I'M SO NOT ONE OF THEM BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good evening Bloggets. It’s so cold and very wet outside. I went into the gym before and oh boy, here is a real blonde moment I had. So, I’m thinking at my age, (34)

Stop it…

How could I have grown taller?

Well this baffled me, in fact my baffle has never been so, well, baffled.

As I trotted along on my treadmill, oh, no, sorry, raced, like a speedy jockeyed horse,

 Okay.

 More like one of those donkeys on the beaches in England, you know the ones that take the small children for little strolls?

 

I pondered over the situation of how could I be taller since I have been exercising?

Oh, *blush*

 It dawned on me.

 I have had the mill going uphill. So, of course I am going to feel taller.

Let’s just keep that one to ourselves.

 

You long term readers may remember many years ago I have written about when I had a bit of sight, I went to the gym a public one, lots of people. Mainly pumped up hunks and undernourished designer cladded girls.

I was with my friend Jan. well we managed to get on a couple of treadmills next to each other, I actually didn’t get on two mills, no, I’m not that talented to put one foot on one mill and the other on the other. One may do the splits and that wouldn’t be a pretty sight, especially as one wouldn’t be able to get back up and one would have to be scooped up by one of the hunks.

Dam. Why didn’t I do that one person two treadmill trick?

Knowing me it would be one of the starving twig like gals that would come to my rescue and because she wouldn’t have the capacity to lift the Fifi up, I would have to be tugged, pulled and heaved from my situation. Either that or an involvement from the local fire station.

Again, dam.

And I apologise for all the times I wrote the word, one, in that paragraph…

 

Well there I was on the treadmill and I saw this person in front of me. Oh, I laughed to my friend saying, well I was worried about me, but look at that poor love, I look rather sprightly in comparison to them… then I focussed into the face. oh, my it was doing an impression of a tomato. She was so red. Again, scoffing to Jan I said. “she should stop, bless her.”” Well my friend by this point had to get off her mill. She was bent double. I was concerned. Oh, no my normally fit friend was having a heart attack. I stopped the mill got off and through panted breath, I asked her to lay on the floor.

Well that made her worse. Gosh the sounds coming from her were loud, but hang on, she was laughing.

She stood up slowly, I steadied her. She pointed through a teared face. She couldn’t speak properly.

I looked to where she was pointing. That red-faced unhealthy person was standing next to a person who looked just like my friend.

Hang on, it was my, friend.

Hold on,

It was, me?

 No, how?

My friend recovered and said I had been looking in the huge wall mirrors.

Well I didn’t even know there were mirrors in gyms.

Why? Who the heckers wants to watch themselves working out?

 

Oh, seriously, you know how you get really cool people in life?

I’m so, not one of them!