We are getting closer to what some may regard as a very sad
time of the year. Christmas. December can be an extremely lonely time for those
who either live on their own, or live in a family but feel so unaccompanied. You
can be in a crowd of people but still feel that burning deep sadness that comes
with loneliness.
Some of you may be suffering with a loss of someone or
something. Your first Christmas without your eldest child, youngest child or only
child.
For some it may be that time of year again when you are
reminded you don’t have your loved ones near you because of whatever reason. What
makes life worse is everyone around us seems to be so happy. They have places
to go, people queuing up to be with them. At Christmas, intimacy just doesn’t
fit in.
The pressure of having to be happy. Cheerful. Letting the
world know where you are going, who you are going with, who you will be
spending Christmas day with and the stress of wearing those sparkly Christmas
clothes. Finding that special person, for some this year will be your first
without your other half. That person you were to spend the rest of your life
with. For some, you know that your spouse is with someone else. Leaving you
feeling inadequate, hopeless, tearful and you can’t see the light at the end of
this season.
One thing for sure, you are not alone. Only we don’t hear of
those who are sad.
We are not allowed to be sad at Christmas in fear of being
called party poopers or having pity parties. Don’t you hate that expression? Pity
party? People who say that are purely ignorant and very cold to other people’s
feelings.
Just because the person who said that, is a bad person,
doesn’t mean you are bad.
Of course, I can suggest things to make you appear to be
happy over Christmas, give you tips on acting skills! But that isn’t the real
world. That isn’t the real you. And that won’t make you feel any better. Perhaps
it will make those around you feel more exceptional, gets them off the hook of
not feeling guilty about leaving you out again. For some you don’t want to be a
part of a huge get together. You would rather be on your own, but being on your
own, isn’t going to make you happy.
What will, make you happy? And why do you feel you should be
much more cheerful for a month or a day out of a year? Or do you want to be
happy all year around but feel more compelled to be all smiles and bows during
Christmas?
Over the next coming weeks, I hope to keep you company. I have
lived through a large happy family and the worst Christmas of my life; I have
also been in your shoes even for a while I’m sure.
Together let’s kick off those shoes and put on a comfy pair
of slippers and just keep it real.
I don’t like the F, word. I don’t do fake. And tonight, I was
watching a finance program on TV when the financial advisor suggested something
interesting to do with gifts. He said the best gift you could give someone is
an agreement not to buy for each other. He said if someone gives you a very
expensive gift, you feel compelled to spend the same amount on them. And the
stress of searching for that special gift is immense. The relief of not having
to fight your way through the Christmas cranky crowds because of your no gift
agreement, must be such a relief.
How would you feel if you bought someone something that was
for example, £45 and they spent the same on you, but you knew that the money
they spent was the money they were going to buy their daughter a new much
needed pair of school shoes?
Or whilst you are feasting on a banquet fit for a King, whilst
your recipient of your wonderful gift is eating toast for their Christmas
lunch? Because they have spent so much money on gifts for those who kindly
bought them nice parcels.
Remember the nicest gift could be a home-made cake or
special bread. Some cookies or the offer to take them out for a cup of coffee
to keep them company and give them something to look forward to. Or what about
fixing their fence you know they have wanted done for ages. Whatever your art
is, drawing, painting, writing, playing a musical instrument for someone,
something you have taken time to do for them. Hasn’t cost you much if anything,
but will touch the heart of another.
Turn your skill into your gift.
© Fiona Cummings
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