A PARAGRAPH OF POSITIVITY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. It’s so cold here in England. The nights are closing their curtains before 5 p.m. now November is knocking on Autumns door!

 

Gosh what a busy week in our household. So much going on. Proud of both of my boys this week. Our Son went for his job interview last Friday as he had to apply for his own job. Sounds odd but fact. I am so happy he was told he did so well in the interview he was offered the job that very day. He felt so bad because other people have been there some time but didn’t get offered their jobs or even other jobs, I told him it’s sad but he has to look out for himself as selfish as that sounds. Thankfully on Monday his colleagues were so lovely to him. His boss said to him there may be some animosity but thankfully for Boy Wonder, they were fine to him. And then my Husband went for his fifth and final interview for a promotion in his workplace and found out on Monday, he has been invited to take up the role! So, both my boys now are in big boy jobs.

 

And then there is me!!!!

 

You know when you are in a race and people are overtaking you and you are just so far behind you think to yourself why did I bother running? Haha, well I shall continue to hand out the juice and snacks I think that will be my job for life, unless one day I become a best seller…… well a girl can dream and you know what they say, dreams can come true, right?

 

Something I was talking with a friend about the other day was restaurant etiquette.

Are there any manners anymore? I went to a restaurant with my Son and his girlfriend it was a nice place very posh inside but the staff and clientele were far from polite. The waiters were rather casual. The customers were so loud and the music was blasting no wonder people were talking with their best school play voices. To be heard…

 

But the table cloths were very nice as was the crockery and food was delicious. The surroundings apparently were beautiful but as a person who can’t see, I listened and to me it wasn’t the expensive posh places I used to frequent as a child whilst being wowed by the press.

 

So, what I was taught and I have recently read up on this and it still is the correct way to behave in restaurants so let’s see if you have restaurant etiquette? Haha, here goes.

1, dress nicely

2, the table next to you shouldn’t be able to hear your conversation.

3, keep from the table, your elbows, cell phone/mobile phone, purse and keys.

4, wait for your guest to order first. If you are in company with a few people ask the ladies what they would like first.

5, if you are waiting for your guests, it’s polite not to be seated until they arrive…

6, if your waiter doesn’t place your napkin on your lap, then after your guest has placed theirs on their lap it’s your turn to copy. If you go to the bathroom during a meal, leave your napkin on your chair and when you have finished your meal, then you can put the napkin on your table.

7, agree with your companions whether or not your want appetisers. Try to always order the same amount of courses so you finish around the same time.

8, I really don’t like this one, but if you have wine, you hold your glass by it’s stem. I don’t trust myself with that one. We all know it’s not polite to drink from a cup without holding the handle, oh, my Mum used to really tell me off if I picked my cupper up without holding the handle, and just putting my hands around the cup. Hug a cup…. Some people get so anxious how to be when dining out, they forget to enjoy themselves, I guess if you imagine what you look like and your actions, then if it looks wrong, then it probably is, well, wrong.

 

Something I was reading today; scientists are telling us that the origin of modern humans have all been traced back to Botswana

 

So, is Africa the motherland of us all?

 

Will we ever know the true origin of life? how it began? I don’t think we will and by the time we get close to finding out the answers, I fear we may have ended life on earth by then.

 

I have so many questions, if we are to have derived from apes, then how come monkeys have not evolved into humans? What made us become human and monkeys stay monkeys. If my Son were here now, I am sure he would have that answer. Please educate me?

 

Also, if we keep evolving, then what will we become next? Or have we reached the zenith of possibilities? And finally, Neanderthals they looked so different to us. Were they different? And why? Oh, I am so interested in such subjects but have no clue at all.

 

I bought some beautiful flowers today. Orange and yellows! I guess autumn colours also to represent fire for Guy Fawkes night on the 5^th of November.

 

They smell so lovely and three of them are the most unusual flowers I have ever seen. They almost look plastic they are so perfect. In the bouquet there are roses lily’s and chrysanthemums and two kinds I don’t recognise.

 

I filled three vases with them two medium and one small. I love flowers. Now because I can’t see them, I must remember to keep giving them fresh water.

 

So, Fifi why do you have flowers if you can’t see them?

Answer. Why do you have dreams if you know they will never be reality? Why do you keep those jeans that have not fit you for years? And just because I can’t see, doesn’t mean I want to live in a world of dark tunnels. If I know there is colour in my room, I feel happier. And if I can smell them even better. I even get a buzz out of making them look nice in my vase.

 

When I first went blind, I was so sad when it came to flowers. As I used to be obsessed by putting them in order of colour but now, I can’t do that but I am so over caring if there are two the same colour next to each other or if flowers clash.

 

I guess that is what being blind for years does, gets you used to reality, but you never learn to really except it I’m sure. People cope and they may tell themselves they are fine but I believe the only people who truly are happy as in the same as they were when they had sight are those who have help at the push of a button. Don’t get me wrong, if I were to win the Lotto, I wouldn’t become one of those people who do nothing who gets people to cook and iron for them but I would enjoy the fact that life wasn’t full of challenges now that can be exhausting.

 

Something I wanted to do for my Husband this week but when I looked into it, it’s impossible for us to do so we have had to scrap that idea. We are very limited. But we deal with what we are given. And now I put flowers in my vase without crying like I used to as it really did hurt me that I no longer could see flowers. I do miss colours. But such is life.

 

Talking of seeing, or not seeing, there is a brilliant link at the bottom of this blog. It’s good news for those of us with RP.

 

Just before that, a paragraph of positivity!

Happiness oftern sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open. (John Barrymore)

Life has no remote, get up and change it yourself (Mark A Cooper)

This is my absolute favourite quote ever. “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be!”” (Douglas Adams)

I have read so many times you start the day with a positive routine and the rest of your day will follow. I really believe this, but it’s actually starting that routine though, isn’t it? This is why a good healthy breakfast is so good followed may be by a walk or wheel along a peaceful path and the knowledge that by lunch time you have something just nice going to happen, plan a meeting with a positive friend or neighbour? I know this isn’t always possible and for my dear readers who can’t get out of the house for whatever reason, try to think of what you can do positive around the place you live? It can be so small, just something different to start with may be something you haven’t done for a long time. A beautiful friend of mine has started to paint. She says she isn’t really good at it, but so what? it fills her heart with joy, and that is so important. Be creative. A clean house also helps to have a positive mind. If you are living in a room full of mess you will feel a mess. May be your new routine will be to do a little housework each morning? Then by the end of the week look at what you have achieved.

 

For those who ar in a new relationship and are really happy, great, I know of a few of you who are experiencing that now, and for those of you who have just split up from your love, I’m so sad for you. It’s horrible especially when you had such plans together in life.

 

Are you now wondering if it’s even worth carrying on? I can tell you yes. Honestly give it time please and then you, can be one of those annoying people who are telling others to hang in there as there is better out there for you, I promise.

 

This year life has dealt us some really bad cards. As a family we have lost a lot. Well last week showed that two positives have occurred in our life especially our Sons and my Husbands. And out of that I guess I will be happier. I have been offered an opportunity this week but whether I will be brave enough to step out there away from my comfort zone, is another story that I am sure one day I will relay to you.

 

Hold your heart, keep it together and give yourself time to heal. Your life has a plan, things happen for a reason. At the time we just can’t understand why that has happened, but soon it will all make sense.

 

To my beautiful C, you know who you are, you have so much to live for and so many people love you and need you and one day soon I am sure, when the time is right, perfect, you will be fed with the gift of happiness, kindness and just what is right for you not only now, but for your future.

 

And after my blog on me visiting a medium, what she told me about the future of my vision, well, I still dream and still look out for us all. This to me is great news.

 

https://www.ucihealth.org/blog/2019/07/retinitis-pigmentosa?fbclid=IwAR1v7-7ngHoEYQnhqRjWPf-EmT1X5b-aEioEczu8xOYJOfVR0UZhs96v6TQ

 

 

 

  

DIVINE SPIRIT AND ME BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good day Bloggets. Well yesterday was the day I went to see a spiritualist. So, what was she like and what did she have to say? Did I believe her? Would I recommend her or go again? I shall tell you all but first her bungalow, gosh, if it was in the area, I live it would be worth £1,000000 and in London, double that. But it was where it was and I looked it up before I went…. It was bought by her for a crazy £350,000! I say crazy not because that isn’t a lot of money, but what she got for her money was so much. US money about $451,000, Canadian Dollars about 590,000 and Australian dollars, 660,000.

 

Along a avenue of trees at each side as it was described to me by the person I was with, then a church stood on the land belonging to the lady. She in total has an acre of land. And then there is the bungalow. An enormous gravelled driveway which I would guess would host at least six cars. Took us to a small ramp up into the bungalow. Two steps took us in through this beautiful vestibule. I have always wanted one of those…. The house was the old school house from about 1850, again I read about it…. It has a cellar with four chambers. Okay, that would be me not buying I hate cellars. I am petrified of them and having four chambers? Oooooooooo’oooooo’ooooo naha.

 

Now, this bungalow has four large bedrooms. A kitchen, utility room, dining room and sitting room as well as a bathroom and separate toilet. Lots of garden too and outer buildings. Oh, and remember the church is included!

 

OK now for the couple who live here. Firstly, I called her and he answered. Oh, my, what an attitude? In fact, both of them have no people skills…. In fact, I almost cancelled her because of her telephone personality. She and he were just very rude. Sharp. No need for that, but then coming to meet her, this is after I rang to tell her I was going to be late, no fault of my own, person I was with will be late for her own funeral. Haha. Anyway, she grumbled at me again on the phone and slammed the phone down before I got chance to say goodbye…

 

At that point I was ready to go back home before we got too far. We had an hour to go before arriving. Some will say now she should have known I was going to be late? She isn’t a fortune teller. She passes on what spirit tell her. Obviously, spirit didn’t tell her we were to be late…

 

What is the bibles view on Psychics, mediums, spiritualism, and the occult? Well I just like the bible, also condemn the occult and anything to do with Ouija board. Tarot cards palm readings and astrology is also condemned in the bible. It’s said that they are the devil in disguise. Or demons. I understand that when Jesus died, he came back as a spirit.  Well, if he can, how can’t our loved ones? Satan masquerades as an angel of light according to the bible and comes to us through the above means.

 

It’s asked if we can’t contact our loved ones, how can the above people who do such practices? I have an answer for that.

Satan appears to be kind and gets us addicted to spiritism and so on then takes over our world. Well I don’t agree with that as I find it a comfort sometimes, and other times, I come away feeling angry as there are so many frauds out there who annoy me as they are the devils for sure playing with people’s hearts and minds. So, when I come across a good one, I am at piece as I do believe that there are few people out there who are connected with the spirit world and have a so-called gift, personally I don’t regard it as a gift. I since a child have been able to tell who will die and until I was about 33, used to get a load of messages I really hated it. And I was told how to stop the messages from coming to me I did what I was told not believing that is all it would take and bingo, it worked.

 

If someone tells you something that makes you realise that your loved ones are near, and you go to see a reader may be once every few years, or even once a year, then I hope it will be OK. I believe in the devil for sure but I think he is more likely in nasty people who are alive on earth. At the end of the day, it’s up to us to do good or bad in our world. I would never work with the devil.

 

I had to tell the lady I was blind as I had asked her to show me in the room obviously not knowing the lay out of her house. Well this lady who I was a little scared of meeting became a very sweet lady. Her first words to me were.

“You are very spiritual, aren’t you?”” Every single reading, I have had in my life, about five, have all said the same. My friend gasped as she knows I am. She took my hand and stood for a while. Then kindly guided me in. gosh, she was sweet. But as soon as my reading was over with, haha, she became her telephone personality again. It was so interesting to see.

 

OK, to my reading. She closed the heavy door leaving my friend outside in the enormous hallway. The length of it was the whole length of my house, drive and back garden. There was queen Ann like wooden seats for people to wait.  I sat on a similar chair at a small table with a lovely cloth on. The lady took my hand and asked me to pick 13 cards out. I didn’t like that number. Then from another pile I had to pick out 9 cards then two tiny bits of paper.

 

She told me about myself first. So, I knew most of that. But she got my personality perfectly correct. She told me the first person to see me was a lady who was a friend but more like a Mother. She was a lot older than me. Well that I was sure was my dear Kinzie who has just died. She came through with a lady in her forties and two sisters with her. So, three sisters and my friend. I can only think the lady in her forties was my friends Mum as she died when she was that age. Leaving my poor friend motherless as a child. But no more, she is once again with her Mum. As for the two other sisters, not sure.

 

She gave me a couple of messages from her that seemed so right. She then brought my Mum in and I was told a few things again, only someone who knew me would know. And they were things I didn’t really want to hear. In fact, quite the opposite.  But I took note and will have to act on what she told me. An aunt and uncle came through they were married.  They were on my Dads side. Sadly, my Dad didn’t come through. My dog and Hubs last guide dog came in and they were together. She told me of their personalities and she was so right there. She also told me she was getting told about my now on earth dog Waggatail. She asked me if I wrote stories telling me I will sell them big time in the future well, let’s see. She told me I speak to my parents all the time. She said she knew I had lost both parents and possibly my sight when I was thirty. Guess what? that was spot on.  Can I just say at this point, when I called, I gave her my first name not my second name and she took no details at all from me not even my phone number though she would have been able to get that by her phone. She knew I had a Son and he was 22. She said some really interesting things about him and his girlfriend. She gave me such hope for his future as far as a job and he has to apply for his own job next week I think, so let’s hope he gets it? There are 16 applying for the same job. She spoke of how close my son and I are and how I have had to be his Mum and Dad most of his life. that is so correct. This was after she told me I had my second husband and he was a good person who loved me so much and he would be my last husband. Few? Haha. Well if she was a fake, she told me I had a good marriage why then, would she say I have been a Mum and Dad to my Son?  

 

She said I was going to move house next year and it would be a fast move. Spirit wanted me to start to pack now. Will I do that? No, as so far, we have decided to stay here. I have too many friends to move. She said I was for sure moving I replied, no, she said yes, she insisted I was next year but not far. Well where we were going to move earlier this year, was far. It was forty minutes from here she said it would be very close to where I am living now, but it will be a fast move. And it will be my forever house. Interesting as Hub and I said our next move will be our forever house. She said it was important for me to get it right everything had to be perfect for us.

 

She said a funny thing. My Husband is my eyes. I didn’t know what to say. Haha. I mean, he has been blind since birth. I just stayed quiet. In fact, I just answered yes or no for all her questions as I can’t see the point of giving them information.  

 

When I didn’t answer she looked at me and repeated her words my Husband is my eyes and then she said, he misses nothing. Well those who know me know my Husband has ears in the back of his head, smile. No matter where I am in relation to him in our house, he knows exactly what I am doing. It can be so annoying especially when I am trying to sneak an extra bag of treats…. Talking of treats, she also said I was very fit and healthy…. em, fit? May be to drop. But funny thing my blood tests have come back remarkably brilliant apart from one thing and that has to be investigated but I am not worried as I think it’s because I had a really bad cold and an ear infection. Looking at me I am colossal. So, looking at me you wouldn’t say fit and healthy, you would presume diabetes, heart troubles and high cholesterol

 

I received lots of lovely compliments from her or, whoever…. My Mum is proud of me that is nice to know and my friend said she is so happy I have my Husband as she loves him. I know she does I used to tease my Hub saying I have known Kinzie longer than him and it’s him she favoured.  I loved that though as he has never had love in his life. she knew I sometimes smell roses and told me that is spirit coming to me I guess this is my Mother in law. I have always written this. Then came the crunch. She asked me if I had any question. Well I was going to ask her about my Son if I got chance but because she kind of answered all of those questions during the reading, I asked about my vision. I put it this way not to give her any clues.

“Will I ever get sight?”” her reply was as follows.

“I will tell you only the truth but may be this isn’t what you want to hear.”” Oh heck, here we go… she paused for ages. Really channelling into whatever and came back with this.

“You used to be able to see, didn’t you? Well I am being told you will see again, but not as good as you used to, but there will be something some help for you to see again.””

 

Dam I wanted full sight, but having said that even if I get back the sight I had that would delight me and help to change our world, but I guess if I can see enough to see my loved ones faces, I will have to be happy with that.

 

Interesting how she knew I used to be able to see?

In short now, do I believe her? I have to take some of what she said especially what she said about my Son and I am looking forward to being a Grandma when the time is right for my Son and his as she called her, “his woman…”” I thought that was a real odd way of putting it as she is still in my eyes a child only twenty, by the way, I forgot she said there was a huge influence of Irish around me…. Well, my Sons girlfriend is Irish. My great Grandma was Irish, so my Nanna who I was close to was half Irish and my Mum obviously had a bit of Irish in her and my Brother is like me adopted and his birth mother was or, is, Irish, as not sure if she is alive or not. So, yes there is a huge Irish connection, I guess.

 

About my eyesight? On days when I am facing reality, I think I am too old now to expect a cure in my life time though this lady said I had a load of miles in me yet. I am pleased to have heard. But then I read of research and have hope but then again, I have to be real, for me to see fully sighted? Maybe I need to except that won’t be my gift and if it is, I will know that woman really was a charlatan.

 

This is in brief I haven’t written everything so; would I recommend her? Yes, for sure but say not to expect what you want to hear. I guess that proves that she isn’t totally fake. I will take note of what she told me through my Mum and friend.  My friend got seen. She said the lady brought her dog who died through. Saying she was a Jack Russell and saying she was fiery and she has a JR dog still on earth who is so calm and loving. And this is so true. So, to guess the breed of the dog was good but to know the difference in their two personalities is good too.

 

She was told of personal family situations which I knew about in brief and they were all true and something about her future. Something she wouldn’t know if not for something out there.

 

Oh, the lady also told me I have a bit of jewellery belonging to my Mum, well most people do, don’t they? She told me I don’t wear it but sometimes hold it and talk to my Mum. That is so right.

 

It was an interesting morning. I really was pleased to believe my dear darling friend is OK and for my friend to have said what she said was so her too. So, I hope her lovely daughter will get some comfort from that.

 

I can only say if you are to go to a spiritualist or medium whatever you call them, go with an open mind and tell them nothing just answer yes or no.  it’s no point of you giving them your life story as then you will never  know if they are just listening to what you have said and filling in the gaps, if you just say yes or no, then they tell you something, well you will know that you have those angels watching over you.

 

Be the light that helps others see. Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now, doesn’t mean you aren’t heading towards sunshine.

Intuition is the GPS of the soul. Trust your inner self.

 

L A TO LULLABY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Hello dear Bloggets. How are you all doing? Well I am hoping that tomorrow I will know what my life has in store for me and mine, as I am visiting a very well recommended spiritualist. She doesn’t know me and I have only heard of her. She knows nothing about me at all. I’m quite prepared not to have anything positive about my experience on my return but I am open minded enough to receive anything from what some call the spirit world as well. Out with my friend today for coffee and cake I told her of my plan for tomorrow. She isn’t impressed. She is a Christian and I think she thinks I am a devil worshiper…. Quite the opposite. I believe in angels and spirit for sure. Hub and I have gone through so much pain with the loss of our dear friend Kinzie over the past few weeks I am hoping to hear she is OK. I would love to hear from those I love and have lost like my Dad, Mum and Mother in law. Today would have been my Mum in laws 80^th birthday. Hub and I miss her very much. I got on so well with her and she was so kind to me.

 

Gosh it’s so hard without our friend too. Life this year has thrown a lot of stones at us and there is huge change to come in our future I am sure.

 

Our Son is having a fantastic holiday in L A. We have been really impressed in his ability of independence for someone so young. He drove to our capital. It took him over five hours. He did his eleven hour flight and picked up his car. Apparently, it’s huge. He then drove it to his apartment where he is staying for the week. The next day, he drove 21 miles for his first adventure which sounded fantastic. I can see him living somewhere like that. For the job he is doing in the UK, he would get over $70 which is so much more than what he gets in the UK. It’s a lovely lifestyle out there too, but expensive to live there.

 

He has done so much this week. It has amazed me how he knows how to get about. The weather has been beautiful out there and he said the vegan restaurants have been delicious and there are plenty of them. Much better than in England.

 

The real scary thing he did was he went to a firing range where he shot three types of guns. Oh, my, I hate that. Where has his fascination come from for guns? I am so against them. He absolutely loves them.

 

My Son is so obsessed with guns it must be in his genes. Being adopted I really don’t have a clue of what we should be like. I know my Son and I are passionate about animal welfare and he is so dedicated to fitness…. Even in America he visited muscle beach or bay whatever you call it.

 

He has done the Hollywood trail too and took a bike along Santa Monica beach. He visited Hollywood Boulevard, The walk of Fame, a tour of Paramount Studios and Griffith Observatory

 Have been just some of the places of interest he has visited.

 

Our Sons bedroom is all done now it’s lovely his new carpet got fitted the other day by a company called Tapi carpets. The price was fantastic for the quality and the fitters were so professional and really tidy.

 

Well another waisted day as far as Brexit is concerned. Looks like we are not leaving the European Union on the 31^st like promised. What a mess.

 

And now, something that boiled my blood today as I listened to our news. The oldest prisoner in the UK jail is one hundred and four. Apparently, there are more and more over fifty year olds in our prisons now and there are complaints saying that the POOR, for my screen readers, I put the word Poor in capitals, in other words I’m not serious about them being poor. But that is what the news article said. Poor prisoners are suffering as there are not enough staff to look after their needs. Well I’m sorry,

 not,

 but who looks after people who are aging and need help who have never done a bad thing in their lives? It was also reported that prisoners are seeing the other prisoners dying in front of them and it is affecting their mental health. And what about the people those prisoners have inflicted pain on the outside world? People they have killed or raped or abused? It’s different if they are in jail for other reasons like fraud or so-called petty crimes, but I guess if you are over 100, you have been in for a while and you are in for a reason that isn’t petty. Our prisons in the UK are really out of hand now. Hub and I have been watching a great documentary about our jails and they are like hells kitchen. I feel for the wardens who are paid a pathetic amount of money to watch such people risking their lives to be honest. They are not paid nearly enough. Our Police aren’t either. I have said it before and I will again, but our footballers get ridiculous amounts of money for what they do and then we have prison wardens, police and fire fighters as well as ambulance workers, who get not even a quarter of what they should be on.

 

This year there doesn’t seem to be half as many fireworks as there was last year and the years before that. Thankfully. It’s coming up to Guy Fawkes night in the UK. November the 5^th is a big event for us. But normally fireworks start weeks before. So dangerous, apart from the animal’s creatures like hedgehogs and birds, cats and dogs, I feel for the fire fighters who are worked so much more leading up to that night. And for what? not nearly enough money for sure.

 

Well on that grump I feel I should end on some smiley news.

My neighbour text me earlier to tell me he answered his door this morning and was punched in the face by a 6 feet beetle.

Apparently, there is a nasty bug going around at the moment…

Smile….

Little things please me…

Wherever you are having a lovely day or night time. It’s bedtime here for normal people… I’m far from normal. But if it is time for your blanket show, rest tonight and allow your dreams to wash over your mind giving you thoughts so fresh for tomorrow.

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

MY DIARY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Gosh the sun is so warm today. It’s a truly beautiful day. Unlike yesterday when our hearts were filled with such sadness as we went to our dearest friend’s funeral. Hub and I got home and we were totally broken hearted. Reality had kicked in. there was no more Kingsie. No more plans to visit her. No one to phone. How badly I want to phone her. I still have all the messages on my mobile from her over the year. Eighteen years is a very long time to be such close friends with someone and so fast she is out of our life. she was a parent to Hub and myself. The only one we have left. She genuinely cared for all three of us. She worshiped our dogs and gosh, how calm they were at the funeral. My little darling Waggatail lay so still unlike her. She kept putting her head up and her nose on my hand as if to say, are you OK Mummy?  Dogs really do feel pain and they loved my friend so much.

 

I have never had such mixed feelings about anyone in my life. when my Nanna died when I was fifteen, I really was upset as I spent a lot of weekends with my Nanna doing things that grandparents should do with their grandchildren, like picking veg and apples from her garden and making gingerbread men. When I lost a young friend at just the age of 19, I was so sad for her family. For my Dad, crushed. He was my life. When my Mum died, I was scared. I have so deeply sad and depressed. But my friend? Well, the first week, I was so angry. So, annoyed with the reason how she died. The lead up to her dying. Angry that she had left us. We all three need her so much. I was so sad for her lovely daughter and Husband and was so very upset for my Son as he loved her. The days leading up to her funeral, I felt almost numb. And after saying a last goodbye to her and the daughter of my friend and friends Husband, we got home two hours journey and both of us just cried. All last night was spent in a whirlwind of a horrid black blanket of not knowing how we are meant to be! I feel so sad, so alone, and scared again just like I did when my Mum died. I’m so not ready to be up high on the tree. I feel like I am going to fall. My Husband said last night she was the only parent like figure he had in the world who cared about him. I so badly want to phone her now and I can’t. just one more phone call?

 

Why do we have to grieve? It’s so cruel. I have done it far too many times in my life. I need a break now.

 

My Son has arrived in America thank goodness. He has text me to tell me he has a beautiful huge car. A Ford Mondeo. He did as his Dad told him and video’s the car before driving it checking out the fuel logging that too. His Dad is scared bless Hub that the company are going to trick him with being young. There is a humongous fee for any damage etc. at the end of my texts I write one word. Right…. As I am terrified, he drives on the wrong side of the road. I guess American cousins will say the right, side of the road? Smile.

 

Well it looks like the UK have made progress on the move to leave Europe. I’m not too clever when it comes to politics and I wait for my darling Husband to translate it all for me, but I feel like the 31^st of this month, we may be leaving the European Union. It’s been a very long three years plus.

 

A couple of days ago I went for my second Mammogram. My first was four months before my big birthday, so early and I was terrified. I was expected to be humiliated and in agony. I can tell you the technician who did it was so nice and gentle and I came away so relieved. No pain at all. Not even one per cent of pain. Now then, the other day? A totally different story with regards the humiliation, it didn’t happen thank goodness. But I have to tell you something that has made me laugh.

I was taken to a small area like a passport booth.  It even had a curtain. I was told to remove my bra but keep my top on. I did then I sat on the seat that I had been told to sit on and wait. It was like a wooden slatted seat. As I sat carefully not wanting to learn the seat wasn’t Fifi bulk proof, to discover it was fat friendly, it didn’t even creak…. I waited. I looked ahead just like you do in the passport booths. I wondered when I was going to get told my picture was going to be taken? As I sat there feeling rather happy of the new technology marvelling at how we had advanced in the process of a Mammogram. How now you can even keep your clothes on and obviously the new system just took a picture of you and that was enough…. My curtain opened and I was asked to step out…. Had my picture been taken? Gosh, I didn’t hear a thing?

Oh, a real blonde moment. Or was it just me?

 

I was led into another room after learning that the booth was just a changing cubical….

 

The room was dingy and very old. There were two technicians in. both thank goodness ladies.

 

Oh, my first experience didn’t mirror at all the second one. This was horrific. Hurt like hell and by the end of it I felt really dizzy with pure pain. For over 12 hours I burned. And three days on, I feel bruised. It was a dreadful experience. I have read up on the subject and learned that it depends on the technicians of the pain factor. I feel like making a complaint. But the trouble is, the staff were so lovely. Really nice, kind and professional but, they both took part in the horrid painful test. Now I wait for three weeks to learn of the outcome. Still waiting for the Doctor to call me about my blood test. I wonder how long I will wait for that? It’s been ten days now since she had the results. And seven since I learned that 10 of the tests were normal, one wasn’t so, seven days of worrying what is wrong with me?

 

England is forecast for snow. Well I hope it stays like today for the weekend as Hub and I want so badly to get out to feel the air on our faces. I hope to walk among crisp cornflake like autumn leaves with our dogs. I don’t care if it is freezing, as long as it doesn’t rain.

 

Once again, I would like to thank you all for your kindness over the past ten days. Louise,  Molinda, Joel, James, Jim, Judy, Julie, Carrie Ann, Sheila, Peggy, Patsy Pauline and far too many more to write here without it looking like a telephone directory but you all know who you are and you are all so special to me I will never forget how kind you have all been. Writing to tell me you are praying and you send your love. Just to put a name to the kind words I never expected such kindness. Thank you all. Know I am here for you always.

 

 X

 

 

   

THIS WAS YESTERDAY AND TODAY IS.... BY FIONA CUMMINGS

I’m not going crazy; I wrote this yesterday and time caught up with me and didn’t get chance to post it. So, here we are Tuesday, but this was yesterday. Smile.

It’s Monday and a new start to a new week but this week is going to be really tough for more reasons than one. It’s going to be painful, challenging and worrying.

 

It’s funny I was meant to be seeing a spiritualist next week but she called me today to say she has to cancel her appointment and make it the next day…. It’s a long way from here too.

 

I must say, I have never met this woman, but I am looking forward to letting you all know what she is like as seriously, she sounds a right miserable lady. Very serious and doesn’t have any phone manner. As for her Husband, gosh, he is ten times worse… in my experience spiritualist people are normally so warm and friendly.

 

I have booked tickets to another concert for February next year. I got four of the last as it’s a sell out. And again, it’s not for your normal kind of music.

 

My brother and sister in law are enjoying their cruise and they managed to get off the ship in Hong Kong. I am amazed with all the troubles they have had that was allowed to happen.

 

What’s in our news? Well our Queen is to make a big speech later on today. So, lets see what she has to say?

 

In one of our prisons a Paedophile has been stabbed to death…. I shall remain a lady and not comment at this point… but I will say just shows, our news isn’t always bad news.

 

If you live in the UK and live near a green space, you can expect an extra two and a half thousand pounds on your property when selling.

 

Apple are going to release a new iPhone that will be just and I say just loosely as you can pay over a thousand pounds, but for under £400, you are going to be able to buy an iPhone…

 

A top Doctor in the UK has requested a ban on snacking on all public transport. I wonder if that will include flights and trains???

 

By the way, did you know the national animal of Scotland, is the unicorn? Of England it’s the Lion and France is rooster. Spain the bull. Hmm. Then give them some respect please? Russia’s national animal is the brown bear. America the bison and the bald eagle. Canada is the beaver. Italy is the wolf and India, the tiger.

Just saying…

 

I have been reading what colours are going to be in fashion this winter and I have to say I love them. Bright red. Yellows from mustard yellow to vibrant, banana or butter yellow. All kinds of purples like lavender and deep purple. And a colour I love is caramel. Beiges and neutrals are in fashion and I think a nice deep beige or caramel will look lovely with a splash of bright red, what do you think?

Looking at the top ten viewing countries today, here are the top five.

United Kingdom 140,117

United States 126,921

Russia 10,957

Canada 10,375

Germany 8,149

Hanging in there in tenth position is South Africa. They have been ninth for at least a year. But been pipped at the post by 150 views.

 

And now onto news of Retinitis Pigmentosa. Here are some links you may be interested in. This first one is great as it’s for all kinds of RP as most of you who have RP will know there are many kinds so, to find a possible treatment for all kinds of our eye disease is a great step forward.

 

 

https://www.healio.com/ophthalmology/retina-vitreous/news/online/%7B4b88a5be-1d77-4362-a325-f73ccc308ca8%7D/phase-2a-study-shows-improved-vision-with-stem-cell-therapy-for-retinitis-pigmentosa

 

https://www.mdmag.com/conference-coverage/aao-2019/cellbased-therapy-shows-early-promise-for-retinitis-pigmentosa

 

 

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/09/03/miracle-jab-cures-rare-form-child-blindness-offered-nhs-simon/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

PLAY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

My Sons bedroom has just been decorated and what a brilliant decorator. You know if you are an old reader, as in been with me for some time rather than age, I have no luck when it comes to workmen, but this guy has done some work for us before and he is the best.

 

In my head I love the colours I have chosen for his room. A little bling going on but hey, it’s my boy….

 

It’s beige with glitter in the paint. The carpet will be a light beige and the ceiling lampshade is like a silk material of different shades of creams and beiges. Curtains I have not thought of yet.

 

We had an amazing joiner doing some work in there and what a great job too, so happy something good has happened.

 

A couple of nights ago, Hub and I went out to a concert that has been booked since Christmas last year. We met with our really great friends Geordie and David. Went for a delicious meal at an Italians and then onto the concert. Such great company and of course the first song were a hymn that reminded me of my lovely dear friend Kinzie. Oh, the words were just so perfect for her. Hub and I had tears. It was really odd. The very first hymn the guys sang. My darling Kinzie would have loved that concert.

 

 Oh, I had tears for her today not a good thing when I have a workman in my house, but I was able to disguise them quite well with years of experience from my past. “The soul would have no rainbow, if the eyes had no tears!”” We are meant to allow our tears to water the seeds of future happiness, heck, I should have an abundance of blooms in that case and my life should be full of only joy.

 

Last night Hub and I went out with our other friend to a play, so thankfully we really have been kept busy this week. Oh, it was a good play and as always, our friend was great company. Her lovely Husband rescued us as we were going to get a bus home but the rain was dirty and constant. We walked about three streets to the bus stop but then he called my friend and said he would come for us. Bless him, as he had been up for so many hours and worked all day. It’s a twenty-minute drive into our town. His car was so warm and comfortable. I was wet right through. I wore a summer pink trouser suit with a cream lace top, but I was caught in a blizzard of water.

 

Hub and my Son are going over our boy’s CV tonight as he has to apply for his own job. Everyone is going to be made redundant so those who are saved will be lucky. I hope my boy will be OK but he is the last one in, normally that is the first out, but his bosses really like him and our boy does so much work for them that is way beyond his job title. Listening in to what he is writing, oh, wow, his English vocabulary is tremendous. I am so proud of my Son and what he has achieved so far in life with regards jobs. Hub and I have done OK with him and there are people in our world who say things like how can blind people be good parents? Well I have friends whose kids have done really well in life we are just like parents who are sighted, only our lives are more challenging, but we can achieve and give our kids the ability to do as well or better than we have been able to. And just like parents who are sighted, we can fail our kids, but in general I think we push them more to achieve more because we want the best for them better than what we had.  But boy, getting to this stage hasn’t been at all easy. I still remember the early days when I tried to teach my Son how to write. Obviously, I was totally blind at that stage too and I had to try to describe the shape of letters to teach my Son. I also bought those plastic magnetic letters the kind you stick on a board, they are great as if you know what printed letters feel like, then you can feel the shape of those. If you read Braille, then you could get someone who can see to help you to stick Braille letters on the plastic letters if you are not sure about print. And I’m sure there are so many things you can now buy to help you if you are blind and your child can see. Way back then I didn’t know anything about what there was out there. My dream was to read to him at bedtime but sadly that wasn’t to be. If only I had learned Braille as there are some brilliant children’s books you can get. But again, I am a Braille failure. So, I used to put on puppet shows with all his cuddlee’s. each toy had a different voice I just had to remember which toy had what kind of voice. I remember one night I was rather tired and I held my Sons huge gold dog. In my head, he had always been a Scottish dog. He was very naughty and my Son loved him the most. I forgot to put his accent on, but I did do his deep voice… My three-year-old said. “Mummy, that is not Rodger!””

I stopped thinking what did he mean, it was his gold dog, it was the Scottish one, I replied what do you mean darling, it’s Rodger, look? He replied no mummy he doesn’t say that like that. He says it like this, and then he went on to pronounce a word in a really funny way that was my Sons impression of a Scottish accent.  So how a child can really get into something. I used to feel as if I had put on a play for him every night and just wished that I could pick up a book and read it to him. I wish I had someone who could have done that for me sometimes but moreover I wish I had learned Braille but I guess there wasn’t much time to do that in the space of me going blind when he was one to the time I half accepted I should have learned Braille to the time before he wouldn’t just lay there and listen to his Mum reading to him.

 

But who knows, may be that is why my Son has such a caring personality, because his teddy Sarah was the one with morels and Rodger used to be the one who did things wrong. My stories always used to make my boy laugh and always had a happy ending with a lesson. I’m not too sure all story books do that…

    

Nothing planned for the weekend, how about you? My Sons girlfriend Shamrock got her nails done during the week and my friend is getting hers done today. She is talking about getting a dark maroon with the ring finger a silver sparkle. Doesn’t that sound beautiful? Sham was telling me the trend for the summer among young people was bright yellow or green. Gosh, not sure about those colours, are you? Though in my younger days I may have liked the yellow as that was my favourite colour to wear.  But now I think I would stick to the maroon and sparkle.

 

OK here is a bad story gone well. A 91-year-old man who was a fire fighter and Policeman had £15,000 conned from him by phone hackers has had pay back from the public. Kind of a thank you for all the amazing work he did as a firefighter and Policeman and in 24 hours, some members of the British public raised money to replace all of the gent’s money that was taken from him. People who never even knew this man. Total strangers. This shows the kindness of people still in a world that seems to be coming less caring.

 

Well as the night now closes and the sky tells me it’s too cold to be outside, I thank goodness I have a warm house and I’m grateful for my loving family and dear friends, I’m so pleased we have our Blogget family too!

 

Forget your troubles and let this blissful night lull you into a peaceful sleep.

Tomorrow starts with a blank page. Put pleasant thoughts in your mind so you can start to write beautiful chapters tomorrow!

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TEARS TO HEAVEN BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Hello Dear Bloggets

Last weekend I was so ill with the flu. I’m still not too good but better. Hub still isn’t too well we have both had bad health over the past couple of weeks and to top it all off, I received the worst news on Sunday. I wasn’t shocked by it, as I think it would have taken a miracle for there to be any positive outcome but when I heard the news, a heavy blanket fell over me and I just couldn’t get out from it.

 

My Dear friend Kinzie gave up her battle to live on Sunday. And I am left so angry. This year has been a tough one as last year was too, but to have this happen? She was the person for 18 years, I turned to for advice, love and caring thoughts. She was someone my tiny family of my Husband and Son loved so much. She was Hub and my Mum and my Sons Grandmother since all three of us have none of them to our own any more, she kind of filled that gap. She is someone I have cared about for 18 years. A huge part of our life. My darling Son is so worried about her Husband. He is such a kind lad. And I must admit I’m worried too. I just hope I wish, the best for him and their daughter who has been a rock since my lovely Kinzie has been in hospital. She has kept in contact even when she was abroad as living far away hasn’t been easy.

 

Hub and I were sitting in our lounge on Sunday evening and he just said to me. Its really odd, people are just getting on with their lives, laughing, joking and totally oblivious to the pain we are going through and many other people right now. I remember thinking that same thought when my own Mum died. Our baby was only a year old and my house felt like a ditch and the soil was being shovelled in on top of me. I had to get out for my Sons benefit, so I took him to a soft play where children, parents and child minders laughed, and went on their merry way. I sat there and thought the same as my Husband did the other night. Life is really odd. Here I am feeling this total pain thinking I will never be able to smile again let alone laugh, when others don’t care. But the thing is, I have had over fifty messages via emails, texts, messenger and social media saying the kindest words. A lot of you have said you are praying and I totally believe in mass prayer, I have written about this before. And I think your kindness has gone a long way to help to start a healing process.

 

I just hope to goodness my dear friends Husband will be OK, thank goodness he has his daughter. Bless them both.

 

My friend has been there for me for so many years now. she has been the person I have really needed for so many reasons. We used to see each other every single day. Then I moved so it was less but we kept in contact by phone at least three times per week and then I moved again much further away but we still got to see each other at least three times per year and again, kept in contact by phone. I keep going to the phone to call her and of course, I can’t. I cry then somehow find strength to carry on. Mainly because I hear her voice shouting at me. She didn’t stop with how she felt and let me know. She never held back her feelings. That is the love and respect I had for her. She knew me so well, and I her. Like my Husbands Mum, I hope where ever she goes now in our universe, she finds a much better life but more over I hope she finds peace. I’m sure our beautiful dogs who she adored will find her and I hope there are no dog biscuits in her world otherwise our dogs will be humungous as my Kinzie loved to be a feeder.

 

Like my own Mum, she loved the birds that came to her garden. She spent a fortune on them. Just like when my Mum died, one of my first thoughts was, who will feed them now?

 

She left her much loved dog Sally. She will stay with her Dad my friends Husband. He will need her now. but poor Sally will be so sad, as our dogs do grieve.

 

Each time a bit of my heart is broken, I wonder if that is how we die of old age, because our hearts disintegrate until there is nothing left to work our body. I think what I have been through in life, my heart will represent a rag that has been chewed by a Pitbull.

 

Anyway, life goes on.

And on and on. I hope for many more years but I hope for happiness to find me and no more deaths please for so many years. But I have also learned that genuine people really do help. It’s rare to find a genuine person, but when you do, hang on to them. The warmth I have felt by such kind friends and my closest family of late has been so powerful, almost as if our maker has been talking to my heart and soul.

 

My Sons bedroom is getting decorated. We have our great painter here who fixed the mess the last decorator did from last year. He also did our bathroom and he’s great. I’m so pleased and relieved we have found a person we can trust to do a great day’s work. Why is it that every good tradesman I find is so much older than me? Meaning I should, outlive them. Or, is it because their generation are much more honest than the young guys?

 

I have horrific eye pain and have had for three days now. it’s like a high heel from a shoe is being pushed into my eyeball.

 

I’m out tonight with our great friends Geordie and David. We are going to an art gallery to see a couple of classical singers. And tomorrow out again to the theatre to see a comedy with another friend. Then let the countdown begin for our Sons holiday to America. Bless him, he is working so very hard. Leading up to his holiday, he is working fourteen days in a row over time every day too. Last night he looked absolutely exhausted and so tired of life. I will keep praying for him.

 

For whatever reason, I get very spiritual at this time of year. If you look back at October and November posts you may find blogs suggesting this. In a couple of weeks, I am going to see a spiritualist and I hope she has some answers for me.

 

A shout to my big brother and sister in law. Hope you both have a great holiday. Happy birthday to you. Thank you as always to Louise. I’m forever grateful to you.  and my poem to my dear Kinzie.

Every birthday and Christmas no matter what I bought her, she would only ever thank me for her vouchers for M&S. Bless her, I used to tease her saying if not for her, Marks & Spencer would go out of business…. Hence a part of the poem.

MORE THAN A FRIEND

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

I didn’t get to say goodbye

Well at least you didn’t see the tears I cried

I hope you didn’t feel alone

I really tried

Walls were built and shadows followed

Your life was taken and swallowed

I keep picking up the phone

Then I realise you won’t answer

The smiles and sadness as I pass your favourite store

Marks & Spencer

I just want to knock on your door

Hug you tell you I love you

I hope you knew how much you meant to us all?

Who’s now going to catch me when I fall

Who’s going to tell me to hold my head up tall

Fly high with the birds you loved so much

You have gained your wings with the hearts you have touched

You were always there for me when no one else was

You were my surrogate Mum

Our dogs loved you, to them you were fun

And you were the Grandparent to our Son

I feel for those you have left behind

Your daughter and Husband

I pray peace they will find

And good company they will keep

I pray by day you will walk in the gardens of heaven

And by night you will sleep

In a bed so comfortable

And you will never weep

You will never face trouble

And your path will be smooth, without rubble

Sing with the angels and watch them dance

Upon clouds for a stage

I’m sure like ours, their lives will be enhanced

By your wisdom and love

Dear Lord above

Take care of my Dear

I hope one day we will be together again

As she to me, was more than a friend

 

© Fiona Cummings