what is known in parts of the railway fraternity as a “one under”. For those uninitiated such as myself, this rather descriptive and absolute phrase translates as a suicide which took place outside one of London’s main line stations, impacting all trains going north up the west coast mainline.  All passengers heading to Scotland on one of the busiest days therefore headed for the east coast line, so explaining the overcrowding.

 

The platform was exceptionally crowded, so many passengers overheard the explanation I was given.  “Why did the fool have to pick a weekend?” one was heard to say.  “I just don’t get it; so, inconsiderate,” said another. As I had a few minutes to wait for my train, I occupied the time by thinking I have those minutes, I would be going home, maybe someone was getting the news none of us wants to ever get and how could people think about moments of delay caused by someone feeling so low they had to end their life. Inconsiderate yes for sure, but to anyone who knows them, not to a few passengers who might get to their holiday, work or home a little later.

 

So, back to my present, have you worked out what it is yet?  Maybe a couple more clues will help.  In this case, I hope it won’t last that long and I actually don’t want to share it either.  I’m sure I heard someone in the United States get it right, France, maybe someone in Canada or Australia…

 A sore throat.  Thank you my loved one!

 

DIARY OF FRIDAY FEELINGS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s Friday again. Where are the weeks going? My blog today, bear with!!! My head today is all over the place, so subject has turned into subjects. If I don’t have you dizzy after this one, I shall eat my hat, if I had one… Why not start as I mean to carry on?

 

 In England Fracking is a big issue. Well, no matter what the protesters do, sadly, it still will go ahead. I hate it. We are robbing from the earth, we have damaged the sky, the rocks are falling the air is dead. It’s difficult to take in fresh air now days. Now, we are breaking our earth and digging it will unsteady us and before we know it we will have earthquakes in England. Sadly, the police are acting on behalf of the frackers. As they are stopping the protesters I thought they were there to make sure there is no trouble, if it’s peaceful, then why interfere? So, the frackers can continue with their work? Then the Police agree with that? Or, are they not allowed an opinion, so, if that is the case, why are they on the side of the frackers? When we have robbed the ground, then where, what is left? Oh, yes, Mars. But only if you are rich. If you are not wealthy, then you will rot on this earth with the dead trees.

Just saying.

 

My Husband on a train or two today he has a manager meeting but will be home normal time. My Son, he is having a great time. He did safari loved it, fed some iguanas, visited a coffee plantation and drank rum and hot chocolate. Not sure in what order. He has been to a waterpark and tonight going to a nightclub where there are entertaining dancers and other performers. Last night’s supper was spent on the beach eating fish and listening to live music.

 

I’m still missing him dreadfully. But happy he is having a lovely time. I just hope tonight he doesn’t drink too much. He hasn’t really been out for a drink in over a year at home, he is too health conscious, but on holiday? And Shamrock is Irish, need I say much more? Smile. She likes her alcohol.

 

My friend came to chat when I answered the door to him, I couldn’t believe how sunny and hot it was. When I was out earlier with my Waggatail, it was cool, but it was early.

 

I’m waiting in for a Christmas present I ordered for my friend. I can’t believe I am ordering gifts for Christmas in October. I gave my Dad in law his last week when we saw him and my brother in law to take back to Australia. I have bought my brother and sister in law a very posh couple of gifts and another three friends are bought for. I hate the stress of on line shopping. I wish I could get out to shop like normal people. But on line it is, so far, this year the gifts have been really lovely. Sometimes when I order things, I am so disappointed and I just end up either keeping the gifts for myself or giving to charity. But this year no one will be benefiting from the gifts no one that they weren’t bought for. So far. There are still more people to buy for. I know what I am getting Sham. And my Son we have bought most of his things, just another couple to get him. Then there is Hub, oh, boy, he’s so difficult. And finally, our lovely friends who always really spoil us so, I have to organise something for them and they are not really that easy either. The thought of Christmas this year for some reason is daunting me. Normally putting up our tree and doing all the decorations I love to do, but this year for whatever reason, I’m feeling anxious. I hope by the time it gets to that point, I will have confidents. I was saying yesterday to people when writing now, in my sighted mind, I am forgetting what some things look like, and basic things by the way. This really scares me. It’s like going blind twice. Did I ever tell you when I think of a face from my past, going back almost twenty years now, I see it as I did when I had sight, as I was partially sighted what I saw was very clear just I only saw bits of whatever at a time. Like a part of a face and that is what I see now. Only more parts are missing. I try to train my mind every day, I say a word like car. Then paint it almost in my mind until I have seen the full car. Or, a clown, again doing the same and a clown because it’s so very easy to forget colours. Red yellow, green and blue are still easy to me peach and pink too, brown I struggle with and orange is in and out. Purple was looking too blue to me and I must say there is something about that colour I just am not getting. So, please try to do this too if you have been blind for a while or just blind, don’t lose this gift the only thing we can cling onto from our past.

 

I have heard this expression before people who have my eye disease RP, you, tell me it’s like having cancer. Well, we are told we have RP, we are told we will go blind. Well, when I was diagnosed many moons ago this was the case. I was four, and I feared the dark I was so scared of going blind. It to me was like the thought of dying. But when, when would it happen? No one could tell me and old Bloggets will know that in my mind blindness wasn’t an option, because of my life my past my parents. Russia made me believe that I would never be blind. I told the masses of press I would never go blind. When it happened, it was the most terrifying time of my life. I physically shook inside. My mouth was dry and I had no words that anyone wanted to hear. What was my future? Hell, that’s what. And it was.

 

No longer I could see the television, I couldn’t read a book. Read the letters in the morning or the headlines in a newspaper. What colours was I putting in the washing machine or, on my baby? How could I join in with my child’s play time or how could I teach him to read and write in the future? Immediate things like changing nappies/diapers or putting up his bottles of milk that had to go to a certain measure. What if I stood on him whilst he was playing? How could I watch him see where he was going? How would I deal with his needs like taking him to nursery? School? Find him when he was older and playing out? Oh, the list could go on for chapters.

 

I have written before how I suffered with the Charles Bonnet Syndrome. Oh, that was the absolute worst thing ever. My brain still could see but only evil. So, men would be in my house behind doors. And they were as real as when I could see. Carrying my baby to the kitchen to feed him in his highchair only to open the door and see a man in black standing there was the worst experience.

 

The night I went to bed sighted, with the fear one day I would be blind, was a nightmare. But the morning I actually woke up blind after having really good sight the night before, almost finished me off. I had used my eyes much more than I should have. I tell people with RP now to try and spend a few hours doing things around the house blind folded. Prepare yourselves. Don’t be in shock like I was.

 

I have gone through the deepest of depressions so bad that I am scarred now but I survived them. I beat many walls down fought until I was so exhausted in life to try to fight my case and your cases. Faced the worst teachers with my Son. Had to listen to their disgraceful appalling condescending attitude and hug my child as he too faced bullying and abuse because of my stupid blindness. But I learned that it’s not me who is stupid or my eyes, it’s other people. Only it took me too many years to realise that.

 

I do laugh a lot, something I honestly never thought I would do ever again. I have fun I have been abroad to many countries and in a few days my Husband who also is blind as many of you will know, are going away for a couple of nights with our friends who are also blind. We are not super blindies, we do ask for help like assistance at the train station and the hotel we are going we will ask to be shown where our table in the restaurant is, but at the end of the day, we will take a train and go to where we need to be. We will stay in a cottage in the grounds of the hotel. We will make cups of tea, we would be quite easily being able to make food if we were not eating in the restaurant as both my friend and I cook at home. We will negotiate the cottage and learn where everything is. And we will leave it as clean as it was when we arrived.  The four of us will have a lovely time. I hope to relax and for my loving Husband to have some chill time as he hasn’t had a break from work since we went with our friends last February for two nights. He had a week off work a few weeks ago but we both did all the jobs around the house and garden that require both of us. So, I hope this coming few days will be a break for us, a mental break too without stress. Knowing me, I will cause some kind of drama, sometimes I wonder when I open my mouth and rubbish falls out, why didn’t I just keep it closed?

 

Honestly, yesterday when I went out for lunch with my friend, the waiter was so lovely, really very kind. Well at the end he went beyond polite. I mean where we went was like a McDonalds it was far from posh, an yet his service was 5*! So, I should have just said. “I would like to thank you for your excellent service!””

Easy, right? Simple, clean, straight to the point.

But no, me, half way through the conversation suddenly thought, heck, can we even say waiters now? How dare I presume he is there to wait on me? Is it politically correct to say waiter? I know now actresses are becoming actors. Bar men is now a bar person and for a long time now a fire man is a fire fighter.  So, I started, and didn’t know how to finish.

“Thank you by the way, for being such a wonderful wait, em, well, serve, oh, em, well you have been a brilliant em, person.””

 

Oh, what a pleb I am, I tell you cool is not my middle name. I was red. Can’t say waiter can’t say server? What a tool I am. He did chuckle. Or was he in fear of the lunatic that was before him. My friend was as helpful as a chocolate teapot. She just laughed her socks off.

 

Well, I hope your plans for your weekend are as you intend them to be and I shall keep in touch be good, if you can’t be good, be very naughty but don’t forget to tell me all about it. Xx

 

  

 

 

 

RP FILES BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day to you all. I have just read an article that describes how a lady with Retinitis pigmentosa has given birth to a baby who will be RP free. Going through IVF. I just understood that you can have genetic work done that will prevent your baby from having the dreadful eye disease that I have. Sorry Bloggets I don’t know any more other than the information was from a reparable person who researches RP in a group I’m in. A genetically modified baby, but surely for the good? My Husband says he isn’t sure about how he feels about messing with genetics but me, mess away. Please. If I learn more I shall pass on the information. All I know is this man who wrote the article is from America. The genetic work is called PGD Preimplantation genetic diagnoses the person the article was about has X linked RP. Here is a link

http://americanpregnancy.org/infertility/preimplantation-genetic-diagnosis/

 

 

 

 

  

MEMORIES OF TIME BY FIONA CUMMINGS

MEMORIES OF TIME

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

As I turn the hands of my grand old clock

I wish for time just to stop

Too many goodbyes

My door has seen

My past has been

As I wait for tomorrow

Hoping without sorrow

 The spring I will see

And then summers will return

The sun will burn

 As the silver rain will keep me cool

I look around my house

Remembering how I made that stool

My Grandfather had such patience

For sure he wasn’t a fool

Such memories I have of him

 And those who stood with him back then

Granny I would bake gingerbread men

And collect the eggs from the hen

My uncle had a farm

It would be there where I would ride a horse

Playing in the hay and grass so coarse

Run and jump on the back of his tractor

The fields would be full of laughter

On that land now

Are holiday cottages

And on the hill the brow

Is still foliage

The only green left

Reaching to the crest

I would roll down there as a child

It was rough and wild

Now there are pathways

And no secret corners

The wildlife are the only things that plays

But still I have my house

Frequented by the dormouse

With his huge black eyes and gold bushy tail

Each winter he, or one like him

 Without fail

Comes to me to find shelter

I still smell the wood on the floor

That has seen so many shoes

And the old barn door

Where coats are hung in winter

That old slate hearth

And coal fire keeps me warm

From all kinds of weather

No matter

Of the storm

In my window I shall have a candle a glow

To welcome any passer by

If I know someone is coming

From my oven will have a baked apple pie

Fruit from the orchard

A stew on the hob

Veg from my allotment

Will fill the pot

If I know they are coming I will bake some bread

My guests will be welcome

For sure they will be fed

I may not have a fortune

Transport or jewels

But a warm cosy house and welcome

And only a few rules

To be honest and trustworthy

And agree to relax and eat food so hearty

I hope to create for you

A lovely memory

To sit in the rocking chair

And enjoy the view

Who will have this house after me?

And what will they do?

I hope they won’t change it

I try to keep the memories a flow

And each time I light my candle

I say a big hello

To those from my past

In my heart they will always be here

There words will always last

They lived in moons gone by

Changes in the sky

But their wisdom was for a lifetime

And all the stars gone by

This world is a changing

All of the time

But the roots will never die

Not in my, mind

And when it’s my turn

To leave this land

I hope it’s them, I will find

They I know will hold my hand

And once again

We will be as one family

Yes, memories all coming back to me

 

© Fiona Cummings