CHESE SCONES FOR TEA WITH FI

Good morning Bloggets. How are you all today? It’s a bright, fresh day today in the north of England. My house stinks of glue. Where things have been stuck down. Hub and I last night tried to clear our garage. Oh my God. When you can’t see, you don’t see, if you know what I mean? Well, when we got down and dirty, it was filthy. It still is, but no way as bad as it was. Thing I don’t and won’t ever understand is, our Son goes in their loads and does his exercises. Never would it occur to him to pick something up that had fallen, he had bits of broken bike from his bike obviously, all over the place from when he was repairing it. Just left on the floor. One night we heard him knocking the dog boxes over with their food in. They are plastic bins with lids; well one of the lids mustn’t have been on properly. We went in and picked the bin up and some biscuits that had come out and binned those, but didn’t know until last night that there were enough biscuits still there to feed a dog for half a week. We do have a brush believe it or not? He leaves the tool box open every time he goes in there, so I closed that. Closed his fishing box too and threw loads out. What an embarrassment? The work men went in there….

 

I must take my Waggatail out this weekend.   She hasn’t been out for ages. It’s awful. For loads of reasons.

 

Today I have a date with the ironing board. Can’t wait!!!!

 

Hub has man flu, poor thing; he still is at work though, spreading those germs. I hope I don’t catch it? Don’t want to turn into a man. Haha!

 

So, how about trying how to make English scones? This time cheese, rather than fruit. You don’t? Well like me, you can always buy them, but they are not half as good as home made. So if you fancy it, here goes.

Ingredients

450g/1lb plain flour

Plus extra for dusting

4 tsp baking powder

 85g/3oz cold butter

350ml/12fl oz milk

250g/9oz assorted cheeses, but if you only have one kind, that’s fine.

Grate it and keep some for later, just a little bit to sprinkle on top.

 

Preparation method

1.     Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6.

2.     Sift the flour and baking powder into a large mixing bowl.

3.     Rub the butter into the flour using your fingertips, until the mixture resembles coarse, fresh breadcrumbs.

4.     Pour in the milk and mix with a wooden spoon to create soft dough.

5.     Add the crumbled cheese and ensure it is evenly distributed by gently kneading the dough with your hands.

6.     Shape the dough into a rough round and place on a baking tray dusted with flour.

7.     Press down on the top of the ball to flatten it slightly, then brush it with a little milk to glaze.

8.     Grate some extra cheese over the top

9.     Bake in the preheated oven for around 30 minutes, or until the cheese topping looks golden-brown and crisp.

10.  Serve warm with your favourite chutney or pickle.

Serves four

How does that sound?

 

BROKEN DOLL AND THE CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN

Homemade bread in the oven and chicken cooking. My Son is having a lovely holiday of sport. He is out every day playing tennis or football and going to the gym. I really remember the days and I mean days, as I’m sure they didn’t last a year, when I was fit like him. I would wake each day and do a hundred sit ups followed by press ups and more, then go for a jog.

I can’t even lift my foot up the stairs now, let alone anything else? Looking how unfit I am, my boy doesn’t believe how fit I was and who can blame him?

 

But that was from fifteen till sixteen. Though I feel so unwell of late, since my big operation a couple of years ago when I had a hysterectomy, I’m a broken doll, but I am slowly losing weight so this has to help? My joints are crushed and the tablets I’m taking now to get this fluid from my eyes are really aging me. My friend Flexi has started a yoga class. I would love to join, but really the eighty year old Nana’s will show me up, as they will be legs around necks, and won’t even be their own necks? But passers-by? Hahaha. All that whilst I’m still trying to get on the floor.

 

Joking, I’m not that bad.

I would be able to get on the floor.

Just not back up again….

 

My workmen left now and they were great. So thank God all sorted but let me tell you yesterday was a blooming nightmare.

I used stupidly the wrong key in the garage door. Our key to our gates is the same to feel as our garage door. Yep, you can guess the rest? I got the gates key in the lock to our garage and it got stuck. Couldn’t open the garage to get to the tools and so on for the workmen.

 

My lovely neighbours tried bless them but no luck. I waited fourteen weeks for the work men to come and now half a job?

Well, no, thank God the guy today managed to open the door and remove the broken key. As for our spare key to our gates? Em. Where did I put it?

 

Yesterday I went out with my friend for her birthday. We went to a new restaurant called Cosmos. It’s a help yourself and it’s food from Italy, China, Japan, India and Spain. There were eight of us in the end. My other neighbour came too, the lady who was always too scared to talk to me. Well, she was lovely and I hope I put her fears to bed? I shall tell you a funny story. My friend is called Diane. Her Mum is Eileen. Her Mother in law is also Eileen and her, daughter, so my friends Sister in law, is also Diane! How odd is that?

Well, Di went with me for my food, oh she’s really great, there’s never an issue and I got what I wanted. Bless her. So I picked my own food. All grown up an all. Haha. But most times places like that the person we are with, picks it for us to make their life easier and I guess who can blame them? Rather than taking me along with them. I will also tell you that never before on one plate, I have had Indian food, Chinese English and Italian.

 

Then for dessert. OMG? I’m not a pudding person or a cream cake person, but when it comes to homemade cakes like proper cakes, take me there? And a chocolate fountain? Oh God. Just lay me down under that tap and I shall tell you what heaven is like.

 

It was great, my young friend went with us too, and she’s 16 and the daughter of my friend. So all ages, from Mums of almost eighty, but you would never think it, they are so fit. To young Chloe oh and a four year old, boy and his Mum in her thirty’s to one lady in her late fifties, birthday lady who was fifty and me, just 32……..

“Stop it!!!!!

 

Back home to see my poor Husband who had to fend for himself for tea. I hate doing that. I really feel it’s my job to have his tea ready even though he never ever says so and is quite happy to cook for himself.

 

Because I couldn’t cook for so many reasons, I won’t go into now….. Walls have ears…… My Son didn’t eat. Well, I’m not sure why as the house has loads of food, but unless it’s chicken he’s not interested. He’s now gone off salmon for some reason. Always loved it, must have had it somewhere and must have been horrible, so he’s put off now. As it was always a favourite of his.

 

OK, now must go and see to my dogs, they need grooming and letting out. Then it is the good old job of the dog run.

Then I have to dust as workmen made a lot of that.

 

I guess before that, I must eat. I had forgotten to do that again, this is very bad and I was getting out of such stupid habits.

 

Oh, only two days before the hospital visit again for my eyes. Still have the fluid mark on my eye. I was hoping it would go before I saw them? As there is nothing but an operation after the tablets. And I’m not doing that yet for sure.

 

Another hot day here in the North of England. We have had a couple of weeks now of heat. It’s like being abroad.

Later with love. X

MONDAY'S DIARY

It’s another start to another week. I have had workmen in all week, so been busy. Saturday we had a street BBQ and today I’m out with my neighbour who has her 50^th birthday tea. There are about six of us going so should be nice. I can’t get out to get her a card, so will have to give her one out from my box set I bought. I hate this. A card shop is not where we know how to get to and if we bought one from the local shop, it will be one like other people have bought as one person works there and it’s easy for others to get to. The ones in our town are impossible to find. I kind of hinted to my Son to get one for me but he told us to learn the route ourselves. This is one of the harsh facts of reality of being blind. We have had someone of late telling us how messy our garden is with weeds, well, that’s kind, if you feel strong enough to comment on that, are you not strong enough to dig them out? Obviously not. I wanted a garden party for our friend from Russia this weekend, a couple of months ago I told my friend Di I was going to have one. But that is a good job it didn’t happen as they would think they were in a jungle. I’m being slightly over the top; it’s not as bad as the person who told us it was a mess said. Really, I have seen so much worse from people with sight. But because we can’t see, of course this is why our garden is messy. Well that is what they will say.

My friend from Russia went to a castle with her family for her birthday. She was in England for her first birthday in the 25 years we have known each other, but us or a castle? I bet you can guess who won? They have had a lovely weekend for it. The weather is stunning.

Oh my black shelves I got done last year? Well, my painter yesterday told me they were not black, but mahogany. I am furious. I told the joiner I wanted them black, like the piano... I’m really fed up with this dam blindness I’m living with. If only I could see even a bit, how easy our lives would be? I’m fed up with workmen taking a blend of us. Oh we can’t see, so we will obviously only want half a job done. This is their attitude. I’m also fed up with people I thought I could trust letting me down. At the end of the day, I can only trust myself and this is the way I will be forever.

OK, grump over. Not had a good week. Just when the workmen finished on Friday, they left the house in one hell of a state. Knowing we can’t see, they could have at least tried to clean the bits of metal up and grit? I mean dust I can deal with. The rest I had to deal with. Cups of tea left on our landing floor. Why can’t they bring them to the sink? I only found them because when I was hoovering, I knocked them over. Good job they were empty.

I will never forget the weekend I spent in Norway last year with my Husbands job. It was amazing and if I were a millionaire, I would live like this. We were in a forest in a centre that was so lovely, clean and comfortable. We were surrounded by blind representatives from all over Europe. They were highly intelligent people too and the staff were sighted, but paid to make sure we wanted for nothing. We had freedom they were amazing, they didn’t look at us as though we were freaks or go silent as we entered the room. It was the only normal weekend I have ever had in my life. We were all one and away from the big bad world in this magnificent forest of beauty with animals and unspoiled nature, but had luxury too.

 

Some people say blindness or going blind is not a death sentence, well, is it not? How many people commit suicide?

How many feel like doing so? Just today I banged my head as I bent down to pick something from the floor. I banged it on our kitchen worktops. I walked into a half opened door taking tea to the lads. I couldn’t find my other shoe to let the dogs out. Oh this is just this morning. I know these are not huge issues, but they do wear you down. Not being able to buy things when we need them and when we do things around the house, everything takes so long. I have a bruise on my leg as I had to go into our garage and there is stuff everywhere. I have a cut on my face from an overhanging rose and cuts to my fingers from the thorns too. This is from yesterday and this morning. I’m anxious about the hospital again on Friday. I’m off on my own and hate it. OK, it’s hot it’s Monday and I really mean it now, my grump is really over.

I am writing a great novel. I can’t publish this one on here, but when it gets published for real, in a book, all grown up and so on, I shall let you know about it. Let’s just say its different and a true story but not about me.

 

My Son just made me a cup of tea. I have to eat with these tablets I am taking, for the fluid in my eye. It’s no different after a month. But I am getting all the side effects. Oh my God. The best thing in the world is, I was told I wouldn’t as only the elderly would get the symptoms.  Haha. What does that tell me?

 

OK food time and start to clean the dust from my conservatory. The boys are cooking for themselves tonight. I’m eating out, so day off. I shall have to try to stop myself from making anything, though I think I will cook the chicken. What they do with it is up to teen as he will be head cheff. I’m out at tea time with the ladies. We won’t be ladies who do lunch, but ladies who do not so light tea. X

 

MONDAY DIARY

It’s another start to another week. I have had workmen in all week, so been busy. Saturday we had a street BBQ and today I’m out with my neighbour who has her 50^th birthday tea. There are about six of us going so should be nice. I can’t get out to get her a card, so will have to give her one out from my box set I bought. I hate this. A card shop is not where we know how to get to and if we bought one from the local shop, it will be one like other people have bought as one person works there and it’s easy for others to get to. The ones in our town are impossible to find. I kind of hinted to my Son to get one for me but he told us to learn the route ourselves. This is one of the harsh facts of reality of being blind. We have had someone of late telling us how messy our garden is with weeds, well, that’s kind, if you feel strong enough to comment on that, are you not strong enough to dig them out? Obviously not. I wanted a garden party for our friend from Russia this weekend, a couple of months ago I told my friend Di I was going to have one. But that is a good job it didn’t happen as they would think they were in a jungle. I’m being slightly over the top; it’s not as bad as the person who told us it was a mess said. Really, I have seen so much worse from people with sight. But because we can’t see, of course this is why our garden is messy. Well that is what they will say.

My friend from Russia went to a castle with her family for her birthday. She was in England for her first birthday in the 25 years we have known each other, but us or a castle? I bet you can guess who won? They have had a lovely weekend for it. The weather is stunning.

Oh my black shelves I got done last year? Well, my painter yesterday told me they were not black, but mahogany. I am furious. I told the joiner I wanted them black, like the piano... I’m really fed up with this dam blindness I’m living with. If only I could see even a bit, how easy our lives would be? I’m fed up with workmen taking a blend of us. Oh we can’t see, so we will obviously only want half a job done. This is their attitude. I’m also fed up with people I thought I could trust letting me down. At the end of the day, I can only trust myself and this is the way I will be forever.

OK, grump over. Not had a good week. Just when the workmen finished on Friday, they left the house in one hell of a state. Knowing we can’t see, they could have at least tried to clean the bits of metal up and grit? I mean dust I can deal with. The rest I had to deal with. Cups of tea left on our landing floor. Why can’t they bring them to the sink? I only found them because when I was hoovering, I knocked them over. Good job they were empty.

I will never forget the weekend I spent in Norway last year with my Husbands job. It was amazing and if I were a millionaire, I would live like this. We were in a forest in a centre that was so lovely, clean and comfortable. We were surrounded by blind representatives from all over Europe. They were highly intelligent people too and the staff were sighted, but paid to make sure we wanted for nothing. We had freedom they were amazing, they didn’t look at us as though we were freaks or go silent as we entered the room. It was the only normal weekend I have ever had in my life. We were all one and away from the big bad world in this magnificent forest of beauty with animals and unspoiled nature, but had luxury too.

 

Some people say blindness or going blind is not a death sentence, well, is it not? How many people commit suicide?

How many feel like doing so? Just today I banged my head as I bent down to pick something from the floor. I banged it on our kitchen worktops. I walked into a half opened door taking tea to the lads. I couldn’t find my other shoe to let the dogs out. Oh this is just this morning. I know these are not huge issues, but they do wear you down. Not being able to buy things when we need them and when we do things around the house, everything takes so long. I have a bruise on my leg as I had to go into our garage and there is stuff everywhere. I have a cut on my face from an overhanging rose and cuts to my fingers from the thorns too. This is from yesterday and this morning. I’m anxious about the hospital again on Friday. I’m off on my own and hate it. OK, it’s hot it’s Monday and I really mean it now, my grump is really over.

I am writing a great novel. I can’t publish this one on here, but when it gets published for real, in a book, all grown up and so on, I shall let you know about it. Let’s just say its different and a true story but not about me.

 

My Son just made me a cup of tea. I have to eat with these tablets I am taking, for the fluid in my eye. It’s no different after a month. But I am getting all the side effects. Oh my God. The best thing in the world is, I was told I wouldn’t as only the elderly would get the symptoms.  Haha. What does that tell me?

 

OK food time and start to clean the dust from my conservatory. The boys are cooking for themselves tonight. I’m eating out, so day off. I shall have to try to stop myself from making anything, though I think I will cook the chicken. What they do with it is up to teen as he will be head cheff. I’m out at tea time with the ladies. We won’t be ladies who do lunch, but ladies who do not so light tea. X

PASS ON THE FLOWER BY FIONA CUMMINGS

PASS ON THE FLOWER

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

The sun comes out to dance

To the rhythm of nature’s romance

The rustling of the singing leaves

And the buzzing from the bumblebees

The flowers shed petals in the breaze

And the palms fall to their knees

Fanning the fragrance of the summer dance

Waving to the bunny hopping behind the fence

The ripples from the babbling stream put me in a trance

On the burning log

With the sun so hot

Is the baby hedgehog

Who’s found the perfect spot?

To watch the world go by

In the azure sky

The white doves fly by

Putting peaceful patterns around the perfect clouds

Soon there are crowds

Of overdressed sheep

Waking up the cows as they try to sleep

No time to doze

The sunflower says to the rose

It’s time for a garden party you know

Let’s dress in red and yellow?

Poppies at ground level sneak in the back gate

Whilst all the patient flowers just queue and wait

Too late for golden daffodils

They shall come out in spring and cover the hills

That is now occupied by purple plants

Oh yes they can dance

Now leaves glide across the concrete

As they meet and greet

Such summer sounds and smells too

Beautiful colours of orange and blue

Ice-creams melting and chocolate flakes to follow

This party shall go far into the lush meadow

Where the beautiful cows are grazing

Summer is amazing

The feeling of purity

Almost gives you a kind of security

The safety of summer

Watch out for that drummer

And as for the singer

Well the echo shall all summer linger

With green grass

Blue skies

Yellow sun

And all the fun

The summer puts a smile on your face

And to fall in love

With beams from above

Walking hand in hand

Steeling a kiss

Listening to your favourite band

Without the summer

This, you will miss

So look around you

Feel the colour blue

The oranges and pinks

 Taste the cool drinks

And let’s all live in harmony

Please deplete the army

Let’s all hold out our hands

To welcome each other

And pass on the most beautiful summer flower

 

DAYS OF MY LIFE

Yesterday we had three views from Saint Maarten. First time for you so welcome. A short blog today then I must dash on with whatever I need to do. A funny night last night, in fact yesterday. My Son got up early, this is not like him. Then he went fishing with a good friend of his. He had four lakes to choose from and found a broken old boat that sank when they stood in it. If ever there is danger my boy will find it. Typical lad. He loved his day and the sun Shon for him all day. Thank God he didn’t bring his poor catch home, gone are those days when he used to do that. Oh God it was evil. I mean, you just don’t need to do that now days? I never understood how as a pescitarian, he could do such a thing, OK, so he ate fish, but he primarily was a vegetarian so to kill something? I mean, it’s not the cave man days? So he hooked them, gave them a very sore lip and put them back. He said they were huge. Hmm. And should be left alone to swim in the lake I say. He came in, had his second shower of the day and went out to the gym. Not sure why he needed a shower for the gym? Came in, ate dinner with us, went back for another shower and went out to play football. At nine o clock at night?  OK, there are floodlights. But till when? I asked him to be in for eleven. A reasonable request don’t you think considering Hub had to be up for work five hours after then? Eleven came, no teen. I text him. He told me he was at his friends. Then by one this morning, I was so anxious he would come in and wake Hub up. Nothing, all I heard was crazy people going back and forward on our quiet avenue well, normally, quiet on mopeds screaming like lunatics. This went on for two hours. And I think there was a motorbike involved too. Oh my insides were shaking. I felt sick. They kept stopping at our row of houses. I was sure teen was with them as he keeps saying he wants a moped. So I text him. He wrote straight back saying he wasn’t. Well he couldn’t do that if he was being driven like a suicide passenger would he?

 

I put on my earphones and blocked the world out of my head. This made me sleepy and I was OK. Now then, Hubs alarm went off at 4.20am. Teen’s bedroom door was closed. And open before I went to bed. Thank God he was OK? But how on earth did he get back without making a sound? He must have come back when I was listening to music? Though be it for just an hour. I have been in today to see him, at eleven. He’s like the living dead.  Haha. I’m not surprised after a full day on the lakes, gym and football and whatever came after that? But good to see him having fun at last.

 

I have so much house work to do and I really don’t want to do it. God I hate it. I wish I could just pay someone to do it. Hmm. actually, do I? No, as this is the only thing I do in my boys eyes so if I didn’t even do that, what good would I be? My house really needs a good day of cleaning. When you can’t see, you do one of two things, you clean overboard so no one can say our houses are dirty because we can’t see, or we say we can’t see it stuff it. And that has been my mentality of late. I’m on these new tablets from the doctors and they are making me feel so tired and dizzy. They were to release the fluid in my eye? Hmm. Well, it’s not my eye where the fluid has been released.

 

They make me feel so serious too. My friend yesterday asked me why I wrote such dark poetry. Well two reasons. Firstly because I think I write so much better when my poems are dark and two that is how I feel most of the time and three my dark poems have been read the most. Finally four, because as I said to him, when I write a poem I in my head am doing art. A picture. Of spikes, twists, sharp edges, non-typical flower petals, trees which actually eat you up in their branches. When I write a happy poem, it’s like whatever.

 

For some reason one of the darkest poems I have ever written, “Why and how, has had almost 400 views in a year. Now why? And How? Haha. I really don’t know? Hub says it’s read by people who wish to commit suicide. Charming.

 

Here it is

Why and how

 

By Fiona Cummings

 

 The pain is too much now

 

I can’t take anymore

 

People ask why and how

 

I do not walk out of the door

 

Answer is simple

 

I have lost all I had

 

Lessons of cruelty

 

And treatments so bad

 

My heart has been shredded

 

When I was created

 

I was already broken

 

My teacher has spoken

 

Giving lectures on choking

 

How bony fingers become tighter

 

Heavy breathing gets lighter

 

Closer to the fire

 

On an iron spike

 

Roasting flesh

 

The devil does like

 

Gouged out eyes

 

Eaten by flies

 

Trampled on by studded boots

 

Buried under old roots

 

Forgotten and flung

 

On a map a crumb

 

Life goes on

 

For everyone

 

My soul just watches from a far

 

Perched up high

 

On a shiny star

 

Clouds are my blankets

 

For comfort now

 

So people can’t wonder

 

Why, and how

 

See, imagine that is a painting, there would be reds and orange flames. Loads of spikes and teardrops. I know, it’s awful, I wish I could be all bright and cheerful? I shall write a cheery poem this week, and I bet it doesn’t get more than twenty views in a month? And no more than forty in a year. Why is this?

 

Another day of sunshine here in the UK. This would be lovely if I could sit out in the garden with my Hub and Son, but one is far away on a course and the other is still in bed and it must be mid-day by now?

 

This weekend is my friend from Russia birthday. She is off to a castle with her family. My other friend also has her birthday and she is having one of our famous street parties. It’s my step daughter’s birthday this week too. So I guess a lot of candles?

 

OK, now time to work. I have paperwork to do too. I hate that as you all know. I hope my Son will help just a little bit? Just to write the envelope out, as I normally do, but this is an important letter and if my pen doesn’t work or for some reason I go wrong somewhere? So let’s hope he’s going to give his precious time today before heading out for the day and night again? Oh to be young? I tell you, I would want the young body and health, but not the life. As specially now days and for sure not my youth either. What age would I like to be again?

 

Hmm. Well. Let’s see, you know I don’t have a year or a month. I have odd days scattered around. Like when I had my 13^th birthday and met my hero of the time a guy called Andy Craig. He was a kid’s presenter I was for sure in love with. My 13^th was a great day. I have written about it before. My Mum and Dad were invited to lunch in a rather fine restaurant/hotel near where we used to live. We went with the news reporters of course. I was given the most amazing meal of my life and then whisked off to the studios. A live interview with my Mum and me and at the end, Andy came on singing happy birthday with flowers and a huge birthday cake, but stuff the cake and flowers; he planted a kiss on my cheek. Oh I went to heaven.

 

 The time in the Datcha with my Russian friends. I loved it there, so normal, so right, so real.

 

Then the day I gave birth to my baby. I held him and he connected with me in a way I never thought was possible. I was not going to be the hard bitch who gave me up before I was even born, I was not going to be the one who would ever leave my Son to wonder who his Mother was. I was there to love him and bring him up the best way I could. I Held him and for a moment, he was me. I broke down, I held this tiny body and for ten minutes, 

 he was me. I was not, that horrible person who coldly rejected me not once but three times in her cold hard life. How could anyone do such a thing?

 

The day I brought him home from the hospital. Oh life was going to be tough but not as tough as I ever imagined. A year later, I woke up blind, my Dad died two weeks later and less than six months after then, my Mum died. Leaving me alone in the world with my baby. My x Husband worked and played a lot so it was us two. This is one of many reasons I have this bond with my Son and this is what people don’t understand.

Time in America with our beloved friends I will never forget and has kept my heart together.

Then the day I made contact with my now Husband. Then the day I met him for the first time after 28 years and the day I married him. These are my days of life.

 

THE OPERATIC TRAGITY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

THE OPERATIC TRAGIDY

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

I didn’t want you to leave today

As the door closed and you went away

My heart dipped

My stomach ripped

Life I felt I couldn’t face

I didn’t want to be in this place

I didn’t want to put on my dress

I felt a mess

I sit here writing these silent words

As the birds fly free outside of my window

I wish I had a spark in my life which turned into a glow

But today is not a good day

I seem to have so many of these of late

I can’t eat the food on my plate

Not interested in drinking to make me feel better

Just waiting for a dreaded letter

That is what it’s like

I wish to get on my bike

To feel the wind in my hair

To know there is someone there to care

At the end of the day

To want to play

And not just vegetate

My salted tears with aching veins copulate

 They receive signals as though they know how to demodulate

The veins acting as wires

My sell by date expires

And I’m all sold out

I want to shout

Stick a pin in me and pour out like a spout

What is this all about?

Crazy thoughts

Dangerous sports

An yet have such fear

Need those close to me near

Hate my own company

No longer can sing the same melody

I need to hear a symphony

Not an operatic tragedy

 

A SIMPLE WALK BUT SO IMPORTANT

Well today I had to go to the Doctors. Hub left LC. Oh the temptation to take her rather than Wagga was so high. An easy walk to the doctors, or a totally stress one where I could get killed or at least get lost, not to mention tripping up?

Well, you know, I put my faith in my Waggatail and decided to take her.

 

I can tell you as I put on her harness, leash and took in my pocket her treats, doggy bag for that horrible realisation that you will have to feel the pathways to see where she has polluted? And my mobile. I turned the key in the door, and my heart didn’t even pound. This is twice now I have been out and twice I have not felt as though I am walking on a tightrope.

 

I have taught myself to keep calm. To breathe, this is very important. If I let myself panic, I am stuffed and lost and dizzy. My mouth gets dry and I just feel as though I am going to faint.

 

Did I teach myself this technique, or is it time for me to be trusting in my dog now? Hmm. Not sure. And I can say I don’t trust her either, but, I’m getting there or I wouldn’t have took her today? I pray no one will talk to me on the way. I don’t want to loss concentration. If I do then we are totally in a mess. My Wagga needs 100% attention. If I don’t give her this, we get lost, or walk onto the oncoming traffic. I now know this. Whereas Hubs dog, when he walks her, he can talk to others, he can laugh, have a joke, and answer the phone anything. Me? No, I have to dedicate my time every step to my dog. And if this is what it takes to get to the Doctors and shops, this is what I have to do. I am exhausted when I get back, as it takes every part of my body to do this.

 

Oh I did get bitten by the nasty thorns though on the way there. They reach out and grab me every time.

 

The smells of the roses right now are so lovely. The fragrance from the sun on hot days too is wonderful. But the rain today decided to come down on us.

 

My dog hates rain too so I thought Oh God, not another obstacle?

 

The rain makes the soil smell so real. Alive and so good for me. I need anything that is good for me right now, believe me.

 

Every now and then I feel the ridge in the middle of the path, this tells me I’m still on route’s a relief when I find that, or she finds it.

 

We found the door, though sniffer dog found something more interesting to smell before we got there. So a tug on her leash and off we went. She walked me right to the handle inside the reception to the second doors.

 

She was great, walked me to the desk and from then on we were fine.

 

I saw the Doctor and off to the chemist. Did I tell you that when a guide dog walks back, she doesn’t say that it is the same walk in reverse, but it’s a totally different walk for them? I don’t know how our guide dog people know this, but it’s supposed to be true.

 

So she put her nose on the door of the chemist and in we went. All the way home safe with the promise that she will get her dinner.

 

Oh now home, tired. Feel wiped, but so pleased with myself and more so with my dog.

 

THE EYE HOSPITAL

So today, is the day I am to go to the hospital? Dreading it for a week now. I hate the feelings of hospitals. I don’t like the memories of early diagnosis as my poor Mum ended up in floods of tears every time we came away. I still feel sick to the stomach and really really have a blanket of dread when I enter a hospital for anything let alone for my eyes.

 

The taxi driver arrived, almost on time; luckily I booked a taxi early. When we got there, he pulled up outside the main entrance as I asked him to do. Then I turned to him and asked how much? He told me £8.10. I paid him, a £20 note. He laughed and said

“I will give you a ten pound note, honest, it’s a ten!”

OK, so he found this humorous?

Perhaps I should admit at this stage in life, my humour is rather weak.

I’m as flat as an ironing board.

Then I shamefully asked him if he would guide me to the reception? He grumbled, he was joking, I think. And after moaning, he said he would. But and wait for this?

He didn’t do toilet training?

Say what? Gets better. He told me his wife was a “Carer” and you had to have a good sense of humour for that?

Oh my God.

I got in the hospital and that ignorant fool went back to his car.

The receptionist guided me and she was fine. I went to the eye clinic. Waited only five minutes. Sitting with old and young people, but everyone had a partner with them. I missed my Mum so much. I felt like a sore finger, sticking out.

 

A nurse called my name. I thought, oh here we go; now I have to find her, but she was fine and came to me. She told me she would perform a vision test. I knew I would fail that.

I didn’t let my thoughts down.

She told me to look straight. Hmm.

Asked if I could see the light.

Em, nope?

This is why I said I had no sight.

But for this awful blur.

She sent me out. I sat at a different place. A baby with the vocabulary of one word kept looking up at me saying

“Hiya

Well on the eleventh Hiya, I thought, pick your child up? I mean, an eye hospital is not the place for a baby to be crawling around?

I felt sad for the baby; I hoped it was for something trivial.

Anyway, room number two. I saw another nurse, not sure what she was for, but she read to herself my papers and guided me back out.

Waiting again. Room number three. This time I saw the Doctor.

She was not much use, calm, depressive and Irish, like my bird, right?

She looked at my eyes, and then told me she would send me for a C A T scan and she would put those awful orange drops in and my eyes would glow in the dark and go fiery through the day.

 

Out of the room, and into room 4 some minutes later.

Room four was my scan, waited outside in the waiting room again and then back into see the Doctor. She told me

1. I had the worst RP possible as in my entire retina was black.
2.  I had calcium on my retina
3. I had pockets of fluid
4.  I had sticky eye lashes with tears and
5.  I had a Sist. She also told me she didn’t know what kind of RP I had; I would have to be referred to another hospital. With me being adopted, she didn’t think they would be able to find out? But she wasn’t sure. As for future treatment? Hmm. She didn’t know. The other hospital would tell me. Yeah, right I’m sorry, but I have no faith. So I came away, with tablets to clear the blur. She said they may work. The sist, may, go away. The calcium is nothing to worry about. That will never go. So now I wait for another appointment. 
6. 
   

MY FRIEND THE ANGEL BY FIONA CUMMINGS

MY FRIEND THE ANGEL

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 I asked for his help

But he hesitated

I thought he didn’t hear

I just waited

Until he came near

And placed one hand on my shoulder

For all the others to see me

As I shivered getting colder

A circle of heat fell to my feet

A pink velvet gown was placed around me

A soft smile before my tear stained face

A white dress of pure lace

With a feathered wing

Silent voices began to sing

I was the centre of this golden ring

They calmed me down

My heart began to steady

They kissed my frown

They said I was ready

For what?

To except what they could do

My breathing slowed to the rhythm

They were sent to me from heaven

Silk steps danced in time

To the words of the archangel

Who chanted a rhyme

As though I was a babe in a cradle

I fell a sleep

Whilst healing did creep

Soft feathers wiped away

As I did weep

They got me ready for another day

So much pink

All around

From the ceiling to the ground

I didn’t want them to go away

If they can hear me still

Please stay

Feed me another pill

As your medicine did help me

Even for a couple of hours

Perhaps three

My heart feels better

I didn’t write a letter

But I did ask allowed

And a dear friend prayed for me

Though I didn’t think it would work

As I am one in a huge crowd?

Why did they pick me?

How grateful I am to my friend

I can’t pretend

I’m no way fixed

But like a recipe

I have most of the ingredients for the mix

So hands together

And friends forever

Thank you so much

 For my heart you always touch