PLEASE WAIT BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Thank you to all who have sent beautiful kind messages especially to my lovely friends Sister, sending love to her at this really difficult time. I pray those who loved my friend will find peace I know I’m still heartbroken. I had to write a poem but words can’t and never would really say how I feel.  Grief is a dreadful agony that sadly as humans we have to go through for whatever reason. I believe we live for a reason and we die for a reason. Everything we do in life has a plan. I guess one day, we will know the reason why we have had to go through grief. Even those with a strong faith grieve which I always found strange as surely if you totally believe that your loved one has gone to a better place, and you know one day you will join them, then why grieve? Yes, you will miss that person, but to cry and be so devastated? And this is why I think we have to go through this emotion.

 

I still can’t believe it. I’m so not wanting to believe it. All I can say is never ever trust that someone is OK even though they are fine on the outside. Even if you feel like that person has so much to live for, if someone gives you a slight hint that all isn’t great, stick to that person like glue, but, even if you did that, they still could find a way to get out of the pain they are in. It’s just so tragic that if that person, my friend had waited a little longer, I’m sure their world would have turned around.

 

If you are feeling like you don’t belong, there’s no one for you out there. Feeling hopeless. You can’t put your body through so much pain every day. You are terrified of living. Please just wait, be the person you want to be inside your head, even if on the outside you are someone else. Give it just a few months. Not years, just months. Then don’t look at the negatives, but look at what you have done the past months that you never thought you could. Even if it’s one thing. If you can do one thing more than you could before, then one can become two. Talk to people.  

Believe me, this time in a few months there is a huge chance you will be glad you stayed with us all. I truly believe that there is someone out there waiting to join you to make your life that so much better as you will theirs, even though right now, you may feel like you are really no good to anyone. Please, just know the total pain hurt agony that you will cause to people who really really do love you. No one loves you? That is so untrue. You just don’t know it yet. Just give it a few months. That’s all, it took me until I was 41 before I felt happy to be here and I’m still waiting for the missing pieces in my jigsaw of life to complete my puzzle. I know those pieces are out there somewhere. Two of them I have found, one I know is close, and the rest I hope to find and my picture will be ready to admire and feel like I have come home.

 

I receive so many emails and messages phone calls too telling me your deepest darkest secrets. For some there really is no hope but thank goodness they do hold on and they write as if a totally different person. As for those people who have been left by those who just couldn’t face another day, my heart aches for you. So many questions. Why how and didn’t they know? Well I guess they didn’t know or if they did, they didn’t believe! And they are now free of their pain. So, how to heal you? Those who are left! Those people will have so many questions and will never get the answer. So, they will be forever tortured. A real punishment. I have spoken to someone not long ago who felt they couldn’t go on, they had nothing to live for. on the outside world, they had everything, children a Husband and a great job. A new car and a lovely house. Holidays and perfect family outings. So, why on earth would they end their life? We will never know. And for those who are left, remember the happy times. Also, if you had have been there on the phone saying you were going to see them, once someone has made their mind up about ending their life, nothing or no one would have been able to stop them from doing so.

 

Once you are that far gone through the dark tunnel, nothing will be able to press the paus button. We need to try to help people before they get to the tunnel, but learning what the signs are? Also, those who have deep depression, please get help and be honest with the medics about how you are feeling. What is the point of going to the Doctors, if you are not going to be honest? Just try it. Just try to talk to the Doctor and I pray you will have been able to press your own pause button!

TEARS TO HEAVEN

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

I’m sad but so angry

Why didn’t you tell me?

You couldn’t go on

Why did you sit

All alone

How many times have I said?

 Pick up the phone?

I’m seeing red

I’m in a zone

I want to lash out

To shout

To be the voice for you

But that wouldn’t bring you back to us

And I know you would hate a fuss

So many people are going to miss you

Too many people hurt badly without you

You hid your feelings so well

If only we knew you were stuck in hell

I knew you were knocking on the door of darkness

But who opened it for you?

Who invited you in?

I knew the gap between depression and sadness

Was ever so thin

If only we could have helped you

And brought you closer

If only we heard the silent whisper

The unspoken words

The invisible tears

We would have kept you near

The broken heart

The hurt

But it’s too late now

Just tell us how?

How can we carry on without you?

How can we ever laugh again?

If only you knew the pain

We just want you back again

You were the kindest person to come our way

Never had a bad word to say

If only we could turn back time

To that dreadful day

If only we could help you

Tell you your grief will pass

But it’s too late for that

All we can do is remember you

A wonderful person

A kind soul

You warmed my heart

When it was so cold

You protected those around you

You put others first

Stepping back in the queue

My heart is going to burst

Remembering you

Why do the good die early?

I guess you were wanted in a better place

Closing my eyes

I see your face

And you’re smiling now

Out of pain

I just want to hear your voice

Once again

Thank you for being there

Thank you for the love you shared

Just knowing you cared

Means the world

You were pure gold

Will be missed

Let the angels care for you now

Upon your head they will kiss

They will show you the way

May be give you the best seat

So, you can relax, put up your feet

Have the best view

Look down to earth

See us all

I just wish once again

I could give you a call

 

 

© Fiona Cummings

Written for a friend I will never forget 7 April 2019

 

DIARY OF SORROW BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s been a tough few days in my personal life. I have been so upset, in fact devastated with some news and I’m not coping with it, though I shall have to paint on my face as I have friends coming soon, and I always have been the kind of person who will not show my feelings when it comes to myself.

 

I shall have to move on but finding it so difficult to do so. It’s been a tough couple of weeks for me for many reasons. Pulling at my heartstrings but this latest thing has sent me to the edge of the Cliffe and I fear there is more bad news to come. When people are in my situation, how do they cope?

 As I, have coped in the past. I just do, there is no real answer, there are no words to say to make things better. I have failed in my ability to help of late and I have such guilt. I guess I have to forget the things that I have lost and failed at and think of what I have!

 

So, my blog page has been of old stories for the past few days but I hope to get back to almost normal soon. I say almost as every time something awful happens; it chips away at my insides. I have reflected over the past few days though. And I have come to a few decisions, mainly brought to my attention by close friends.

 

My readers, my Bloggets, I feel as if I have failed you too, as many of you write to me saying I cheer you up, well hopefully in my next blog I shall do that. But in the meanwhile, please forgive my words of sorrow!

 

 

 

DIARY OF ESCAPISM BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s Sunday, a day of wrest Well apart from Hub who is in our gym. On the treadmill. There is no way I’m going in there today. Yesterday we went for our walk and we walked almost 10 miles. 16K. almost 18,000 steps.

 

Our dogs should have been tired, as they went out for a free run for forty minutes on the field before hand as they wouldn’t get off their harness’s, when out at the beach, as they were working.

 

Well the only thing that was tired, was me, not tired as in the sleepy way, but in the body killing way. My limbs belonged to another. I refused to have anything to do with them.

 

We weren’t good though as we passed a fun fair where there was a doughnut selling stall. Oh. Gosh, I am not a fan of sweet, I prefer savoury.

Until it comes to doughnuts.

I was set a challenge to eat 30 of them off the belt.

I didn’t.

I could have, but it would have tipped me over the edge and direction to becoming a diabetic, I’m sure. One day when I’m very slim, I shall do the doughnut challenge I was set with ease.

And then I shall wake up from my dream!

 

It was a lovely day, we walked along the prom at the seaside. The air was beautiful, so fresh, the beach is my home. I loved the air, the sounds, the smells.

 

We walked through a countryside part the grass had just been cut it was lovely. Droplets fell from the branches from previous rain.

 

The seaside was full of gulls and the dogs on the sands were barking with excitement. Then into the awful fun fair part that is impossible to work the dogs through that noise so we were with my girl Friday as I call her. She walked us through the music and machines.

 

We sat and had a cup of tea in a beer garden.   The sea air on my face was so lovely. Or was the blood rushing to my head haha.

 

It was a perfect day. And I have the memories of the smells, oh, and tastes of the doughnuts, fried onions from the burgers, well obviously I wouldn’t eat those but the smell was lovely. I tell you one thing that was rather funny, the amount of parents who were going mad with their children about having sticky fingers. Bless them. Children having sticky fingers after eating sugary foods? What a crime…...!

 

It rained a little on the way back home but it was so pleasant. And as I passed apartments with balconies looking over the beach, I dreamed of having one of those to sit out on the balcony and hear the sea. As we got closer to the finish line, haha, sorry, the end of our walk, it started to thunder. At first, we thought it was the ocean crashing against the rocks as the sea did become more severe, but it was the water as well as thunder.  And it crackled and roared like a wild demon. I could imagine how dramatic it was. What a wonderful picture in my mind. To walk without sight is bad, but to imagine is good, but for my dear Hub, who has no sighted imagination, for him it was pure sounds. He loved his day out as did I. and as for my dog today, she is like a puppy. I thought she would be tired, nope.

 

Off to make a Sunday dinner now for our evening meal though. The three of us are home tonight. And then one of my favourite drama’s is on the TV tonight. I have written about it before; it’s called the Durrell’s. A family from England who settle on the Greek island of Corfu in the mid to late 1930; s. It’s the most enchanting series, real escapism.

I hope you all have a lovely day. And just before I go some words.

 

“Escapism is something everyone needs from time to time. The concept of wanting something more and wanting to find solace, and needing to have something better, completely different to the norm. Escapism is a vicarious thrill!””

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

THE TREE OF LIFE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. Trying to write this before an interview I’m doing in a few moments. Not long been in. I went out with my dear friend Geordie for lunch. It was lovely, though she was as always, honest with me and gave me one of her sisterly mini talks. We are really close and can do that with each other. She’s the kind of person though when she tells you off, you know it. Haha.

 

A night in front of the TV tonight then a lovely relaxing bath with bath fizzers before my hike this weekend. Not sure where I’m going on Sunday, but it will involve a long walk.

 

Watching a program about trees last night. A machine that looks like a baby’s pram measures the water under ground to tell how old the tree is. Trees that were seedlings four hundred years ago. How do trees keep themselves upright? The roots make up a quarter of the tree’s weight. 34 meters of roots keep up the huge ancient tree the roots only go down a couple of meters but as I said, spread 34 meters outwards to steady the tree.

 

Not only do the roots support the tree but they are the tree’s life support system. Did you know that fungi breaks down the soil and releases the nutrients and the roots suck the nutrients up to feed the trees?

   

Trees are our lifeline. Without them we couldn’t exist, because they produce most of the oxygen that humans and wildlife breathe. Trees absorb carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and release oxygen using the process of photosynthesis.

 

Forests act as giant air filters for the world. We must fight deforestation which continues at alarming rates worldwide in 2016 the world bank reported that the equivalent of 1000 football fields or 800 soccer pitches of forest has been lost every hour since 1990. That is shocking isn’t it?

 

I must have written some time ago that I was growing my fringe out, can’t remember doing that, but I must have said something as I got an email from a lovely called Jan who asked me if I grew my fringe out? Haha, I did laugh as I thought out of all the questions, I get asked, that has to be the best one. The one that I would ask. I wrote back telling her I did. She wrote back asking how as she has tried so many times and she remembers I have tried too loads of times to grow it out

        

I told her I bought those gold hair pins but there are two types one looks as if they are open the kind you put in buns and the other kind are proper grips. You can get different colours but I got gold to blend in with my hair. There were so many times I was ready to grab the scissors. But I resisted. And I’m pleased I did because I like it now. also, I bought hair spray. I have never used that may be a couple of times when I had short hair the hair dresser put it on me, but that was thirty five years ago when I was a very young girl because my hair is naturally curly so no matter if I got it cut short in a style, to stop it from curling, they would spray it. And that lasted a day, before my style went to the same one that it was every day.

And now, science. Yep, Tree’s to hair to science. Evidence has been discovered to prove that life once existed on Mars.

Researchers from Hungary have analysed a Martian meteorite found on earth and found traces of the organic matter including different forms of bacteria this could prove that not only Mars had thriving life but other planets too.

 

Researchers say apparently rivers on Mars were twice as wide as rivers on earth but because of climb it change, they dried out.

 

They say its good news that water can survive on the red planet, so life in the future may be possible. Oh, I know I go on about it, but we have water here, care for what we have?

 

And I also always say, I believe we came from somewhere like Mars. We crashed into life on earth because we screwed up where we lived, just as we are doing here. Who knows Adam and Eve may have been the two first people on earth and we all originate from them? I guess when we blow earth up, a select amount of humans will be chosen to go and live on a new world of Mars for example and who knows, up there, in a million years’ time, a new Bible will exist I mean, I was writing last week that a Bible has been put on the moon… Someone may find that in years to come and think that is how life started on that planet, and they will be right. I wish I could press the pause button on humanity at the moment.

 

I was talking to someone the other day, he is a Professor at our university. Apparently, there are eleven different titles for his students. Eleven? So, people are not straight or gay now, and people are allowed to be a girl one day and boy the next. I honestly think we are going too far. If someone is gay, fine, but to change their mind as if to change their socks? And all the people now having babies saying they are not going to say if they are girls or boys? Well give them another title, so they still have a title, it’s going to make children have no identity.

 

In our health headlines, they are saying that one drink a day increases the risk of a stroke.

Everything is bad for you, food, lack of exercise, smoking eating meat. My only bad, is I like food that isn’t good for me. Like fried chips. But I don’t have them more than twice a week. I also need to move more. But I don’t drink, or smoke or eat meat. And still I’m sure I’m a walking health hazard…

 

I’m certainly not friends with my talking scales. The ladies voice inside of them tells lies I’m sure. To say the numbers she says, I bet she uses a calculator?

 

Do you know why the diet coach sent her clients to the paint store?

She heard they could get thinner there.

 

Well I hope you have a lovely weekend whatever you end up doing, remember to give yourself a treat, whether it be a relaxing bath or get your bestie to do your nails for you or may be have the guys around for a curry, or even chill with a good book. or perhaps you are going out with friends. Have a great one and remember, to pass over the mistakes of others. Forget your past and think of your future. A new start to heal your broken heart. Take a risk or you will never know what you could have had.

 

A MEMORY OF TIME GONE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Behind the village shops of old grey stone and an ancient Chapple lay a narrow lane with back yards made from concrete with high walls and wooden back gates. In the yard was a brick coal shed that used to be an outside toilet and a concrete coal bunker that was full of dirty coal for the open fire in the sitting room. The chimneys used to spout out smoke that filled the air with a familiar feeling of home.

 

It was my home as I grew up. My Dad was a coal miner so we got the little two up two down cottages for very little rent as they were called pit houses. We lived in a beautiful large house near the seaside but when I started to have to go abroad for eye treatment, my parents couldn’t afford to keep that house going, so we had to move into the tiny house.

 

It was home though, I spent my weeks at horrid cold boarding school but thank goodness in those days I could come home at weekends to my family.

 

From my first step out of the transport that brought me home, I knew I was home. Only problem was, I never wanted to leave that comfort. That kindness.  That love. As I burst through the back door as no one used the front doors in those days, I could smell my Mums cooking. The kitchen would be full of steam, from the chip pan normally as it was Friday and it was fish & Chips. (fried potatoes)

 

I never ate fish, but loved my Mums proper homemade chips and there were always loads of them. No shortage of food as I starved all week as our school fed us as though we were in the Victorian work houses, a weekend feast was much needed.

 

The house was so warm. The fire place was a place I sat near feeling so cosy. Thick blue carpet was on the floor and shiny wood and 70’s chrome was everywhere as it was new then and in most houses. It was polished to an inch of its life. even the brushes and poker in the rack on the fire place was so shiny. I missed shiny at school. Every thing was so dull and damp. My Mum had large lamps everywhere velvet curtains and just warmth.

 

I adored my brother he was my hero. I couldn’t wait to see him. My darling Dad was always at work, until I was eleven and then he had that dreadful life changing accident down the mine. The pit fell on top of him almost killing him. Certainly, changing his life for the worst. Leaving my heart broken and a feeling of sadness in our family as that year, everything changed. My dear brother married so left home, and I was given the news that crushed me. I had to go to another boarding school this time so far from home even weekends were not possible, though my parents tried their best to get me back home as many times as they could during term time.

 

We moved house that year too. Into a brand-new house that was a council house. So cheap rent. I said goodbye to my friends from school who were more like family to me as we didn’t have our own families, I guess we thought of each other as brothers and sisters. It was that year I said goodbye to my first little boyfriend from school too. My now Husband. We were heartbroken. And there was no way in those days we could have kept contact with each other as I have written about before, I didn’t know Braille, and my love was and sadly still is, blind. He obviously couldn’t write print to me and there were no such things in those days as computers or mobile phones. But thank goodness he was my destiny and we managed to find one another many many years later.

 

But I still remember that lovely warm feeling of home. My roots. And I will never forget those days.

 

People used to scrub their front doorsteps and paint them white. Neighbours used to chat over the fence or in our case the wall that to me was so tall but looking back I remember my Mum could see her neighbours head to chat to, so mustn’t have been that tall, I must have just been shorter than the wall.

 

The rag and bone man would come around in his horse and cart. Even in those days I felt so sorry for the horses. The old cart and horse now have been replaced with a van and a tannoy on the top so the men or man, can shout through. Now, ask me what he shouts? I wouldn’t be able to tell you. But in the old days… he would shout any rags. Any rags. Can you imagine that now? it would be 36-inch TV’s? Lap tops?

 

If we gave them anything, they would return our kindness with swaps of clothes pegs. Haha. Gosh, how times have changed?

 

I remember getting 10 pence from my Mum to go to the shop. It was a paper shop I guess now days they would be news agents. I had to use the crossing to go there. I remember seeing the huge thick white zebra lines you crossed near. I would skip over, not wanting to stand on the spaces though they were the same level as the white ones, in my head they were dangerous rivers you had to avoid. I would run everywhere so as soon as I was across, I would run to the shop. My vision was perfect then as long as I stood still. As soon as I moved, I saw nothing. Try telling a child that? I had many bruises and cuts as a little girl until I learned I wasn’t the child I wanted to be free, I had to slow right down. But in those days, I was still learning.

 

I would take my penny’s into the German lady’s shop. She was known in the village to be mean. Her sweets/candy was so much more money than it should have been. But it was a village, we had no choice.

 

For my money I would get a bubble gum, a sherbet dip and loads of black jacks chews as well as a flying saucer and even a small chocolate bar called a milky way. They used to be 2 and a half pence I think they are about 60p now.

 

For those in the UK, can you remember half penny’s? wow, and now days we just have penny’s and 2 pence but I bet we won’t in five years’ time?

 

I would come out of the shop where the scary lady was, with my huge bag of treats. My friends and I would gather to see what each other had bought. There was one girl we used to try to avoid. Shame really as she was very nice, but she used to buy glue rather than sweets. She would go with her own kind of people and do what she needed to do. So sad. Innocently we would dare to cross the road to go back as it was so much faster to avoid the crossing. My friends would run over. I would be stuck. I dare not have followed them as I knew I would be the one who would get hit by a car. So, when it was quiet, I would run to try to catch up with my pals. At that point no one really knew about my eyesight. I guess they knew I was always in the media, but they didn’t really understand why, as to them I was just Fiona who sometimes they had to wait for, other times they knew I would turn up eventually.

 

I never got lost. We would run free in the fields and get chased by the farmers. We would stupidly race the old chug a chug coal train and get shouted at by the driver. We would pick apples from Granny’s gardens and pick flowers from the pit managers competition entries. But that was as naughty as we would be. No one swore or had fights. Not my circle of friends.

 

It could be cold, and I would rush home to get warm, always there would be food in our house. Even a hot milky cup of coffee. In summers we would wait for the ice cream van to play his tune. We would queue again deciding on what we would buy. Pictures of lovely lollies on the van, always in vibrant colours.

 

Would we buy the tiny tub of ice cream with the bubble gum ball at the bottom, or the multi coloured lolly pop with those hundreds and thousands of tiny dots of hard colours that were really sweet and when we bit into them, we had ice cream inside. Or, would we go for the chocolate ice lolly with bright green substance inside. Funny feet, a huge pink foot shaped lolly made from ice cream or a sugar cornet with ice cream and a chocolate flake with monkeys’ blood. Or, raspberry sauce as it was also known as. But only to the grownups. To us, it was monkeys’ blood.

 

In summer would we rush home to get a cold drink of orange squash in a tall plastic beaker and filled with ice from the plastic tray in the freezer. Turn on our heal and back out again to play until we were hungry, but when we were hungry we didn’t dare go home as we knew it was getting dark, so our parents wouldn’t let us back out I remember kids younger than us being called in. in those days parents usually Mums would open their front doors and shout the name of the child they needed to come home. If the front didn’t work, they would go to the back door. Whoever heard the name of the child, would search for that child to tell them their Mum is shouting for them. And they always went home, but we would hear the cries as they had to go in and they would beg their parents to let them out just a little longer, but they never won.

 

Gosh, those were the days, now we would text or phone. Or our children wouldn’t be too far away, well unless we knew exactly where they were.

 

Where we live, we just don’t hear children playing out any more. Not in streets. Our back lanes were always full of children kicking footballs or playing with a tennis ball. We girls, used to get a pair of our Mums nylon tights and cut the leg out of them. The funny thing was, we used to always put the spare left-over leg back in their draw. I mean, what good would that have been? We would place a tennis ball in the foot of the tight leg and play a game against the wall of someone’s house, until they would come out and shout at us… I loved that game as I never lost the ball. Where as when we used to play pass with a small ball, I was pretty stuffed.

 

Children riding up and down the lane on their bikes, giving each other rides. Wow, what do our children do now?

 

My past is a very sad one but my memories of my family fills me with love s well s sadness for what I wish I had now. I just hope one day I will be given the chance to once again have that kind of family where I feel I belong and there is so much love and support. Support from me to them and just to be there.

 

I wonder what life will be like for my Sons children? I will try to give them as much of a life I had. Love, good food, and most of all, a place they can feel safe and warm.

© Fiona Cummings

 

IT'S OFFICIAL BY FIONA CUMMINGS

OK, this will clarify I’m mad… so, the other day we went to watch a horror movie at the cinema called US. A little girl was at a fairground she went by herself into a one of those mirrored houses. She was alone at first. Got lost couldn’t find her way out, saw the red lit up exit sign, headed towards that to learn it was a reflection. She then saw a girl exactly like her. Well the little girl was so afraid for whatever reason, she began to whistle. She stopped whistling to hear the exact sound of her whistle as if an echo. There is a reason I’m telling you this, honestly. Bear with!

 

So, every little scary tune the girl did, the echoed copied. Well, that brings me to my own madness. So, I decided to change the bedding today. I always do up the poppers on the duvet so the other bedding doesn’t trap inside of the cover in the wash. It’s rather therapeutic…. Like those bubble wraps you get in parcels. Pop. Pop. Pop.

Only thing is, at the other side of the bedroom, an echo also popped popped popped. Exactly when I finished my pop, that copied.

 

Well, first pop, I just thought a fly with pit boots and a leather biking jacket had hit the window.

Nope, as I popped again, it popped. So, on the third pop, I stopped to listen. It popped. But I didn’t do anything but I knew where the popping was now coming from in the room. OK Fifi time for action, I can do this, I can beat that demon or poltergeist with a pillow. It went quiet. Dam, where is it? So, I did another popper. Well, ready I was going to get it, so tough. So hard, so ready for this dude.

It popped.

I froze.

Only thing, it popped again, and again.

Oh, and again.

I moved towards it to restart my heart. As it really had stopped. Only to realise, it was some cellophane wrap from a birthday card that was blowing in the breeze from the open window in the bathroom.

Oh!

Oops!

 

 Jogging on with my day. Today is the day I’m determined I’m going to do some of my Yoga. Since my lovely Yoga teacher stopped coming, my request as it was just too much money, I have not been good. In fact, I was saying to Hub yesterday, I’m just rubbish at giving myself me, time. If I’m not writing I’m cleaning or out somewhere and writing is my time in a way, but doesn’t do my body any good just my mind. Haha. And that needs time, believe me.

 

My dream is to be a writer in the South of France or Italy. With the beach at my back door and my house is a whitewashed house with a pool and a room for massage and relaxing, yoga and around me is the smell of lemons.

 

Each day would start with yoga. Then breakfast on the veranda of freshly squeezed oranges and fresh crusty bread and cheese bought that morning locally. Hub could be getting that as I’m having my time. Smile. His time would come later as of course we would have our own personal masseuse, well if he’s lucky, otherwise if he’s been naughty, then he will get a big burly brute of a masseur.

 

And I shall keep dreaming.

Oh, and popping…

 

 

MEDICINE AND THE MOON BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good afternoon Dear Bloggets. It’s actually beautiful here today. Sunny and warm an yet friends who live in other parts of England are saying it’s snowing where they are. Such a small country but how our weather can differ!

 

I’ve not long been in having spent a few hours with a really special much-loved person. A beautiful time. There are few people like that in the world so, when you have a special person hang onto them.

 

Now just a thought as old readers will know my head can go from recipes to what I am about to chat about in a flash. They say that people are becoming more infertile because of our water and the contraceptive pill. Well I know it sounds odd, but what about human sperm/Urine, in the ocean/lakes/rivers/swimming pools, I know the latter sounds gross, but are you getting me? Then I had an immature thought and chuckle, perhaps that is where mermaids come from? And then I decided over a black lemon tea, to be sensible and fill my daily need for an interesting scientific story, so I started to read about the subject below!

 

This headline interested me. Israeli lander demonstrates a short cut to the moon.

Gosh, really? Israel are the forth country to put a space craft on the moon, after Russia, The US and China.

 

It’s supposed to have cost so much less than other crafts as it’s private but still cost 95 million Dollars. Oh, gosh please why can’t we put that money in our beautiful planet earth? Save what we have rather than spoil another planet.

 

As for the short cut? I think that may have been headlines, as I can’t find a faster route to the moon… but if you know differently, please let me know?

 

I was also reading about medical innovations for 2019 and here are some of them.

Alternative therapy for pain, which uses a patient’s genetic makeup to predict an individual’s metabolism.

 

Pharmacogenomics can also be used to predict who may have little or no pain relief to some opiate-basedanalgesics. This means people could have tailored medicine and they may finish their prescriptions earlier than they do now also they won’t have any adverse complications because the treatment will be specialised for their own body. Sounds great doesn’t it?

 

Artificial intelligence. A.i., can be beneficial in aiding in the screening process and making sense much faster than a human as it will be able to read data faster and more efficient than the human eye/brain.

Talking of eyes, and we were kind of… It was on our news today that people in the UK are not donating their eyes after they have died. They say it’s too personal? Haha, what is your heart?  If you are dead, and you believe all is fine by donating parts of your body, then are your eyes not the same as other organs?

 

I have been reading lots of positive things of late about our future and treatments to give us sight. I shall leave links at the bottom, but I have noticed a significant change in the language that is now being used. It’s subtle but it’s there. And what I am talking about is something I have been waiting for, for so many years, in fact since I can remember. And that something is, numbers. Time, years are now being spoken about. Even a year ago, no one was prepared to put a time on when or if a cure/treatment would become available. But now there’s talk like three years, and to me that is a huge step forward. No one would commit to a time before and I can remember only ten years ago, medics saying not in my life time. And I’m not that old, honest… I’m in my prime…. Well that is what I tell myself, pity my body doesn’t agree. Haha.

 

Trachoma is a disease which causes in turned eye lids that can make you blind. Thank God that dreadful condition is close to being eliminated thanks to charities such as sight savers.

 

It’s caused by crowded living conditions and dirty water. Mass treatment and improved sanitation and only then the horrific painful disease can be treated. It’s down to money again.

 

Something like sight, a life changing thing like blindness especially in developing countries where technology isn’t available can be saved but only if money is given. Can you imagine, you lose your vision because you don’t have the money?

 

3D printing is in our news a lot too. And again, tailored to our bodies so our body shouldn’t reject treatment. A full-face transplant has been done using 3D. Heart operations and loads more.

 

Robots in the operating room are now providing surgeons with guidance for extreme precision in surgery.

  

Hope is infectious, even can heal you, but in a world that seems to be full of darkness, its great to read something positive. In the past twenty years, the number of children dying of hunger, poverty and disease, has halved from 30,000 per day to 15,000. Of course, still far too many deaths that are unnecessary. I mean, money is needed to send crafts to planets in which we don’t belong rather than saving our people…. But again, at least we are heading in a good direction with the statistics being halved.

We are almost 100 % on the way to eradicating polio globally.

 In 2018 only 29 people got Polio around the world

 

And this is my mind and how it can change like a lightbulb. Smile. A group I’m in was asking about soaking lentils. You don’t really need to soak them these days. You can cook them and if you do soak them, no more than 12 hours otherwise after 12 hours, please throw them out.

 

I was reading today that Apple are to make a small iPhone. Fantastic. Hub and I don’t need a large screen and small phones are better to put into our jeans pocket if we are just popping out to a local shop for example. I don’t want to be taking a bag with me. Less is better. Especially when you have a wagging one on harness by your side.

 

The brilliant group ABBA, are to release new music in the Autumn. Wonderful. Love them.

 

And tomorrow I feel a different blog coming on. So, bear with and I shall leave you with the links.

 

This is amazing news

 

https://news.berkeley.edu/2019/03/15/with-single-gene-insertion-blind-mice-regain-sight/?fbclid=IwAR2wJylvaPuhjcJ5mggajqSEMUdwnXRzcq7Jc_xKK6pulhUKlvfLgHBn5E0

 

And more, not for RP, but close

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-43458365?sfns=mo&fbclid=IwAR1dT8sVi6gOUQEoGsPYzDPzUWdgGqJv42hxNVI0vk5QIOhLfsdPWDBWHbU

 

 

DIARY OF A CUDDLE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Today we went to the cinema to see a horror movie. I think it was or is, called US. TBH, I wouldn’t really recommend it though the acting was good, but basically the story was unbelievable. Firstly, people all wearing red would form a chain holding hands and they would kill people. Well cities were infected by these people doppelgangers. And the so-called good guys were fighting them with things like cricket bats and golf clubs. Well let me tell you the film was from America. My first reaction was, well, where are all the guns? Surely one family if not all, have guns? But no one in the whole movie had a gun, so, that made it a bit odd. If it had been set in England, it would be more believable as I personally don’t know anyone who has a gun but if it was in England, it would be knives and it was knives and scissors of all things that were being used to kill with. Even the Police didn’t seem to have guns…

 

Anyway, it was a little scary, but it was also half eleven in the morning, so we only shared the full cinema with two other people.

 

We then went to the recycling tip, to drop off rubbish. How exciting? It was raining so we couldn’t go out for our walk sadly. We ended up meeting with friends at night time and going for the last time to our local pub. The owners are leaving tomorrow. No quiz, just chat and bye bye.

 

Going back to the recycling tip. Did you know if you crush a drinks can, you are invalidating it from being recycled? It has something to do with the machine knowing what it is dealing with. So, best thing is for you to recycle it whole. My Dear Martin, are you reading this? I know you are a bit of a crusher…

 

It’s fast forwarding to midnight now. I guess I should go to bed. But I seemed to have been so busy of late, I feel I haven’t had my time to write to you all. Thank you all for your emails. I’m so excited to read at least one of them I noticed in my in box. And that person knows who they are.

 

Happy birthday to Michael today I hope you have had a great day.

 

Our day has been good but we have had some sad news, but such is life. we will live through it.

 

Thank you to all of you from the other writing group I’m in. a group where I have had some lovely comments from you and I will answer you all over the next couple of days.

 

Our news is infuriating me with an ask for an extension over Brexit. What difference is that going to make?

 

Some happy news. Apparently, a cuddle or, and, a kiss, from someone can help with healing physical and emotional conditions. Well, something to do with the increase of oxytocin, not sure about you, but that oxy stuff sounds like something I wouldn’t want? and it depends on who you are getting a cuddle and a kiss from? If it’s a hairy lipped latching on old aunt, not sure I would feel better?

 

 Yesterday I was talking about the most expensive shoes at seventeen million and the trainers that are £2000,700, well today I was reading about the most expensive burger. Guess how much? Go on, have a guess?

It has a gold dusted bun. And it will cost you£700.

Would you really want to eat that? I would feel too guilty even if they did a vegetarian one…

 

A spelling test on line from 1984, has people getting just half the correct answers. Well that was when I was at school, and on a good day, if I got half the correct spellings, I was happy. So, if they are easier spellings out there now, I would be OK.  I taught English for a while too. Haha, and I loved it. It was a strange time as the students were all older than me. I went to learn French at night classes and got talked into teaching during the day. A class for adults. In the end, my stupid eyes failed me as the class was really visual and it was the days before tech also, I didn’t read Braille. I could see then quite well, but not enough to read as much as what was expected. When I left the teachers called me many times to ask if I would go back, but I was a chicken, long story but I just couldn’t do it for so many reasons.

 

I would love to be a teacher. I feel it is in my blood. I’m too old now but if I had met my now Hub ten years earlier, then I would have gone to university. people ask me if I were to get my eyesight back through a cure or treatment, what would I do for a job? That is a great question for which I don’t have the answer, as it would be something I had to study for as in university, and by the time I came out the other end three years plus, then I would be even more ancient than what I am now… so I would have to stick with a job where I don’t have to study for and that would be art. It is my dream to be an artist. I know that wouldn’t make me rich. But I would be happy. I would spend a lot of time with people not so fortunate as myself too, so I would be rich in thoughts and my heart.

 

And on that note, I have so much to do before I do visit the blanket show, I best go for now. until we chat again, take care cos I care. Remember one thing. If you don’t try it you will never know.

 

 

 

A GUIDE DOG #PoetryByFionaCummings

A GUIDE DOG BY FIONA CUMMINGS

She was born to help me or someone like me

She is my eyes to help me to be

As independent as possible

She gives me the freedom to stop me being miserable

She keeps me from trouble

Well sometimes, haha

She walks with me, near and far

Always by my side

I’m so grateful

She’s so beautiful

All she asks for is love

And I have loads of that for her

When I’m feeling low

She comes as if to say hello

I stroke her satin like fur

She’s so dutiful

As am I to her

What would I do without my guide dog?

She is my life, my everything

She is my tune, a song to sing

My sunshine

So gentle, so kind

She is the vision for me as I’m blind

I will love her forever

As we will always be together

Until the end

My best friend

 

© Fiona Cummings

NATURE WALK #PoetryByFionaCummings

NATURE WALK

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Passing the purple petals

The cruel nettles

Unforgiving as they hide beneath the long grasses

Taking in the herbs in line for the pestles

Walking by the riverside

Tiny ducklings trying to hide

From birds above as they glide

Mother ducks being protective

Drakes sussing the flowing waters

Like a detective

Making sure all is well

As the rain falls

The banks swell

Winds blow

Monstrous trees look unsteady

As cutting machines get ready

To make the walkway safe for you and me

Trees bow

A squawk from a crow

As if to warn of a storm

A stag, doe and a fawn

Huddle together

Sheltering from the weather

Under trees that form a canopy

I take a seat on an oak

That has seen its last day

It shall now go up in smoke

For the cottages along the pathway

In dark damp days

These beautiful trees will be a haze

 A fog in the sky

I sit and sigh

Getting wet from the drops

But loving the views

The crops

The different colours of green, yellows and blues

Narrow paths through the valleys

Looking down at the mud on my welly’s

Cold now, legs like jelly’s

But I don’t want to go home

It’s peaceful here

Sitting alone

With only nature

Just wondering

About our future

What will happen to our wonderful land

I wish I could make people understand

Our gift from God is being destroyed

If only we could be saved

By whatever is hiding beyond the clouds

These beautiful sounds

Tweets, squeaks

 Howells from the hounds

Branches beating in time

 With cascading waters

Falling onto rocks and slate

Passing through the rickety gate

Under trees much shorter

Forming a boarder

Framing the Rooty path

Watching a blackbird having a bath

I shall come here again

Not sure when

But very soon

The day is ending

I can see the moon

Winds blow

Branches are bending

Yeah, time to go

 

© Fiona Cummings