Good morning Bloggets. I have just had a lovely an yet
simple breakfast. Oh, I am so full.
Seeded toast, it’s really delicious but I have found that shopping at
Morrisons for the same bread I buy at Ocado, is an extra 26p more, why
Morisons? In general Morisons is cheaper but because I like Ocado and their
delivery charges are less and, they sell things that no other shop sells, I kind
of fluctuate between shops. But groceries have really increased over the past
year. If I cooked like my Mum used to do, and shopped as she did, I dread to
think how much our food would cost, as it is, it’s extortionate.
I had my toast with baked beans. It was amusing when I went
to America, I couldn’t get over that they did beans, or, vegetarian beans.
Gosh, here, we have baked beans in tomato sauce end of. Or, you can get beans
with sausages in but beans are beans, aren’t they? Tell me if I’m wrong?
So, how did our Boy do with his job interview? Well it was
yesterday at 10 a.m. I thought by eleven or half past he would let me know,
when it came to mid day, I was concerned. By one in the afternoon I was gutted
for him. How was I going to handle this as a parent? He has put so much work
into this, though last minute. So many hours writing, teaching people training
book work, ordering and so on. Even his book he had to fill in was enormous. This
boss has failed the past 16 people so BW was number 17!
One of my friends a lovely pal from school said perhaps he
wants to tell me in person? Yep, so he’s failed, otherwise he wouldn’t want to
tell me in person, surely? Oh, I was in knots. Why? I guess because we want the
best for our kids.
At last a couple of hours before he was due to finish work,
he texts me. My mouth was dry, heart beating ridiculous I know, and he wrote.
“I passed Mum, with flying colours.”” Few double few. And.
Few again. Little monkey. Well, when he came home, Hub groaned as I asked Alexa
to play the song by Cliff Richards. Congratulations as he walked through the
door. Hahahaha. When BW heard this, he too groaned. “Mum. Oh, Mum.”” My boys
just don’t appreciate my attempts haha.
Well he sat down and began to tell us over dinner. His boss
printed off his certificate before the interview even. He just had to go
through the process of interview. He said that they had high hopes for him and
were extremely impressed with him, his interview skills and his written work. I’m
so proud of him. Hub has organised a small gift for him. I hope it will arrive
on Friday. I will tell you what it is when our Son see’s it. As, I’m not sure
who reads this. Smile.
So, even more responsibilities for him, but to be honest he
needs that. His brain needs challenges. I always wanted him to be a teacher,
but that would mean him going to University and he hates study. Thankfully he’s
been able to do his exams at school and college because he is naturally clever,
but he isn’t naturally studious.
Academically speaking
my Son dries up and switches off.
Thanks to my Husband who has given our Son the confidence to
be what he is in life. He has always been so clever from a baby, but to take
that further, you need the right push in the right place at the right time and
Hub has done that for him. He’s like me is my boy, he can quite easily be
pushed in the corner and stay there, I wish I had that push when I was young.
Gosh how I wish I could turn back time! Years of being put down has really had its
toll on me. And I am determined that isn’t going to happen to my boy.
I know I drive him mad, but I want to see him achieve
everything I couldn’t. The only thing is, if he was a teacher, he could carry
on if God forbid, he ever got my eye disease.
I pray not. Though because of mistakes from my past, I will never really
be able to relax about that.
I should have got his eyes tested when he was a small child.
But I was so afraid. Back then life was very difficult for me. I struggled just
to get out of bed each day. Of course, I had to and I had to play the happy
parent and show no sadness or negativity. It was a battle. One that has affected
my life for sure. My heart and soul. Sometimes I feel shredded by my past. But the
pieces of rags I’m gathering and will sew together for my child.
I love my Son so much. I do wonder if I had a normal life
would the love be as intense? I just knew when I fell pregnant that he was
going to have the love from me, his natural Mother that I never knew from my
birth mother. I prayed that he would have the love from a natural Father, but
sadly that never happened. I don’t think it’s my ex’es fault entirely, he wasn’t
loved as a child, but in a way, that should have made him adamant no other
child especially his, would feel unloved.
I have always loved him enough for a Mother and a Father.
But I feel that isn’t or hasn’t been enough. I do believe that children need
the love from both parents from a mans perspective and a woman’s. We are
different for a reason. And that is to give a balanced approach.
I receive emails from Mothers with children with my eye disease
saying that they are afraid to find out if their children have RP. What to do? I
was there, back then I didn’t want to know, I wanted to bury my head in the
sand and believe he is OK. But what happens is, they grow up, and from they are
as young as 14, you have no say in their visits to Doctors. When I was strong
and had my Husband to support me, my Son just refused to go. I met with my now Husband
when my Son was eleven. By the time I found the strength to pick myself up and
learn about the world of blindness, my boy was fifteen and I really had no say
in so much of his life. The seeds had been sewn and his blooms now were up to
him to maintain. We had created a young lad I think in many ways, too
independent. In so many ways this is good, but in more ways, it’s bad. So, I tell
my readers to get their children checked out because of many reasons just some of
them you can get them used to the fact that one day, they may, be blind or
their sight may be so bad, that they will need to think of a career that will
carry them through life. So many adults just don’t cope with this eye disease
but if from a child they had the right support, they would and they would be
much happier and as a parent you would see how your child was happy and coping
and you would be in a better place.
Right now, I hope because my Son isn’t showing any major
signs, he is OK, but the fact is, I don’t know. He could develop this eye
condition in years to come. Now, the Doctors say because I had it from birth he
would have had signs by now. But they also say that isn’t 100% correct, all of
the time.
So, I wait and hope and pray. Even things like hobbies, that
your children take up. If you know your child may loss their vision, that could
change what they enjoy doing. There isn’t much these days that kids can’t do if
they have sight problems, from tennis to cycling, but I’m sure if you think of
your kid’s hobbies, and ask yourself if they couldn’t see, would they be able
to do that?
People in the UK are fortunate but my blogs are read all
over the world and some countries just don’t have the same facilities as we do
here.
If you do find out your child has RP or any eye disease that
will or could affect their sight as in to lose so much or go totally blind,
please don’t show your child how anxious you are of the outcome of the results.
The last thing a child needs is to fear this disease.
Know that there are brilliant people out there, lawyers/Solicitors,
nurses, managers, teachers, people who work hard in making printed bills into
Braille, Physiotherapists Directors of large companies and many other occupations
that partially sighted and blind people can do.
To be a good parent and keep a nice home is a job and a half
and if you can’t see, there is no reason why you can’t do those jobs too. I don’t
get help with my housework, my Husband has tried to get me to give in and get a
cleaner but I think to myself, what will I do as they are cleaning? I would
feel redundant. He wants to make life easier for me bless him, as it’s not at
all easy keeping a house tidy and clean as we can’t see cobwebs or stains.
Glass on the windows is always a challenge. But I do my best. I have had to
cook who else would do it. I could have given up and ate out of the microwave,
but I’m glad I was able to conquer cooking as a blind person. Doing it
partially sighted was tough enough, and to be honest, now I find it so much
less stressful to cook than what I did when I had some sight. It’s all about
learning how things work. What you can do. It can be so frustrating, and by the
time I have made a dinner, I’m exhausted, but at the same time, when my family
tell me they really enjoyed what I cooked, I am so warm in side.
I have achieved bringing up my Son on my own and always having
a lovely home, I wished I had achieved more academically, but I now shall leave
that up to my Son. And I hope, his children. Mistakes in my past were made, but
from those I have the strength to give to others.
The best gift you can give to your child isn’t horse riding
lessons, ballet classes, or Karate. Art classes, golf lessons or summer camp,
but it’s your time. To let your child know you are there for them. Your love.
Love is the best gift we can ask for whether we are a child or an adult. What
is the point to be active without a feeling of belonging and that warm glow we
all get when someone we love, tells us they love us?
© Fiona Cummings
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