DEVIL AT WAR BY FIONA CUMMINGS

DEVIL AT WAR

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

The cars go by so fast

My peaceful day won’t last

Such speed

Why is everyone in a hurry

I plead

This world is holding onto fury

Such anger can be seen

Everything is so extreme

Must be now

Not tomorrow

Yesterday is history

Such sorrow

Wild misery

Throwaway society

Full of anxiety

People have taken the bitter pill

If life is not giving

So we shall kill

Fun has left our vocabulary

No longer there is a thrill

What can be done to bring back respect

How many hours I have to reflect

My hand is out

People just shout

Then reject

If I’m correct

A devil has landed

With an iron fist

So heavy handed

Just come with me

And let us see

What we can do

To wear the other shoe

Change our world

As we know it we only have one

Or do we want this life to carry on

 

IF LEFT ALONE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

IF LEFT ALONE

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

On a hill top

Stands a flower pot

Full of colours

To give joy to others

Then a lilac tree

Planted by me

The blossomed we can see

Purple fragrance

Next to the rickety fence

Then a pasture of cows

Mosey on down

To where the stream flows

I’m not sure where it goes

For a seat, there’s a log cut  

Where there’s a wild rose

And the grass grows

It’s so quiet you can hear the sounds

Of your heart beet

Nothing noisy all around

Life is so complete

The clouds fly

I smile

They don’t fall down I wonder why

Sitting here I do learn

As the bird enjoys a worm

Having to be careful

As the bees may swarm

How precious is life

I wish I could stay here forever

Hills of purple heather

As long as it is glorious weather

 I don’t have a care in the world

Butterfly bridges

Buddleia breezes

Maize covered ridges

Summertime wishes

Nature’s kisses

Left over puddles

Orange suns cuddles

Who cares what’s in fashion

This is my passion

At one with the world we were given

If left alone it could be heaven

 

A BLIND IMMAGE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

A BLIND IMMAGE

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

I can look in the mirror but there is nothing there

I’m told I have eyes of blue and blonde hair

Some say I look mid thirties

Others say early forties

I put on my make up

Trying to look like I’ve not just woke up

A peachy coloured blush

Coral lips

A powder brush

Sparkly hair clips

All dressed up ready to go

But what do I look like

I just don’t know

My eyes don’t see

Who stairs back at me

Who’s looking at who

Makes me wish it weren’t true

Every lady would like to know

What they look like wherever they go

How many times in one day

Does a woman look at their reflection

Hoping admirers look in their direction

I can’t do that

Makes me so flat

Perhaps on a fun side

It’s a good thing

That I can’t see

The older sister laughing back at me

Lines of pain

A map in time

So much lost

No gain

Out with girls

Who are mighty fine

Who am I

What is my identity

Just want to hide

Featureless

Pointless

Getting dressed to go out

Makes me want to shout

Wipe clean the mirror

Remove the fog

I feel so much pressure

A sightless blob

Reach out my fingertips

Touching the glass

Then to my lips

It’s all a farce

There’s nothing there

There never will be

What do I look like

I wish I could see

 

STATS FOR MAY

Our monthly stats report Bloggets. Thank you to new countries that have joined us this month. Over 65 countries are on our page now. This week, Ukraine have been visiting quite a lot so looks like we have Ukraine as one of our permanent Bloggets now. The top four countries have not changed much. Russia has jumped over Germany for the first time, so the top four countries are still UK, US, Russia and Germany. We are almost up to 19,000 views now. Amazing, New Years Eve, I hoped for us all to reach 6000 and now almost 19,000? Thank you so much. May be a little quiet over the next few days. A lot going on here. But know I am with you, though my words might not appear on this page. I will be back when I have sorted life out as best as I can. With love xx

A Mothers answer by Fiona Cummings

Mums answer

By Fiona Cummings

You are a gift so precious

Our togetherness I miss

You are more important than me

I too was a teen

My pressures were not the same

It was a different life your right

But certainly not a game

I faced life without sight

That took me to hell

I died at birth

Though then I didn’t dwell

Each day I painted a smile

Though inside I just wanted to cry

I too had no one to talk to

I married someone I could not say I love you

And felt his pain each day

Locked away

In a place I didn’t want to stay

Being driven to the ground

No world just sound

In a prison

I didn’t belong

From birth to death

I have to live

With the knowledge

My Mother did not want my life to give

You were with me from birth to today

My mother threw me away

A second chance was given to me

A brand new family

Then I was torn from them

When I was just six years old

By ten I had stories to be told

I lived my life through such strife

Yes I was just a housewife

Cooking and cleaning at your age now

Look at the stress upon my brow

I was a slave

Will be to my grave

I ask you to put dishes away

You use words I don’t like you to say

You think you are hard done by

Tell me where I have gone wrong

Seem to love me to cry

Mind games all day long

I don’t have a profession

Do you think that makes me feel good?

Don’t you know how I hate myself?

I could beet myself with wood

Hit out the badness inside

Do you know the tears I have cried

I did my best for you

This is how you thank me

 By telling me

The one job I thought I did well in life

Now I learn has been a fail

That is bringing you up to this day

When will your anger go away

When will you learn

Deep inside I burn

To have your life I yearn

OK it’s not easy for you

But more than anything I love you

Yes I am protective

Your pain I will have

I shall do anything I can for you

Just try to understand

I am not from another land

Another world or life

And just being a housewife

Is ten jobs in one

So I have worked as a nurse

A teacher

A cleaner

Jobs so diverse

Day in day out

Just wanting to shout

Same old thing

Then removed my wedding ring

If only you knew the stress I went through

To give you a better life

Then you tell me I should have stayed

What in pain

What would you have gained

Though you thank God  choose to forget

The angry person each day I met

Leaving him I don’t regret

It was the start of my life

And this you begrudge

You say I should have stayed in a broken marriage

For whom

Not you

As you disliked your Father

I am your Mother

You need to learn respect

You ask for it

So earn it

I hope it’s a phase you are going through  Son

As if this lasts it will be me who will run

You talk about not having fun

At least you know the word

It took me till forty to learn to fly like a bird

Freedom I grasped with both hands

You and I are from the same land

So just understand

I know life is hard and unfair

But the love you and I had please continue to share

To care

To be by my side

Tell me your thoughts

Don’t keep them inside

You will be fine you’re still very young

Your life is just new

Teen I love you

 

TEENS WORDS I'M SURE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Teen’s words I’m sure

By Fiona Cummings

She doesn’t understand me

Things were different when she was a teen

Pressures are much bigger now

I need to work but how

It was not the same for her

She didn’t need to earn

It was not necessary for her to learn

She got married when she was my age

Just need to know my life at this stage

My girl is moving fast

I need this relationship to last

But how can I make it work

I feel a failure, a jerk

I can’t get into college

If I don’t have the initials

A’s, B’s and C’s

The knowledge

Life is hard for teens

Sitting in my room

On my own

Just glued to the phone

Looking online

All of the time

Feeling like a zombie

What is happening to me

Where is my future

I have no interests

 No culture

All she can do is lecture

But she doesn’t understand

I’m too old for her to hold my hand

She is from another land

Another world

Things were not like this in her day

Oh I wish I could run away

From life so hard

Pick another card

 A new identity

Give it to me

Born to another

I really hate my Mother

We just can’t communicate

I can’t wait

Until I have my own place

 Look at my room

 It’s a disgrace

Full of the past

Nothing ever lasts

I have thrown away history

A life of misery

I need to leave

My past I grieve

Where did it all go wrong?

When will I know the answer

Do I have to wait much longer

If so, how long

They say August

Then it’s yes or bust

If I get the letters on paper

On that day in a letter

I have a chance

God I will dance

Skip whatever it takes

When will she let go

Allow me to make my mistakes

She is suffocating me

I’m in front of her

She cannot see

What she, is doing to me

Pushing me away

Every day

I’m so alone

In my own zone

No one to talk to

Who will know how I feel

I wish I was dreaming

But this life is real

I have searched for jobs

I am too young

At my age

I should be having fun

To many responsibilities

Trying to live between families

I need a Dad

But I know he is bad

A strong arm around me

To show me the way

Someone to look up to

Each and every day

My Mother was there

To share and care

When I was younger

But now words between us

Are like lightning and thunder

I say black

She says white

She thinks she knows what is right

But how can she for **** sake

Life for her was a slice of cake

She had it made

A perfect life

All she was

Was a housewife

Bills paid for her

A roof over her head

I know my days are limited

For even a bed

I get told eighteen

 Before I have to pay my way

But what if I can’t

Will I move out and stray

Where will I go?

Who shall I turn to?

A bench with a view

Winters in the rain

Oh God the pain

I say again

I feel such anger

I hate being a teenager

 

GIVE AND TAKE

Good afternoon Bloggets, the sun is shining, though cool. I went to bed at silly time, and woke up at even more silly time. Just did not want to get up today, you know when you have those days, when you don’t want to get up? You think, what for?

 I have to make a call to Guide dogs. They have been trying to call me but again, stupid phone, I just found out today, there has been a message on my phone for a couple of days only heard it today.

Teen has some important exams coming up. English, Maths/double. Also R.E and graphics. His prom in a few weeks too.

This week’s cock up with home grocery delivery? I ordered some BBQ things; one was described as sweet corn skewers…. Well, I thought as they were among the food, they would be sticks with sweet corn on.

Nah.

They are tiny skewers, for sweet corn…..

So now I have the skewers, but no sweet corn? Hahahahahaha.

Oh well, not as bad as the birthday card from some weeks ago?

Oh and I must remember to ask teen what the heck I have put in the freezer? It was full, so I could not get the last two boxes in. I took the food out of the box, as whatever the heck it is, was in a very tight sealed packaging. So it is in the freezer but the empty boxes are on top of the freezer in the garage. So before recycle day tomorrow, I must ask him, as he was out yesterday when the food came. Apart from that I think I managed to put everything in the right places?

Each week, I am on a mission, to buy less. Some weeks I succeed, but only managing to save about £15. Food is so expensive now.

My friend had a good idea she used to write recipes each week before shopping, so every night, she knew what she was going to make?

So she bought exactly what she needed.

Great idea, don’t you think?

Do I do that?

Nope.

Why?

Well I could answer that one, but I won’t.

Well I guess I should, start housework? I should, groom the dogs? I should iron? Wash? And make tea for tonight? Oh tea is not always a cup of tea for my Bloggets abroad, it can be evening meal. For posh people in the UK, Dinner.

I should make a couple of phone calls? I should, do so much…!!!

Later gators with love.  Where ever you are thank you for reading. I really do appreciate you, you know? Together we will get stronger and when someone or something tries to knock us down, we seek for strength in each other and carry on. Don’t allow others or other circumstances to squash us? Oh I guess I am on a weird road again, best be normal but you get meBloggets? Do what you, want in life, and say what you want and this life is yours. Give what you want too. I give as much as I can, in fact I give more than I take, but, sometimes, I need to feel love back? I, mean, I’m human after all. X

 

MY CONTACT DETAILS

Good morning to you, though as yet, I have not been to sleep. Not sure of the time, about four? My canary, Irish of course, is starting to wake up. My eyes are closing and I, am not really hearing the words I am writing, I guess that is my queue to go to bed?

A story about my Sons girl, Bunches. As regular Bloggets will know, our Bunches is rather posh, rich too. Well she has started to go to parties of Teens friends… As she was leaving the door tonight, looking at the rain, probably in the finest outfit, going to a party of Teens? Ha, she said, Oh it is really raining hard.

Teen,

“Oh, my hair? Spent ages on it. Must get a hoodie? I hope it is indoors?”

Bunches, “Oh it has to be?”

I’m thinking, you don’t know Teens friends parties honey?

Bunches,

“Oh, well if it is an outdoor party, they are bound to have a marquee?”

Hahahahehehe. Marquee? Knowing of teen’s friends, if I was to say to them, the word marquee, they would think that was where you got fruit and vegetables, the Wednesday market?

Well, they went and got back about midnight. Poor Bunches Dad had to pick her up. Then drive half an hour home? God, I feel so bad, we should get her back even though by taxi, as they do for teen all the time? I really feel bad about that, but Hub does not agree. He says teen should leave for the bus, and he should, rather than expecting the poor Mum to bring him home?

Oh Hub told me his awful schedule for next week. God I hate his job so much. He is in Peterborough on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday London. So a long week for me next week.

I have been told by one person, I have gone weird on here of late. I guess I have so will try to be normal again. If it is possible for me to be normal. I guess there is a huge part of my life, I should just shut up about?

So Bloggets, what shall I write about today, that is normal? Write and tell me please? You can write to me via here, or email me and let me know what you would like to see on this page. After all, I write for you.

visionsforfuture@googlemail.com

Is my email address.

I will chat later when you have given me some ideas what to write. With love. Xx

 

SLEEPLESS BY THE BROOKE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

Sleepless by the Brooke

By Fiona Cummings

Another night I just can’t sleep

The darkened hours they just creep

I hate listening to my heartbeat

The pain within I have to meet

Mr Night I must greet

I can’t relax

Feeling anxious deep within

My life falls down cracks

Head in a spin

For once I wish I could win

Have sweet dreams

And simply wrest

Sleeping on pillows of the best

Silk sheets cover me

Sounds of the sea

A gentle breeze

Walking through a babbling Brooke

Water to my knees

Wishing I could turn my daydreams into reality

Wanting to have the ability

To simply sleep

Is that too much to ask

I wish I could disguise life with a mask

The dark does last

I’m sleepy now

Relaxing my brow

Will I fall a sleep

If so how

I BROKE IT

Today I went out with a friend to get a passport photograph and guess what? My ugly mutt of a face, broke the blooming photograph machine

 Ha. Really true. Put in the £5 followed the instructions with the help of my sporty friend and waited for the fate of what the heck the picture will turn out like?

Hmm! It came up on the screen and there was a blue ribbon over my face.  

Just got some dreadful news so will make a short blog. Feel like I have had the stuffing torn out of me. Never mind, such is my life, as soon as I start to feel good, something happens.

Can’t even bring myself to tell you of something Bunches said that made Hub and I laugh when she left of course? Tomorrow perhaps.

I was going out with my artist friend with the dogs tomorrow, but I told her it was far too wet. Never stopped raining all day. I have bought BBQ food as well.

Night Bloggets x

OH THE X BACK ON THE BLOCK

Good evening Bloggets. I hope you are well? I am about to listen to a radio station, a drama Hub and I love. We have just had tea, well, Hub has, teens is in the oven for later, as he is at the cinema with his friends and later he will go to a party with Bunches and friends.

I made salmon with herbs and roast potatoes and salad and Hub had yoghurt. Too healthy for me, also I don’t eat anything with a face.

Teen’s girl is not impressed with me….. LS.

Oh God, teen going with Bunches, to see X husband on Saturday. Staying overnight with her… But X asked if I will pay for Teen to go? He has not seen him for six months and cannot even pay for the visit.

Well, I feel as stressed as Teens Dad is not good. Not good at all.

Right off to listen to our drama. I will tell you later about what I have been up to today. xx

 

LUCID DREAMS AND SPIRITS

Last night a friend of mine wishe me  good lucid dreaming. I wasn’t sure what that meant, so of course I had to look it up and learned that I have had lucid dreams before, not many, but a few. So what is a lucid dream?

Lucid dreaming is an awareness that you are dreaming, whilst you are still in another dream. This can give you control, over what you change your lucid dream into!

This awareness can range from very faint recognition of the fact, to something that is as momentous as a broadening to awareness beyond anything that has ever happened in your life whilst being awake even.

Now I know what one is, I might try to change the dream to what I would like to happen. I tell you, I don’t blooming sleep long enough to change anything, I never, get to finish a dream this leaves me really cross. Sometimes when I realize I am dreaming, I think

“Gosh, I am a sleep. And I wake up. As though sleeping is a bad thing?

I would love to know where my dreadful sleeping pattern stems from.

My Mum told me as a baby, I would not sleep. She had to put me in my pram and rock me. I guess that stemmed from not having love in the womb? The oven that gave birth to me was not a nice person and told me when I was nineteen, when I met her; she tried to wear the tightest clothes to not let people know she was with child.

So perhaps it was the fault of that? I don’t know what else it could have been? My Nana used to say, it was because my eyes hurt, and they used to be really painful until I went to Russia for my treatment.

Then I went to boarding school and I used to lay awake all night, crying into my pillow as I missed home and my parents so very much, then exhausted by dawn, I would drift, only to be awoken  a couple of hours later, by the red faced red headed brute of a house Mother, screeching

“Morning girls, rise and shine.

When I was a teen, my second school, you would get into a lot of trouble if you dared to go back into a sleep, after the dawn call. When I was first married for 23 years, I would stay awake until my Husband came in from work. Sometimes 2 am before I would go to bed, I was always too afraid to go to bed on my own. Ghosts again. I am not so scared of them now, but was.

 My hub, second marriage, works away, we have different time zones and sometimes he calls me before he goes to sleep as I like to know that he is safe? It can be anytime through the night so I stay awake. So I guess a bit of a pattern.

I wonder if I can have an, lucid dream and see it too the end?

As for the spirits I have been seeing of late, God knows what I am meant to think of it? I just don’t understand. But they have been coming to me a lot. I must say, the other night I could not get them out of my eyes. Now you know I am blind, but I see things still in spirit. God, I wish that sight would be given to me for real time?

So is it my mind? Well if it is, I don’t want it there and if it is my mind, why can’t I see nice things?

There has been an awful looking man’s face staring at me. A huge face the size of half the wall.  And he is not welcome. Obviously telling me something, but what? Hmm. Thinking about it could be what I will tell you in my next blog.

Then lots of lost souls. I again, don’t like their visits. Then I was visited by an angel, now that was OK.

Why is it not obvious to me until it is too late what I   am meant to think?

I may try to ask what they want. Mind you, if they blooming answer, I will be out that front door like a shot. Hahehehehahhaooo

Right my Bloggets. So much to chat about today, but have to put the roast potatoes in the oven now, as you do? Ha. Talk later. xx  

 

OUT FOR NOW, LATER WITH LOTS

Good morning Bloggets, on my way out again, gosh, what is happening to your Fifi Blogget? Later I want to chat about lucid dreaming and spirits. Also what I have been up to today. xxxxxx

See if you can guess this one?

What am I

By Fiona  Cummings

Butterfly colours

Time to watch others

Children and Mothers

Friends and lovers

Sitting here on the post

Watching my past go by

I can’t talk though

Can’t say hi

You may ask why

Because I am not allowed

Just have to blend in a crowd

Or sit on my own

Can’t choose where I go

So unable to roam

Go where I’m taken

Listen for words spoken

Follow my path

To find my ending

Where I am going

No money required

No need for spending

Or lending

Just caring

And sharing

My knowledge

You are all my students

This is your college

But you can’t hear me

Or see me

Feel me

Or smell me

What am I

Look to the sky

It was a cold January day

When I did die

So I sit on the post

As I am a ghost

IT'S OUR DESTINY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

I KNOW MY DESTINY

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Tears for you

Turning my eyes of blue

Into crystal droplets

I ache for you

Not caring about flowers or chocolates

You hurt me so

Why don’t you just let me go

Your gifts are materialistic

Your heart is made from plastic

Your arms are strong

But I can’t carry on

Let go of me

I now know my destiny

It’s not with you

As I believed it was

You don’t know what is true

No yes, or no, always because

Making excuses

I had my uses

But now I am all done

There is no fun

Time for me to run

My heart has broken

My head has spoken

My life is choking

I need to breathe

Right now I grieve

For the loss of you

I will always love you

But know I’m on my own

Don’t contact me by phone

Or even a letter

Just forget me

That would be better

Goodbye

Don’t cry

You will find another

I’m not your Sister or your mother

I wanted to be your lover

But you don’t want that

And it’s too late

For me to forgive

It’s our fate

Close the gate

Shut the door

I don’t want you anymore

 

A NEW STARTER URUGUAY

Uruguay, joined us  today Bloggets, I hope they come back again. I knew nothing about their country, reading up on it I like it. Sounds lovely from what I have heard. With the Andes mountains and lots of trees.  

La celeste is the nick name for Uruguay. It means sky blue.

Uruguay is a country in South America. It was established in 1825 after declaring independence from Brazil.

Santaclaws  is called Papa Noel and they have Christmas day the same as us in the UK. Their winter though, is in our summer and they never really get it too cold. Only every thirty  years or so, it snows, just a light dusting. They celebrate Mothers day the same as the  UK too.

Their flag, is sky blue and white with a yellow sun

So welcom and please come back. Also hello to all our countries who come each day or week. At the end of the week, I will let you know what countries have joined us, all the new starters and stats. xx

A TOUR AROUND MY GARDEN

Oh, Bloggets, I have had a lovely day. The weather had a threat to it this morning as teen told me he was catching a train and going to Scarborough? I told him he should wait until the weather was nicer, he said no, I said he will spend the day in a cafe, he said,  so, and I said well you may as well save all the money on the train, and wait for a nicer day? He said no, he knew best.

So it has been sunny all day here let’s hope it is there, Mum was wrong after all. I really have enjoyed today. It’s been great. I went on the bus with Liz. We had a fun day. I bought a few plants, a planter and some solar powered lights. Some of them are like a tennis ball size, glass and chrome. They are a blue light, they will look nice in my boarder with blue slate/gravel don’t you think? I got some tiny lights too; I have stuck them through the fence. Attached them to the bamboo fencing. I have put another lamp which is the same solar power, on my glass outside table. That is all different colours. The lights that are on the fence, I have covered the small stems, with hanging birds and a wind chime. So that is my gardening for the day? Ha. Now I just need teen to plant in the tub I bought, I have poured some stones I had in a bucket from my last house. I brought them with me. I know, waist not want not Fi. But they are lovely stones, all colours some of them are glass and some are just bits and bobs I have collected over the years, you know the ones you can buy with a kind of picture on, like an outline? I have one with an angel and one with a fairy. Some are just purple glass. I am waiting for my Handy Andy to come. A lovely guy who is an electrician really, but he does odd jobs for me. He is coming to do a light for me, remember the one I bought from Amazon months ago? Well I did not have a clue what it looked like as ordered it online. No description, apart from it is chrome, with five Chrystal shades, it was reduced from  over £200 to just over £30, I think, so I thought, well, that is a  bargain?

Well, it has taken me until a few days ago, to bravely open the box, scared to find out what the heck I had bought?

I really really like it? Hub doesn’t but Hub doesn’t really get as excited as me about things, ha.

Well when my electrician comes to do that, I am going to ask him to bring his drill and hang a bracket I bought on the wall, for a hanging basket I bought last year. It is beautiful. Blue and white, like that Chinese style? Made from porcelain and looks lovely, I have asked my gardener lady to get me some hanging blue lobelia and other blue flowers for It., see, my chairs are blue in the garden too, and I have two tall blue vases with plants in too. So blue is my theme.

Also in my garden, I have a tall lady, with a bowl of fruit, she is white and I have a beautiful white angel and a fairy. A stunning large elephant, well,  chunky, about two foot long, by two and a half foot high and about 18inches across. Hub got me that for my birthday. Knowing I love elephants.

I have some animals in there as well, a hedgehog with a coat on and a dog. Oh, and some birds that tweet as you pass them. But then we have the blooming busy traffic, so it’s not quite tranquil. But looks really lovely, well, in my mind’s eye.

Waggatail did well on the bus and finding the shops she was great, she was on a mission. It was funny, you go where she wants and she wants pets at home. Oh that is perfume heaven to her.

She visited her mate Rodger rabbit and took a liken to the hamsters. But it was the treats, she loved. We went for a drink and a cake. We laughed all the way home and I just loved Liz and the company she gives. Off she went on her bike and here I am. Oh, I forgot one more thing? Oh this one. The doorbell rang; I opened it to receive my lovely new clothes I bought again, on line. Oh you just never know what to expect, quality or what colour even, as one of the tops I bought, didn’t say?

Oh I absolutely love them, they are sooooooooo beautiful. I put them on; teen loves everything except a skirt. It is forever long and purple. I bought two tops that will go with my posh black leggings; with the jewels down the side, real diamonds of course. Ha.

 One top, teen said was purple with jewels on the neck and really long, around the waist too there are loads of stones, the other one, is every colour you can imagine teen said. They are floaty material oh and I just love them, so they are my Oslo clothes.

So now I need to sell some custom made poems to earn the money…. I have another wedding to write for, so that is two in a couple of weeks, so that is great. Better than none in a year? Ha.

Well, Hub home tonight and back to normal for a few days. I have my friend coming tomorrow, not sure what we will do, perhaps just chat? Gosh, not sure I, can do that? Hahahahehehehehe.

Later gators with love.