JUST A DIARY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Debating whether or not to visit the gym for the second time today. You may be thinking wow….

But I have eaten three pasties.

One for breakfast, one for lunch and one for good luck.

 

Yep, one thinks the gym may be a good idea.

 

I have just sold something on line. So, this meant someone had to come to my house when I am on my own. A total stranger. But she came firstly I was pleased that she was in fact, a she… and what a lovely she she was. So lovely. I sold my Hubs juicer. Don’t worry he knows about it. Haha.

Of course, she didn’t know I was blind. Then we had that awkward moment of handing over the money. She held it out for me to take. I opened my hand to take it. She kept a hold of it. I kept my hand there.

I don’t think I will ever understand why if my hand is open, do people not connect? It’s like the embarrassing hand shake moment where someone has held their hand out to shake and I don’t realise.

 

Anyway, I had to tell her I was blind and she was lovely. I just hate wearing that badge.

 

I actually fell a sleep last night at a good time. Before 3 a m. our house was in silence only the creaking from the heating could be heard. I’m getting used in a good way to being on my own when Hub is away because I am going out during some days which helps and I have my best friend with me my little Waggatail. I wonder if she knows how much I love her? I also have my emails from my adorable friend Louise and my live chats with friends on line. It helps that they, are from America so their bedtime isn’t mine. Well, having said that, what time is my bed time?

 

It’s really windy here today, it’s rained every day for a month and it’s snowed. We have had floods all over Britain.

 

There is a man in England who is the oldest man in the world. He is 112 next week. Wow, what an age and he still seam compos mentis. He has seen kings and queens I have only seen one Queen and I’m getting on in age haha.

 

My lovely friend Sheila said to me the other day, she thinks we ar the same age…. She is in fact three years younger than me. I do love that gal.

 

My Hub is now in Ireland. I wish he was back but I have to wait another 24 hours. Especially after there has been announcements that some flights will be cancelled due to this virus that the world is witnessing.

 

I can not believe it is my baby boys 23^rd birthday tomorrow. Where have all the years gone. His Dad bought him a very special gift a sound bar Boy wonder is like his Dad in the respect they are both into great sounds when it comes to TV and music. I’m hoping that I will be going out with BW and Shamrock tomorrow for something to eat to celebrate his birthday.

 

I hope you are all well and as we are now in Spring, lets get happy about our future months of good weather, I say this as sleet slaps itself against my windows in the coldness of the darkness outside. I am blessed that I have a roof over my head. I have heat and electric. More blessed we are not flooded though those not too far from me are not even able to stay in their homes because of floods. This year has been hell for some poor people.

 

Later on, as I take my dogs out to their dog run, I shall get back into my house, close and lock the doors, feel the heat as my bones shiver from being outside just a couple of minutes then once again thank God for my luxury.

 

It’s almost 9 pm and in the distance I hear a train. It’s so romantic the fast-flowing drops against the glass too. But sometimes reality isn’t romantic.

 

My house is filled with daffodils. I love the smell of them. When I first went blind, it was those flowers I missed the most. I in fact couldn’t buy them for about 10 years. The pain was too much. But now I am back to loving them and what they represent. New start the beginning of spring which walks us into summer and then autumn. So, a lot of lovely weather to look forward to.

 

Yesterday was one of those days when I just wanted so badly to wake up and suddenly see. You know, where for the past 22 years, my brain has been telling my eyes they can’t see but that day was going to be the day when my brain forgot my eyes couldn’t see and my eyes caught up!

 

Yesterday was going to be the day when I would open my eyes and see the sun shining through my bedroom window. I was going to wake up sit up in bed and put my fingers to my eyes and move them one by one, seeing my wedding and engagement rings for the first time. Walk to the bathroom a look in the mirror being prepared to be shocked in how old I now look compared to the young girl I was all those years ago when sight was robbed from me.

 

I lay there dare I open my eyes? I prepared myself for the worse, there we go am I telling my brain I can’t see? What if I truly believed I could see, what if I programmed my brain?

 

I once again lost the battle and blindness prevailed. I woke up in the dark grey room and went to the bathroom in the dark. My soapy wet fingertips saw my face where my eyes failed to tell the true picture.

 

But I live  another day to tell another story and pass on some words.

 

If you are feeling stressed, find somewhere comfortable to sit, open a window if it is daytime if night time, turn off your TV or other sounds and inhale and exhale. Turn your worries into wisdom and then you will find answers to life. life has a way of imposing pain on you, but it’s your choice to think about how you can get through it. And for that we have choices. Sometimes those choices are uncomfortable and difficult but still, if we have never tried it that way, who knows, that way may be the right way!

 

Life is a flower and from that comes honey. Honey is sweet and so can your life be but it takes work, it doesn’t appear in front of you in a dish.

© Fiona Cummings