This is semi deep I hope thought provoking!
Well when I write my blogs, I like to write what is on my
mind, so, for todays subject it’s just that what is on my mind and yours.
I was just thinking about perspectives. When you feel like
you are having a bad day, try to think about how your life could be worse? Is that
a half cup empty or a cup half full? I think the latter is healthier, but
sometimes my cup has a crack in it! Let’s chat about feelings.
Have you had one of those moments in your life where you
have a special piece of jewellery, say a ring, you feel empty, naked somehow,
you look or in my case feel the ring finger? It’s that, emptiness. The mark is
there from the ring, but the ring is missing.
Your heart drops and your stomach lifts so hard and fast it
almost regurgitates from your now open mouth. Open in shock and disbelief.
You are hot but shiver with fear and realisation that your
most treasured item apart from your loved ones has gone. Where is it? Who has
picked it up? It’s a mini grief, I think. If you have never had that experience
you are lucky. To some they have nothing at all sentimental. I often think this
is the best way to be.
Dusting the other day, I picked up a beautiful ornament that
my dear friend Kingsie bought me some years ago. I got anxious in case I dropped
it. I place it back with care feeling so sad that now she has gone an yet I have
not only a memory of her but this item that I will treasure forever, but what
if one day that breaks? Again, how sad will I feel?
In my sadness of missing my friend, I felt a warmth that she
still lives on in my house not only my heart as in my heart, no one can remove
her or break her. And at the end of the day, that is the most important thing,
what is in your heart. Her fingerprint touched my heart eighteen years ago and
will remain there until we meet again, perhaps in another world that will be
much kinder to us both. But will I know her in the next land? I have a belief
that when we think we have met our soul mate, it’s because they were in our
lives in another world. That is how my Husband and I feel.
Remember how you felt on your first day at school? For me it
was awful. My first school was so difficult as back then it was before Russia
and before learning how to be partially sighted. When I say that, at first when
you are tiny and you can’t se as well as the other children around you, you are
totally oblivious. Your friends run, as do you. Only sometimes you fall as when
running with my eye condition, I couldn’t focus. I would not see the steps, or
the wall or the person in my way.
I didn’t know when I was little, as in four, that I would be
the one who would get told off for not writing as fast as my friends because
they could see well enough to copy the blackboard. I was the one who would open
my reading book like my friends, but it was me who’s eyes absolutely stung when
trying to see back then without glasses. As a tiny child I thought it was
normal to hurt like that, so never said anything. It was only when I got older
that I learned I needed glasses. That made the pain less but I still got so
tired when reading as could only see a part of one letter on the whole page at
a time. All my friends had read their
book, and were already writing what was necessary to complete work for class
that day. Me, I had to suffer detention, but as I got older, I learned to read
the synopsis on the back cover and use my active imagination to fill in the
gaps. I smile with pride now as I got so many awards and points, a badge almost
every week on the board for good work. But what if I hadn’t had had a good
imagination or the ability to read the back of the book and fill in the gaps.
I was the one who couldn’t see to get to the local disco and
I was the one who had to go to hellish boarding school at the age of six and
couldn’t learn to drive like my sighted friends. But I learned as I got older, I learned to
slow down when running, to be cunning during lessons. To satisfy myself not
going to the places other people went to at my age and to catch a bus if I needed
to get places.
And then at seventeen I became that prisoner, trapped in a marriage
of contempt of being led and taken places. Chained by what life had in for me
and what I was prepared to except.
Eleven years after I lost
all of my vision, I learned how to be blind. Though this lesson is difficult,
and can be so painful, mainly due to others thoughts of people who are blind,
but I’m still learning and teaching and now I’m ready to face the next stage in
my life of lessons and that is how sighted people live. Surely it must be so easy?
For those who are sighted, those who are having a bad day. I
would love to try your life especially if you don’t really have anything too
bad going on in your world.
I’m ready to live your life for you if you are not happy
with what is going on. Please give me a chance to see. And let me teach people
how lucky they are.
I thank God every day for my Husband and my Son. And for the
thought that one day I can be united with those I want in my life and for my
lovely house and to some standards my lifestyle. But there are dark days and
those days I have to push on walk tall and climb up out of the ditch and walk
along those undulating paths to a town called Joy!
© Fiona Cummings
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