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Wednesday 18 September 2019

IF ONLY BY FIONA CUMMINGS


Gosh what a day. It started off nicely. I went to our town to shop and gave Wags a stress-free walk to our park. There was a bite in the air but in general it was sunny and calm. Near the lake it seemed rather cool I do feel for the birds and creatures who make that water their home. And then the day got worse. I had a horrid job to do that I really didn’t want to do but it had to be done. And then some deep thoughts and not regrets, but wishes that things could have been different. Then a message from someone that left me feeling sad, worried, excited, happy and angry! Disliking myself even more than I do already.

 

Sometimes I wish I could wipe the board of life clean and follow my dreams, hopes and my own thoughts instead of being lead by others.

 

Regrets isn’t a word I like. Because what can you do with regrets? Most things in my life I absolutely am glad I did but a handful of decisions I made or what were made for me, I wish I had been stronger at the time. Those arrangements concluded in lifechanging moments. My life map has been sent on completely different tracks. Undulating dusty roads to hell and elevators breaking down on each floor of living until I got to the top and then the cables snapped, causing me to fall back down again.

 

We can say if only as many times as we want. What good does it do us? We can not change our past. We can live for today and hope for tomorrow, but what if our bad decisions really impact our future and our time today? Again, those words, what if? What if doesn’t get us anywhere when it comes to what if we had done something different. We didn’t end of. We have to live with that. Can we fix what is broken? I really hope so!

 

When will I learn, when will I trust myself to be in control of my own destiny?

   Some decisions in life have left me with a bitter taste. I can only hope and pray that in time a sweetener will be given to me and I will be free of the torture of time.

 

We blame todays wrongs, on past occurrences, we have to remember that no one is perfect, even those you think are amazing and have an idyllic life, have something in their past that they wished they had done differently, only they may not wish to share their news with anyone. So, you are not alone in thinking if only you had done things differently, but that doesn’t really help our own personal decisions does it?

 

Going over and over past words, thoughts, actions and decisions doesn’t help us now. remembering our past bad decisions is futile and only leads to misery and absolute negativity!

 

If we had of taken a different path, who knows, our lives may have been worse. We may have been left thinking if I had only done the opposite and the opposite would be to have the life we have now.

 

I could have done and could have been, but I didn’t and I wasn’t, so, I am what I am. Now, there’s a song title!

 

“I can’t take back the past, but I can fight for the future!”” said Shannon A. Thompson. I have read that focusing on our future is a great way to forget our past. Someone wrote something to me today that touched my heart and those words will stay with me forever.

“Memories haunt me!””

And they do me too!

 

 

 

 

 

  

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